Physical attraction vs Emotional

[outcastmm]

I've never been a sexual person. It took a very long time to have sex (only ever with one person) and I enjoy it but it's the connection that I like. The feeling is great but it's the connection with the other person that I really want. Am I asexual? I'm having a hard time fully understanding. I'm not turned on by physical appearance but I'm in a normal relationship and enjoy sex.

[Absol]

Hi outcastmm, welcome to AVEN! You could definitely be asexual, or possible grey-asexual or demisexual. An asexual doesn't feel sexual attraction at all, but may still have sex and enjoy it (it's the lack of sexual attraction that is key). Grey-asexuals are on the asexual spectrum, but may feel sexual attraction rarely or under specific circumstances. Demisexuals feel sexual attraction only after a strong emotional connection is established. It's ultimately up to you to decide where you fit in, and if you want to use any of these labels to describe yourself, but don't be afraid to go ahead and use one if you think it fits. :) And there's lots of information on the asexual FAQ on the home page, and all across these forums, so definitely take a look around and see. Good luck! :D

[Star Bit]

Asexuals can enjoy sex, and for different reasons. If you desire to have sex then there is the term Cupiosexual; finding no one sexually enticing but desiring sex for whatever reason. A connection is a common one.

Physical attraction can be intended and interpreted as three different attractions; aesthetic, sensual, and sexual. The sexual public uses this and coined it because they feel all of their attractions at once, as well as it being a basic emotion, which enforces them not seeing the point in separating them. (Much like the fact that the faint taste in water is caused by minerals in it and pure H2O is absolutely tasteless, as well as bad for you because it will absorb the minerals from what it touches, i.e. your mouth and ironically leaving your mouth dry--nifty fact, heh. Point is, no one bothers to look in depth at something thought to be basic.)

[WünderBâhr]

There is also the term demisexual, where sexual attraction occurs after an emotional bond or connection. I linked an article from the AVENWiki, which is a great resource to browse, by the way. We also have a forum titled The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions (formerly "The Gray Area"), which you might find useful and of some benefit if you feel Gray-A is more accurate.

A common misconception is that all asexuals dislike or are repulsed by sex. Even within the asexual community, there is debate about where the lines are. But sexuality is not just about sexual activity, or lack thereof. It gets a bit confusing, considering what romantic/sexual attraction is or isn't (there are many debates about the definitions, even on AVEN), but hopefully you'll be able to find answers to your questions.

Welcome to AVEN!

[Member54880]

It's possible that you could be asexual, if you've never felt the desire for partnered sex itself, or never felt sexually attracted to anyone. You could also look into the cupiosexual, gray-asexual, and demisexual labels. Whether you experience sexual attraction or not, isn't necessarily tied to your attitude towards sex; a large percentage of asexuals are repulsed by sex, but others are indifferent towards it, and others are favorable towards having it under some circumstances.

For example, if you don't desire sex at all, you might still want it because you want the connection with the other person. You want what sex could bring for you, not desire sex itself.