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Casual touching/nonsexual cuddling


MsGreen

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I was thinking of when one someone, like, hugs you, puts their hand on your back, arm around your shoulders. Might be a partner or not.

When is it to be concidered "sexual"?

Well pretty much any touching. For those of you who likes cuddling, when do you concider the cuddling to become too sexual?

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Sage Raven Domino

As long as genitals aren't touched (on purpose), it's non-sexual (at least formally). Those for whom sensuality is part of the sexual package, though (i.e. 'lay' people who're unaware of the distinctions between types of attractions), might find touching any erogenous area (such as female nipples) too intimate.

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I think that's such an individual thing, but I'd say that if it involves nudity or touching of genitalia I'd feel like it was sexual. Kissing as well would fit under that.

Though it does depend on context. If I knew the person was interested in me, I'd interpret their actions as sexual and feel really uncomfortable.

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@DiamondAce

What are the "different types of attraction"?

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binary suns

I tend to think that what makes something sexual or romantic depends on how it makes the people involved feel, rather than the actions themselves. but I do believe that these actions tend to be one or the other in nature, even tho it is the context that determines how they are.

(basically, sometimes a kiss is romantic, sometimes the same kiss could be sexual, and sometimes the same kiss could be neither. but generally, a kiss is considered romantic)

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When genitals and kissing and groping is involved :p Any if these of course. But keep in mind that I am no big hugger or cuddler.

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I don't consider cuddling sexual. I don't consider the act sexual until the genitals are purposely involved or there is nudity. I don't consider kissing to be sexual or romantic, but instead sensual. :mellow:

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Autumn Season

It also depends on the culture. In some countries you can kiss a relative on the lips and it's purely platonic, in other countries you only kiss your lover and that only in the bedroom.

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For me, it's all about the intention and the feelings of the people involved. I could be perfectly comfortable cuddling with someone (a close friend, not just some random person) that I know has no romantic feelings towards me, even if we were like in our underwear or something(who knows?), but then as soon as I suspect someone has romantic feelings towards me, I usually get freaked out and even something as simple as a hug can make me uncomfortable

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What about liking the idea of cuddling in your mind, but not in reality? When people hug me, my mind is like "make yourself as small as possible" and I tense up, though I usually will hug back. I also just avoid touching people if at all possible, I feel like I need to respect their personal bubble or something.

My best friend likes to lean on me sometimes. I don't really do anything then, I just let her.

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I was thinking of when one someone, like, hugs you, puts their hand on your back, arm around your shoulders. Might be a partner or not.

When is it to be concidered "sexual"?

Well pretty much any touching. For those of you who likes cuddling, when do you concider the cuddling to become too sexual?

For me it becomes too sexual when someone lets their hands wander. Hands on waist should stay on waist, not go to butt. No hands should be going to my boobs or between my legs, either. Otherwise, it depends on the person where is too far. A hug that lasts too long with a friend can be awkward. Hugs from people I don't know is just awkward to begin with.

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tumblr_m366elTLrw1qbtg0uo1_500.jpg

This is cool. I'm going to say no on sexual attraction, romantic attraction and crushes but yes to squishes, sensual attraction and aesthetic attraction. I think at least. They all kind of overlap in some ways so it can be hard. What about you?

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binary suns

I am demi sensual. This means that a close bond is necessary for me to feel physical atraction.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Kuromi Akumura

cuddling is not sexual unless it has sexual touching ( never been in anything sexual and is pretty naive so doesn't know any examples of escalations). Heck cuddling in underwear isn't sexual to me, probably because i don't see skin/body sexual only the genitalia is sexual to me.

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cuddling is not sexual unless it has sexual touching ( never been in anything sexual and is pretty naive so doesn't know any examples of escalations). Heck cuddling in underwear isn't sexual to me, probably because i don't see skin/body sexual only the genitalia is sexual to me.

I'll agree and one-up you here. I frankly don't even see nude cuddling to be sexual. It's only sexual when sexual intent enters the picture. Honestly, I love cuddling, nudity is comfortable and non-sexual to me, and if I ended up cuddling in that state with a romantic partner, I wouldn't find it sexual. In fact, the only time I've had cuddling take an unwelcome sexual turn is when I was fully clothed. *shrugs*

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Kuromi Akumura

cuddling is not sexual unless it has sexual touching ( never been in anything sexual and is pretty naive so doesn't know any examples of escalations). Heck cuddling in underwear isn't sexual to me, probably because i don't see skin/body sexual only the genitalia is sexual to me.

I'll agree and one-up you here. I frankly don't even see nude cuddling to be sexual. It's only sexual when sexual intent enters the picture. Honestly, I love cuddling, nudity is comfortable and non-sexual to me, and if I ended up cuddling in that state with a romantic partner, I wouldn't find it sexual. In fact, the only time I've had cuddling take an unwelcome sexual turn is when I was fully clothed. *shrugs*

exactly it is all about intent not action

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soMeRandoM670

It's not sexual till it's intended be sexual by other party.
I don't consider touching of most kinds be sexual. I have once enjoyed cuddling partially her naked & it was great.
I know that, most women nearly all consider nipples & breasts fondling be sexual contact. But It also way be sensual in my way.
It's experience I can say I guess.
It's sexual if she tries grab my genital, then it would become uncomfortable.

I wouldn't consider her being naked as something sexual. Unless she starts, anything do with her genitals.
Her breasts I enjoy regardless so, in any setting I just love breasts.

I would consider it uncomfortable me cuddling a woman naked, but other way around where I am clothed and she naked wouldn't bother me.

As someone said here, intent of what touching is not action.



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Well, regarding my my (90% sure to be ace) crush friend I mentioned on AVEN, I've hugged, cheek kissed and even had her to sleep on my shoulders during a class in the past (it was a mess to try to wake her up, but was funny), and I never considered this sexual (nor felt anything sexual regarding this)

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MissLunarWolf

I don't know if anyone mentioned "flirtatious touching", but that's a kind of touch that makes me a little uncomfortable. Maybe it's because there's an ulterior motive behind the touch, and I don't always notice flirting. It becomes "sexual" for me, when there's contact for more than a couple seconds, and even I notice something's up :P

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BerenErchamion

It's not sexual till it's intended be sexual by other party.

I disagree.

What matters is not what's intended but what's experienced.

One of the big hitches I run into in trying to communicate with my asexual partner about our differences in this regard is my desire to avoid making her feel like I'm trying to pressure her into doing something she doesn't want to do when I'm, for example, trying to open up a discussion about where the limits of what sort of physical intimacy she's comfortable with are. Or when I ask her to explain some element of her subjective experience of our relationship that I don't understand and want to, that she might interpret it not as a genuine request out of a wish to understand her better, but rather as a demand that she justify herself to me.

She doesn't have to justify herself to me, and I would never ask her a question of this sort with that in mind. I'd certainly never intend to pressure her into doing something she doesn't want to do. But my intentions are irrelevant--it's quite possible that she might feel pressured regardless of my intentions, and that is what matters.

Similarly, what matters is not if I intend something as a sexual act, but whether she interprets it as one. Both our limits are equally important--but if I'm initiating something, obviously it's within my limits so that question is moot, what matters now are her limits.

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Perhaps you have to look at intent, not just action, when defining something as sexual. If someone is doing something with the intent of getting themself or the other person aroused, then you could define it as sexual... Kissing for the sake of enjoying kissing as a way of connecting to each other, not necessarily sexual.

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It's not sexual till it's intended be sexual by other party.

I disagree.

What matters is not what's intended but what's experienced.

One of the big hitches I run into in trying to communicate with my asexual partner about our differences in this regard is my desire to avoid making her feel like I'm trying to pressure her into doing something she doesn't want to do when I'm, for example, trying to open up a discussion about where the limits of what sort of physical intimacy she's comfortable with are. Or when I ask her to explain some element of her subjective experience of our relationship that I don't understand and want to, that she might interpret it not as a genuine request out of a wish to understand her better, but rather as a demand that she justify herself to me.

She doesn't have to justify herself to me, and I would never ask her a question of this sort with that in mind. I'd certainly never intend to pressure her into doing something she doesn't want to do. But my intentions are irrelevant--it's quite possible that she might feel pressured regardless of my intentions, and that is what matters.

Similarly, what matters is not if I intend something as a sexual act, but whether she interprets it as one. Both our limits are equally important--but if I'm initiating something, obviously it's within my limits so that question is moot, what matters now are her limits.

Agree. My partner can say his hand down my pants/shirt "isn't sexual" til he's blue in the face, it's still going to FEEL sexual to me and so it's a no-go unless it's about sex.

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While the line of what is romantic throws me off, sensuality sort of encompasses physical touching with more on an intent of intimacy or arousal in my opinion/view. Sexual is when genitalia gets involved (again, my perspective).

Although i'm sort of figuring out that the platonic physicality like hugging and just in general being physically comfortable around someone in many regards is a situation I don't know how to express in a phrase, not sure what that would be.

Also those points about someone else's intent being a separate factor in the situation than another person's experience in the situation...it's so great to see those points expressed by someone else too. I have trouble explaining it to people sometimes and I totally agree. >_<

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I agree that it has to do both with intention and how it is experienced/perceived by the other person. Many things can be taken either way, and both people need to be on the same page as to what it means for it to be comfortable. Even with good intentions someone can still end up hurt, though I do think the intentions still count for something.

Personally I'm very affectionate and comfortable with a lot of touch and don't naturally think of it as sexual or arousing except for actually touching genitals or very close to them, and a few other stereotypical things like nipples or squeezing butts - but just casually happening to touch someone's boobs or butt doesn't register immediately as sexual. A friend could hug me from behind and hold my boobs and that wouldn't feel sexual to me, but repeatedly squeezing them or trying to tickle my nipples would. I can enjoy stroking someone's skin, running my fingers through their hair, holding them close to me heart-to-heart and stomach-to-stomach, cuddling with my head on their chest or in their lap, kissing someone's neck or cheek or nearly anywhere, massaging anything but genitals... I just love affectionately touching people!

I'm not entirely sure with kissing, there's such a strong idea culturally that it's romantic, and I love kissing my husband but it's not a sexual turn on for me, it's more like an even more intimate extension of cuddling - cuddling with your faces basically. Thus, if it weren't for the social ideas related to it, I can imagine being comfortable kissing certain friends on the mouth (I already have to fight back my impulses to kiss them everywhere else) - but I do have somewhat of a squeamishness about saliva and am not comfortable with cultural traditions of greeting all family members (or others) with kisses either on the lips or cheeks. Kissing is for people I hold dear and am comfortable sharing germs with, but it's not a sexual thing, and wouldn't necessarily have to be a romantic thing I think if there weren't strong cultural expectations of that.

And then there's a sort of sexual spark in people's eye that makes me uncomfortable even without them touching me.

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