Confused and looking for Advice/Support

[BlueNinja]

Greetings, people who are viewing this thread. I'm going to get right into it. I'm a female and am in my early twenties, but in appearance and personality I look more like a guy. Most of my clothes are mens and I have little to no interest in typically "female" activities. I don't know if that affects anything, maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. I don't know.

So, I'm wondering if I could be asexual. Unlike a lot of people I know, I've never had sex and I've never even considered it. I don't look at people and be attracted to them. There is someone I love, but I love her as a friend only, there is no "urges" there or anything like that. I don't feel that with anyone, and I've never once engaged in self pleasure, which, apparently, is weird. That's what I've always been told in the past, that I need to see a doctor because clearly something is wrong with me. People say there's something wrong with my hormones or something. I've had tests, and they come back normal so whatever is wrong with me, its not physical.

Because I do love my best female friend, for a while I wondered if I was guy, but as I said before, there's no sexual attraction there. She's just like an older sister to me, nothing more than that. I don't want to, nor have I ever wanted to, have sex with her or anyone else.

Whenever I try to talk to people about this, and if I ever say I love my friend, they look over the "non sexually" part and tell me I'm gay. It got to the point that I just started to believe it. I somehow managed to convince myself that I was gay, even though I have absolutely no desire to date or have sex with another woman. I think it was just easier, at the time, to believe that than think that something is missing from me, which is how I've felt for a long time. That there is something wrong, that something went wrong during development because its like I have nothing there sexually. It's blank. Everyone tells me its impossible so I begun to believe that.

But now I'm not so sure, which is why I'm posting. For advice, answers, support, anything. I don't know what I am, but I'm so sick of feeling like there's something wrong with me.

[Kisrah]

You do sound asexual. There's nothing wrong with you, and you've got the tests to back that up. Some people just don't have these feelings. Hey, there's a bunch of us right here! :)

Sexual and romantic attraction are two different things. You could have romantic feelings for someone without also being sexually attracted to them. You mentioned not wanting to date women. How about men? If you're not interested in either, you could be aromantic. Nothing wrong with that either.

Enjoy the relationships you have. It sounds like you've got good friends, so why worry about sexual or romantic relationships? :) If you have no desire for that, that's fine.

Ultimately, you're the only one who can decided your sexual identity. If asexuality feels right to you, then it's right.

[hbadger98]

Hi,

I personally don't feel sexual towards other people but I do feel romantic. What you described didn't really feel like either to me but that is actually fine. As long as you are happy, you don't even need to label yourself if that's something you're not clear about yet. If you ever do like someone, it's the feeling that makes that special not the label for it.

I wish you luck on your journey towards being comfortable with yourself whether that's choosing a label or deciding not to really have one. Peeps here I know will support you whatever because everyone's so nice... I hope you find happiness with yourself by calling yourself what you want, not what other people think.

Good luck,

Badger. (That's kinda the nickname I've been given lol.)

P.S. Support is here if you want it.

[ThaHoward]

Hi and welcome! It is many other females here on this site who feel more andrygynous (or how it is written), agendered or even like a man. So if you want to explore that aspect more, feel free to check out the gender forum. For your other concerns, yu sound like you may be experiencing platonic or romantic love. It can be difficult to udnerstand for most due to romance and sexuality being highley woven together, but it is possible to feel romantic attraction to some but not having sexual feelings. At the same time you can also love something in a friendship way, like with your very very best friend or family and so on.

[Absol]

Hi BlueNinja, it sounds like you could definitely be asexual, and there is nothing wrong with that! :D Obviously only you can make that decision for yourself, but loving women (in a friendly or romantic way) is not the same thing as being homosexual, so don't let others label you. Being asexual is a perfectly legitimate orientation, not a disorder or a developmental issue, so don't feel broken! So many asexuals are made to feel that way, and it's so wrong! *offers hugs if you like hugs* I too have had blood tests that have claimed my hormones are fine, so asexuality hasn't got anything to do with that. I hope you figure yourself out, just know that other people feel the same way and there's nothing wrong with it!

[Member54880]

It sounds like you could be asexual, but it's up to you to decide if you want to label yourself. Sorry to hear that the others you've told in-person haven't been supportive, and made you doubt yourself. I've been through something similar with unsupportive friends, who also tried to convince me that I'm something that I'm not; they tried to convince me I was straight and faking asexuality. There's nothing wrong with being asexual, and it doesn't mean that you're "broken". It's an orientation in its own right.

Sexual, romantic and platonic feelings are separate things, but a lot of people still don't know that. It sounds like you may have platonic (nonsexual, nonromantic) feelings towards your friend, but I understand how frustrating it is when others assume that it must be sexual, when it isn't.