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Steph Ace

Asexual Men Musings

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RobPal

I have a pretty strong bladder too and it always surprises me when others have to go so often, particularly men. For some reason I have always associated a small bladder with being a woman.

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Sleighcaptain

It depends how much you drink and what you drink. Caffeine is a diuretic for example, and I believe alcohol is as well. If you get dehydrated then the need to go is also reduced.

Also remember that the products being stored are waste, rubbish, and sometimes harmful to the body. Voiding them at regular intervals helps to reduce the risk of damaging health conditions in private areas.

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RoninA

I have a pretty strong bladder too and it always surprises me when others have to go so often, particularly men. For some reason I have always associated a small bladder with being a woman.

I don't know how old you are, but wait until you're my age... ;) I believe the bladder loses elasticity, prostate enlargement - all those things can have you up a couple of times a night as you get older...

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CharlieBoy

Anyone else feel a lot more comfortable around girls than other guys? I've noticed this a lot with myself and was wondering if it was just me or if it was an asexual thing

Me too. While my two very best friends are males nearly everyone else I mix with are female. I'm more relaxed with platonic women as friends and I'm not as confused with them as I am with male company.

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marki

Nope.....I am really bored around girls and I find them hard to relate to.

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RobPal

I have a pretty strong bladder too and it always surprises me when others have to go so often, particularly men. For some reason I have always associated a small bladder with being a woman.

I don't know how old you are, but wait until you're my age... ;) I believe the bladder loses elasticity, prostate enlargement - all those things can have you up a couple of times a night as you get older...

I'm 36, how long have I got until my bladder starts to lose it's "elasticity"?

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Nevyn

I have a pretty strong bladder too and it always surprises me when others have to go so often, particularly men. For some reason I have always associated a small bladder with being a woman.

I don't know how old you are, but wait until you're my age... ;) I believe the bladder loses elasticity, prostate enlargement - all those things can have you up a couple of times a night as you get older...

I'm 36, how long have I got until my bladder starts to lose it's "elasticity"?

Any day now. :wacko:

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Steph Ace

I have a pretty strong bladder too and it always surprises me when others have to go so often, particularly men. For some reason I have always associated a small bladder with being a woman.

I don't know how old you are, but wait until you're my age... ;) I believe the bladder loses elasticity, prostate enlargement - all those things can have you up a couple of times a night as you get older...

I'm 36, how long have I got until my bladder starts to lose it's "elasticity"?

Any day now. :wacko:

Okay! Definitely made me crack up laughing! :lol:

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Nevyn

I'm 36 too and I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee. :P

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divided_sky

Anyone else feel a lot more comfortable around girls than other guys? I've noticed this a lot with myself and was wondering if it was just me or if it was an asexual thing

Me too. While my two very best friends are males nearly everyone else I mix with are female. I'm more relaxed with platonic women as friends and I'm not as confused with them as I am with male company.

I pretty much only associate with women. Seems to happen naturally, I don't intentionally avoid males. I just find myself getting along with women much better usually.

As for the bladder talk, I can drink so much and have no issues all day long... until night, where I will then be up 3 times paying the price, apparently. Add that to my already insomniac self, and I find myself with many sleepless nights. I'm always mystified (and of COURSE, it's women :p) having to use the bathroom multiple times without drinking a drop of fluid between each visit. You need to have a serious sit down and chat with your bladder and work things out. I also do have a bit of a phobia of public bathrooms, so over the years, I've apparently trained myself to not need to use them. Unless I absolutely must, I will avoid them at all costs. I can't pee when other people are around me, and I feel like I've basically just rolled along the floor in there as soon as I enter, blegh. Even the cleanest, most well maintained bathroom will leave me feeling like I need a shower.

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Rwkropf

I find it strange how a lot of talks I have seen about male experiences turn into something completely random, in this case... Bladder control. :wacko:

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Sleighcaptain

I know, it takes the p***. ROFL

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RHD95

About the question of being more comfortable with a certain gender, It's relative for me since I'm heavily introverted and associate myself with very few people, but as far as my experience goes, I can't stand stereotypically "macho" men, either in real life or as fictional characters, their attitude in general just pisses me off and make me feel uncomfortable. I've never been able to "connect" with them, I get along the best with guys who don't fit that mold and share similar interests. With females, I used to not really know how to deal with them since I didn't have much female friends or acquaintances growing up (barely shared interests and hobbies), but as years go by I'm getting along better and becoming more comfortable around them.

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b_oat

Anyone else feel a lot more comfortable around girls than other guys? I've noticed this a lot with myself and was wondering if it was just me or if it was an asexual thing

Yeah, pretty much. It just seems that women are much "warmer" (emotionally) than men and it's way easier to talk to women about things than it is to talk with men.

I'm definitely more comfortable around women than men. Just about all of my closest friends are women. Men seem so damn earnest yet incurious about everything.

I get the feeling that I have a sort of subconscious acquired misandry; I kinda avoid interacting with men, just because of how creepy some of them can be. Older guys who are strangers remarking to me out of the blue how cute a girl across the room is, with the unspoken expectation that I would respond. Younger guys telling me about "nailing" an attractive girl as though expecting me to be enthusiastically approving. Then obviously, family and friends asking about girls in my life, who I'm dating, when I'll give them great-grandchildren or whatever (and with that last, I've never had a female relative or friend mention that, ever).

I don't know what to think. It's confusing. Why is it so hard for these guys to understand that I don't care, and yet the women in my life are perfectly accepting of the idea that I don't look at them as a potential sexual interest, or through the eyes of a predator? Of course there are heavily-ingrained societal reasons built over the course of human history and all that, but that doesn't make it that much less confusing to me. It's 2015. Why?

I tend to not like these "intrusive/invasive/assertive" men. Even though they're just being friendly I guess.. but if you meet somebody for the first time and he's already like "What's up. Hey I'm going to this bar tomorrow"-style I'm automatically going on distance.

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divided_sky

I find it strange how a lot of talks I have seen about male experiences turn into something completely random, in this case... Bladder control. :wacko:

Well it's either that or erection talk... Take your pick :p

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Steph Ace

I find it strange how a lot of talks I have seen about male experiences turn into something completely random, in this case... Bladder control. :wacko:

Well it's either that or erection talk... Take your pick :P

Don't give them ideas >.> I think awkward moments has a place for this!

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Rwkropf

I find it strange how a lot of talks I have seen about male experiences turn into something completely random, in this case... Bladder control. :wacko:

Well it's either that or erection talk... Take your pick :P

That does seem common. Sometimes I wish for a good conversation on life perspectives and all I get is one of those 2 topics. -.-

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Hobbes!

Well, I would talk about my experiences of trying to date as a male asexual, but considering that those have remained as dismal as when I thought I was straight ...

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marki

I have an impossible time trying to talk to girls, I just can't figure them out. And when I do find girls to talk to I loose interest in them so quickly that it makes it not worthwhile to approach them.

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Gradient

I fit in with my ultra-nerd male friends pretty well. They're usually not upfront about their sexuality to begin with (and when they are, it's usually played for laughs). Sometimes I struggle to relate with women (party due to awful past experiences), but I've made some progress on that front lately. The only girl (and human being, for that matter) who ever "got" me, so to speak, is off at college, and I'm just barely getting by in retail hell.

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tarutaru

I fit in with my ultra-nerd male friends pretty well. They're usually not upfront about their sexuality to begin with (and when they are, it's usually played for laughs). Sometimes I struggle to relate with women (party due to awful past experiences), but I've made some progress on that front lately. The only girl (and human being, for that matter) who ever "got" me, so to speak, is off at college, and I'm just barely getting by in retail hell.

Haha, I'm retail as well. Good times.

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divided_sky

Yup, same here. It's at least a good chance to meet and interact with people though, it has helped my confidence out tremendously being able/forced to talk to strangers, and I do so much better when a girl my age comes by, I can interact and smile and joke around, whereas normally I would avoid eye contact and be very anxious until she left. The girl I'm crushing on right now I met at work, she's... adorable, haha. Trying to find time to hang out with her. From going through high school with no friends and being unable to talk to women, to now being very comfortable with them and having almost only female friends/acquaintances, I've made a lot of progress. None of that has translated into the dating world, however. But, hopefully I can change that

Women are so much easier to talk with. I can be open about my feelings and thoughts about anything, and they will talk to me and don't act weird or put off by me talking about asexuality or my dating frustrations. If I talk to a guy about my frustrations with being unable to meet women, he'll want to take me out to a bar and get me laid, which isn't at all what I want to do. Plus, women are usually interested in introducing me to their friends, so even more chance to meet people and make new friends.

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Axestopper Pete

I don't even know how dating starts XP

It's probably not helped by the fact that I'm terrible at socialising and making friends in general, especially with women. I strongly get the impression most think I'm a creep.

On the other hand, I'm really not that fussed about making friends or getting a girlfriend either - such would be nice, but they're more like an added bonus on top of other things. So long as I'm emotionally stable, anyway, and for the last few years I've kept that up pretty well.

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Blakrana

"My view on females is this. Nicely attired and presented they are eye-catching. In a bikini they are so-so. Naked, they are a threat."

Agreed.

Something that I've run into involves the fact that asexuals can still find things anasthetic....acetonic....aesthetifc. whatever you know the word--pleasing, mainly people. I bring it up because some people who know that I consider myself asexual assumed that I was literally all about the personality in terms of dating. This was implied with "More hot ones for us" as a remark from one of them. Another had said that if I was asexual, why do I seem to take all the pretty ones for myself?

I just found these encounters strange yet somehow funny (can one find amusement and insult from the same comment at the same time?), and thought I'd share them.

Way I've come to understand things is that there's a disconnect going on for people; aesthetic becomes sexual a lot of the time, from what I understand of other people talking about things. When people get on about the whole 'so hot' and then the language spirals into some tedious sexual fantasy made public...I just find it rather boring. Fine for those who like it but...really, I'd just rather talk with them as a person.

I do, however uncomfortable I feel about it, have aesthetic preferences that base where I pay attention. Thing is, I figure I only feel uncomfortable about it simply because it feels like I'm inadvertently objectifying women based on a simple 'I like girls that look this way' that I can't reduce to being an intellectual 'choice'. It just 'is' and I can't help but feel irritatingly shallow for having that aspect.

It's a tricky thing, I guess.

As for the whole conversational matter, I do find myself preferring and generally getting on better with women than men. Can't say why, but I guess the general ability to be open emotionally and not be judged for my relationship status over much is useful. Random hugs from close female friends are also rather nice, admittedly. It's just...not comfortable or ok when a guy tries to hug me or what have you. Handshake, pat on the shoulder, best I can do and that's if you're permitted. I don't like being touched if I can avoid it.

Still, end of the day, some of the closest friends I've had and have have always been girls. The few male friends I have are quite the exception to the rule as standard.

Especially when you're working with them and they're insisting on trying to get you hooked up with someone or on Tinder, or whatever it's called. Lord above that was uncomfortable. But this was admittedly just another factor that made me start considering why I had such issues, beyond just pragmatic reasons of cash and availability.

Apologies for going on.

In short, to be Asexual does not mean to lack any Aesthetic preferences. I guess it just boils down to how we...enjoy the individual involved within those aesthetic values, is ultimately different and distinct to the normal 'are they pretty? Bed them' stance. Best understanding I have really, from my looking into things to make sense of myself. As for bonding...I do tend to just get on well with women. Men just...I struggle to relate with them outside certain exceptions with friends where it's more an academic discussion of something we share views on.

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Siggy

Oh yeah, so the analysis of gender in the 2014 AVEN Survey, I did that. I can provide a little more information for the curious.

Women have outnumbered men in pretty much every asexual community survey that I know of. However, the percentage is not always quite the same. It's slightly higher in older surveys, and in the spanish-language survey. It's also community dependent, with AVEN having more men and Tumblr having fewer. IIRC AVEN's only about 16% though so nothing to write home about. I've also tried looking at non-US subsets of the 2014 AVEN survey, but haven't seen any trends worth writing about.

I've summarized some of the data and offered several hypotheses here.

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IBendTheLine

Hurr durr idk where to post this but short story!

I was on the Whisper app (some people there helped me even begin to consider that I might be asexual, so woohoo!) and noticed a post about a guy questioning if he might be asexual or not.

Naturally I helped him out a bit and offered my own experience, and directed him here!

Even if it turns out after some digging that he isn't asexual, I still feel like I helped guide someone on their adventure of self discovery and yay!

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RobPal

Oh yeah, so the analysis of gender in the 2014 AVEN Survey, I did that. I can provide a little more information for the curious.

Women have outnumbered men in pretty much every asexual community survey that I know of. However, the percentage is not always quite the same. It's slightly higher in older surveys, and in the spanish-language survey. It's also community dependent, with AVEN having more men and Tumblr having fewer. IIRC AVEN's only about 16% though so nothing to write home about. I've also tried looking at non-US subsets of the 2014 AVEN survey, but haven't seen any trends worth writing about.

I've summarized some of the data and offered several hypotheses here.

Thanks for posting the link at the bottom. There was some really interesting reading, particularly about asexuals and masculinity.

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chatha

I used to fear (yes, fear) I might be gay. Until my own mother introduced me to the term Asexual. I agree that there are probably many men out there who are aces but don't know there is even such a term, let alone that it might apply to them. Many go on to marry, doing as expected.

I believe that something in a person's character changes, almost imperceptibly and absolutely permanently, when a person has sex for the first time.

Call it their loss of innocence? But it seems more. Something inherent to a person's very nature changes. It seems to me that people instinctively sense the change, or lack of it, to some degree, whether in themselves or others.

Culture (whatever, where ever) is so drenched in the instinct to breed, that a man who does not is perceived to be defective. Men are hierarchically hard-wired. When men fight, it is for dominance. Once established, the dueling men might well go on to become fast friends. Even if seemingly over a woman, the fight is rarely about the woman. She is merely the catalyst to drive them to establish ranking. Take sports. It is all about hierarchy. So when men are surrounded by this, we tend to button up. Take me, for example. Most people where I work know (through certain lower class, low-brow gossips and rumor-mongerers who have apparently nothing more to discuss) that I am virgin, unmarried. Some know I am asexual because I openly told them so. With the above scenario in play, I automatically rank at the bottom of the hierarchy, never mind I am quite a bit more/better educated than most of the men and waaay more morally conservative and religious than many of them. These factors garner no respect. (Whether they should or not is another debate for another time.) Where I live, the only ones lower than me are those who are openly gay, but only marginally so. And we at the bottom of the list get to know about it. Constantly. And our estrogen-drowned societal order does not allow for the typical dominance-establishing "corrections" (not that I am advocating violence... I'd get whupped in a hurry anyway), adding to the problem. Hence men who are aces, bi, trans, and gay face incredible pressure to conform or at least pretend they do / deny they don't. Add to that the general, baser animalistic nature of most (yes, most), general societal homophobia and its ignorance about asexuality...

In short, this ace is a social pariah. And it stinks. Do I think I a few good fist throws without fear of arrest could fix a few things? Probably, but only in the sense of one animal fighting other animals. That is not how Yeshua teaches us to deal. It takes a much, much stronger fellow, a higher being than a brute animal, to resist the urge, swallow his pride, and turn the other cheek, trusting Yeshua Himself will sort it out very shortly. So, there. To me, following Yeshua's teaching makes much more a man. And no sex required.

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chatha

IBendTheLine.... good for you! Have some cake! :cake:

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Indecisive

As for me, I'm pretty much comfortable around any gender or sexuality and most personalities. Being asexual doesn't really affect the way I interact with people besides sometimes coming into uncomfortable situations. You know the kind I'm talking about. When someone says something like "dude check out that girl, isn't she hot?" or you know when my uncle tries to give me porn or something. :/ (too much?)

The reason why i picked this name, in fact, is because of my personality. I'm very indecisive when it comes to most things, that's why I'm easy to please and i don't have extremely high standards. I also think that I have effectively removed my ability to be overly judgmental, so I don't even think about people's gender, sexuality, race, appearance, class, etc, etc, etc. It's just not in my nature, and as such, I'm pretty unbiased. So whether or not that has anything to do with my asexuality, I don't know, but it definitely has a lot to do with my feelings about sex. I couldn't care less about it.

So it's just a little bit frustrating that everything in our society is over-sexualized, but i can't really say much about it, because the majority of the population IS sexual. They seem to like it, so I'm not going to stop them, I just want people to know that nothing I ever make will have that kind of sexualization. I also despise being grouped as a "sex-crazed" man, because that stereotype doesn't even fit most sexual people.

It also just seems like there are two categories of men in media, the extremely testosteronous "sex-machines" who crave a woman in their lap at every living second, or the "sex-hating", "feminine" guys, who are usually gay. The point is, I feel like I fit a lot more stereotypes of people who crave sex than stereotypes of ones that don't. On one hand, I'm pretty big, a little bit muscular and people ask me if I play footbal. This is the stereotype of the guy with too much testosterone to expell, who needs eight girlfriends at once. But on the other hand, I'm a huge nerd. This means I sound like the virgin who wants what he can't have. The people around me constantly typecast me as one of these two categories, and it frustrates the hell out of me sometimes.

I actually never realized I was ace until about a year ago, when I found this website. I was never attracted to anyone, and I knew it, I just kept holding out to see if someday I would be attracted to someone. But when I found this website, it made me a lot more comfortable with the idea of being asexual. The only reason I made this account is because I'm feeling down in the dumps, and I wanted to get some stuff off of my chest to make me feel better. I know everything I've said is "like teardrops in rain" because I'm preaching to the choir, but eh ... I felt like it.

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