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Confusion about one specific sexual outlet


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Masturbating.

Yup, what a glorious topic. Or at least, I've heard it is, but I don't know, because I'm almost 18 and I've never done it. I've never even desired to do it. I've had friends tell me all about it: what to expect, why it's nice, a step-by-step procedure. Sometimes I'd even think "huh, maybe I should get around to that so I can finally say I know the feeling". But then I realize that it's a stupid thought, because if I don't want to do it in the first place, I probably won't get to ever know that special feeling. Not that I'm so upset by that, to be honest.

Does never having the desire to masturbate make me asexual? The thing is, I'm constantly debating whether or not I'm graysexual or asexual, and then I realized I'm not even entirely sure what it means to be sexually attracted to something. So there I'd assume I'm flat out ace, because I feel like it should be an instinctive knowledge, but then again, I don't really know? I've always thought snuggling and kissing and such sounded okay. Sex kind of terrifies me.

But hey, to be frank, sometimes if I'm really in the mood, I feel something down there, but not to the point where I want to masturbate, but maybe sex...I don't really know though. I've never been in a relationship (there's never been much pressure to do so in my group of friends anyway) so maybe sex has just never seemed like it was an option anyway.

I guess my questions would really be:

1) A lot of asexuals masturbate, so does me not masturbating mean anything, or it is just a personal separate from my sexuality (or lack thereof)?

2) As stupid as this may sound...what exactly classifies as sexual attraction? Like where's the borderline between sensual attraction and sexual attraction, besides the obvious? Or is that just it? Maybe I'm bad at picking up on signs.

Thanks!

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I cannot answer question 2

As for question 1 masturbating has nothing to do with sexuality. it is related to libido, and whilst they may seem on the surface to be the same, they are not. As you correctly surmise there are Aces who do, and there are those who don't. The same applies to people who are sexual.

sexual attraction and sexual desire are different entities

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Does never having the desire to masturbate make me asexual?

Not really, no. Now if you say you didn't have any sort of sex drive whatsoever, I would have to say that would make you asexual by default. But I would think some people with a sex drive do not feel any compulsion toward masturbation either; it just wouldn't be their cup of tea.

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1) A lot of asexuals masturbate, so does me not masturbating mean anything, or it is just a personal separate from my sexuality (or lack thereof)?

Both. But self pleasure is not sex and while some asexuals may not have "enough libido" or desire for that sort of pleasure (some may talk about how to suppress their urges or work around them), that's like an accessory to your sexuality, but not your sexuality itself. As someone else mentioned about non-aces, even with a clear interest in sex, there are some who won't masturbate.

2) As stupid as this may sound...what exactly classifies as sexual attraction? Like where's the borderline between sensual attraction and sexual attraction, besides the obvious? Or is that just it? Maybe I'm bad at picking up on signs.

Copy-paste:

"The words sensual and sensuous are frequently used interchangeably to meangratifying the senses,’ especially in a sexual sense. Strictly speaking, this goes against a traditional distinction, by which sensuous is a more neutral term, meaningrelating to the senses rather than the intellect’ ( swimming is a beautiful, sensuous experience), while sensual relates to gratification of the senses, especially sexually ( a sensual massage)."

Sensual attraction is anything , theoretically, that pleases your senses--in a special way. The above definition says "especially in a sexual sense", but to an asexual, we relate to the first bit more than the second (for obvious reasons). It refers more to the interactions between people, like the example of a sensual massage; sensual cuddling, kissing, etc. and is defined by whether or not is done as an act of affection or sexual arousal. Again, there are non-sensual aces, and sensual-aces. Some of them might masturbate. All of them eat cake.

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  • 2 weeks later...

1) Personal choice for you, it has more to do with your body's need for an orgasm than need for sex with another person.

2) I think you get it. Sensual is things like kissing, snuggling, caressing etc. which don't necessarily have to include sex, which is its own thing (and pretty awkward and weird in my opinion). Sexual attraction...wanting to have sex with someone.

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