Unsure about Asexuality / Aversion

[plaidprincess]

Okay, so I'm sure you've all seen plenty of these "I'm super confused" threads, but it'd be great if you could help me even in the slightest, just knowing this site exists makes me feel so much better.

Basically, I've had plenty of crushes and always had a kind of want for attention from guys, but at the same time, I don't think I've ever been sexually attracted to them - though I'm not sure how exactly one feels when they're sexually attracted to a person. I've thought "Oh my god, he's hot" countless times (same with girls though, and I'm definitely not interested in dating girls).

Regarding sex itself, I'm a little horrified by it, but this could be due to the fact I was sexually assaulted aged 12, and it pretty much messed me up for a while ( I had the whole blocked memories, PTSD shebang, and cos I already had anxiety, it didn't go too well). I don't really understand why people want to have sex (especially oral, etc)? I do want to try sex itself, but I see it as an experience to have, like skydiving.

I find shirtless guys super attractive but like any further nudity is borderline disgusting. However, I do like guys, and I guess part of me is willing to be sexual eventually for my future partner's sake. I know I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic, so not aromantic anyway.

Anyway, sorry for the big "this is my life" rant, but does this sound like asexuality, or aversion, or anything else y'all would probably know more about than me?

Thank you so much for bothering with my long post.

[Archon]

It's possible that you only experience aesthetic attraction to people rather than sexual attraction. Aesthetic attraction feels like you're admiring something pretty, like a sunset - but that doesn't mean you want to have sex with a sunset, you know? Sexual attraction on the other hand feels like a real, noticeable urge to have sex with that person. Someone who has never experienced sexual attraction would be asexual.

You might also experience sensual attraction if you want to cuddle with shirtless guys, but that's still not necessarily part of sexual attraction.

I'm very sorry about your experience, and you're not alone. I'm a sexual assault survivor as well. I had blocked memories, PTSD (still comes back sometimes), the whole deal. I was asexual before the assault (even if I didn't know about asexuality) and I still am. I can't speak for everyone, but for me at least, it didn't change my orientation at all.

Why do you want to try sex if you're horrified by it? You don't have to try sex to know if you want it or not.

You can be romantically involved with someone without being sexually involved. There are plenty of couples where one person is ace and the other isn't and that can sometimes work, but you can also date other asexuals.

Of course, these are just my thoughts and how you identify is up to you in the end. Welcome to AVEN!

[shockkkk]

Unfortunately, I don't believe there is a good way to tell whether or not you're an asexual naturally repulsed by sex or a sexual who just has strong aversions towards it, so I can't help you there.

I do know, nothing you said would disqualify you from being asexual, and that if you were to identify as asexual and find out later that it no longer fits you, nobody here would really care.

[Absol]

I think Archon did a really great job; there's nothing I can think of to add to that explanation. No one knows you better than your do, so choose whichever label feels right (if you want to label yourself, it's cool if you don't). But however you choose to label yourself, no one here on AVEN will judge you. :) Good luck with figuring yourself out!