Sex is...

[Liriam]

I always always always had this idealized image of sex and how it seemed to fascinating and incredible and kind of a big deal. At least that's how media portrayed it I think. But then one day I wondered how sex works, how it really works and this is the only thing i thought: people covered in sweat, lacking air while they rub their genitals together for some minutes. This kind of make me feel less bitter bc intercourse and me = nope,but now i cant help but feel like i was lied and that i ruined many things, idk why i feel so meh about it now but that's how is it. My question is, how do other asexuals feel or see sex? i dont want to be the only one with such cold and awkward view of sex :/

[Autumn Season]

Isn't sex supposed to be awkward? Haha. But I get what you mean.

I don't really like watching porn, because it shows a behaviour that I cannot comprehend. What is so great about... and... and then... Sorry, if this was TMI. ;)

But for a long time I liked reading fanfictions and yaoi manga, where you couldn't see or couldn't see much of what was actually going on with their bodies. In the mangas it was (at least for me) all about the happy, excited faces, and the ffs described the enthusiastic feelings more than the actions. So the only reason I liked those, was because I liked seeing/ reading about happy people getting along and trusting each other.

... and thrusting into each other. *cough* Sorry, I've always wanted to make that joke.

I still think that sex for those who enjoy it, must feel very nice. In fact there are studies which say that the more you are turned on, the less you are disgusted by... anything, especially not by sexual actions. So everyone will feel more or less awkward during sex, depending on the level of arousal.

Feelings are subjective. It's OK not to find sex a beautiful thing, it's also OK to love it. Personally I don't mind either way, as long as people don't try to convince me of their opinion.

[Star Bit]

It differs by person; some asexuals are indifferent of sex, some enjoy it but don't personally desire it, some are averse to it, some are repulsed by it, some may have a differing opinion between how they feel about themselves having sex and how they feel about seeing others have sex, some even write sexual fanfictions. Some watch porn, some don't. Some masturbate, some don't.

[argar]

I think it's an interesting concept, but terrible in the actual execution.

Kind of like having the ability to fly.

I think the concept of it is great, but the reality could be crashing into things, or forgetting how to fly and plummeting to the ground.

I think because it is so idealized, it puts unreasonable pressure on everyone.

So no one really lives up to its ideal.

[butterflydreams]

...xes spelled backwards (sorry, I had to :lol:)

Nah, I don't think you're the only one with a cold/awkward view about sex. It's a thing. People sometimes do it. Not everyone does. It can mean whatever you want it to mean. For some people it means this, and for others it means that. You get to decide what meaning to ascribe to it in your life. Even if has no meaning to you, and isn't something you want to be involved in.

[SkyWorld]

How do asexuals feel? Well, I can't speak for everyone, but by my personal experience... I try to avoid it as much as I can. Whenever it juts pops out of nowhere I get the largest frown, shocked eyes, and I'd have to find where the heck did my jaw drop to this time! Yes, I am sex repulsed, but I'm not sex negative (or positive). I just say sex neutral. I don't really care what people do with their lives, they can do whatever they want. It's none of my business. That said, I don't want it to be my business! Meaning that I don't like to hear about people's detailed sex life and such. They can talk about it to other people if they want. That's alright by me! I just want to be left alone in my ignorance. To be honest, I don't really mind hearing about sex in general, it's the details that starts to make me feel ill. Whenever it just comes up or a friend tries to show me something completely unexpected, I basically scream, "Why. Why? WHY!? Would you show that to me!?" On the inside, which I keep to myself, basically I think, "Why do people do this!?" I literally start to feel sick and I want to vomit.

[Peachyy]

I'm indifferent, but positive. Short version: I'm laying in bed, its raining outside, and I have to decided whether or not to take out the trash: nah. Why would I? I could get a cold, the garbage smells--who cares if my roommate does it instead?

Its so idolized and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a teenager who constantly thought and worried about sex, viewing men as my potential partners whenever they smiled at me--but I grew up and it doesn't mean anything now that I have the freedom to come home after work and there's no mother asking me who I "like" and no incentive to go out looking for someone. If I want to crawl into bed (instead) and write up the next chapter of my fic, because it's so incredibly enjoyable , then I think it's only smart to assume that sex is not for me, and I'm clearly not bothered. You know, I'm finally cutting those ties (I didn't want to say umbilical chord because who likes to vomit? but) and I have the chance to... walk around nude, decorate my space, buy as many plants as I want, eat whatever I feel like eating... but I still don't want sex. With all this freedom, I always imagined ( as a teenager) that I would want it when I could bring them home to my home, but eh... no? And that's how i feel about it.

And a side note, I have no problems writing about sex or writing/reading sexual characters, or watching sex in a movie--I don't look at those characters as myself, I see them as separate people with a story that doesn't need to parallel my own life. Although, I'd rather read sex than watch it... ehew.

[Miss Wrong]

I haven't had sex but I'm not entirely opposed to it. Though I would never seek it out, I've had sexual-ish relationships with my boyfriends. I hate watching it though, it makes me very uncomfortable, like on TV or in movies. Or even in books. I would be fine never having sex ever, I don't think its the "be all end all" its made out to be.

[Theoryal]

I always wondered why everyone built it up so much. I imagined there must be this amazing emotional connection or something, though it never really made sense to me. In my personal experience actual sex is completely anti-climactic in comparison to all the hype, no magical emotional connection, no sensations of ecstasy, just yeah... sweat, body odor, gross body parts, and gross body fluids, and awkward uncomfortable sensations, and awkward uncomfortable positions, and boredom, and nothing exciting or fulfilling, and it all just leaves me internally screaming WHY?!?!?!?!?!? How can people Like this?!?!?!? I will never understand. The Idea of intimacy, of bonding, of being 'one' is great, but the actual physical actions of sex are just.... awkward. Apparently that's not how a lot of people experience it but... yeah... I will never understand it.

[dissolved]

I've never understood the hype and always maintained that sex is overrated, so I've ended up indifferent to it.

I don't think this is just an asexual thing though.

Possibly TMI for my example:

A guy in my flat a few years ago was pretty sexually "active", as in, he would have a one night stand at the absolute minimum of once a week. He said although he never got any complaints about his technique etc, he would often get annoyed that the girl would just "lay there" and do nothing. Seemingly indifferent.

People are weird.

[NobleHogknight]

I always always always had this idealized image of sex and how it seemed to fascinating and incredible and kind of a big deal. At least that's how media portrayed it I think. But then one day I wondered how sex works, how it really works and this is the only thing i thought: people covered in sweat, lacking air while they rub their genitals together for some minutes.

This.

I was always curious about sex, but thinking of it in detail just gives me similar strange feelings. Those movements, sounds, twisted faces, ugh... Apart from that I have no problems with watching "pure" sex scenes (no disgust but somehow a lack of understanding what it's all about). The awkwardness, however, comes then to my mind when the persons are in a romantic relationship or if I try to imagine myself in such a situation.

[Miss Wrong]

I always wondered why everyone built it up so much. I imagined there must be this amazing emotional connection or something, though it never really made sense to me. In my personal experience actual sex is completely anti-climactic in comparison to all the hype, no magical emotional connection, no sensations of ecstasy, just yeah... sweat, body odor, gross body parts, and gross body fluids, and awkward uncomfortable sensations, and awkward uncomfortable positions, and boredom, and nothing exciting or fulfilling, and it all just leaves me internally screaming WHY?!?!?!?!?!? How can people Like this?!?!?!? I will never understand. The Idea of intimacy, of bonding, of being 'one' is great, but the actual physical actions of sex are just.... awkward. Apparently that's not how a lot of people experience it but... yeah... I will never understand it.

In my limited sex-like stuff experience: its super awkward, its not magical at all, it doesn't make you feel any closer, but it DOES release a boatload of feel-good hormones if you do it right and those feel good. But pretty much nothing else about it does. Plus I feel like I gave into my animalistic side afterwards, I'm not a huge fan.

[Maelstrom_17]

How do asexuals feel? Well, I can't speak for everyone, but by my personal experience... I try to avoid it as much as I can. Whenever it juts pops out of nowhere I get the largest frown, shocked eyes, and I'd have to find where the heck did my jaw drop to this time! Yes, I am sex repulsed, but I'm not sex negative (or positive). I just say sex neutral. I don't really care what people do with their lives, they can do whatever they want. It's none of my business. That said, I don't want it to be my business! Meaning that I don't like to hear about people's detailed sex life and such. They can talk about it to other people if they want. That's alright by me! I just want to be left alone in my ignorance. To be honest, I don't really mind hearing about sex in general, it's the details that starts to make me feel ill. Whenever it just comes up or a friend tries to show me something completely unexpected, I basically scream, "Why. Why? WHY!? Would you show that to me!?" On the inside, which I keep to myself, basically I think, "Why do people do this!?" I literally start to feel sick and I want to vomit.

That's exactly how I feel when I watch music videos these days. I watch the videos and I am instantly grossed out about why anyone would want to do anything like that. Sometimes I try to watch rap music videos/twerking videos (I was curious about what that really meant, even though a friend told me it meant "shaking your butt". In my naivete, I thought it meant some 60's? style twisting or hula hooping or something of that sort) and I'm fascinated for like thirty seconds about how people can do such personal/intimate/exposing things in front of the whole world. Then I try to imitate (in private, of course!) whatever the hell they were doing and end up looking like a pretty convincing image of a three year old circus clown (since sometimes three-year olds do take off their clothes randomly, but it is out of curiosity, not hormones) instead of Beyonce or Lady Gaga

[Theoryal]

In my limited sex-like stuff experience: its super awkward, its not magical at all, it doesn't make you feel any closer, but it DOES release a boatload of feel-good hormones if you do it right and those feel good. But pretty much nothing else about it does. Plus I feel like I gave into my animalistic side afterwards, I'm not a huge fan.

Interesting, sex/orgasm doesn't seem to give me much of anything after. I don't get some kind of 'afterglow' effect, even when it's been as good as it gets for me.* Now.... cuddling without it becoming distracted by sexual things does make me feel a special bond, and gives me a boost of energy and positive outlook. I feel fantastic after a good cuddle, I feel bouncy, I feel secure and confident, I feel like my spirit is swelling up inside me and I could float away, that's lovely. And when someone traces their fingers lightly over my back or plays gently with my hair so I get delicious shivers washing over my body that is ecstasy, intensely wonderful, almost like... transcending beyond normal physical sensations to touch my spirit in a moment of rapturous beauty that I never want to end, and leaves me feeling inspired and relaxed - that is how amazing and beautiful I thought sex was supposed to be... but no, not for me anyway.

*(In fact sometimes it kind of does the opposite and seems to give me a shot of empty-gloomy emotions that aren't connected to any actual reasons that I can think of for feeling down, it really feels artificial. Like I could have had a good day, felt a good emotional connection with my husband all evening, the sex was actually not uncomfortable this time and I felt less bored than usual etc. etc. all the reasons stacking towards feeling good after.... and then the cloud descends and I spend a couple of hours staring morosely feeling un-peppy, un-motivated, un-creative, not seriously depressed but just like the world has been slightly desaturated for a bit. It's weird. I've read somewhere I can't remember that some sexual people experience this effect as well, though it's obviously not common in cases where there's no emotional reasons to be feeling bad about the interaction.)

[chair jockey]

Sex is idealized by popular culture because it's glorified by it, and it's glorified by it as purely a side-effect of the fact that sex sells products and is therefore heavily used in advertising. And advertising includes sex scenes in movies and sexual imagery and wording in song videos because those things help increase the paying market for the movie and song. It's not that any malicious person (much less any malicious "conspiracy" of people) said to themselves, 'Oh, let's give people the wrong idea about sex by idealizing it!" It's just that businesses want to make money and do certain things that make more money than would be made without them, and just totally by the way those things have a side-effect of idealizing sex. And the psychopathically irresponsible world of business doesn't care about the social or public impact of its pursuit of profit. I mean, fattening the bottom line is what it's all about even if it causes Armageddon.

But why does sexual content increase sales? Because sex is an instinct, and appeals to people's instincts are more effective in increasing sales than appeals to their reason. Appeals to instinct cause the appealed-to person to lose some control over what they do and to purchase the product in question involuntarily. This technique is used in appeals to various instincts. For example, right now there is a stampede by Canadian television advertisers to depict parents of small babies as well as pregnant women in stable marriages, because research shows that the people who have the money and interest to buy the products being advertised are in the young parent category, and grabbing them by their parental instinct makes them more likely to buy _in_voluntarily.

Have a nice day.

[plaidclash]

There are all kinds of people. Some asexuals even like sex. It all depends.

However I am not one of those people. Sex looks very animalistic to me, I see it in a very similar way that you do. I feel like there are other ways to portray or feel that ultimate bond with someone besides shoving your genitals into someone else's genitals... and I especially don't understand the concept behind oral sex :P

[Absol]

I've never tried it, and I DON'T want to. The way it is glorified in the media, I can think of it abstractly without too much issue, but as soon as I "remember" what it literally involves, my mind just goes NOPE!!! And if I have to think about it too hard, all I can come up with is EEEEEWWWWW, WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT?!

[The littlest Deer Rat]

It just seems so... filthy and inefficient...

I can't see a reason to do it outside not being able to afford artificial insemination. And I can connect with people just fine by talking to them. Then again, I do kinda live life in the fast lane. Not much time for slow, unnecessary stuff, gotta get stuff done. Go to work/school, do homework. No homework? PAINT, DRAW ANIMATE GO

[SirDork]

When I was younger, I considered it repugnant. Nowadays... no, wait, it's still basically that.

When I feel indifferent towards it, it seems pointless and simply like it wouldn't be enjoyable. When I'm disgusted by it, it's something otherworldly and revolting. There's not much of an inbetween for me.

I used to find it a sort of lowly, excessively-visceral kinda thing, something that drove people to killing themselves. Maybe I was just spiteful for being such a black sheep among so many kids who, whether they were sexually active or not, would not shut up about it. Now I just find it uninviting. Not something I hold any interest. And if one thing's for sure, it's that I've never been able to wrap my head around the concept or appeal of it. Go figure.

[- - -]

...reproduction. i was actually shocked and totally confused when i found out that people do it for fun/enjoyment. and i still dont understand it and never will...

[lsdraider]

I've tried it,never again. For the purpose of reproduction. Well...no thx.

[SMW22792]

How children are made!

[Tenara]

I don't have any extreme feelings about it one way or another.

I can fantasize about sex, and in my head it's great, but the reality doesn't come anywhere near matching up to my expectations. Everything I read suggests your body is supposed to react to touch, but I seem to have no special physical sensations "down there" at all. It's boring. (I also don't masturbate because it's boring and does nothing for me.) And, I suppose because I'm not feeling aroused, I feel uncomfortable about it, and just want it to end, which is why I have a history of faking orgasms - to end it as quickly as possible.

I have an idea that, maybe if I could get the "head stuff" right, then the physical stuff might work, but I don't know. It would have to be with the right partner, who is willing to take time to get the head stuff right and probably work quite hard at it with me, but I've never found anyone like that. Mostly, people just want to get on and "have sex" as if it's supposed to just be wonderful.

In my limited sex-like stuff experience: its super awkward, its not magical at all, it doesn't make you feel any closer, but it DOES release a boatload of feel-good hormones if you do it right and those feel good. But pretty much nothing else about it does. Plus I feel like I gave into my animalistic side afterwards, I'm not a huge fan.

There are loads of ways to release feel good hormones that seem to require a lot less effort. A 10 mile run, or cycling up a mountain, would qualify for me!

[Elluna Hellen]

I've never tried it, and I DON'T want to. The way it is glorified in the media, I can think of it abstractly without too much issue, but as soon as I "remember" what it literally involves, my mind just goes NOPE!!! And if I have to think about it too hard, all I can come up with is EEEEEWWWWW, WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT?!

Yup, pretty much this. 'Ewww, why would anyone do that? Gross!' is definitely my attitude too xD

[TheLycanthrope]

I've had sex reluctantly before because I wanted to rid myself of the virgin stigma and I had been taught, like most of us, that it is supposed to be this AMAZING thing.
It's awkward as fuck. It's weird, strange, and just exhausting. Masturbation is better imo. There are also a ton of "toys" on the market to make it even better.

[AwkwardlyInvisible]

Well, I certainly can't speak for anyone but myself.

When I was younger (11-13ish), I was extremely interested in it. Not for the act itself or anything to have to do with it really, but because it was new/unknown, all of my peers were talking about it, and it was a subject that my parents rarely spoke about and so therefore forbidden (at least in my mind). It was the idea that I was getting away with something and being "grown-up" and not anything to have to do with THAT itself.

Since then, it's become dull to me, excruciatingly so. I can't for the life of me understand why people would want to do it at all, much less on a regular basis. I say to each his own, though.