Bdc Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 I wonder if a asexual relationship would be more balanced and meaningful, like two best friends. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bdc Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 funny how i see a lot of adults in this thread but none in the chat. Maybe I just have too much free time. =p Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 2 hours ago, Bdc said: I wonder if a asexual relationship would be more balanced and meaningful, like two best friends. Not by default, no. Sex is just one of a gazillion of things that can add a certain "meaning", "dynamics" or "power" to a relationship. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zendalis Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 On 4/6/2017 at 7:46 PM, chair jockey said: I'm not a "pure" asexual, but my strangeness is that I constantly, silently misgender females online. Unless a username is strongly, traditionally female, I keep picturing the person as being male until they say something that either leads to the inference or explicitly informs me that they're female. Then i just adjust and it's never an issue. I've almost never mentioned the misgendering because that would be counterproductive. It makes me wonder whether part of the asexual experience could be just understanding people in the way I most easily understand them, which is as presumptive males. It has almost never led me to misunderstand someone significantly in terms of what they're actually saying. There is one issue I battle when it comes to real-life social contact with women. While such contact is relatively easy and relaxed and respectful, I can't help wondering whether they have contempt for me because I don't try to get into their pants. This happens even when I'm genuinely sympathetic about "female problems" that "men are not supposed to iknow about," such as pain associated with menstruation or back problems related to heavy breasts or just the high cost of bras. I sometimes can't help feeling that I'm being judged by women for seeing women as more than just pieces of meat. Sorry if that's too ranty. On 4/6/2017 at 8:16 PM, Bdc said: I agree. I had so many female friends but my experience is that women in general expect compliments and sexual interest. So I also felt the same, like they look down on you for not trying to get into their pants. On another note, but in a similar topic, i have many times been rejected, because who doesnt, but many times it was because i "lost" to a guy who was much less sensitive and treated them quite badly. Sorry if I sound like a teenager screaming "friendzone" because he cant get laid, but i have seen this happen many times. in the case of men theres too much talk about sex and you are expected to not show your emotions, so its hard to want to be in a social circle when you know they will judge you for something that petty. Well, I would certainly say that is the case with most sexual women, but for those of us who are asexual, interacting with a male who is totally un-interested in "getting in our pants" sounds like a slice of pure heaven 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheLastOfSheila Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 33 minutes ago, Zendalis said: Well, I would certainly say that is the case with most sexual women, but for those of us who are asexual, interacting with a male who is totally un-interested in "getting in our pants" sounds like a slice of pure heaven Thank you SO MUCH for saying this. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MyWorldIsBlu Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 I have more male friends than I do female, however, I do not feel like I fit in with anyone. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Internetlionboy Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 On 4/10/2017 at 5:53 PM, MyWorldIsBlu said: I have more male friends than I do female, however, I do not feel like I fit in with anyone. Same tbh. I can't really get along with females because I'm a guy and I don't really think very girly like some. I can try to get along with anyone but anyone that's just rude I'd just leave like nope I don't want those bad vibes. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Frylock Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Any other ace males hate approaching? Fear of rejection is one thing, but in general, I believe that women do the choosing (as they should) and THEN a guy should approach (a lot of girls will send their friends over or something like that). I have friends that annoy me with the talk of just walking up to a girl blind. When I disagree I get made fun of for it. Anyway, sex isn't a priority for me, just the expectations annoy me. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
divided_sky Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 It's not easy. As far as relative strangers go, I've only tried twice to ask a girl to dance with me at a concert. One was a success. The other was NOT. I'm a very shy person though, so I generally don't approach anybody. Have to get some chemicals in me to make me crazy enough to be bold and daring. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Frylock Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 49 minutes ago, divided_sky said: It's not easy. As far as relative strangers go, I've only tried twice to ask a girl to dance with me at a concert. One was a success. The other was NOT. I'm a very shy person though, so I generally don't approach anybody. Have to get some chemicals in me to make me crazy enough to be bold and daring. Same here, I'm insanely shy on top of my ace leanings. The last thing I want to be is another "gross guy tried to hit on me" story. Even if I approached respectfully, I still fear being laughed at. Plus, I don't want to inconvenience someone else. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
divided_sky Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Yeah. I assume I am a creep unless I'm told otherwise. It doesn't even seem conceivable most of the time to approach a girl and attempt to converse with her. Who the fuck am I to bug her? And yet, I'd be so delighted if someone were to come up to me and ask me how I'm doing. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
StrangeStory Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 1 hour ago, Dr. Frylock said: The last thing I want to be is another "gross guy tried to hit on me" story. Yes, I feel exactly the same. Although I never try to get anything out of the conversation, except the enjoyment of the conversation itself. This usually happens at the gym: I give exercise advice to beautiful girls and we sometimes talk for long periods, but at the end, it's just, "Okay, enjoy your workout, bye!". No exchange of details or anything. I assume that, at that moment, the girl is thinking, "Thank god he didn't try to take that any further." 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LMcD4120 Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 I remember before I went into secondary school, people talked about sex (and all that sort of carry on) as though it was a competition between yourself and everyone you knew. It sounded like a nightmare to me. Anyway, I was just thinking that it's funny that my friends were unwittingly stressing me out by talking about it in that way, but it was mostly a positive thing for them. I on the other hand hadn't heard of asexuality yet, so I assumed that it was normal to dread those kinds of experiences. (no real point to this story) 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Frylock Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 The idea of making sex some kind of race to the top is revolting. That makes my anxiety have anxiety! Completely understand what you mean (I hope ). 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
uRBAN_Spaceman Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 Asexual men really need to learn just sperate themselves from the common sexual expectations of todays society. It will relieve so much of that stress and pressure you're coping with. If you're that self conscious about how others view and possibly question your masculinity just remember your personal strengths and find ways to display them. There's so many ways to assert your masculinity other than sexual prowess. In the end an asexual man is no less masculine than a sexually active man. You just need the confidence to be yourself. 11 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
divided_sky Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 I've never felt as though I was lacking in masculinity in some way. I'm just not confident in any aspect of myself. my personality, my looks, my ability to be a good partner... my sexuality really isn't much of an issue for me. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Internetlionboy Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 @divided_sky yea same. I haven't really come across anything that could cause a hindrance to that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MyWorldIsBlu Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 7 hours ago, divided_sky said: I've never felt as though I was lacking in masculinity in some way. I'm just not confident in any aspect of myself. my personality, my looks, my ability to be a good partner... my sexuality really isn't much of an issue for me. Same! Even when I receive compliments, I feel as if the person wants something I can't give or that their lying 🤥 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 2 hours ago, MyWorldIsBlu said: Same! Even when I receive compliments, I feel as if the person wants something I can't give or that their lying 🤥 ...or that they're mistaken and will find out about how much of a jerk I am the hard way, leaving them disappointed. (What's this "society's expectation" nonsense all about? I don't know any of that and even if I did, why would I care? I just don't get why people get stressed out by imaginary expectations of people they have never even met ) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MyWorldIsBlu Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 7 hours ago, Homer said: ...or that they're mistaken and will find out about how much of a jerk I am the hard way, leaving them disappointed. (What's this "society's expectation" nonsense all about? I don't know any of that and even if I did, why would I care? I just don't get why people get stressed out by imaginary expectations of people they have never even met ) Could you please share a cup of your ideals? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 *boils pot of ideals to share cups with everyone* Seriously though, a lot of it boils down to (a) not understanding (b) trying to understand, hence asking questions that hardly ever get answered sufficiently and subsequently (c) not giving a shit. I can be really annoying at (b) but why would I want to be measured by standards nobody is able to actually explain? I just can't take that seriously. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LMcD4120 Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 On 4/15/2017 at 3:13 PM, Dr. Frylock said: The idea of making sex some kind of race to the top is revolting. That makes my anxiety have anxiety! Completely understand what you mean (I hope ). Fortunately when we actually made it to secondary school 95% of it just fizzled away. It was mostly just talk I suppose. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Maul_Junior Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 On 4/16/2017 at 0:06 PM, Homer said: *boils pot of ideals to share cups with everyone* Seriously though, a lot of it boils down to (a) not understanding (b) trying to understand, hence asking questions that hardly ever get answered sufficiently and subsequently (c) not giving a shit. I can be really annoying at (b) but why would I want to be measured by standards nobody is able to actually explain? I just can't take that seriously. I think I reached (c) by age seventeen, and haven't looked back in 12 years Quote Link to post Share on other sites
shocky2002 Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Mom tricked me into a blind date with an incredibly attractive woman. I think she finally understood my asexuality when I walked out on the poor girl. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
divided_sky Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 How did you get tricked into a blind date? I don't think I'd have the heart to walk out on someone. I'd feel like complete shit if someone just up and walked out on me. That must suck. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
shocky2002 Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 15 minutes ago, divided_sky said: How did you get tricked into a blind date? I don't think I'd have the heart to walk out on someone. I'd feel like complete shit if someone just up and walked out on me. That must suck. She told me I was seeing an old, close family friend. Told the girl the truth before leaving of course. Not sure if she believed it but I don't care. With her looks there's no way she has any trouble getting dates. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheDemi_Urge Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 I find it sad that the hypersexual male stereotype kept me from finding my gender identity for all of these years - I realized I was ace around the age of 14... I got to 20 before I realized I was actually a guy as well. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheDemi_Urge Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 also hey where are my fellow ace men who are romantically attracted to other men at?? 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chair jockey Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 The way to start a conversation with a stranger is to have something specific to talk to them about. If there isn't anything you actually want to say to them, for the sake of saying that specific thing, then of course you'll be inhibited and have trouble approaching them. And if all you're thinking about is a future romance, then anything you say to them except asking for a romance will be a pretext and a deception, which starts off any future relationship on a really bad foot. The organic way to meet people is not to go somewhere for the sole purpose of meeting just any random person who happens to be there. It's to be living your life and have a genuine reason to start talking to some specific person about something specific you actually want to talk to that specific person about. Just my thoughts. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tja Posted April 22, 2017 Share Posted April 22, 2017 1 hour ago, TheDemi_Urge said: also hey where are my fellow ace men who are romantically attracted to other men at?? Yes? 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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