**TW** Rape, Mental Illness and Sexuality

[LKR]

Let me preface this by saying that I do not believe asexuality is a result of a mental illness. There are many asexual people who are mentally healthy and many sexual people who are mentally unhealthy.

However I have experienced a lot of very serious mental health problems and forms of rape and was wondering if that could have influenced my sexuality. Am I asexual along with these problems or have these problems somehow interfered with the development of my sexuality?

I am 21 and have never felt sexually attracted to anyone. It is only this year that I have even had any kind of attraction to anyone. I would like to talk and cuddle with this guy but making out and having sex just seems foreign and strange and not something I would want to do. Sex has never really made any sense to me.

So do you think I am asexual or just traumatized?

Thanks. Any opinions or experiences are welcomed.

[Skri]

Your personality, your preferences, your thoughts, every single inch of you develops itself through your life, meaning that every single experience you live changes and shapes your inner self.

So, I mean, it is possible.

But, just to give you another experience, I faced sexual assault (also depression, self-harm, a light substance abuse, general and social anxiety yeeeeeeeh) as well and I am 100% sure it never got in the way of my sexuality. Actually, I had sex with a guy after the fact, an act of pure curiosity, and the only reason why I didn't enjoy it is that I am a lesbian. Well, I had an emotional breakdown right after, and yes that was due to the rape, but no, it has never been the reason of my sexuality or lack of.

In my opinion, only you can tell if your trauma has got in the way of your sexuality. I think... maybe for me understanding that I wasn't fully sexual was easier because I already faced the omg am I a lesbian for real or am I just a weirdo who must wait for the right guy? what did the trick was...nothing. You keep thinking at it all the time, then at some point you just wake up one morning and you know. Or maybe you are waiting the bus under the rain, totally pissed at the weather and the umbrella you do not have... and you know. It is just so very different from any other feeling ever, so you will recognize it.

Understanding yourself is a tricky process and so I wish you all the luck you need. Also, and maybe you are already doing it, you could seek some professional help (because of the trauma, not your sexuality -just be careful because not many professionals know about asexuality)

[poindexter]

Moved from Hot Box to Asexual Q&A

-poindexter

[Adogg]

You are correct in that it is not a mental illness. If you were asexual, you were born that way and unfortunately, the other stuff just happened.

[Schattenschatz]

I think the best thing you can do is not to worry so much about labels. Address your trauma over past events in whatever way you need to in order to heal, but don't worry so much about how it might be impacting your sexuality unless you feel unhappy with that aspect of your life. If your sexual development was impacted by those things, you will probably begin to realize that as you continue to work through your issues, and if that is the case it will likely become more obvious to you how you will want to progress from there. For now though, I would say that the best thing you can do is to take care of your mental health, and if you do then your sexual health will follow, whether that means realizing you are actually a traumatized sexual or becoming certain that you are a natural asexual.

[Member4445]

No but it can cause sex repulsion which isn't the same as asexuality but can occur with it.

I identified as asexual before my rape and became quasi-sex repulsed as a result of it.

[Guest]

The eternal debate. Is it all nature, or is there some nurture involved with orientations? Who knows? And does it really matter?

I was abused when I was 12, so there will certainly be people who argue it stunted my sexual growth. But, if it did, so what? Doesn't make how I feel any less valid if it did. I've moved on and healed as much as I can over what happened and I still don't want sex. So, it's not likely that anything is gonna change it, regardless of what may or may not have caused it. And I am not unhappy about this. I don't WANT to want sex. I see no reason to try to force something that I don't enjoy just to "fit in".

If you don't want sex and you are unhappy with that, feel free to explore therapy methods of overcoming traumas and see if they work. If you are happy with it though, just be you and be happy. And if you do end up exploring therapy and it doesn't work, some people just don't want sex. It's not a bad thing.

[Tarfeather]

Agree with Serran. Whatever the case, you're not suddenly going to start requiring sex on a regular basis to feel happy with yourself. So does it even matter?

[abacct]

I think sexual orientation and sexual attitudes are a mixture of biology and experiences. I don't think being sexually assaulted is what would make someone asexual, but definitely could have a large effect on how sex is viewed afterwards. I know because of some issues I have it makes it virtually impossible for me to ever get sexually intimate with someone, but I think my asexuality is more biological, although not completely.

[Laika]

I think that looking for answers to everything regarding sexuality can be running in circles and maybe looking past the bigger picture. People can identify as asexual for many reasons. They could have the view that they were always that way, that events in their past affected their psyche or view of the world or others and made them asexual, that they are asexual because of medical problems that affect their physical or mental nature, or that they are asexual now but that sexuality is not a "fixed" thing for them. I'm not sure any of this matters as far as inclusion under the asexual umbrella. To me, that someone identifies as asexual "now" matters more than how someone arrived at that idea.

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