Im not sure if i experience sexual attraction

[newbladers]

Based on this http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/116583-am-i-still-asexual/ .

So i feel weird because, most of my friends, attracted and talk about Boys, but im not. I feel weird because of that, because i have no desire or feelings having a boyfriend or getting married or find people hot sexually. If i like someone opposite gender, it because theyre fun to talk with or by their personality, and just want to become friends because i rarely have guy friends(squish). I also feel Aesthetic attraction, but it wont last long. I also dislike sexualized fictional characters too, both genders, its uncomfortable. I prefer them to wear long clothes, even if it was a guy.

Both my parents and my friends say its weird if when i said i dont want to get married, one of them virgin shamed me. I dont care, i dont want to get married, is my choice of life.

Im curious how other people feels like, after i knew asexuality. I realized most people think about sex all time, unlike me. When i found girl say this "Rape me!" I dont get it. And i dont get it why Sex is big deal too. I dont get why people like it. I personally think sex is gross too, maybe it because i dont want any or i need it for reproduction, idk.

So i want to know how its feels like being like that. But its uncomfortable to think like that. I pick one guy randomly to be one of my experiment on how people feel. After i discovered asexuality i started to think consiously (possibly libido that forced me to think like this) and forced guys i saw have sex, but not with me, other person. I think that one guy i experiment with, never attracted to him anyway, have sex with another person (incredibly uncomfortable too), but idk, i feel a bit curious about him because, i think its my libido that forced me (but not sure) to think him most of time. Just a bit, none of them are interest in sex, not interested in intimacy or touch, or making him my friend, or making him my boyfriend. but I still dont want to have sex with anyone even people i liked, i have no interest in sexual activity or even touching. Yep i dont want anyone fuck me, no interest to having intimacy with anyone.I just imagine how its feels like to be another person that interested in having sex. I feel i dont need sex in my life. like, why i would fuck one? im not even interested or attracted.

It is possible im gray ace? I dont know. im not sure if this sexual attraction because my libido forced me to think about sex, before i found out about asexuality, i dont have a libido, i dont think about sex, nor i attracted sexually. Its kinda not mything. I think im just curious, but not sure. I could change everytime

[boomerispiggi]

It sounds to me like you're asexual! But I can't decide that for you! :)

Just because you think about sex sometimes doesn't negate your (a)sexuality.

[newbladers]

Thank you :) im confuse on my sexuality. When i found asexuality it just fits me. But later im curious how most allosexual people think. I still dont get why sex is such a big thing, how its really appeal. Well... i still got problem, is it the libido that said to me "rape him" "i want to fuck him" (i dont think like this before i knew i was asexual) after i saw most sexual people think about a person, but actually i dont want to do it- it bug my mind. Sexual attraction confuses me...

I think i forced myself to experience Sexual attraction when im not.. I just realized this. I dont have urge to have sex with anyone. It just me forced to feel sexual attraction, when im not naturally attracted to anyone sexually(or maybe never). I'll probably forget this thoughts not even a month i guess.