Did you ever 'choose' a crush because you thought it was the normal thing to do?

[IceHurricane]

Yes! In elementary school I started obsessing over guys, but I never actually had any feelings for them. I just forced myself to like them. I remember the only time I started 'crushing' on one guy was because my friend said we looked cute together. I stopped having 'crushes' once I started high school. That's also the time I realized I was never actually attracted to anyone.

[Devil Kisses]

I did this when I was in middle school. I picked the class clown to be my crush. Later I picked my friend's cousin to be my fake crush because he was good looking. I have had real crushes since I was five, but I didn't really believe they were real because they were girls.

[The littlest Deer Rat]

The closest I got was showing interest in those 90's boy bands. I could sing the songs, but couldn't tell you any of their names. >.>

[Blakrana]

Not ever. In point of fact, I spent more time trying to understand why people couldn't process that the girls I was friends with were...just friends. Sure, I'd point out their good qualities, aesthetic and personality as they went, but that just...it processed in my head that's what a friend does. Sees their friends for who and what they are and just...stays by them.

It might have been because I just flatly stood by my mum's advice that relationships get in the way of your studies, let alone it's far too soon, so it was generally 'not before you're old enough to understand what it means to care for someone'. Never actually bothered me. I once told a girl who was bugging me in science class that, when she asked me what I'd do if she walked around topless, I'd just be getting on with my work and advising her she'll catch a chill this time of year. Cue people getting on my case for being a jerk to her...

Thing is, going through my memories retrospectively (is that a redundant description, by stint of the meaning of memory?) I just...keep seeing me looking at people and...not caring. At all. Some of them are cute or not, and some people were physically 'ok I guess?' whilst their personality left a lot to be desired. In a sense, a trend I noted is that the girls typically dubbed as 'hot' were self-centred attention seeking brats, whilst the 'plain/homey' girls were sweet and great company.

Honestly, I've only been on the receiving end of crushes, as...either I just don't process them to other people, or I'm so used to considering my feelings for someone either foolish or a threat to the friendship...I don't think on it. What I have is, statistically, not worth the risk of losing. Perhaps doesn't help that if I was honest I probably fit a lot of my dearest friends into a kind of 'familial' affection, depending. Certainly mean more to me than most of my actual family and relatives...

Rule of thumb? I don't have crushes, or if I do I logically deconstruct it as being naive and selfish, but I seem to have the unfortunate tendency to end up crushing a girl who's interested in me due to my obliviousness and...firm, mostly justified so far, belief that honestly, I'm not worth the attention or such. I would like a relationship, won't deny that, but...am I worthy of one, or good for the person?

I doubt that.

There are so many people out there who'd be better at meeting their needs. Which admittedly has stepped up a notch with the whole ace thing; I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it not at all, but...on a practical level, it's just another way I wouldn't be able to satisfy an interested party, ergo they'd be better off finding someone who could. Every single one of the girls I've been...the object of affection for, always it comes back to that. Even my only long term relationship was...if it worked out, I'll leave it that her favourite thing to discuss in that realm was 'married, and at least two children'. Actually asked for my blood type at one point for sake of 'in event of'.

Considering what I know now? I wasn't really that good for her, really. But that's a realisation long after the fact.

End of the day...I just...don't get crushes, in either direction, making it...common that girls just...be either super obvious or I don't get it. Mix in general self-deprecation and low esteem and I figure I'm saving people a lot more time that way. Although I admit I would like to understand what people see in me to get romantically or so on interested. Even then...that's almost purely academic at this juncture.

Apologies for going on.

[Grumpy Alien]

I did that A LOT. Like once a year. And then I'd get bored of it and be relieved to stop. I didn't always realize I was faking it. It started in third grade when I was tired of being the only kid without an obsessive crush. I picked a kid that looked like my favorite character in the class next to mine and told my only friend of some observations I would make. "He plays saxophone!" "His class is learning long division!" etc. I think I've only had one or two real crushes... In grade school. That's it. Nothing since. (That wasn't made up.) I felt a need to belong and would convince myself I was exactly how I was portraying myself. I believed my own lies because I didn't want to handle the truth.

[SirDork]

I never experienced crushes and I never felt any need to, but I did feel pressured by others to like a boy I really detested. I pretended I found him "hot" so people would get off my back about it but in reality I never felt that way towards anybody.

[cosmosredshift7]

Freshman year of college, because all of my friends were in relationships, and they were trying to get me dating someone, so I just named a random person.

[GiraffeSpots]

Yes!

I was 6. My sister, 9, made me let her make a valentine for a classmate of mine. I now secretly "liked" him. He was chosen because he was nice as a person and was less horrible than the other boys in the class. I came up with a riddle which suggested a different girl in the class had made the card and got my sister to write it inside the card so my handwriting wouldn't be on it. I spent the next 4 and a half years denying it ever happened.

It was actually brought up when I sort of came out, aged 10, as a reason I couldn't be ace. People really put a lot of weight on a piece of paper covered in gel pens apparently.

[zeranna]

I did it a couple of times, i thought it was weird that it never happened to me and i wanted to behave like everyone else.

I thought if i really fokused on a person then maybe i fall in love with him later...

of course that never happened :)

[Tanzanite]

I used to do that a lot during elementary school, but that stopped sometime before middle school.

[if-indeed]

Absolutely. I arbitrarily picked girls in high school to say I had a crush on, just because everyone else was talking about it. Part of me assumed that this was what everyone else did, picking someone out based on mutual interests and "nice" characteristics, rather than crushes being an intuitive thing that you just feel. For a very long time I confused "crush" with aesthetic attraction, because that was the only thing I actually felt but I assumed my experiences were the same as everyone else's.

[Kaiieda]

Oh my gosh yes. When I was in middle school my friends around me were all having crushes on boys and I was just like "yeah, that one, that one is cute I guess." I found it really awkward to pretend like that.

Im actually really excited to hear I wasn't the only one that did that. O.o

[TheLycanthrope]

For the longest time I sought one out to hopefully lead to a relationship up until my Junior year in highschool. I just thought that it was something that you HAD TO DO.
It always amazed me, and still does, how people will get a new boyfriend/girlfriend after breaking up with someone. Some do it in days, others in weeks or, at most, a month or two. They just seem to find another person and swoon them over and this just baffles me. I do not understand this at all. Either way, i'm glad I no longer feel pressured to be in a relationship. I'm a freebird!

[ivanna_ace]

OMG Yes!!! But I never felt weird about me. I felt weird about my friends that kept telling me things like ,, You gotta have crush on someone" or ,, Why are you hiding it, we're not gonna tell anyone" :lol: So I was just like,, Ok fine, that XY looks fine, whatever" Like, who cares? That whole crush thing is freaking hilarious to me even in my twenties. To be precise, I'm 20yo now and I'm aro-ace as hell and I'm proud of it! I don't go out to find a boyfriend or someone to bang me, I've never even looked at someone at that way! No feelings, no arousal.. I'm just having fun out there, enjoying my life the best way I can! BEING ACE ROCKS! 8) :)

[Elluna Hellen]

Not necessarily consciously deciding that I would like someone, but i did "talk myself" into thinking I had one twice in my life.

The first time was when I was 13/14 and there was this new guy in my class. I thought he was handsome so figured I must have a crush on him. I was randomly thinking like 'will he be in school today' or something like that, but only when I decided to think about it? I didn't really care that much for him at all, but I figured I might have a crush. Yeah, I didn't. :P

The second time was a few years ago when a friend of mine talked me into thinking that I was in love with/had a crush on another friend of mine. I talked myself into it quite a bit that time, to the point where I started to have some 'romantic dreams' kind of things where actually nothing much really happened xD. Also, random thoughts of anything 'happening' whenever I was about to see her. I actually never had a crush on the girl. She was just my friend. But apparently, according to the friend who talked me into it, I was "looking at her a certain way". B.S. of course, but I kind of bought into it at the time . Though I never told her until I was pretty sure I never had a crush on her (because that would be awkward). Then, we had a good laugh about it.

A few years later, i maintain that neither of those "crushes" were in any way real and I am aromantic as well as asexual :P

[WakingDreamer]

My friends didn't really bother me with questions about crushes, thankfully, until about high school. Luckily, about then two things happened: Lord of the Rings came out in theatres, and I joined the crew club.

When I saw the movie, I had a feeling that one of my friends would ask me who I liked the best, so I looked at all the actors and went "Orlando Bloom is aesthetically pleasing. And has a nice voice. And has very shiny hair. He'll do." So I proceeded to have a crush on him. My friend was pleased and all was well.

Following this trend of "shiny hair", later on in high school I was writing this notebook with three of my friends in the rowing club and they were all starting to talk about people they had crushes on. I thought "Uh oh, I better have a real crush then, I don't think Legolas is going to cut it this time." So I had a good look around during the next practice and found a tall, lanky guy with blonde hair and decided "Yeah him, I'll have a crush on him." So when my friends asked, I had an answer ready, but I never dared to give them his name because it felt like far too much of a "commitment" to something that wasn't even real. But they were pleased and all was well again, even though I felt vaguely guilty all the while.

[Kirbyfan66]

Oh boy, this is going back to before I even knew what asexuality was! Due to a variety of circumstances I had just assumed that I was heterosexual, with the biggest reason being, "oh it's normal". A lot of people here probably understand...

Anyway, it was painfully obvious that I wasn't hetero, but nobody really paid it any mind. Fast forward to when I was... 18? Or 19, don't remember, but I'm with a bunch of friends and we're discussing first kisses and all, and I'm the one saying "dohoho I've never kissed, Kirby's more important" (the truth), and of the ladies was just so darned surprised and said "I wouldn't mind being your first". Being blissfully ignorant I just kind of said thanks and we moved on in the discussion.

Fast forward a wee bit later into the night - and by a wee bit I mean 10 hours - and at this point I had been awake for over 20 hours. I'm used to being awake for about 12 and then going to sleep, So I'm not really too awake at this point, but finally, blissful sleep awaits! So as I'm drifting away into sleep, said lady from earlier decided to kiss me. I caught her in the act, but because of my outlook of "oh I doubt I'm hetero but this is normal so I guess I am?" we had another one. Then the next day I played a lot of Kirby and we didn't really get back to the subject. I did however tell myself I had a crush on her because, you know, heteronormativity, etc.

About a month later I discovered asexuality! And shortly after I found out about Romantic Orientation, and by that point I realized hetero wasn't the only proper way to go, and thus, I am what I am now. Story time over~

[RK800]

I did once say I had a crush on someone when it turns out I didn't (I was 14 maybe?).

In my defense I thought it was a crush. I thought wanting to have some one as a friend or sibling was considered a crush.

I was a confused little nugget back then.

[Levya]

Haha yes, I'm glad I'm not the only one! I had a few "crushes" in elementary/middle school because I thought girls were supposed to like guys, blah blah blah. I just kinda chose whoever was funny and aesthetically pleasing so that if anyone asked if I had any crushes I'd be able to tell them about it (which only ended up happening once). Then in high school I pretty much stopped caring, though there was a time I wondered if I was bisexual since I felt the same way about girls as I did about guys, and that eventually led me to realizing I'm ace.

Then when I got a real romantic crush on a guy a few years ago, I didn't acknowledge my feelings for a long time because of the few fake crushes I've had, lmao

[Tos]

YES. Very recently, in fact. I have now accepted the fact that I am aromantic, but at the time I felt like since I am asexual I had to at least be a little romantic in order to be...whatever. I realize now that thinking like that was ridiculous and I don't have to be romantic to be justified as a person. However, there was a lot of pressure (coming from myself, not others) to conform in some way and so I just picked a peron to be my crush. Turned out she had an actual crush on me, so things started getting serious. In the process I figured out that romance just is not for me and now I’m just trying to back away without hurting my chosen “crush”. It’s complicated and could get messy, but at least now I know for sure where I stand.

[Elluna Hellen]

YES. Very recently, in fact. I have now accepted the fact that I am aromantic, but at the time I felt like since I am asexual I had to at least be a little romantic in order to be...whatever. I realize now that thinking like that was ridiculous and I don't have to be romantic to be justified as a person. However, there was a lot of pressure (coming from myself, not others) to conform in some way and so I just picked a peron to be my crush. Turned out she had an actual crush on me, so things started getting serious. In the process I figured out that romance just is not for me and now I’m just trying to back away without hurting my chosen “crush”. It’s complicated and could get messy, but at least now I know for sure where I stand.

Whooooops o_O. That is... Very, very unfortunate. Could this be the plot of an aromantic comedy? :P (seriously though, it sucks that you were this unlucky )

[Tos]

YES. Very recently, in fact. I have now accepted the fact that I am aromantic, but at the time I felt like since I am asexual I had to at least be a little romantic in order to be...whatever. I realize now that thinking like that was ridiculous and I don't have to be romantic to be justified as a person. However, there was a lot of pressure (coming from myself, not others) to conform in some way and so I just picked a peron to be my crush. Turned out she had an actual crush on me, so things started getting serious. In the process I figured out that romance just is not for me and now I’m just trying to back away without hurting my chosen “crush”. It’s complicated and could get messy, but at least now I know for sure where I stand.

Whooooops o_O. That is... Very, very unfortunate. Could this be the plot of an aromantic comedy? :P (seriously though, it sucks that you were this unlucky )

Haha! I guess it really could be a comedy plotline, huh?

Actually, it could have been a much worse situation. Luckily, she's not a part of my friend group (or even a student at the same school) and she's leaving the state soon anyways, so I have an out that won't require an explanation.

[Guest]

Are you kidding that's how I kicked off every school year from pre-k to 6th grade!

Day one: identify acceptably cute boys

End of week two: identify the least-douchey one

Mission accomplished.

[Tonzie]

Yes, there was some times when growing up I had to fake having a crush on someone. It was seen as abnormal if I didn't and told any of the girls I did so I would fit in. I chose guys that I liked because they were friendly, not because I had any romantic feelings. At times I had boys who liked me, but I didn't know how to return their feelings. I even had crushes and didn't know how to express my feelings. Maybe someday I will find someone who will feel the same way I do, for now I will be honest with myself.

[Sir_Lord_Brit]

Yes. I called it 'keeping a straight face'

[MartyMcFly]

Yes, I'm guilty of this! It was just to stop my friends from pushing me to date random people.

[getfighted]

I actually kinda still do this. I'm still fingering out who I am, in doing so I tried dating. I essentially picked the most appealing male and went out on a few dates. One guy had kissed me at the end of a second date and I just wasn't having it. I'm now understanding that it all isn't really for me and now I'm here!

[LeaveOnYourColours]

Oh gosh, elementary school comes flooding back into memory. There wasn't huge pressure to do this since my friends were either dating, or not crushing at all, but I did this. I mostly picked my squish guy or a guy I forced myself to squish on and called it a crush. It always felt wrong.

I did this twice but sort of kept them as back ups. In case anyone asked. I wasn't really asked haha I was in a strange crowd though.

I liked the funny looking ones :P I still do. My person, my qpp (whatever we are, it's complicated and not labeled -- I like "my person" honestly), he's a bit unconventionally attractive. He's cute, I like it. He doesn't just look like anyone else.

[LeaveOnYourColours]

Yes. I called it 'keeping a straight face'

I laughed out loud. :D

[GwendolynAngel83]

I don't know if I ever 'chose' crushes, but I know I confused myself into thinking I had a crush. I was in middle school and I had a close friend and I knew I felt differently for her than I did other people so I thought it was a crush and told my friend about it (who promptly had me tell the other girl, who told my youth group, and it got very awkward). It wasn't until the next year that, while talking to that same friend I'd told before, I realized I'd never had a crush, ever. She explained what a crush was and I was very confused by it. It took me a couple years to realize that what I'd felt for my other friend was a (slightly unusual, possibly unhealthy) protective, motherly instinct for her (I have very strong maternal feelings for people, doesn't matter if they're older or younger than me).