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help im in a relationship with a hypersexual! (tmi)


Flightless.Fairy

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Flightless.Fairy

So I'm in my first true relationship but my bf is super hypersexual. He is all ways wanting to kiss and make out and is always talking about sex, we've only been together a few weeks and he is already becoming pushy about "it". I explained to him that I was asexual before he even asked me out, but he doesn't seem to realize what that meand. What do I do, I already like him a lot, but I can't deal with the fact that all he wants to do is make out or worse...and I'm kissing and sex repulsed. What do I do???! Please help...

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BaymaxCupcake

If he's pressuring you, break it off. He's obviously not respecting your boundaries or listening to you and that can only end badly. End it before it gets worse.

Take care of yourself! You are far more important than some boy who can't keep his hands to himself

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You sit with him for a talk and make sure he knows exactly what asexuality means, where your line passes, and that it's not going to change or bend. Be strict about it, or he'll keep pushing to change you.

And finally, no matter how much you love him- if you see that after such talk he still doesn't respect your sexuality, break up with him. There's no relationship without respect.

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Zephyr Aspara

Given how little the vast majority of people know about asexuality, he most likely has no clue. And plenty of very sexual people can start off being very timid and uncertain, leading more experienced people to believe that they only have to lead. So he may not be thinking he is pushing you, but rather bringing about your sexual initiation.

Of course you should be firm and clear. I am just saying it is sometimes hard to convey a concept for which there is no vocabulary in the common ken. You might want to send him to this site. People never hear things as clearly from their loved ones as from numerous strangers, especially when these are things they, in the depth of their unconscious, are most eager not to hear.

Best of luck to you. Be well and be yourself.

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Touchofinsight

Thanks for the help everyone, I'm going to talk to him today.

There is a difference between telling him what asexuality means and what the "consequences" of it are. In his head he can hear and understand your idea but still will want to have sex. You have to explain to him what that means in a SEXUAL context. The fact that you essentially don't want to have sex (I am assuming) with anyone and not just him.

What your boundaries are and how they aren't going to change. Basically you can't sugar coat it. You have to tell him calmly what your sex life and intimacy will look like and if that is non-existent then you need to say that.

I can say something like "I am asexual and I don't feel sexual attraction" but that doesn't mean someone who has never been asexual will understand all the implications of that. That doesn't mean that they will then drop all the assumptions and generalizations they have about sex and relationships.

Communicate in clear and simple terms. Remember this isn't just about you, its about him too and how it may affect him going forward.

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