newbladers Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Im new to this community, and english isnt my native so i apologize for my english. i hope you can understand it Im female, 14 to 15 years old, and i never feel sexual attraction or romantic attraction. I feel natural being asexual. I'm negative about sex (but i still respect homosexuality or other sexualities) and only think its for reproduce only, this is might be the result of sexual abuse when i was 11, but i dont think since i saw some hentai pics im discust and it kinda remind me of sex abuse. But really, i never been sexually attracted to anyone. Im not interested having sex. Even before i was abused, i dont want to get married or kids, or even husband. i kinda, want to live alone till now. When i knew asexual was, it totally fits me. I dont find people hot/ sexy its kinda awkward, i usually attracted because of their personality and never want to be a boyfriend or sex. Im not interested having boyfriend too. Im enjoy watching cartoons and animes, i like the character personality and never had crush, just, i like it. Im also enjoy drawing but i never want to draw sex. It bothers me. Also sex scenes in movies doesnt appeal me. It kinda bothers me too, i mean, you dont need to earn alot money with sex. But then... i wanted to knew further about asexual, when i go to other website, i feel like, i pretend how its like to be sexual. like, i never actualy thought about sex before (i knew sex was, i joke about that alot but never attracted). when i saw "i never think about sex" and knew most sexual people think Sex all time, and want to sleep with other person. This kinda appeal me to have sexual fantasies because i only had one sex fantasy, and its not involve me either. And none of sexual fantasies have me in it. and i cannot sleep for 2 hours because of it, its only 2 days i have these fantasies and its really bothers me, i never be like this before, im crazy because of it. Im still disgust by sex, and i dont like when people take their clothes off in front of me or use no clothes. Imagine to be like normal people, i dont know where this came from, but i never want to be like this. now everytime i saw guy, nomatter how old it is, a voice inside my head said "i want to fuck him" and sexual fantasies without me in it, but i never want to do it, it doesnt feel real to me, its still disgust me and not interest to me at all. note, this happen for 2 days, i depressed because of it. I want to go back like i used to be. I dont want to pretend im sexual again. still, i have no interest in romance or sex. Well if im naturally asexual, can i change back? forgetting sexual fantasies and genitals. i still disgusted by it... i wanna go back normal... ah man. I feel im not me anymore after those thoughts. i want forget it. i dont want it... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stonehengegirl Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Hi. Your English is fine. I couldn't have expressed myself as well as you have in a different language. You're okay. Having sexual images or fantasies stuck in your mind doesn't mean that you are not asexual. That kind of thing can happen to anyone. You're young and your brain is still maturing. Don't become obsessed with it. Find something new to focus on. Learn something new. Read a book. Take a walk. Engage your mind in some other way. The images that are disturbing to you will fade. If you find that the images don't go away, you may want to find someone to talk to like a counselor, especially with your past history. Welcome to AVEN. I'm glad you found us. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
11Child Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Hi :) It doesn't sound to me like you really have fantasies, but more like you have obsessive thoughts. I mean at least that's how it is for me. I sometimes have obsessive thoughts about different things, and sometimes about sexual things as well, not because I would want those things, but because I feel like I have to think about them to make sure I really don't want to do anything sexual. And it feels like I am forced to think about them even though I really don't want to and it even makes me sick and really uncomfortable, but I feel like I need to be 100% sure that I really don't want anything like that. But after a while I always get over those thoughts and become more sure about what I really want and what I don't want. So I hope you will feel better soon as well. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
newbladers Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 Hi :) It doesn't sound to me like you really have fantasies, but more like you have obsessive thoughts. I mean at least that's how it is for me. I sometimes have obsessive thoughts about different things, and sometimes about sexual things as well, not because I would want those things, but because I feel like I have to think about them to make sure I really don't want to do anything sexual. And it feels like I am forced to think about them even though I really don't want to and it even makes me sick and really uncomfortable, but I feel like I need to be 100% sure that I really don't want anything like that. But after a while I always get over those thoughts and become more sure about what I really want and what I don't want. So I hope you will feel better soon as well. :) Wow.. i feel this. those toughts are kinda forced, But i never want it, im sure i never want it and its feels unreal. It just... off. I usually have obsessive toughts about others, but not sex. Such as cartoon conspiracy theories or fanfics,new chapters of comics, or planning buying a new pentablet. Hi. Your English is fine. I couldn't have expressed myself as well as you have in a different language. You're okay. Having sexual images or fantasies stuck in your mind doesn't mean that you are not asexual. That kind of thing can happen to anyone. You're young and your brain is still maturing. Don't become obsessed with it. Find something new to focus on. Learn something new. Read a book. Take a walk. Engage your mind in some other way. The images that are disturbing to you will fade. If you find that the images don't go away, you may want to find someone to talk to like a counselor, especially with your past history. Welcome to AVEN. I'm glad you found us. Thank you. Im trying to watch everything i like so i can forget it and come back usual. Its like how i forgot death toughts. I feel better, those images are fading away today. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
newbladers Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 Oh yeah.. I never feeling sexually attracted, never romantically too. But i have feel Squish (aromantic crush) both girls and boys. I feel i want to talk with her/him all day and be friends without making them my partner, or i never go that far to thinking sex. Its disgust me, really, never want to think "i'll fuck him all day" , i want to talk with them all day. For me i think sex itself is pointless if i dont want to reproduce. thinking about sex all day made me sick. I might be change to heterosexual but still, im not interest and want to skip the sex part. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Archon Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 You could think about sex for years and still be asexual, as long as you don't want to have sex with another person which you have stated that you don't. Those thoughts are just thoughts, and I agree that if you find other things to focus on the unwanted thoughts will fade away. I myself am a sexual assault survivor, so I just wanted to say you're not alone. It didn't cause my asexuality either, I've been this way forever. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
newbladers Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 I really thank everyone in here. I believe it'll fade away, not even a week i think. Sex, never excites me in fiction or movie, or arouse me to do it. Its not that fun for me as hang out with friends xD. Sharing with you guys make me feel better. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bettyjane007 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 It's completely fine to be having those thoughts: it's natural, and maybe it's obsessive thinking, like User 11child mentioned. Also, you can't really choose to be asexual or sexual....you just are what you are. Over time, your identity may change and you may become interested in sex, or maybe not. It's too early to determine that, especially at your age right now. But to try and pretend to be sexual will not make you happy, as you expressed, and it won't do anything good for you. Find something to distract yourself, sing to yourself, find something to do... and hopefully things get better :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
11Child Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I really thank everyone in here. I believe it'll fade away, not even a week i think. Sex, never excites me in fiction or movie, or arouse me to do it. Its not that fun for me as hang out with friends xD. Sharing with you guys make me feel better. I'm glad you are feeling better! :) Those obsessive thoughts can be very disturbing sometimes I know, but it helps if you remember that they are not really what they seem to be, I think those thoughts are more like your brain trying to make sense of the fears and bad feelings that you have, so they're not very logical but more like a weird scary dream. So it helps if you try to understand those fears and bad feelings that you have and also if you do things that really make you happy and find as many happy thoughts and feelings as you can. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
newbladers Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 I really thank everyone in here. I believe it'll fade away, not even a week i think. Sex, never excites me in fiction or movie, or arouse me to do it. Its not that fun for me as hang out with friends xD. Sharing with you guys make me feel better. I'm glad you are feeling better! :) Those obsessive thoughts can be very disturbing sometimes I know, but it helps if you remember that they are not really what they seem to be, I think those thoughts are more like your brain trying to make sense of the fears and bad feelings that you have, so they're not very logical but more like a weird scary dream. So it helps if you try to understand those fears and bad feelings that you have and also if you do things that really make you happy and find as many happy thoughts and feelings as you can. :) Thank you.. Well i had a dream i have to incest with my brother and i admit it was a nightmare... It's completely fine to be having those thoughts: it's natural, and maybe it's obsessive thinking, like User 11child mentioned. Also, you can't really choose to be asexual or sexual....you just are what you are. Over time, your identity may change and you may become interested in sex, or maybe not. It's too early to determine that, especially at your age right now. But to try and pretend to be sexual will not make you happy, as you expressed, and it won't do anything good for you. Find something to distract yourself, sing to yourself, find something to do... and hopefully things get better :) Thank you. But really, i have no interest in Sex. I keep telling my self that Sex isnt my thing. Or maybe it change xD who knows. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MiniChelonia Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Yeah, you clearly are asexual. welcome to the community :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
newbladers Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 Oh yeah.. when in my head it just say "I want to fuck some one" "i'll try to suck it" its literally jokes in my head. I never wanted it. I have to act naturally as i am not pretend to be like majority of people, like i used to.. Literally when im saying "you want to do [insert sexual activity]" "What do you want in a hotel?Ooh... I see.." " Literally im just joking but people near me thought I'm a pervert... like i f i had someone saying in my head "ill suck it" im just, "why would i do that? suck it? I dont even want to see it,it gave me creeps and im not even interested to do it, why would i want to do that?" And usually everything that seem sexual like in my mind "I want to fuck him", it was forced and in my mind i actually just want to know how it is feels like to have sexual attraction, but actually no urge for it. Never want that literally. Even if i have emotional bont with the guy i have squish with. this toughts gave me creeps... its horrible D: I have to act naturally i should be and i should forget it.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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