heterosexual quitting all sexual pleasure

[ranch varment]

Hi, Im a software developer + artist, I thought maybe there were some others here, so I just say im one too.

Im putting this here, because im serious, but its only been 5 days since I last pleasured myself with pornography. Im putting it here, so if I go back against what I say, I am basicly just losing my own trust, (And I will write it here if I do go back on what I say.) Ill feel even more an idiot, so im going out on a limb even talking about this. (ill be insane with myself if I fail this time.)

Ive tried to do it many times, and failed every time, My best attempt was only 6 days... when I first started to quit when I was 23, I didnt last the day, but its been a long time with this ingrained hatred/vanity in me, which I finally want to make a non hypocritical reality of.

But why? Why do I put myself through this?

the divinyls lady said there was a fine line between pleasure and pain.

I found that I had pain involving myself sexually, and when I try to stop as well.

So I dont know which way to go, I think the easy option, is to just masterbate everyday, and just keep it continual like defacating, as a natural part of the body processes. But something is pulling me away from this, and Ive read up success stories in quitting masterbation, and it looks like its very damn possible, similar to quitting smoking, its hard and painful, and theres nothing to replace it exactly, but I think ill be proud of doing what I had planned, like finishing a piece of software, or doing the dishes, and cleaning your house.

Then I guess I can label myself an 'ex-sexual' and then continue with my programming, music + art, and enjoy my life as a thinker. And I must make sure its a positive thing! and I am not depriving myself of pleasure at all, when the world around me, is full of games to involve myself in, and I dont want to fish anymore, and Im going to only crap every second day, because I read somewhere that you dont have to crap every day either.

And all the punishment that drove me to do this, like feeling bad when seeing pornography or nakedness, I will not stop the rest of the world from doing it, because Ill consider it out of my control, and theres nothing I can do about it, because then im stopping someone elses interests. (besides its harmless.) So it makes this seem even more pointless to do, but I must do it. Im finding that caring about making little differences, is actually the sanest thing to do. Because you cant put all abotoirs out of business, or tell a shark not to kill little fishies, but you can stop yourself. Thats the main thing. And thats all that needs to happen, then youve made the little difference, you can only expect to make.

I recommend people voting, because it makes very little difference, and goes with my idea, that you cant stop hell, but you can make little differences around you, and its kinda like voting in a democratic system, it makes very little difference, but knowing that you can only make a little difference, its good to make that difference. (note that I dont vote, but in other ways I do, with my behaviour.)

[BusTotem]

That sounds like addiction, not an orientation, sorry. Nobody here can make anybody feel or not feel anything. You should try talking to a counselor instead of a bunch of people who pretty much can't even fathom what you're talking about. The people here don't HAVE any desire to do the things you are trying to avoid doing, if I understood you correctly.

[CosineTheCat]

Hello ranch varment,

It's nice to see that you've found AVEN, but from your story it sounds like you're trying to become a celibate which is different from asexuality. I'm saying this because you consider yourself heterosexual. I hope you're able to find answers you're seeking.

I don't know if you've read any other threads or not, but many asexuals still masturbate, although instead of doing so because they have to, they do so because it help alleviate stress or anxiety.

[Sally]

We're not ex-sexuals; we are asexuals, which is an orientation. Masturbation has nothing to do with orientation, one way or the other.

[binary suns]

Your working hard on a difficult journey. I wish you well as you try your best. It sounds like you are trying to find something that works for you, and hell I know,how hard that can be... even if I cannot relate to your precise experience, I know that it takes guts to do what you're doing.

There are other sexuals on this site, a few who abstain for the sake of their asexual partners, altho I assume they still masturbate.

Welcome to the forums, as tradition, regardless of orientation and backstory, I present you with

[Guest]

You should try talking to a counselor instead of a bunch of people who pretty much can't even fathom what you're talking about. The people here don't HAVE any desire to do the things you are trying to avoid doing, if I understood you correctly.

@ Bus Totem: Many asexuals experience arousal, many asexuals masturbate, many asexuals even have sex, being asexual isn't about having no arousal, about not masturbating, or necessarily even about not having sex (as lots of asexuals have sex for various reasons ie to please a sexual partner) lets get that clear.

Many of us are fully, fully aware of the things the OP is trying to give up, many (not all, but many) of us do those exact things (ie masturbate) often.

(Thankfully) not all of us feel as negatively about our body's natural functioning as the OP does. Yes of course there *are* people ashamed of masturbating here, but far fewer than those who see it as a perfectly normal, natural, and okay way to get rid of arousal or even to experience some pleasure depending on the person.

@ the OP: As others have said, this is not a site designed for "ex-sexuals" and it is not a site for people forcing themselves into total celibacy (with exception of some sexual partners here, some of whom choose celibacy for their asexual partner's benefit as opposed to making the personal choice to give up sexual pleasure for reasons of shame) and this is *certainly* not a site designed for sex-negativity or for the expression of strongly sex-negative opinions.

Most of us here fall on the Asexual spectrum, meaning we do not feel sexual attraction/generally do not view partnered sex as an integral part of our enjoyment in relationships with other people, regardless of the level of our libido, or whether or not we masturbate or experience arousal.

There are lots of celibacy groups on the Experience Project site, maybe you would be better off looking for like-minded people there or on sites like that one.

And remember masturbation is actually healthy if you are someone who experiences arousal (some people don't) as long as you aren't doing it so much that it is impeding on your ability to function in day to day life. Maybe you should talk to a councillor instead of turning to strangers in the internet, as it sounds like maybe you need some professional help in this situation.

[Steph Ace]

Moving this thread from Asexual Musings and Rantings to The Grey Area, Sex, And Related Discussions.

Steph
Asexual Musings and Rantings Moderator.

[Steph Ace]

Now, as a member. Pornography and masturbation addictions plague many people. You are welcomed here on AVEN with no doubt! However we lack the resources you may be looking for to break such an addiction.

Might I suggest this Subreddit I know of. Its called "NoFap". While it is an awkward and unappealing topic, I do know people in my social circles who have benefited from participating. (They also have excellent information on different medical issues regarding arousal which I was looking for once upon a time). Give it a look around, you may discover something new about yourself!

[ranch varment]

I cant see how one can masterbate and call himself asexual. Thats a highly sexual thing to do is it not?

[Annapox]

I cant see how one can masterbate and call himself asexual. Thats a highly sexual thing to do is it not?

Asexuality isn't a choice. It's an orientation.

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. You don't have to feel sexual attraction to feel arousal or to have a libido, and many aces have libidos and get aroused. One way to take care of those things is to masturbate, so many asexuals do. It has nothing to do with attraction.

[Guest]

I cant see how one can masterbate and call himself (female asexuals masturbate too!) asexual. Thats a highly sexual thing to do is it not?

Asexuality is about the lack of sexual attraction not a lack of hormones that cause arousal (though yes there are some non-libido asexuals) .. Sexual attraction is the desire for partnered sexual activity with someone else, it has nothing with whether or not you masturbate. There are many asexuals with high libidos who masturbate regularly, we just have no desire to have someone else help us relieve our libido. Most asexuals see masturbation more as a bodily function than a pleasure act, it's just something we need to do to get rid of arousal. Some enjoy it, some do it just to clear out the plumbing, some do it to relieve stress.. Some even fantasize or watch porn while we masturbate. Doesn't mean we aren't asexual. :)

[Sally]

Ranch, it might be helpful for you to look at the Front Page on AVEN. That will explain more about asexuality to you, so that you will understand it's not what you do, it's how you feel (or don't feel, in this case).

[Guest]

Ranch, it might be helpful for you to look at the Front Page on AVEN. That will explain more about asexuality to you, so that you will understand it's not what you do, it's how you feel (or don't feel, in this case).

AVEN Overview of Asexuality: http://www.asexuality.org/home/overview.html

AVEN Asexuality General FAQ: http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html

It can be a bit hard to locate if you don't know where you're looking, so there are a couple of links for you :)