People Assuming Your Dating/Sexual Experiences

[TaminSweets]

So answering a question recently, got me thinking about something I think a few people have experienced.

"I have a problem with my parents assuming I'm the kiss and don't tell type. They think I've done all these things and I'm just private about it. They have to make up their own stories apparently since they aren't getting information? For me I think some people Don't ask/question about me is because they make their own stories, which some are pretty funny...it's not like I'm hiding my orientation, I would tell if they asked."

So yeah, instead of people asking me what's going on in my head or who knows. Some people just assume I'm "private" or hiding story experiences from them. Which leads them to trying to guess my orientation themselves. Honestly I'm waiting for whenever I actually kiss someone, to tell my parents I've just had my first kiss and fall on the floor laughing. Only I think then all the questions would come, I really don't want to answer.

Anyone else have the problem of people assuming experiences, and making up stories? Care to share?

Other Thoughts?

[AlwaysADreamer]

A guy asked me out at work during my first week on the job. I mistakenly said yes (because I misunderstood his intentions) and told him the next day that I wasn't interested. Of course he'd told people, so I already had a dating rumor within my first week. It's been MONTHS, and I'm still catching flack from it.

Also (TMI alert: go to next paragraph if you want to skip it) when I've told friends that I'm a virgin, they generally assume it's because nobody has wanted to with me yet, or because I'm timid about it (as I am generally a timid person). I want to say that, no, I have actually had the opportunity to and I just didn't feel compelled to. If I was sexually attracted to the person, I would've been ok with it (with that person at the time), but I wasn't. But that seems like such a personal thing to say just to make a point, you know?

In addition, a lot of my friends assumed I was gay, because I wasn't as enthusiastic about boys as they were. I mean, so did my mom, but that's another story. I just found it kind of funny. A part of me gets frustrated when they just assume (not with what they're assuming, just the fact that they are assuming instead of just asking), but the other part is like "Screw it, they can think what they want. Whatever." It sort of depends on the person/situation/other-contributing-factors.

I don't know if I was just rambling here. . . Sorry if it is!

[Gallantrv2427]

My mom used to always assume I was a mega slut (irony) and then that I was sexual but mature about it. I dont think she has any solid opinion right now since I have been single for over a year now-- I'm sure once I do find someone to love, she'll have all kinds of assumptions and (fingers crossed) if I get married and only adopt I think it'll have to come up in conversation that I'm non sexual pan-romantic..... ugh

FRIENDS AND STRANGERS THOUGH, whose business is it anyway what I have or have not done? get bent!

[JaySexual]

I know I've kinda shocked people when I've said that" I've never had a girlfriend, and never even been on a date.

If questioned any further I've never mentioned anything about asexual, usually I just say "I want to remain single" (even though in reality that's not quite true, its way easier to explain LOL)

[MichelleN]

People have assumed I am a lesbian, "prude", Innocent....the list goes on just because I am not sexual. They never assume I am asexual. I had one guy tell me that he thought I was "the type to sleep around" when I told him I wasn't interested. Yikes!

[Zash]

My friends know I am ace since high school, while I had them running interference on anyone who seemed interested in me. Some of them did think it was strange, but, since I told them that they were welcome to try to pick them up instead, they didn't argue very loudly.

However, some of the assumptions my parents made are sorta my fault, because I kinda encouraged their assumptions. I got tired of them harassing me about not bringing a girl (or guy) home for them to meet, and I asked them why they assumed they were the type of girl I would bring home to meet the parents.

So, yeah, my fault.

[The Strong Force]

Yea people just kind of assume I've been in a relationship and am distraught about not being in one. Its weird

[Vala]

I was once the person assuming something about someone. At a job I worked at for several years, it was a small office and we all knew each other, but there was I guess a professional distance where we didn't outright ask personal questions, really, unless people offered information about their personal lives. (I was never once asked if I was ever dating someone, which was a relief). Through conversations I knew that nearly everyone was married or in a serious relationship, except for one co-worker who never mentioned anyone. This was before I knew the term asexual, and I remember wondering if she was like me - someone who didn't feel a need to date. A year or two later she came out as lesbian, which had explained her reticence.

It did make me wonder what other co-workers may have thought about me, though.

[Orchid]

I don't know really but I know my mum is desperate for me to start dating. When I was in secondary school she always told me "don't worry about boys, I didn't start dating until I was in the sixth form" but now the end of my A-Levels will be approaching soon and I've still done nothing she's beginning to get desperate.

Whenever I'm texting someone or even just watching a video she'll snatch my phone away and say "are you texting your secret boyfriend I don't know about???" to which the answer is always no. Or if I leave my phone at home whilst I'm out (which I never do anymore) she'll break into it and go through all my texts and contacts to see who I'm talking to.. If I bring my friends over (which I also never do anymore) she asks them outright if I have a boyfriend I've been hiding from her, which makes them feel really uncomfortable...

I don't know what she's beginning to think but she seems really desperate for me to turn out with a husband to provide her grandchildren with at the other end of my "phase". I think she's really afraid that I'm a lesbian.. That would be something for her church to really gossip about :/

[MoistCat]

People have assumed I've been in multiple relationships, get lots of attention and what not. I've been on maybe 5-6 dates with about 4 different people. Never been in a relationship, I get looks of pure disgust, never been asked out or anything of the like. I actually live a life of solitude, partially by choice, partially not by choice.

My brother has commented on the fact it was odd how I hadn't shown much interest in women. But he also made fun of me the only time he knew I went out on date. Go figure.

[daveb]

People have assumed I am a lesbian, "prude", Innocent....the list goes on just because I am not sexual. They never assume I am asexual.

This, except substitute gay for lesbian. Most people I know don't seem to even have heard of asexual as a human sexual orientation, so it never occurs to them to think someone is asexual.

[SorryNotSorry]

Yep, people have assumed that because I'm a giant, that makes me a chick magnet (and mentally deficient).

It never enters their heads that I'm very selective when it comes to what I find romantically attractive.

[wakeywakey]

Yeah, in high school most of my classmates assumed I was homosexual (which I let them think- certainly didn't bother me). So did my mom, but she would never ask me about it- I'd just occasionally have my siblings tell me she'd asked whether they thought I seemed so to them. I always found this greatly amusing. Since then everyone just assumes I'm antisocial- I can't remember the last time a close friend or family member asked about any potential relationships.

[KevCo]

People used to assume I was gay a lot. Now people tend to assume I am straight and have good quality sex with attractive partners, but am very discreet about it. I'm basically very grey-ace and even more aromantic. The truth I'm also bi but not biromantic, just a minor amount of touching can be OK under certain circumstances. When it comes to people who I'm open with this stuff about, I find few women would give me the time of day and they seem skeptical of what I say, but dudes seem to take me at face value. I would have imagined women to be more open to the "mental connection/no touch" thing but there probably has to be a little more romantic vibe for that to work.

[Trolley Girl]

Oh, but of course! During my younger years, and even nowadays (to a much lesser extent), I've had people make these types of irrational assumptions about my lifestyle. What I've never understood is why they think it is even any of their business to begin with. Thus, I usually keep a low profile, which is the most anyone can ever really do, in lieu of having to deal with sheer irrationality.

When people bring it up to me, I will either just continue the conversation with the topic we were discussing beforehand, as if I never even heard them, distract them with something else (i.e. if it is someone who I know likes hockey, I will turn the conversation to hockey) or (if they keep badgering me), I'll just say something like,

"Why are so inclined to know that? I myself would never even think to bring it up to someone else in such a manner (like that in which you are doing right now), so it is beyond me as to why you would ever think to do that; It is just way too touchy and personal, so can we please just talk about something else?"

Usually, it works in my case, but if they don't get the hint, I say,

"Well, since you have demonstrated sheer insensitivity at my obvious unease of such a personal topic, then I am afraid that this conversation must end. But if you are someday willing to carry an adult conversation with the sensitivity that you clearly lack, then I would be more more than happy to talk again. Have a nice day."

Believe me, I know how it is, and it seems to never end. But hey, life goes on, and in the end, we are satisfied with our lives. ;)

[Eva]

Since I never express any interest in men or women, some people reinterpret that to mean that I don't have a preference for men or women, and they assume I'm bisexual. And since they stereotype that bisexuals are that much more sexually active, they believe that I have an elaborate sex life, which I relish keeping secret. The supposed secrecy further makes them believe that the sexual activities I'm into must be nefarious. I have quite a reputation.

[Absol]

Not sure if this is relevant, but I'm posting it anyways. :P In high school, I was sitting with a group of people, some of whom I knew, and some I did not. One guy that I did not know pulls up a picture on his phone and shows the people at the table. It was of a very tall guy and a very short girl holding hands, and he says "I bet you're wondering how they have sex". My first reaction is to blurt out "No, I'm not" and of course I don't bother to keep the disgust out of my voice. Like why the hell would he say something like that, I didn't even know him? His response: "Oh, so you're a prude". And I was just thinking WTF, how is that an acceptable thing to say to someone you just met?

[Dodecahedron314]

Apparently there are a lot of people who assume I'm a lesbian because they think I'm dating my QPP, which is triply incorrect because 1. Neither of us are female, 2. I'm aro and ace, and 3. Just generally no, that is not how this relationship works, I'm romance-repulsed and we're far too good of friends for that to not be weird in any case.

[Skycaptain]

Same as for many others here. I have had " am I gay?" not least because I don't present as a macho male. This was particularly the case at school. I've also had colleagues thinking that I am in a relationship with one of our customers, simply because I have done some gardening for her.

[Trolley Girl]

I've also had colleagues thinking that I am in a relationship with one of our customers, simply because I have done some gardening for her.

That's nothing! I once had a few co-workers think I had something going on with an intern, just because I helped her with a few questions she had.

[Xavy]

I have been "romantically linked" to maybe 25 different people over the years, none of whom I had the slightest sexual or romantic interest in.

[DiEvAl]

This September someone told me I have a girlfriend. They even told me her name! Turns out you can't even invite your friend to a board game club without someone assuming you are dating...

[The littlest Deer Rat]

Back when my mother was working late at night, she said that she was surprised when I didn't bring guys home while she was gone. I'm still like "WUUUT? WHY WOULD I DO THAT???" also this guy once told me that he thought the quiet people were the "freakiest" in bed.

[imafuturecatlady]

I fortunately have grown up with never too much pressure to date, my mum holds the stance that if I ever get in a relationship with anyone that I will tell her, because that's what both of my siblings did when they were my age. I also feel like that since I decided to continue going to school after I passed the compulsory education age has given the impression that I'm focused on my studies, which is mostly true. Most of my friends are not in relationships and I personally feel that sometimes they can just add too much drama and dating someone would just add another thing to my plate.

However I can't seem to escape the clawing minds if my relatives who pressure me every holiday on whether or not I have a boyfriend. In the most recent years it's gotten better, but they tend to always ask.

[divided_sky]

Back when my mother was working late at night, she said that she was surprised when I didn't bring guys home while she was gone. I'm still like "WUUUT? WHY WOULD I DO THAT???" also this guy once told me that he thought the quiet people were the "freakiest" in bed.

But we ARE the freakiest in bed. :) I don't know what people assume about me. I've expressed interest in women before, so I think most people know I'm at least somewhat straight-ish, but I'm also pretty open about being asexual. When I was about 8-9, I got my mom to buy me a shirt that I liked because it was very colorful (which is a trait that would stick with me, especially as I began to take an interest in psychedelics, and I generally like anything that reminds me of that), but proclaiming to everyone that I loved the colors got some odd reactions. Especially around my oh so manly cousins. I find interacting with people to be more fun when they have incorrect assumptions about me. I play into it and make it worse, haha. But I don't really take most people very seriously and don't care what they do or don't think. I'm more interested in entertaining myself.

[DiEvAl]

Back when my mother was working late at night, she said that she was surprised when I didn't bring guys home while she was gone. I'm still like "WUUUT? WHY WOULD I DO THAT???"

When your parents aren't home, you can play board games with your friends whole night! Of course your mom was surprised that you wasted such an opportunity. :D

[TheArronaut]

In high school, and before my step-father knew me very well, he couldn't understand that I'm antisocial and he figured I must be waiting until night and then like, climbing out the window and partying. His mother, when she was living with us, would follow me whenever I went into town, and then report back all the filthy things she thought I must be doing.

[wakeywakey]

His mother, when she was living with us, would follow me whenever I went into town, and then report back all the filthy things she thought I must be doing.

That sounds like it would've felt really creepy...

[Absol]

The Arronaut, on 21 Apr 2015 - 09:25, said:

His mother, when she was living with us, would follow me whenever I went into town, and then report back all the filthy things she thought I must be doing.

Okay, I have to ask: on what basis did she make these conclusions? Was she just paranoid, or were there actual reasons for her to suspect things?

[Blakrana]

I think, there's two, maybe three things people assume about me when it comes to these things.

Main thing is, if I am spending any measure of time with a girl, especially the ones I'm friends with, people assume I am dating them or am interested in them in some way. Failing that I must find them attractive or something, surely. All met with the 'they're a friend? What else is there?'

The other one, albeit I only hear of this from second parties (typically my mum) that some third parties considers me to be gay or what not. Why, I don't know, but I guess it probably isn't helped by my tendency to stick to myself and just not really...pay attention to things in films that I should be. So I pick up on character handedness more often, that's actually interesting. Seriously, there is a surprising lack of Left handed characters who aren't 'actually evil/traitors'. Case point? Hiccup, How to Train Your Dragon. Watch which hand he uses on his own, and when around the other Vikings. But I'm getting off the point, apologies.

Third one though is the one that really bugs me, as people skip any other assumption and just claim that I'm a 'heartless, cold robot'. Which isn't at all true but the fact people act and continue to engage with me like it is, to the point they sit there challenging to prove to them I can feel things for people I don't know, rather irritating. Perhaps doesn't help that I get quite cold with people if they act unpleasantly too me.

Apologies to go on, any rate.