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binary suns

Do you ever see someone and think to yourself, that you feel like you should be attracted to them, but you are not?

I get this a lot. I see a person, and a lot about them, I recognize that they have a lot of qualities I like or admire, or that they strike me as someone who we are very compatible with eachother. I feel like, if I experienced attraction for people, that they are someone I would be attracted to. But I just can't look them in any different light, then simply as a person, as someone who I admire.

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Do you ever see someone and think to yourself, that you feel like you should be attracted to them, but you are not?

All the time, yeah. When people around me get giddy over a celebrity or whoever, and all I can think is, eh? Is there something I've missed?

Then I remember I'm not bothered, and people can do whatever it is that floats their boat :D

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Is it like they're charming but you don't feel romantically attracted to them?

Though there's emotional attraction, maybe that's what you're feeling; a fixation on someone because of their emotions, and by extent, personality; their stoicness, optimism, etc. I'd compare it to a favorite character, or as you said, admirance. But it does not automatically mean a romantic, or even a platonic, relationship is desired. Although attractions can be felt with other attractions.

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Autumn Season

Do you ever see someone and think to yourself, that you feel like you should be attracted to them, but you are not?

I get this a lot. I see a person, and a lot about them, I recognize that they have a lot of qualities I like or admire, or that they strike me as someone who we are very compatible with eachother.

The last person I dated, yeah. He was everything I ever wished for and I STILL didn't want him. I was so confused and I kept on giving him chances, even though from early on I already knew it will not work out for the two of us. Now I am happier, since I let go of him.

Probably, because I didn't know myself as well as I do now (including my asexuality), I just THOUGHT I needed a person like him, but in reality I'm compatible with completely other people...

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I think this when I'm aesthetically attracted to someone. Like I'd look at a guy and know that he is attractive and enjoy looking at him and all that but in the back of my mind I'd wonder why it didn't go beyond that like it seemed to for everyone else.

For years I tried to force myself into having a "type" but it never worked so well. I always thought, "well, if he's my 'type', why don't I find him attractive the way everyone says I should?"

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binary suns

I get that too! I actually just made a similar thread about it xD but I do not get this with people who are aesthetically my type... or rather, if they are aesthetically my type it adds to this.

but yeah! you see someone, and maybe they are "your type" or maybe they are someone who seems to be everything you always thought you needed in a relationship... but you find yourself not attracted to them.

it is this experience that actually led me to discovering asexuality... but that is a story I am conflicted of... I do not know if the results and actions were healthy or not :unsure: and I am not sure if the person, if I really hurt them, or if it is just normal "ex" woes... I kinda wish I was able to have learned this stuff before I met them, or without ending the relationship, I think that we may've been able to have a succesful partnership in the end, if things went the right way, and I really do admire them.

but the lack of attraction was so disconcerting... I kept on thinking, "this person is so much of everything I wished for... but I feel the same towards them as anyone else" and it was expecially confusing, because I had just had a relationship with someone who I was very aesthetically attracted to, and unknowingly thought THAT was romance, and then the year before was with someone I was very sensually attracted to, which at the time I thought was normal sexual attraction. but those attractions, do not determine who I want to be with and who I shouldn't be with. the person, and our interaction, the relationship is what is important to me... I find people who I deeply care for, to be beautiful and gorgeous no matter what. and the sensual satisfaction I need out of a connection can be reached without attraction for it. it is just, that in being aesthetically attracted for a person I was in a relationship was really exciting, and being sensually attracted to someone who also was excited, was very exciting. but "exciting" is not needed for "caring".

this post is a little random xD IDK I should go try to write it more well, but I am not the effort not good hard words difficult i need not thinking for time some. xD

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Do you ever see someone and think to yourself, that you feel like you should be attracted to them, but you are not?

That happens too many times :rolleyes:

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JohnnyRingo

Yup. I often get, "Why don't you ask (so-and-so) out? She's perfect for you! She's literally everything you say you find attractive."

And my response is, "Yeah, on paper, she totally is. But I'm just not feeling it."

And they don't get it. But that's their problem, not mine.

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Definitely. I find myself thinking they look "cool", which is really just they tend toward a sort of fantasy-book presentation. Like guys with long hair, or people wearing cool clothing, or nifty beards. I wouldn't call it aesthetic attraction though. It's that I hope, based on their presentation and how it's similar to ideas I like (fantasy genre story stuff; adventure and the like), that they'll have a personality or views or ideas similar to mine. Or kind of that they look like the closest thing I can find to book characters, so I hope they're personalities will match that... ^_^

(I find it a little hard to explain, I hope that at least made some sense! :P)

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This is a thought-provoking question. The closest I can come up with is that I usually think, "I could share a house with them." I don't remember ever thinking, "I should be attracted to that person, and yet I'm not," or, "That's the kind of person I would be attracted to if I were attracted to anyone." I'm so far from that "would," I don't even bother to think in hypotheticals.

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MissLunarWolf

Do you ever see someone and think to yourself, that you feel like you should be attracted to them, but you are not?

I get this a lot. I see a person, and a lot about them, I recognize that they have a lot of qualities I like or admire, or that they strike me as someone who we are very compatible with eachother. I feel like, if I experienced attraction for people, that they are someone I would be attracted to. But I just can't look them in any different light, then simply as a person, as someone who I admire.

All the time.

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Batman's Ace

Yup. I often get, "Why don't you ask (so-and-so) out? She's perfect for you! She's literally everything you say you find attractive."

And my response is, "Yeah, on paper, she totally is. But I'm just not feeling it."

And they don't get it. But that's their problem, not mine.

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get along with someone who was everything I find attractive. I can imagine much better having a sustainable relationship while there's some tension. "Perfect" matches have never struck me as perfect, just as opportunities to find out that perfection isn't necessarily desirable.

Also, the people I know who are looking for the perfect match are having no luck, because their intellect-over-genuine-emotion approach is offputting to both perfect and imperfect people.

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