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Clarification for my understanding


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I have recently been researching the different aspects of sexuality. I think I fall into the category of being asexual but have two questions of what that really means. (If this becomes TMI I apologize, I just want to give examples in the hope of understanding myself.

Can Asexuals or "aces" have a very strong sexual desire (drive) but no desire to have sex with another person? - I have a strong drive and have been with others in the past but prefer to masturbate rather than have sex with someone.

Do asexuals want intimacy? - I enjoy kissing, making out and the physical closeness (even nudity) when in a relationship but I always feel like I'm a tease when I don't want to cross the line into sex (penetration).

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SecretLibrary

From what I've learned here in the past few months, both those things are fairly common. The first has its own name, and the second comes from the distinction between romantic intimacy and sexual intimacy. Check out the FAQ, I found it quite helpful: http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html

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Asexuals can have a libido (ofc) and a lot of asexuals masturbate.

Touch such as kisses, hugs and cuddles are sensual and not really sexual. Some asexuals like it (or some of it) and some don't.

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A body will respond to stimulus and some healthy bodies have high libido, some don't. Whether or not someone wants to act a certain way concerning their body is up to them.Sexual attraction is being "turned on" by a specific person, and libido is your body building up its own need for relief. Some asexuals are comfortable expressing themselves and some are happy to leave their body alone. Like The Awesome One said, some asexuals will masturbate--that's not sex, depending on who you ask of course.

Unless someone is also on the aromantic or "a-sensual" spectrum, there's no reason for an asexual not to be intimate with someone in other special ways. I think the only cause for notice is maybe that a lot of intimacy (hugging, cuddling, kissing, etc.) is often treated as foreplay and that other person would have to understand that there could be no expectations for anything more.

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By sex-drive i assume you mean masturbation-drive. Then yes; masturbatory habits do not reflect ones orientation; no matter how high or what it's to.

Or do you mean sexual arousal and desire for sex with someone but not in real life; reacting indifferently or negatively to its irl reciprocation. Then that would be Lithsexual.

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Will contain some TMI

I am asexual. I have a very high libido, meaning I get hormonally aroused often and need to masturbate to get rid of it as for me arousal doesn't go anywhere on it's own without help from me. I have no desire to have partnered sex to relieve my arousal though.

I do find others attractive and sensually appealing, including when they are naked, I just have no desire to actually have sex with them. That's the difference between aesthetic and sensual attraction, and sexual attraction. Aesthetic and sensual attraction are finding another person attractive, hot, sexy etc.. some asexuals have this, some don't. Sexual attraction is wanting to connect with another person on a sexual level for your own and/or mutual sexual pleasure, to express your sexuality with them for sexual enjoyment (as opposed to just giving them sex because you know it will make them happy, having sex to make a baby, having sex to fit in etc). AVEN defines sexual attraction as "the desire for partnered sexual contact with someone else, to share our sexuality with them" and I agree with that, though I personally dislike the term sexual attraction as it is so open to misinterpretation and confusion.

I love sensual intimacy.. French kissing, touch, massage, bathing together .. everything. I just don't enjoy actual sex.

Now, the only thing is, I saw you say you don't want to cross the line into sex then said in brackets (penetration) .. I just have to point out that sex is more than penetration (because obviously homosexual women have sex too and don't always include penetration) .. Sex is, in my opinion, any partnered genital stimulation with the goal of experiencing sexual pleasure and release.. ie oral, fingering, using toys, penis in vagina etc etc.

Some straight women are penetration averse, which means they strongly dislike penetration but enjoy other sexual things being done to them for them to experience sexual pleasure from their partner. Just because they dislike penetration that doesn't make them asexual if they still desire partnered sex with other people and actively seek that out for their own sexual enjoyment.. they would just be a penetration averse heterosexual woman. I just had to clarify that one point, but as you said you don't desire sex anyway, just intimacy and cuddles etc, you could easily fall at the asexuality end of the spectrum.

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SlightlyOffKilter

I can affirm that, as the others have said, that aces can indeed have a libido (get aroused), can masturbate, and even enjoy sex. Asexuals who identify as romantic often do enjoy intimacy. How much intimacy depends on the individual. The big thing about being ace is that we lack sexual attraction. Since you're questioning and looking for information, I recommend looking at this site. I was on an asexual awareness blog earlier and checked it out- very informational! Hope this helps. :)

http://www.whatisasexuality.com/am-i-ace/

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