herlo Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 One thing ive really just noticed is that from a young age like children we a being told that we have to find a relationship and find "The one". Things like kids shows and cartoons show things like the hero getting the girl and happily ever after etc. Things like this is what has probably caused me to feel bad now being a romantic asexual and struggling to even find compatable people let alone try to get one. Because from a young age i was subconciously told that we need relationships and when my friends got interested in girls and i was left behind ive felt empty like something is missing and just worked out the cause. How does anyone else feel about this? Fuck you TV Link to post Share on other sites
Prairie Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Same. People are capable of being intimate with each other without it being sexual or romantic. I can't even type that word without it seeming like it has something to do with sex. At least in my experience things around me said that you could only be intimate with a romantic/sexual partner, so you had to find one so you could have this important need for intimacy met. So then everything rests on this person to fulfill, and nobody else can. What a way to set up for dependency and disappointment. At some point I noticed how barren my own world was, how I had been estranged from myself, and that seeking to know myself and the being I had once been that was rejected by people. I think that this is my path to wholeness and being at peace with myself, not needing another person just to be OK. It's me giving the finger to social conditioning and the whole "the one" thing. I am the one. Connecting with that makes everything rich and meaningful, and losing connection makes everything cold and leaves me seeking something to make me feel better. BTW, things you watch seep into your way of thinking about people. I read something a while back about women's rights in India I believe, and how the thing that correlated with them changing was introduction of TV and seeing western shows where women had more equal treatment. This normalized it just by women there watching the shows, more than anything else could. Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Reminds me of a lecture I heard on TEDx Talks about how we are supposed to "marry" ourselves. And how trying to find happiness and wholeness in another person is a foolish thing to do. Personally I think that finding happiness through connections with other people is very important, but relying on just one person is just... how is that even supposed to be possible? Link to post Share on other sites
MissLunarWolf Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 I hate TV.. I read somewhere that people who are looking for "the one", have less satisfying relationships than people who are looking for a partner in crime to go on adventures with. I think we shouldn't take relationships too seriously, and just look for a good friend to go on adventures with. ^_^ It takes some of the pressure off. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 I agree, but you have to understand that it's like that because humans only have so long before menopause and need all the time they can to refine their desires in a partner/ability in spoting such a partner. It's only at 20 or so that your brain is more refined; leaving you with 20 years to find a partner. But it takes time; years, to see someones true colors in a relationship. Imagine how bad their luck would be if they had less time in refining their taste/were still refining it. If they tie the knot too soon then they have a higher chance of being wrong. Marriages take place between 2 to 5 years, if not more. Wasted relationships tick away the time on the biological clock. So basically they only have the capability of 4 relationships if they're thurough, and 10 if they're quick. Link to post Share on other sites
an18059 Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 I completely agree. The media, and the TV and film industries in particular, are saturated with idealistic portrayals of romance and sex. I mean, off the top of your head, name 5 Disney movies in which romance isn't included at some point or other. You can't? That's what I thought. So many people just assume that everyone wants to get married, or at the very least be in some sort of romantic or sexual relationship. My parents pretty much make fun of me for saying I'm going to live on my own when I'm older. When I disagree with them, or they won't let me do something I want to or something like that, they'll say things like "...but don't worry, when you're living all on your own, you can do whatever you want". They're acting like I've said something childish and silly, which I'll obviously change my mind about when I'm older, and then they'll get to be all smug and say "I told you so". I think, like you said, that one of the main reasons asexual and aromantic people think they're "broken", before they discover the words to describe their identities, is down to movies and TV shows. It's all bullshit and I wish people would stop placing such an emphasis on these things <_< Link to post Share on other sites
kawaiipanda Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 You had me at crime! I do wonder what sexual people do when they are between relationships. Do they curl up in a corner and feel miserable, or do they go out, do stuff, and spend time with people in a non-sexual capacity? If it's the former, what is wrong with you? If it's the latter, why is it so hard to believe that I can do the same? Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 If it's the former, what is wrong with you? It's a thing called "having needs". I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with that? Link to post Share on other sites
bonny Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 I think we shouldn't take relationships too seriously, and just look for a good friend to go on adventures with. ^_^ Ohhh, if I could find that... (sighs) Link to post Share on other sites
Aworld Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 I think often the relationships shown on TV do happen for some people, but not for everyone, and it does set some people up for disappointment if their relationships don't end up the way they see in movies. It seems tough for aros/aces too, to be told that romance/sex is important for relationships when friendships can be just as fulfilling. I mean, off the top of your head, name 5 Disney movies in which romance isn't included at some point or other. Big Hero 6, Brother Bear, Bolt, The Emperor's New Groove, Winnie the Pooh I'm sorry I'm just a really big Disney fan :redface: Link to post Share on other sites
DiEvAl Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 So many people just assume that everyone wants to get married, or at the very least be in some sort of romantic or sexual relationship. My parents pretty much make fun of me for saying I'm going to live on my own when I'm older. When I disagree with them, or they won't let me do something I want to or something like that, they'll say things like "...but don't worry, when you're living all on your own, you can do whatever you want". They're acting like I've said something childish and silly, which I'll obviously change my mind about when I'm older, and then they'll get to be all smug and say "I told you so". When my parents tried to say something like that, I just told them to put their money where their mouths are. They declined but stopped bothering me about it. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Fire & Rain Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 It does effect many of us! For some reason I've always wanted multiple "the ones" lol What kind of shows did I watch??? Link to post Share on other sites
an18059 Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I mean, off the top of your head, name 5 Disney movies in which romance isn't included at some point or other. Big Hero 6, Brother Bear, Bolt, The Emperor's New Groove, Winnie the Pooh I'm sorry I'm just a really big Disney fan :redface: Haha, okay you win xD You get my point though. Link to post Share on other sites
an18059 Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I think we shouldn't take relationships too seriously, and just look for a good friend to go on adventures with. ^_^ Ohhh, if I could find that... (sighs) I'll go on adventures with you! ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
DigitalBookDust Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I don't even OWN a television! I'm very selective about what I watch on the computer and prefer documentaries, scifi, or history shows. I will occasionally watch a classic Humphrey Bogart film or something with James Cagney, b/c I have a fondness for old black and white movies. I didn't watch much tv as a child. I was (and still am) a reader instead. I read my way through the Encyclopaedia Britannica and the OED was a favorite,too! Link to post Share on other sites
Aworld Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I mean, off the top of your head, name 5 Disney movies in which romance isn't included at some point or other. Big Hero 6, Brother Bear, Bolt, The Emperor's New Groove, Winnie the Pooh I'm sorry I'm just a really big Disney fan :redface: Haha, okay you win xD You get my point though. I agree with your point actually :P When I was younger I honestly used to believe the stuff I saw on TV, that even though I don't really have crushes and stuff, that would all change when I meet "the one" etc. My parents, grandparents and a lot of my friends assume that I'll get married and have a family because "everyone does", and it can feel very annoying. I don't want to get married or have a relationship just for the sake of it, but that seems to be what a lot of media is pushing for. Link to post Share on other sites
Ana Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I was homeschooled, so I had less of society pressuring me like that, but I remember deciding around jr. high that I never wanted to be one of those girls that waited around for a guy, built their life around him, felt like they needed one to be complete... As I got l older, I wished I paid more attention to what I wanted in case I ever found a guy I actually liked, was at least a little attracted to, and could have a future with. This is one of my fav songs to play around the time people start complaining about singles awareness day for Valentine's day: Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I like being oblivious. When other people were dreaming about being married, I was thinking maybe how nice it would be to adopt a kid. I'm probably not going to do either, but I never felt pressured about relationships until I waas old enough to be having them, and then my family just wants me to be happy. Although, obliviousness is kind of alienating. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.