MissLunarWolf Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I personally never had the sex talk. I asked my mom once what sex was (I heard the word in school, or a movie), but she just said it was the difference between girls and boys; it's (their) sex that makes hem different (touche mom.. touche). I felt sheltered, maybe because I had no interest in finding out more about sex (I didn't know what virgin meant until my friends asked me in grade 7 if I still was one (lol, awkward ). I'm wondering (as an asexual with no libido) if one of my parents had, had the sex talk with me, maybe I would have realized I was asexual sooner (as I never had these thoughts, feelings, urges, itches, anything). Or maybe not. I know there's a huge grey area, but I'm curious if there are any correlations between sexual awareness, and finding out you're ace. (Maybe some asexuals are living normal, sexual lives because they were told it's the "norm") Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Vega91 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 There could be a correlation, at least people who know sex is normal and okay might realize they're not normal sooner. Though whether they find out they're ace is another matter. But I had very comprehensive sex education in both middle and high school, and my mother was always very open with whatever I wanted to ask her. I don't know when I first knew what sex was, but it was probably explained to me in some context when I wanted to know where babies came from. I don't remember The Talk, but I'm sure I got something. And I didn't realize I was ace until a chance post by some FB page. Now, if my mom had actually known what asexuality was, then I would probably have known much sooner. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I never had The Talk and if I did I'm sure none of my parents would have said, sex is commonly used for pleasure. Yes, I think I would have found out sooner about my not-sexuality if I had that information (sooner). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SkyWorld Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 The freakin' 7th grade!!! :o It was my first day at a new school and this girl randomly asked if I was a virgin. There was an awkward hesitation and I asked, "what?" And she repeated herself. I had no idea what a virgin was and I was afraid to ask because I felt like it was something that I "should" know. So I just said, "Yes...??" Well, thank goodness I answered correctly. Still though, why do people just randomly ask that? Grandma gave me the sex talk when I was like... 6. -_- Though, I really wasn't paying attention whatsoever. All I noticed was that she mentioned this work called "sex" a lot and I assumed it was important. I hardly understood a word she said and I was not interested anyways. To this day I still don't know what she said except mentioning the word sex. Seriously, I didn't understand it at all. In like around 3rd of 4th grade (I don't know why... she just likes to be mean -_- ) she accused me of being pregnant and I freaked out because I thought that I was. My granddad said that I wasn't and I was like, "What if I am!?" He asked if I has sex and what did I say? "No! But what does that have to do with anything!?" *facepalm* There was some sex ed in school, but I just... I don't pay attention. I don't care and I find it boring. To this day there's still some things I don't understand about sex and it's surprising to hear something about it this late in life. I don't really think about stuff like that and I never bothered to ask... because I didn't care! And I kinda didn't want to know. I didn't think this was a reason for me to be "not normal". I thought I was normal and that everyone was like myself. I was surprised to find out that I was wrong... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I didn't get any "talk" but still found out via sex ed what sex was (at apparently a late age of 14) I knew I was different (being both ace and nonlibidoist makes that difference extremely obvious) but I didn't know there was any name for that difference until I randomly stumbled upon the tvtropes page for asexuality before I turned 25. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 My mother gave me The Talk when I was 10. I was disgusted. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MissLunarWolf Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 Grandma gave me the sex talk when I was like... 6. -_- Though, I really wasn't paying attention whatsoever. All I noticed was that she mentioned this work called "sex" a lot and I assumed it was important. I hardly understood a word she said and I was not interested anyways. To this day I still don't know what she said except mentioning the word sex. Seriously, I didn't understand it at all. In like around 3rd of 4th grade (I don't know why... she just likes to be mean -_- ) she accused me of being pregnant and I freaked out because I thought that I was. My granddad said that I wasn't and I was like, "What if I am!?" He asked if I has sex and what did I say? "No! But what does that have to do with anything!?" *facepalm* There was some sex ed in school, but I just... I don't pay attention. I don't care and I find it boring. Haha, that's funny it was the 7th grade for both of us. And my grandma's mean too.. she told me santa wasn't real when I was still so young (just in case this came as a shock to you, I later found out that she had her facts mixed up and that the Santa's in the MALLS were fake (but one of them's the real one, you have to check the beard)). I almost forgot about sex-ed in school (I didn't listen either). I didn't understand why we had it. I don't remember if they even talked about sex. I remember seeing a diagram of a naked male/female bodies and I was like (eww... ummm why the f*ck do you need to show us this). Maybe that's why my friends called me "innocent" or "oblivious". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Enkidu Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I didn't get one talk; I got several small ones, spanning from the time I was about...four? Maybe five. Anyways, after a while I just kinda tuned them out 'cause we'd already been over everything. When we started sex ed in school, I pretty much tuned those out, too, and saw them as a way to avoid regular classes. It got really repetitive. Because I knew about sex and stuff, though, I started to notice around 7th/8th grade that my disinterest in sex was abnormal. At the time, I just thought I had really good impulse control :/ It was only around 9th grade that I thought something might actually be wrong with me. From that fear, I found asexuality. So, yes, I suppose in my case there was a correlation. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I... kinda always knew what sex was. My mom didn't believe in the whole "protect kids" thing. At 5 or so I helped birth puppies cause my dog went into labor and my parents were out (local store run) for a few minutes and a pup got stuck. Younger than that I was going with my dad to help birth calfs. I have no idea when I got told about human sex, exactly. I know I was watching adult (action type) movies from around 3, which had sex scenes. *shrug* At 9 my mom expanded on my sex ed and told me about oral and 69ing. It didn't really help at all in figuring out asexuality though, as I still had no idea asexuality was even an option and if you didn't want sex I was told you're either doing it wrong, or no woman likes it and you just do it anyway to please a man. So... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
divided_sky Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I... kinda always knew what sex was. My mom didn't believe in the whole "protect kids" thing. At 5 or so I helped birth puppies cause my dog went into labor and my parents were out (local store run) for a few minutes and a pup got stuck. Younger than that I was going with my dad to help birth calfs. I have no idea when I got told about human sex, exactly. I know I was watching adult (action type) movies from around 3, which had sex scenes. *shrug* At 9 my mom expanded on my sex ed and told me about oral and 69ing. It didn't really help at all in figuring out asexuality though, as I still had no idea asexuality was even an option and if you didn't want sex I was told you're either doing it wrong, or no woman likes it and you just do it anyway to please a man. So... Ahaha. That seems like such an irrelevant aside to the whole topic. That would have me asking a whole new slew of questions, mostly focused on - why would you even bother to try that? Nope, never had any sort of talk, took me years to figure things out on my own, since I rarely had friends growing up to talk with about it. Though now I have come to be completely fine talking about anything. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
yellow Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I don't remember if I got a sex talk or not. Most likely I was handed a pamphlet by my embarrassed mother. Sex was not something that we talked about or joked about in my household as far as I remember. My parents weren't affectionate with each other (at least in front of me) or with me, so it was kinda eye opening to go to friends' homes where their parents held hands (what?!), hugged (gasp!) or kissed (double gasp!) in front of other people. As far as I'm concerned my parents had sex twice (once for me and once for my sister). It's none of my business but I suspect that even if I did ask my mom about sex, she'd change the subject or get up and leave the room. I always wondered if my sterile upbringing had anything to do with my sexuality or lack thereof. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I... kinda always knew what sex was. My mom didn't believe in the whole "protect kids" thing. At 5 or so I helped birth puppies cause my dog went into labor and my parents were out (local store run) for a few minutes and a pup got stuck. Younger than that I was going with my dad to help birth calfs. I have no idea when I got told about human sex, exactly. I know I was watching adult (action type) movies from around 3, which had sex scenes. *shrug* At 9 my mom expanded on my sex ed and told me about oral and 69ing. It didn't really help at all in figuring out asexuality though, as I still had no idea asexuality was even an option and if you didn't want sex I was told you're either doing it wrong, or no woman likes it and you just do it anyway to please a man. So... Ahaha. That seems like such an irrelevant aside to the whole topic. That would have me asking a whole new slew of questions, mostly focused on - why would you even bother to try that? :lol: Well, her talk on it was sorta: Her: "If a guy ever asks you to 69, say no" Me: "Uhm...ok... what is that?" Her: "It means he wants you to stick his thing in your mouth" Me: "....ok...." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
USathane Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 'Twas never necessary. I never expressed sexual desires and at some point brought up the whole asexuality thing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterscotchwm Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 My mom gave me the talk when I was like... 8? I'm pretty sure I had the worst reaction out of everyone I've ever known. I was so disgusted I literally cried I'm not sure why I was so repulsed. Back then, all I really associated with private parts were bodily waste. So it was completely disgusting thinking about how I'm just the product of a penis going into a vagina. What's strange is that my mom didn't even do a bad job in giving me the talk. She talked about it in a way that implied that it's something that two people "who love each other" would do, and it's "the closest anyone can ever be to another person, other than God." She never used the word pleasure, but she implied that it was more than just for making babies... And yet, I still thought it was the most disgusting thing I've ever heard in my entire life, and I just cried at my desk when I was supposed to be doing homework o__________o. I mean, I've always been sex repulsed, but I guess I'm not crying about it anymore. lol. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Did nobody get told that we were born in cabbages and harvested by our parents? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Did nobody get told that we were born in cabbages and harvested by our parents? My friends when I was a kid got told stuff like that and it annoyed me. I couldn't share the information about my puppies, cause they didn't know puppies were BORN... so I just had to say "I have new puppies" and I was constantly watching what I was saying cause if I was with them and they asked what an animal pair were doing their family said "playing". Made it extremely uncomfortable to be around people my own age cause I had to analyze every conversation to make sure I wasn't ruining some lie their parents were telling them (sex doesn't exist, magic exists, etc etc etc). :s I ended up just hanging out with adults instead, it was more fun. lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I never had such a talk with any of my parents, but when I was 8 or 9 years old my entire class knew, including me (probably because of the others, I don't remember), and I was just as excited to make weird jokes (that an 8 year old finds funny) as everyone else. I remember that me and my best friend (at that age) put dolls in different positions (like normal "on top of eachother" and 69) and then look at eachother, grimace and laugh. I'm not entirely sure what I thought about it, I guess it was just something disgusting and fun to joke about, and at that age no one seemed to be different than me. I assumed sex was nothing people felt an urge to have, I thought that it was more of a way to be intimate (and make babies, ofc) with someone you're in a relationship with. For that reason it took a very long time for me to understand why people would have ons and such things. That classmates (middle school) were striving to have sex early I thought was just because of curiosity. So, what I am saying, I guess, is: Even if my parents had talked to me and mention that people feel an urge to have sex I would probably not have put the pieces together unless they were very descriptive. I'm kinda happy I was spared of such awkwardness. I never went through any hard stages because of not knowing about asexuality (or more: the others sexuality), I went around being completely unaware of how others were feeling. Ahhh, such bliss :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Never had "the talk", nope. Probably learnt at school. But my family is somewhat hypersexualised, which probably contributed to my general withdrawal from that whole issue. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I was told briefly that sex is normal and its ok and here we got you two books to read to learn all about it if you have any questions you know we are here for you Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tanzanite Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 All I had were health and sex ed classes...I wasn't traumatized or anything, but the pictures didn't help. I honestly never saw the obsession people had during middle and high school, and still don't Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SMW22792 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I don't remember having the talk, or even being interested in the subject. Until sex education, I really didn't fathom the concept that my parents had sex to conceive me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mudlark Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I never really had a formal 'sex talk' as such; for much of my childhood I was aware that you needed a male and a female to 'mate' and thus make babies, which I learnt from reading natural history books and watching the wild birds and animals in the garden. I knew that when a pigeon jumped on another pigeon's back it meant they were going to have chicks afterwards, but I never knew exactly what 'mating' was; whenever I asked my parents, they always seemed kind of uncomfortable and changed the subject, so I knew somehow whatever it was was 'adult stuff' and shouldn't be questioned further. I only really learned the truth when I started learning about human biology when I was about 11 years old; I can remember feeling absolutely disgusted upon realizing that not only did adults need to do this to make babies, they also did it just for no reason at all but because it was apparently fun. When I was a little older and questioned further, just to make sure the biology book was actually telling the truth, my dad just laughed and said; 'when I was your age, I thought it was gross too. But just you wait and see, one day you'll be wanting to do it, and you'll love it when it happens.' Hah. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Foreign Atonement Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Yep, got it at 10 myself. I was confused about the logistics of it all; at first, I thought it was two people standing up in the bathroom trying to do silly naked things. Then I was told that a bed was usually used and my first thought was "That sounds cold. And messy." I also immediately thought that it sounded like something to put off for a while. Pleasure was never really mentioned, so I figured that people just did it for babies. That said, it was a bit of a culture shock when I met some of the "normal" middle school kids my age and heard about the.. erm, shenanigans.. that they got up to. And by that, I mean that I zoned out hard whenever it came up. Kinda got used to it in high school, and now I've actually got a fairly filthy mind. :/ Our sex ed was actually rather tasteful. There was no porno, no putting a condom on a banana, nothing of the sort. It was more about the potential consequences of sex at our age, and how healthy relationships tended to progress in certain ways. I was thankful for that, at least. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NobleHogknight Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Did nobody get told that we were born in cabbages and harvested by our parents? My friends when I was a kid got told stuff like that and it annoyed me. I once asked my mom at the age of 4 or 5 where the babies come from. Well, she told me... Rather in an easy way of course, for a kid to understand: "man takes his and put it in a woman's..." That was it and I was okay with it. But later on I never had the "real" talk. She offered that if I have questions I can ask, but first I knew enough at that time because of sex ed in school or reading books, talking with other kids etc. and second it was too awkward in my opinion. I also did not actually realise that my parents (still) have sex until I asked someday (already 16 or 17?), while my mom was ironing, what these handkerchiefs are for. :lol: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I was 5 or 6 when my mum gave me the talk. Was pretty clinical/informative (not too surprising maybe, seeing as she worked as a medical nurse?) - one of the bits I clearly remember is being shown a microscope photo of swimming sperm cells. It was okay, I guess... definitely far better than all the mocking half-smiles I got from her 10+ years later when it became clear I still didn't intend to ever have sex, myself - even though I had said that as an elementary school kid already, I guess it's not that odd if an 8-y.o. says they'll never ever have sex, but becomes "inacceptable" when you're 18 and still saying it. Meh. <_< Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I'm also asexual and don't have a libido. My family didn't discuss anything having to do with sex. When I started puberty at 8, I was given a handful of books that scientifically explained everything in a kid-friendly way. I also loved documentary shows, so I picked a few things up that way. (And later, I learned more from sitcoms.) I took it all very matter-of-factly. I knew the anatomy - the science of it all. At the time, I was like he puts what where??? but I attributed that to my age... except I never grew out of it. Then I thought I was simply more mature than my peers. I didn't know women masturbated, for example, until right before I discovered asexuality at 19. So there were a lot of gaps that no one filled in for me. But I don't know that I would have known what to ask had my family been open about sex. It was all stuff that never crossed my mind and misconceptions I had from lack of exposure. Talk about not knowing what a virgin was! There was a girl in my grade that thought she was pregnant at 13 because her period was late. Turned out she thought sex was kissing. She had to recant all her tales of not being a virgin. She also later came out as gay. So she was 13 and honestly had no idea where babies came from. I was called into the principal's office because she named me as one of her friends (although we weren't actually friends and barely talked) - we all had to endure the gym teacher giving "the talk." I was mortified. The other girls... Well they didn't know much more than she did. In case you ever feel sheltered, know you weren't alone! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Holy Ghost Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 When I was in the fifth grade, they started teaching us Sex aid and stuff so there was no need for my parents..awkward sex talk. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RunLikeAFox Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I refused to let my parents give me the talk. I knew sort of what was coming and I really didn't want to know any details. Instead my parents gave me a book with everything in it and they told me I either had to read that or talk to them. I used to hide it in a room that no one ever goes into under a pillow. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Absol Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I never had a talk, I was such a sheltered kid! When other kids in school made sexual jokes or references, I was just thinking WTF does that mean? I eventually figured out that it was about sex, but I felt stupid that didn't know what stuff meant (cuz everyone else did) so I didn't really ask. I pretty much just knew whatever they told us in sex-ed. I used to wonder if that may have contributed to my asexuality (which lead to questioning if I really was asexual, or maybe just sheltered), but my siblings are perfectly normal so I realized that it was just me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cosmisnebulae Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Nope. I was sheltered as a child. I found out what it was in 8th grade and I was pretty disgusted by it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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