Did you ever 'choose' a crush because you thought it was the normal thing to do?

[JAKQ7111]

Yeah, this kinda happened to me. There was this girl in a few of my classes in sixth grade whom always did nice things for me (and others) and was kind of cute and popular. I convinced myself that she liked me (boy, was I wrong) and I ended up believing that I liked her as well, and then my stupid, mid-pubescent brain developed my very first huge crush on her at the end of sixth grade. That was a crush that ended up lasting me a few months of sixth grade, and then all of seventh, and resulted in some nasty bullying from her friends, both male and female. She turned me down in a pretty nasty way at the end of seventh grade, and it hurt like crazy. To believe that perhaps this could have been avoided (or diminished) had I not convinced myself that I liked this girl. Middle school is weird, especially for mid-pubescent romantic aces who don't know that they're ace/romantic yet.

[Rean]

I don't know if I ever 'chose' crushes, but I know I confused myself into thinking I had a crush.

This. I was so confused when I actually discussed crushes with a sexual person (I didn't yet know I was asexual then) and suddenly wondered if I had ever had an actual crush since what this person described was so different from what I had felt.

I'm still wondering whether I'm inclined to paint "liking someone in a special way" as a crush simply because having romantic and/or sexual feelings is such an important norm. For the most I don't care, but I feel kind of awkward since I'm well into my twenties and don't know what any of these things are supposed to feel like. If I do have a crush or fall in love, or think I'm having/doing one or the other, how can I know if it's the real thing or not? It's kind of like tasting peach candy without ever tasting peaches. How would you know if it was getting the favour wrong or right?

I guess I may just be anxious over nothing. I do tend to over-analyse. For example I once calculated approximately at what intervals my "crushes" had been happening and concluded hat the nex time was due spring 2015. Well, here we are, and now that I've noticed I kind of like one of my classmates I just have to wonder whether this might be the crush I'm due for or whether I'm just exaggerating since it's "about time".

[Waist of Thyme]

Well, I never thought it was abnormal, but I thought Fanta was more popular than Crush? I've had and like both, but I prefer Fanta.

[Junibud]

Ugh, I had to a couple of times in high school, which made things kind of annoying when my friends saw me hang out with people I lied about crushing on and/or thinking they were attractive. To this day, one of the people I was friends with in high school thinks that I'm not aro ace because of a lie I told about liking someone.

[Member54880]

I don't think I've ever faked any crushes for real people, because I never felt that pressure to. I grew up with the Disney movies and the "they lived happily ever after (by getting married)" narratives, so I thought I would find my "true love" and get married eventually. I just didn't know how it would happen.

When I was 14, I've faked some crushes on fictional characters, and pairing them up, because I was a member of an anime/manga forum where many of the members did, to fit in. Otherwise I felt like I was missing out on a significant part of the community.

[Guest Sheka4]

Yes! Elementary school, there was this one kid out of the whole entire school that every girl- though I use that term loosely- had a "crush on" I mean EVERYONE had a crush on this kid. Fights nearly broke out in the courtyard because of this, friendships were lost left and right over this kid and somehow I became mingled in the fray. Which lead me to witnessing one of my friends threatening another friend because of this school wide "crush" on a boy, but watching another friend cry because of it and it even led to me being blackmailed by a friend. Ahh, elementary school was such a great moment in my life.

[ktri]

I made up having a crush on a guy in my class one year because of friends asking me "who do you like? there has to be someone?" when I kept saying I didn't have a crush (I did, not on any guys). It backfired and they let out that "information" and it just felt so awful because that was very embarrassing but I didn't even LIKE him, haha.

[Mandarina]

Yes, or more exactly I forced myself to believe that I had one. In elementary school to avoid that horrible "who do you like" and later on with some fictional characters and a couple of guys that I met in some extracurricular activities because all the people around me was like, i like this, i like that, and all that.

[Gingerbear]

I did this up until last year (I was 17, before I realized I was ace) I convinced myself that I had a crush on a guy simply because he gives the best hugs ever and always hugged me every time I saw him. I realized it probably wasn't a crush when he asked out my friend and I wasn't even the slightest bit upset.

[NudistOnStrike]

I did this all the time! I didn't even really understand what a crush was, I would just say I had one on Griffin or Colin or whoever I felt like. When I didn't know about asexuality I gave myself a pretend celebrity crush, Channing Tatum

[silentoutlaw]

Dude this resonates with me soooo much.

Even until now! Everyone's always asking me, "Are you seeing someone?" "Do you like anyone?" "Do you have a crush on anyone?"

And I'd just make some bullshit answer to get them to shut up and quit bugging me about it! Or I'd just say heck no. Haha.

But I didn't imagine I'd ever fall in love with my best friend/roommate. Who consequently, is engaged now to her boyfriend...

Oh, the agony!

And mind you, it isn't sexual, only a very very strong romantic attraction/connection. I've never felt like this with anyone else before, so it's pretty scary and she has no idea. I mean, I did imagine us doing dirty things together... So I guess I am gray-a officially.

Well, that's me in a nutshell. Carry on, folks!

[Breathing....]

Yup! Did it through school and will even do it now if I'm asked for a celebrity crush, by someone I don't know well, I will use one of my friends current crushes. People who know me well don't ask.

[Jake25]

I have crushes on men who are famous. I sometimes think about having romantic relationships with them and cuddling them, and possibly having oral sex with them. Then I feel like I would only have sex with them if they wanted to and I was a man. I don't want anyone to want me as a woman.

[Róisín]

Oh my gosh I did this all the time!!! I would literally look around the classroom, find the most aesthetically pleasing boy, and be like 'yes. you have been chosen to be my crush'. Honestly, I think I've only ever had actual, genuine romantic feelings for anyone in real life maybe twice, and as far as celebrities are concerned, I've been aesthetically/platonically attracted to a few, but never sexually.

[Jaque]

I chose to 'love' this girl at secondary school for about a year when I was about 15.

I was in a very dark place at the time. Partly due to my unknown asexuality. I guess it made me feel normal, like every one else.

[bleegiimuus]

I've done it with real people and celebrities. In 4th grade my friends made me choose a member of every body band, and then in 6th (?) grade they kept hinting that this one boy liked me so I finally said I had a crush on him too. We went ice-skating once with a group of friends and barely spoke to each other. For all I know, he was making it up too.

Kind of related, in some of my foreign language classes when we started learning a few adjectives, we then had to discuss what we liked in the opposite sex... my mind has never been so blank.

No but instead I asked myself this question for years, "why the hell is everyone around me so unattractive? Am I that picky?" LOL

Hahaha I have had that exact thought so many times.

[deltaX]

I've definitely done this. Usually I would just choose whichever person I happened to be squishing on at the time, but it was never a "real" crush, in any sense of the word. I was very happy when I found out about aromanticism and realized it was okay to not have crushes all the time. :)

[Jaque]

As a teenager I even had relationships with girls I chose to 'like'. I did it mainly to show my friends/look normal to myself.

I hurt some people, messed up some friendships.