plaidclash Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I'm just gonna jump right in and tell you guys the main point of this post: I am still questioning my sexuality (or lack of sexuality). For months I've identified as ace (not demi/gray etc.). Just ace, and most likely homoromantic, although I'm definitely unsure about that as well. Anyway, for about a month or so now I've had a crush, or at least what I THINK is a crush. There's this girl in my class. She is gorgeous; I definitely feel the aesthetic attraction. I actually did fantasize about her, but more in a sensual way rather than sexual, I guess. Kinky stuff grosses me out, and I can never see myself giving or receiving oral sex (although I would be sort of ok with receiving it, but I'd never be able to do that for someone else, you know?), I can never picture penetration. I don't even think about (or see any point in) lingerie. So no, the act of sex itself sounds NOT good. But I still kind of felt aroused (I think... although I've never experienced arousal before so I don't really know). I basically fantasized about cuddling and was essentially "excited" by it. I didn't fantasize consciously either. I was literally half asleep, just kind of thinking about her as I drifted off. Is that super weird? Another thing I'm confused about is kissing, like making out. Would I do that? I don't know. It sounds pretty gross, sticking your tongue in someone's mouth and exchanging spit. But I almost desire a relationship like that. The idea of kissing doesn't sound bad, in fact it looks appealing, but when I actually think about the technical stuff, the physical part, I'm kind of turned-off by it. :/ So here are the main points: 1. I would be ok with receiving oral sex from someone else, however I would be grossed out doing it to another person. 2. I fantasize about "intimate cuddling". Maybe that's "SENSUAL attraction"? 3. I like the idea of kissing but when I think about the physical aspects (like tongue and saliva etc.) it sounds gross. WHAT IS THIS EVEN?1?!!1? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Maybe part lithromantic somehow or grey-ace. But the lingerie part is perfectly normal. My homosexual friend thinks it's just for women to please men so she would never wear them. I believe I have squished on friends sensually so that's also a possibility. Sorry I'm not much help. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
C-Lo Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I may be a guy and hetero-romantic but... I can basically relate to pretty much everything you've written here. It has indeed been confusing, especially since I only came across the term "asexuality" in the last year and realized I'm on the spectrum. So before this, I had no point of reference. Nothing. I just figured I was straight but numb and broken and weird. I am sorry if this doesn't quell any of your own confusion. I probably am weird for other reasons too. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
skyler-i-wish Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Sometimes its really hard to figure out your sexuality when there are so many different things that seem appealing, or at least to some degree. I was lucky enough to figure out my sexuality before realizing that there were other things like making out and cuddling that I still have no idea whether I'd be okay with or not. I guess my best advice would be to try and relax and don't think so hard about it and maybe you'll figure it out once you step back a little bit. I understand where you're coming from. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Uhm, IMO it doesn't sound like you are feeling sexual attraction. You felt excited when drifting off to sleep, right? Weird things happen in our dreams and the body acts differently from the daytime. It sounds as if you really like her and are sensually attracted to her but don't want to have sex with her. You might want to ask yourself if you would be completely happy, if she allowed you to do anything you wanted to do with and to her and then: What are those things you want to do? Make a list (in your mind or on a paper or wherever). Maybe it will help you figuring out your feelings. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
purplemutant Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 AVEN's "sexual attraction" definition of Asexuality can make things confusing sometimes. I was confused about my Asexuality until I started thinking about sexual orientation in terms of sexual desire rather than sexual attraction. I now use the following definition of Asexuality. An asexual is someone who does not experience an innate desire for sex with other people. Desire. Noun: "a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen." Synonyms: Urge, Craving, Yearning, Need. So ask your self this. Do you feel the need to have sex with other people? If you don't, then I would say you are Asexual. Keep in mind that wanting to have sex isn't the same as needing to have sex. In my case I would like to have sex again sometime. However I don't need to have sex. I can go for the rest of my life without having sex and not feel like I am missing out on anything. Thinking about Asexuality in those terms avoids the confusion of whether something is sexual attraction or sensual attraction. Things are so much simpler when orientations are about sexual desire rather than sexual attraction. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 1. Asexuals can enjoy sex and or have sex for a pertner; they just don't personally desire it. 2. Cuddling is just cuddling; sensual; the only thing sexual is sex (or sensual things specifically done for arousal, but its only sexual for that moment, or for that individual, but not in general). Just because something sensual can be sexually arousing, lead to sex, or happen during sex does not make it sexual. 3. There are different ways to kiss. Some ppl don't like french kissing, it's fine. There is chaste/peck on the lips or face kissing, extencive lip only kissing, french kissing, and body kissing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I don't know what to say. You don't seem weird to me. Not everyone likes the same things. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
plaidclash Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 I may be a guy and hetero-romantic but... I can basically relate to pretty much everything you've written here. It has indeed been confusing, especially since I only came across the term "asexuality" in the last year and realized I'm on the spectrum. So before this, I had no point of reference. Nothing. I just figured I was straight but numb and broken and weird. I am sorry if this doesn't quell any of your own confusion. I probably am weird for other reasons too. The fact that others feel like this too is enough for me to know that I'm not as screwed-up as I think. Thank you :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
plaidclash Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 Uhm, IMO it doesn't sound like you are feeling sexual attraction. You felt excited when drifting off to sleep, right? Weird things happen in our dreams and the body acts differently from the daytime. It sounds as if you really like her and are sensually attracted to her but don't want to have sex with her. You might want to ask yourself if you would be completely happy, if she allowed you to do anything you wanted to do with and to her and then: What are those things you want to do? Make a list (in your mind or on a paper or wherever). Maybe it will help you figuring out your feelings. That last part is actually a great part... And honestly, if she allowed me to do anything to her, I'd probably do nothing more than cuddle and maybe kiss. Thank you sooo much for your answer... that actually helps a ton! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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