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Confused about gender?


Four Eyed Lemon

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Four Eyed Lemon

I hate to make a thread just to ask a question, but I'm trying to figure some things out regarding my gender identity.

Okay, so I was never too into feminine clothing (DFAB) and that's been a thing about me forever (I know gender expression =/= gender identity but I thought I should mention it anyway). And I remember when I was going through puberty, I was very weird about my breasts. I don't really know how else to describe it. But I really wanted to be able to act and wear things in a way that I couldn't while I had breasts. Fast foward about six years and I've had... sort of a mild to moderate discomfort with my brests (and my menstrual cycle to some extent, but not really my vagina). But it's sort of been like I've gotten used to it. It's something like, if you had lived nearby a train station your entire life and had grown up hearing train noises, you would kind of naturally tune it out and not notice it as much as someone that had just moved there.

Okay, so what made me notice this more recently, I had kind of caught myself thinking "what would I look like with a flat/flatter chest?" So I got out my sports bra (which is rather tight fitting, especially if I tighten the straps; it doesn't flatten me too much though because I have a large chest). I felt a little bit more comfortable, sort of more at home, but also not completely. And I know for sure I want to try and bind my chest further. But today, I went to wear a regular bra and I feel kinda, eh about it and I don't like this feeling and I noticed my discomfort more after a couple weeks wearing my tight sports bra. Does this sound like dysphoria? And does anyone have any ideas as to what sort of gender this might be if it is?

I do wanna note though, that I'm still comfortable using she/her pronouns. However, I'm kind of eh about being called a "girl" or a "lady" and today I decided I wanted to try a more gender neutral name (for my online friends, at least, cause I know they'll respect me wanting to be called by it) rather than my more feminine birth name. The name I chose was Lex and I tried the name out in that pronoun dressing room program and I like it better? I've also never really liked my birth name though, so...

But yeah, any help or advice would be appreciated...

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nerdperson777

Yes, that is dysphoria! :)

If you don't mind using female pronouns, it's possible that you can be demigirl, although some other gender variant people seem to list their PGP (preferred gender pronoun) as (biological pronoun)/they.

I also did get used to my body for 6 years also until I started questioning myself. In the beginning, I did hate all of it but I knew that I couldn't change it so I just dealt with it. I don't actually care that my body has Fallopian tubes or a uterus because it's inside my body and I can't see it. It's what it does that I hate. But then I found out "hey, I'm not female!" But for you, you described what you are not and not what you are so it is hard to say. I definitely would like to have short boy hair, a suit or tuxedo, and if I had to be in a relationship, I'd be someone's boyfriend. So I'm some sort of male but not absolutely. I could do without the extra body hair though.

So, maybe if you can think about how you actually want to be seen, it might help a bit. If you like gender neutral, you might be shifting towards agender or androgynous. I find that transmasculine fits me quite well but you may not like being seen as male. Or plain non-binary if you don't think you can put a definite amount of male and female to your idea.

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I like the new name, Lex :) It's always been one of my favourite names.

As for the dysphoria, ya. Any kind of "I don't feel comfortable with how my body is sexed in this way" can be one form of body dysphoria, and any kind of "I don't like how others gender me with the wrong pronouns/nouns/adjectives" is also a form of social dysphoria. Everyone experiences dysphoria in a different way, unique to their own experience of gender and society, but the common theme is some kind of discomfort or pain.

As for what gender you feel? Demigirl is a possibility. There are a lot of non-binary genders that exist, and any of them can cause dysphoria "fluxes", if you pardon my phrasing. It's actually quite common to have "good days" and "bad days" for dysphoria of all kinds.

Another option worth exploring though, is asking yourself whether you feel distinctly different genders. Do you feel like a woman sometimes, and not at all others? If so, check out the definitions of bigender and genderfluid. Bigender refers to someone with two genders, who may feel like they have two simultaneous genders or who may feel that they "flip" between two genders, most commonly the two binary ones but not always. Genderfluid is best described as being fluid between many genders, or even all genders. That's what I use to describe myself. I find that dysphoria comes to me when I am feeling a gender that does not match my birth sex, but not when I am feeling genderless or in alignment with my birth sex. If the dysphoria blatantly comes and then sometimes disappears completely, then maybe consider asking yourself that one too. Of course, fluxes in dysphoria are very much common in people who do not feel fluid in their gender at all too, so the bottom line is that this is a process and it may just take time for you to figure out your gender.

Welcome to the journey, and I hope that kinda helped :)

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A. Lynn Lee

I don't know that I have much advice to offer but I'm so glad you posted this because I feel the same way.

I very much dislike that my body has breasts and hips and other distinctly feminine traits. They make me very uncomfortable in my own skin. Puberty was a hard time for me too. Before that I always wore androgynous or "boy" clothes and I didn't have to worry about that being weird or my body looking feminine no matter what I wear. I'm saving up for a binder but in the meantime I've been using a small sports bra and then layering a tank top, t-shirt, and a collared shirt on top of that. It sort of minimizes my curves and helps me not notice them so much. Experimenting with different styles of clothing that aren't strictly masculine or feminine has also helped me on the days that I just don't feel 'like a girl.'

That being said, I'm okay with she/her/hers pronouns and sometimes I like dresses and makeup. I don't like being called a girl, a woman, or a lady. I prefer to be called a person more than anything else. I like the words genderfluid and demigirl because I never feel 'like a man' either. I tend to move between genderless and feminine.

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Four Eyed Lemon

Um, I saw this test about gender identity somewhere on this forum and these were my results.

S.A.G.E. Test Results

Your Raw Score is: 410, which indicates that overall you are Androgynous

Your appearance is Quite Female

Your brain processes are mostly that of a Androgynous person.

You appear to socialize in a androgynous manner.

You believe you have mild conflicts about your gender identity.

You indicated your were born Female.

ANALYSIS:
Female to Male Crossdresser
NOTES:

  • You are in a statistical minority as a anallophilic crossdresser. Most crossdressers are heterosexual. Your motivation for crossdressing may be driven by the undirected nature of your sexuality, as a way to more fully explore the Male gender role.

I found this test somewhere on this forum (in this particular section too) and I can't say the results surprise me much. But to update, I've purchased small sports bras and I'm going to try really binding my chest and hopefully go out in public like that.

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Just wanted to chime in and say that I feel similarly to you and Alinnea Lee. I'm AFAB, okay with she/her pronouns, but a little uncomfortable with terms like "girl" and "lady." There's one person in my choir who always acknowledges non-binary people when she's saying that the "Sisterhood at [school]" meetings are open to everyone, and I just grin every time she does that. I'm slightly weirded out by the fact that I had also chosen the name Lex (as a short form of Alexa, which is not my birth name) for myself. I've done the SAGE test a couple of times, got FTM once and female to male crossdresser a couple days ago. By the way, I'd never heard of this pronoun dressing room thing, so thank you for that.

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the-littlest-frost-giant

Yes! I resonate so much with all of this. :) I don't mind being a girl, but I don't like any of the things that define a biological female. My goal in dressing, it seems, is to minimize my curves and my breasts, because they make me feel uncomfortable when they're noticeable. But then, I don't really want to be a guy, either. A phrase I heard that I really like is "ambiguously cute."

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llamajesus

Um, I saw this test about gender identity somewhere on this forum and these were my results.

S.A.G.E. Test Results

Your Raw Score is: 410, which indicates that overall you are Androgynous

Your appearance is Quite Female

Your brain processes are mostly that of a Androgynous person.

You appear to socialize in a androgynous manner.

You believe you have mild conflicts about your gender identity.

You indicated your were born Female.

ANALYSIS:

Female to Male Crossdresser

NOTES:

  • You are in a statistical minority as a anallophilic crossdresser. Most crossdressers are heterosexual. Your motivation for crossdressing may be driven by the undirected nature of your sexuality, as a way to more fully explore the Male gender role.

I found this test somewhere on this forum (in this particular section too) and I can't say the results surprise me much. But to update, I've purchased small sports bras and I'm going to try really binding my chest and hopefully go out in public like that.

Ooh I'm glad you posted this because I ended up finding it myself and taking it. My result was Female to Male possible transsexual. I know not to completely trust quizzes, but it was interesting for me because I've also been questioning my gender identity a lot again recently.

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  • 2 weeks later...
llamajesus

where is this test? i must know!

Here's where I took it :)

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