AtHome Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Hello, Older Asexual. Not much Experience. Went on 3 dates with a person 10 years younger. I didn;t feel much for this person but wondered if that's because I am so shut down emotionally. On 3rd date forced myself to make out because felt like that was "the right thing to do". Now he wants to hang out more and has texted more but: a) i am worried that all he wants is sex b) I am worried that I am desperately trying to start something because I am very lonely and bored and he is an acceptable person by society's standards c) I am worried I am not good enough for him (I feel like a messed up F@$K and he seems* stable and normal) d) see "c" *** !! e) I am not a sexual person and I am really trying to force myself to be normal. In the end this could hurt both of us f) Maybe I am overthinking things and not relaxing and enjoying the moment?? g) We don't know each other that well. But I hate getting to know people because I don't like myself that much. I do just want to cuddle and hold someone g) Please help focus me - draw out my values. What should i do?? Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
DigitalBookDust Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I'll address your post, since you sound pretty desperate. And that sense of desperation is a good place to start: DON"T act out of desperation. Not a good thing to do, either for you or for this guy. Trying "desperately" to start something when you say you don't feel much for him and had to FORCE yourself to make out with him is asking for trouble. You're going to end up hurting him, yourself, or, more probably, the both of you. Faking things you don't feel just to be in a relationship makes the relationship inherently inauthentic, and eventually, the other person WILL cop to this. If you truly don't like yourself, you don't need to be seeking a relationship with someone else to fix this. You need to work on learning to accept who and what you are and how to better like, even love, yourself. You can't make friends or more when you have nothing to give. I'd recommend not seeing anyone for awhile and finding a good therapist to help you deal with your feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 My advice would be sit down and think what you really want out of this. Do you like him, or are you just lonely? If you like him, you should probably have the "I am not a sexual person" discussion. It's best to be honest early in and you've had 3 dates, so sex is probably going to come up sometime soon. Before too much time / emotion is invested, he should know this isn't going to be a "normal" relationship, but a mixed orientation one. I would not date him just because you think you should date though. Only keep going if you WANT to be with him and get to know him better. Else, break it off. A relationship just for a relationship's sake isn't going to end up being very happy in the end. You need someone compatible that you enjoy spending time with. As for getting to know people ... sounds like you have some confidence issues. But, there is someone that can be compatible with everyone (I don't say "someone for everyone" cause really... I don't believe in that one stuff). There are a lot of people in the world. But, if you really want to change things about yourself before being comfortable dating, perhaps you should spend some time focusing on YOU before you focus on trying to get into a relationship. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Cheerful Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Hi there. Older Asexual here, too. Do not get involved with anyone out of boredom and loneliness, and certainly don't have sex because it's what's expected. Always go with your gut instincts, and yours is telling you something or you wouldn't be asking about this. The cure for what ails you is to take a class. There's community centers, night courses at the high school maybe, or nearby college. Churches have groups, too. You'll meet people who share your interests there and can develop friendships or more from there. Take a step back and evaluate this situation before you jump into something you know you don't want. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
AtHome Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 Everyone.. Thank you so much for responding. Getting something down in black and white is a big help. I appreciate your help. Especially since most of the posts are saying similar things, in various ways of diplomacy and tact . It is very difficult to focus on me and my wants.. I was thinking about this today though, before I read these posts. Like I want to learn to take of myself better with say better meals or / and walking. I could join meetup groups emphasizing these things maybe and meet people there... Thank you all for taking the time to read my inner self and give your advice, thought and care! Link to post Share on other sites
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