Asexual Men Musings

[Antihero.]

.

[Autumn Season]

59 minutes ago, Antihero. said:

Random person: Why?

Me: No.

[Homer]

 

@alpha decay Go for it! Next time, say that you've had sex twice before work today and that you've already had rough and intense sex with your bf 24 times this week in all kinds of places, private and public (you need to increase the number if it's past Tuesday though). It went on for hours every time and your neighbors banged their fists on your wall because you were so loud! Make up the most ridiculous nonsense you can think of!

[J. van Deijck]

2 hours ago, Antihero. said:

I usually don’t engage in conversations about anything regarding myself as a private person at all because it is a) none of their fucking business and b)I am not interested in this kind of conversation with them. I don’t care about their personal lives and they shouldn’t care about mine. Simple as that! 
 

Who even asks stuff like that? I’ve never been asked that kind of a question but maybe I give off a vibe that keeps them from doing so or they actually respect privacy more (unlikely), I don’t know. 

The only conversation that I had quite a few times with different people goes like this:
Random person: Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: No.
Random person: Do you want one?
Me: No.
Random person: Why?
Me: No.

 

1 hour ago, Homer said:

 

@alpha decay Go for it! Next time, say that you've had sex twice before work today and that you've already had rough and intense sex with your bf 24 times this week in all kinds of places, private and public (you need to increase the number if it's past Tuesday though). It went on for hours every time and your neighbors banged their fists on your wall because you were so loud! Make up the most ridiculous nonsense you can think of!

you both made me laugh so hard that people in the bus started to give me weird looks XD

but seriously. I think next time I will make up something really abominable so they will stop asking stupid questions.

Oh, and people assuming everyone is straight, who doesn't love them? </3 lol.

[J. van Deijck]

one more thing: "But he is single, so..."

 

what the f has made you assume I am single? I haven't been since long time and it's a valid relationship *rolls eyes*

[Éadweard]

On 8/4/2017 at 11:31 PM, Carson:) said:

Hi! I'm a cis-male. So what do you guys say when your sexual guy friends talk to you about sex(or what would you say)? Just asking out of curiosity. I'd probably just act like I'm interested.

Most of my friends now know I'm not interested. They keep talking around me and don't try to bring me into the conversation. 

[Éadweard]

I follow several men's sites on Facebook: Men's Fitness, Men's Journal, GQ, Esquire, Gentleman's Journal, etc. Every other article they post is about sex in some way. I simply scroll past them all the time. Nothing reinforces in me my asexuality more than those sites. And I say that as a good thing. 

[LMcD4120]

I think it's just a bit of a laugh when my friends talk about sexual things. Some people can get sort of carried away though, so it can be fairly disgusting. Most of the time it's fine.

[Famethyst]

On 8/11/2017 at 5:28 AM, Antihero. said:

The only conversation that I had quite a few times with different people goes like this:
Random person: Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: No.
Random person: Do you want one?
Me: No.
Random person: Why?
Me: No.

I always get the "are you dating anyone?" question and when I tell them no, they start pitying me like "oh, sorry" or even worse, start giving me advice on "how to get girls." If I want to form a relationship, I'll do so at my own pace thank you very much. I'd much rather get to know someone as a friend before dating them rather than jumping into a relationship with a stranger just for the sake of being in a relationship. I usually just brush off these things with a "oh, okay sure (whatever)" or "Oh, I'm fine, really." 

[Antihero.]

.

 

[J. van Deijck]

14 minutes ago, Antihero. said:

Thing is, I am gay. So of course I wouldn’t want a girlfriend or “get a girl”. And even if I were in a romantic relationship with someone the “Do you have a girlfriend” conversation would go just the same way it goes now xD
 

Same. I need to have an intellectual and personal connection as well as compatibility with someone otherwise I won’t be interested at all. I can’t develop romantic attraction towards strangers; hence I wouldn’t enter such a shallow relationship to begin with.
I never understood why anyone would form a relationship just for the sake of a relationship anyway, it’s illogical to me but it seems like some people believe that their lives are only worth something or complete when they are in a relationship. I call that complete bullshit but at the end of the day it is their problem not mine. 

this whole post makes much sense to me on a personal level.

[Famethyst]

7 hours ago, Antihero. said:

Same. I need to have an intellectual and personal connection as well as compatibility with someone otherwise I won’t be interested at all. I can’t develop romantic attraction towards strangers; hence I wouldn’t enter such a shallow relationship to begin with.
I never understood why anyone would form a relationship just for the sake of a relationship anyway, it’s illogical to me but it seems like some people believe that their lives are only worth something or complete when they are in a relationship. I call that complete bullshit but at the end of the day it is their problem not mine. 

What's more is that I don't think relationships for the sake of relationships can be detrimental the said relationship, since I often see people try way too hard to keep something going with someone they are not truly compatible with. They try to change themselves to make it work, but don't realize that forcing yourself to be someone you are not is unsustainable. Not that dating a stranger can't work, but the chances are so much lower than if you know you share some compatibility and can be yourself before jumping in. Obviously you can't know 100% if someone is right before becoming more serious, but it takes time and effort and usually more than one relationship to figure these things out. I wouldn't expect to live the rest of my life with the first person I meet.

[JMichael]

I have great friendships with men and with women and a few folks who are elsewhere on the gender spectrum. What works for me is authenticity, comfort in one's own skin, maturity, a lack of pretension or posturing and emotional & intellectual accessibility. Know-it alls annoy me, but so do people who fake being dumber or less capable than they are. Hyper-sexual people of any gender really make me uncomfortable, especially if they expect that it's something we can talk about. I can be very awkward around men or women for whom I experience romantic thoughts or feelings, partly because I find myself wondering, "would this person want to snuggle?" Lol. I have to imagine they have no idea how significant that would be to me.

[Somebodysomeone]

On 28-3-2015 at 3:57 PM, BigBearHug said:

Anyone else feel a lot more comfortable around girls than other guys? I've noticed this a lot with myself and was wondering if it was just me or if it was an asexual thing

Yeaaa way to much peer pressure from guys xd although my friends are all kinda anime nerdys soo thats nice 

 

So also me xd 

[J. van Deijck]

1 hour ago, Somebodysomeone said:

Yeaaa way to much peer pressure from guys xd although my friends are all kinda anime nerdys soo thats nice 

 

So also me xd 

and I actually feel better around guys XD although I have friends of all genders and I love them all equally.

[will123]

I've never had a problem socializing with girlfriends and/or wives of my buddies over the years. If a girl is solo at a gathering, I really don't know how to approach her so I more or less just avoid them.

[Dawg4280]

1 hour ago, will123 said:

I've never had a problem socializing with girlfriends and/or wives of my buddies over the years. If a girl is solo at a gathering, I really don't know how to approach her so I more or less just avoid them.

I kind of feel the opposite, Especially when I am mainly friends with the girl. I can sometimes feel bad vibes from her partner. 

[Rwkropf]

As far as socializing goes, does anyone else here find that girls open up very quickly to you? I have found that there have been cases where very reserved girls open up quickly to me and start talking about things, such as, their breasts, hair, etc.

[will123]

19 hours ago, Dawg4280 said:

I kind of feel the opposite, Especially when I am mainly friends with the girl. I can sometimes feel bad vibes from her partner. 

That sucks.

 

I can chat with females in store lineups, commuter trains or out and about if they're wearing a ball cap or T shirt that pertains to an interest of mine. Friends are surprised when they see me like this. If I'm introduced to a woman 'cold' I haven't got a clue what to say.

[J. van Deijck]

11 hours ago, Dawg4280 said:

I kind of feel the opposite, Especially when I am mainly friends with the girl. I can sometimes feel bad vibes from her partner. 

same.

who cares that I'm actually into guys.

[kimchee]

Would get asked if I was gay a lot. Good friend of mine accidentally came out confronting me thinking I was gay and in the closet. Also would be jokingly called a herbivore or beta?  

 

I don't really care what people think of me, but it bothers me how people stereotype me as gay. I don't really care that they think I'm gay, but I look pretty feminine for a guy so it makes me feel guilty that I'm used to perpetuate the stereotype when I'm not really gay... 

 

I also feel extremely guilty when a female friend comes around and ends up liking me, and they think it's them and it's difficult trying to explain it's not without looking like an excuse.

[kimchee]

11 hours ago, Rwkropf said:

As far as socializing goes, does anyone else here find that girls open up very quickly to you? I have found that there have been cases where very reserved girls open up quickly to me and start talking about things, such as, their breasts, hair, etc.

Same, I guess they just know we aren't ogling them? Had a coworker who would talk about her sex life and slap my ass, very weird.

[Zash]

On 9/6/2017 at 3:05 AM, Rwkropf said:

As far as socializing goes, does anyone else here find that girls open up very quickly to you? I have found that there have been cases where very reserved girls open up quickly to me and start talking about things, such as, their breasts, hair, etc.

I have gotten this before too.  One of them said I looked at them 'differently than other people' that made he feel more comfortable around me.  She was a shy girl that was a relative to a friend, so she rarely talked to anyone.  Dunno if this was a gender-agnostic event or whatever though, it is the only real case that someone opened up more quickly than normal for them that I know of.

[J. van Deijck]

I've had a situation like this at work today. I got to work with a new girl who was sent here from another department and I didn't know her before. she's soooooo talkative that I'm totally like wtf, and I don't know if I look that trustworthy to her or what, but once she started talking, I got to know the whole story of her life in just 8 hours of work, including facts like the exact number of her boyfriends and the name of a person she has lost her virginity with. I didn't even ask her, in fact, I'm completely not interested in knowing such things about others, so really why T.T it's just that once she started talking, she was just talking and talking. not to mention that I managed to do 3x more than her while I was "just listening".

I don't know, some people judge me negatively just by my appearance, and some think it makes me an awesome person, or what the f.

[douwd20]

On 9/6/2017 at 2:59 PM, kimchee said:

Would get asked if I was gay a lot. Good friend of mine accidentally came out confronting me thinking I was gay and in the closet. Also would be jokingly called a herbivore or beta?  

 

I don't really care what people think of me, but it bothers me how people stereotype me as gay. I don't really care that they think I'm gay, but I look pretty feminine for a guy so it makes me feel guilty that I'm used to perpetuate the stereotype when I'm not really gay... 

 

I also feel extremely guilty when a female friend comes around and ends up liking me, and they think it's them and it's difficult trying to explain it's not without looking like an excuse.

That's the amazing thing. Some think because you don't have a girl on your arm you must be gay because surely you must be having sex with someone and you must be hiding it ergo it must be a male and you're in the closet. 

[will123]

7 minutes ago, douwd20 said:

That's the amazing thing. Some think because you don't have a girl on your arm you must be gay because surely you must be having sex with someone and you must be hiding it ergo it must be a male and you're in the closet. 

Sad isn't it.

[Darth Tribble]

On 9/6/2017 at 3:05 AM, Rwkropf said:

As far as socializing goes, does anyone else here find that girls open up very quickly to you? I have found that there have been cases where very reserved girls open up quickly to me and start talking about things, such as, their breasts, hair, etc.

Never anything to personal (such as breasts), but I have found that a decent number of them want to spend time with me and try to initiate a relationship. Not directly, but more subtly.

 

 

[iōnas]

I once had to come out from closet to one of my close friends who is very sexual and would just not stop pointing out a good butt/rack/figure etc. to me every time he saw one. Not even after multiple times of me explaining in great detail how I give literally zero fucks. He had heard term asexual before and has never talked to me about females other than his own relationships ever since.

[will123]

On 9/30/2017 at 2:00 PM, iōnas said:

I once had to come out from closet to one of my close friends who is very sexual and would just not stop pointing out a good butt/rack/figure etc. to me every time he saw one. Not even after multiple times of me explaining in great detail how I give literally zero fucks. He had heard term asexual before and has never talked to me about females other than his own relationships ever since.

I've never been bothered by my sexual friend pointing out a nice rack, but got annoyed when he'd tell me about his 'conquests'. He was in his 40s acting like a guy in his 20s. Even then when I didn't have a clue about asexuality, it still bothered me as a guy that thought he was straight.

 

I mentioned this when I came out to him this summer. 

[TheSmokingSkellie]

On 10/2/2017 at 5:15 PM, will123 said:

but got annoyed when he'd tell me about his 'conquests'.

Imagine this but with a group of 18-20 year olds and you get my circle of friends. They all know I'm asexual (and one of them keeps thinking I'm incapable of getting erections because I'm asexual) but they go on about their sexcapades even when I'm around. I don't say anything cuz it'd be rude but yeah. 

 

Funnily enough, I'm super chill when it comes to them bantering about my asexuality. Just those moments when they describe how they did the nasty with someone that makes me go