A Question of Gender Identity

[stayhappythere]

For as long as I can recall, I have seen myself as a cis female. My biological sex and my gender identity matched up. All was well with the world of easily passing as a cis female.

However, for a while now, being complimented felt weird. People saying things like: 'You're such a beautiful girl' or 'You're so pretty' would make me feel uncomfortable. It still does.

I chalked it up to an aversion to compliments, but then I soon realized that the only compliments that made me feel like that were ones that dealt with mentioning my femininity and what made me pass as female.

It was also then that I started to prefer wearing gender neutral clothing as opposed to clothing that affirmed my status as a woman. Unfortunately, the majority of my wardrobe is made up of predominantly female clothing so finding clothing that didn't scream 'woman!' was very hard.

To be clear, this is not a case of me not wanting to be female, or wanting to transition into being male. To me, it feels like I'm 50-60% female and the rest of me is another neutral/non-binary gender.

This makes me struggle a lot as I have always been sure of who I was as a person, and everything that I have ever had to face didn't bother me for long. I easily figured out my sexual identity, I'm assured in my faith and beliefs, yet discovering that the gender that I passed as for 17 years is not actually what I am is somewhat frightening.

I discovered the term 'demigender' and its definition was 'someone who partially associates with a certain gender.' It fits, I suppose, but I'm not sure.

Are there any other terms that would fit?

Thanks :P

[Sundance_]

Hey, thanks for sharing this. I have struggled a little with gender, too. Currently going with "bigender" and it's my favorite so far. I just recently gave it consideration for the first time (I'd been going with androgynous/non-binary/genderqueer, but none of those felt right). It took me a few years to find a term I was comfortable with.

I really relate to what you said here:

However, for a while now, being complimented felt weird. People saying things like: 'You're such a beautiful girl' or 'You're so pretty' would make me feel uncomfortable. It still does.

I chalked it up to an aversion to compliments, but then I soon realized that the only compliments that made me feel like that were ones that dealt with mentioning my femininity and what made me pass as female.

I had a similar problem. I was good at "female" and people complimented me for it, but somehow it was irksome. I didn't mind too much when people grouped me with females, but it was annoying that it seemed to exclude me from the males. I really feel a bit more male than female, but . . . I dunno. It doesn't feel like a huge deal to me. I don't have a lot of gender dysphoria, just a little. I would never group myself in with truly transgender folks; I feel like they have many more difficulties than I do.

It's also impossible for me to erase my female experience. Of course I relate to women, I've lived as one. I also don't think I fully understand the challenges of male experiences.

One thing that is heartening is that the people closest to me seem to treat me as more masculine. It's wonderful that some of my family and friends have done this naturally without me having to explain much.

In terms of clothing, I switch between masculine and feminine depending on my mood. I also wear a lot of gender neutral clothing. I've considered going more masculine, cutting off all my hair or something, but it would be annoying not to be able to switch back, so I'm currently experimenting with longer hairstyles that can do male/female somewhat smoothly. It's an evolving process, but identifying as bigender has been making it smoother. I feel like I understand what I need to do better; I need to be able to do both feminine and masculine.

So, I guess I'm probably not saying anything helpful, but I wish you all the best in your journey. I do recommend trying out several labels. Don't fret about evolving your gender identity.

[Star Bit]

There is Demigirl-- i saw a different definition for it lately, so i just suggest looking it up.

[DigitalBookDust]

Hello there. I spent most of my youth as a tomboy. I NEVER wore a dress. I grew up fairly solitary and bookish. I had a few friends but didn't do the traditional girly things. When I got into college, I continued to dress very severely, wore my hair very short, and generally confused people. I wasn't confused; rather, I saw it as a mission to rebel against gender assumptions. I continue to do so. I like the term "androgyne" for myself. I will occasionally use "genderqueer".

In terms of clothing, I generally dress for comfort: slouchy chinos; menswear trousers; t-shirts; Docs or Keens. My hair is really short and often blue. I wear blue-tinted specs. Sometimes I dress in male steampunk clothing (love the 1800s). Now that I'm older, most people realize I'm a bio-female, but when I was just a few years younger, I was still getting mistaken for a teen boy!

Find what fits for you. But don't compromise yourself! You're young, but stand up for what you believe and stand up for your right to be YOU. And only YOU can say who and what that is!

[Syrellx]

I could relate to parts of your story, as the "compliments" about my femininity/beauty were when I felt the icky feelings so strongly. I'm just figuring everything out now too, and for me, I think I'm liking the terms non-binary as well as agendered. Though, truthfully, I think I just fit somewhere in the middle of the gender binary. I have aspects of myself that are more female-like and other aspects that are more male-like. Biologically, I am female, but never felt strongly attached to it. Neither do I feel strongly attached to a male identity. That said, I AM interested in transitioning to a more gender neutral state. I just haven't yet figured out what and all that will entail.

My recommendation would be to just play with it a bit. Maybe try wearing more genderless/unisex clothing and see how you feel. It can be a bit scary at first, but just listen to yourself and follow where your heart is telling you to go. You're not alone!