Asexual Men Musings

[APersonWhoLives]

On 2/14/2017 at 10:25 PM, Just like Jughead said:

I'm opposite. I only feel comfortable around other guys. Well, I don't know if I would call it feeling comfortable. I just don't particularly care to be around women.

Idk I dont think it has much to do with asexuality as it does how our brains are wired. Sometimes I feel like the reason most of my friends are female is because I find their personalities more like mine. I identify as male and am generally pretty masculine but I'm pretty mellow. idk just my thoughts

[Azrael]

I bet I could get lot more women if I can actually figure out what they want us for.

[Azrael]

Learnt something new today

[Skycaptain]

Well,  if I was a female ferret I'd live forever 

[Real Estate RICO]

I've been thinking about a way to process these thoughts:

 

I'm one of those who find it easier to find it easier to talk to women than men. It helps to set the boundaries before getting too deep, too. With all that, I can be a bit more real around them. Even then, there's still the whole "not being into sex and feeling alienated" catch that I can't shake all the way.

 

Plus, my guard is way up on other men right now.

 

 

 

[absolutelyme]

Reading this has been super eye opening. I never really thought about the social consequences to being an asexual man (probably since I've experienced something different as a woman). Society almost shrugs when it comes to asexual women?? Likely because there's that expectation for women to be "pure" and "abstinent" and asexuality seems to fall in line with that. It's terrible that guys have to experience that kind of backlash ://

 

I'm curious what the stats are for demisexual men? It seems a lot of men on this thread ascribe to full asexuality. Just curious.

[will123]

23 minutes ago, absolutelyme said:

Reading this has been super eye opening. I never really thought about the social consequences to being an asexual man It's terrible that guys have to experience that kind of backlash

If you're not chasing skirts, you're gay. My 'know it all' S-I-L (too much Dr. Phil and Oprah) has said I have Aspergers (whatever the %^&* that is?) and/or I'm gay. Is it any wonder my family are the last people I'd come out to?

[absolutelyme]

11 minutes ago, will123 said:

If you're not chasing skirts, you're gay. My 'know it all' S-I-L (too much Dr. Phil and Oprah) has said I have Aspergers (whatever the %^&* that is?) and/or I'm gay. Is it any wonder my family are the last people I'd come out to?

 and it couldn't be further from the truth. I'm sorry your family wouldn't accept you. There's nothing wrong with asexuality. 😔

[will123]

6 minutes ago, absolutelyme said:

 and it couldn't be further from the truth. I'm sorry your family wouldn't accept you. There's nothing wrong with asexuality. 😔

My outlook is that I've always been an upbeat, positive person. I may have had a tinge of doubt about my 'sexuality' before finding out about asexuality, but I was never 'down in the dumps' about it.

[divided_sky]

It's fun to be an ace guy. It surprises the hell out of most everyone, they can't believe the concept. I've never really had any negative reactions to it. Some guys get a bit weirded out by it and I can feel them distance themselves from me, as they just don't seem to understand or accept it. Never had an issue with a woman knowing about it. I'm very open about it, but I do not mind attention for being a bit strange. And if someone doesn't like it, they can fuck off. I'll tell them to fuck themselves with pleasure. I've come to really embrace it over the last couple years.

[Roardova]

My muse has always been my imagination.  Whether it's for my ambitions or for my fantasies.  Last night at work, I was jonesing to working on another Fantasy File; Scodeo Charles to be exact.  So I read the second one I devoted to him; the third one will be around celebrating his birthday.  I'd rather have a relationship in my head than in real life because no matter how truthful I am with a man; he still can't be down to Mars for me.  It has gotten frustrated when a man claims he wants to build something with me but keeps tabs on red flags against me.  I'm the type of asexual who's an introvert, doesn't mind mingling, hella open minded, doesn't completely oppose sex but I can live with out sex.  The only stipulation I have is, "If you don't feel like you can raise children with that person, yall shouldn't be fucking."  I don't go around fucking, I literally can't do that no matter how interesting a man is.  In my fantasies; that's completely different cause I have one named "Devourville", all you can eat man-fets are scrumptious.  Yet, when I write my fantasies; they are always tinged with real life truths to the point that it would feel splendid to have somebody not hold their life against mine for what I believe in.  I've coexisted with many people where we have opposing views on things, but they feel like I'm no longer attractive when I say  I don't listen to top 40 billboard music, I don't have any fetishes, I don't like j lo, I don't like meryl streep, I don't like beyonce, I don't watch Golden Girls, I don't like drag queens, serial killers need to be taken seriously, I love women, I protect women, I expect men to be able to protect themselves, I'm constantly changing to the point that I cannot be the same person I was last months & sometimes last week, I don't vote, the chances of me saying I need you are zilch, I don't use cute nicknames, I'd more than likely never act like a real boyfriend, I'd definitely never act like a real husband & the list goes on.  The more guys voice they want a perfect man to me, the more I play in my head with my perfect men.  Perfect men I never expect any living man to live up to.  Hell, I don't even think about them when I'm dating a guy.  If I'm in the middle of a Fantasy File; I can't even finish it until the man at the time is no longer into me.  But let me stop, the next fantasy file will be titled "Marshmallows Dipped In Vodka".

 

But I have noticed that gay males are obsessively sexual.  When I look at a man, I look at his eye brows first; then wonder how does he treat people.  I swear when gay men look at me, their first thought is; is he a top or bottom, he better be a top.  Some of the times when guys on my rugby team talk about sex; I have to walk away.  Not today Becky.  I unfortunately have sexy appendages & a very confidently sexy posture.  That doesn't help at all with saying, "I don't like sexual attention."  I am blunt & straight forward to the point that employers worry about me cause I even warn them that I'm asexual & if somebody does something like touch me; there could be problems.  Actually, there was this one situation; this guy, named Jason.  Jason is my favorite name & oh was he handsome.  His energy, not my type; cause he had bad energy up & down him.  Was not a person I would congregate with, even if booze was involved.  I didn't pay him attention like I do with most males.  But one day; we ended up being the last two working & I swear he was trying to come on to me.  And I'm thinking, if I have to back up one more time while he's trying to spin this long winded good bye; I'm going to crush his hand in the door of the machine I was operating.  He was invading my space so much & I had to tell my boss about it but Jason was so jealous of me that all of the women were looking at me & I would only talk to women.  It's horrible even recounting the events that led up to him apologizing & me not accepting his apology with adding on that his way isn't working; he should work on his life.  Still didn't stop him from acting up & mentioning my name when it didn't need to be mentioned.  So to end everything, I asked him if he was into men; after that day, his final three months were silent & I was at peace at work; finally.  Even if a man is straight; his main focus is sex & it even interferes with me because I'm unfortunately what women want.  Now with me working third shift & not working around women; I haven't had to deal with that kind of negativity.  I haven't had to hear guys talk about women & then slut shaming them.  It's just been me, my imagination & empty parking decks.  I even wiggle my butt a little when the music hypes me up.  It's amusing, I haven't thought about sexual harassment in months!  But I've always felt that, if I'm not talking or even looking at people; how can I be the focal point of so many people.  Then I remember that mysterious is very attractive to people.  Maybe I should be more schizo & go off my meds every other day.  "You know what would've been really cool?  If you were in prison with me that time I broke a tray & tried to take a man's ear off."  I should start saying that again...  :|

[ikelton]

 

18 hours ago, divided_sky said:

I've come to really embrace it over the last couple years.

Same here! The past few months I've begun to tell pretty much everyone I'm friends with. I haven't had a bad reaction, but all of my friends are open-minded & progressive/left-wing. They are also all LGBT or women. I've realized the only reason I want a partner is so I can get the social benefits of having a partner - I want to show them off, take pictures with them, etc. It's hard to let go of that desire... But it's for the best.

 

I'm dating someone right now (I met them a couple weeks ago) and it already feels like a huge chore. I will need to break up with them soon, it's just hard. I wonder if they already get a distant vibe from me. I'm torn between wanting to please people and wanting to be independent. 

[Darth Tribble]

Warning: possible TMI. Idk if I'm really attracted to women or if I want sex with them.

 

I can find women and their parts aesthetically attractive, but I don't get erections from them. 

[ave c]

On 3/9/2017 at 7:52 PM, Darth Tribble said:

I can find women and their parts aesthetically attractive, but I don't get erections from them. 

Ever since I started taking anti-androgens to be asexual (I'm biologically straight) this is basically what happens to me. Maybe you'd need a deeper emotional connection and/or a woman would have to be flirting with you and then you'd feel sexual attraction?

 

Reading through some earlier posts I 100% relate with you guys who felt out of place in circles of guys who could only think about banging women. In college I mostly hung out with women. These days though as a grown up several years out of college a lot of guys have calmed down from their raging hormonal college phases so I can talk and actually be friends with them.

[Darth Tribble]

On 3/14/2017 at 11:59 AM, ave c said:

Ever since I started taking anti-androgens to be asexual (I'm biologically straight) this is basically what happens to me. Maybe you'd need a deeper emotional connection and/or a woman would have to be flirting with you and then you'd feel sexual attraction?

 

Reading through some earlier posts I 100% relate with you guys who felt out of place in circles of guys who could only think about banging women. In college I mostly hung out with women. These days though as a grown up several years out of college a lot of guys have calmed down from their raging hormonal college phases so I can talk and actually be friends with them.

Idk. I'm open to the possibility of being a demisexual. I liked this one girl after I got to know her, but then decided she really isn't my type after all.

[LucyCat]

On March 14, 2017 at 11:59 AM, ave c said:

Ever since I started taking anti-androgens to be asexual (I'm biologically straight) this is basically what happens to me. Maybe you'd need a deeper emotional connection and/or a woman would have to be flirting with you and then you'd feel sexual attraction?

 

Reading through some earlier posts I 100% relate with you guys who felt out of place in circles of guys who could only think about banging women. In college I mostly hung out with women. These days though as a grown up several years out of college a lot of guys have calmed down from their raging hormonal college phases so I can talk and actually be friends with them.

You're taking anti-androgens to be asexual?

[ave c]

8 minutes ago, LucyCat said:

You're taking anti-androgens to be asexual?

Yes. It's amazing (perhaps even scary depending on your perspective?) how well it works.

[LucyCat]

5 minutes ago, ave c said:

Yes. It's amazing (perhaps even scary depending on your perspective?) how well it works.

Is this a thing? 

So baiscally you have chosen to be asexual? 

How were you before you took them and how did you come to the decision to take them?

I'm guessing you didn't tell the prescribing dr. why you actually wanted to go on them..?

 

For me, being asexual is more than just a chemical response or lack of hormones. 

Were you perhaps disinterested in having sex but still had a "sex drive" and wanted to get rid of it?

[ave c]

28 minutes ago, LucyCat said:

Is this a thing? 

So baiscally you have chosen to be asexual? 

How were you before you took them and how did you come to the decision to take them?

I'm guessing you didn't tell the prescribing dr. why you actually wanted to go on them..?

 

For me, being asexual is more than just a chemical response or lack of hormones. 

Were you perhaps disinterested in having sex but still had a "sex drive" and wanted to get rid of it?

It is indeed a thing (using anti-androgens to suppress libido), although obviously very rare.

Yes, I have chosen to be asexual.

 

I was a really horny straight boy before taking them. Just to experiment, I even tried going off them and eventually went right back being what I was before.

It's a long story, maybe I should fully write it out somewhere sometime. But yes, I was disinterested in having sex but had a raging sex drive, so the simple solution wasto kill the sex drive. The first time I researched it in college, I found castration, but the risks put me off. I'm definitely a man and didn't like the side effect of loss in physical strength. I did another round of researching 4-5 months ago, when I started exercising and eating healthy, and my sex drive shot up to possibly the highest it's ever been in my life. So I had to immediately find a way to kill it lol. Learned that testosterone is responsible for libido in men so I looked for drugs that block testosterone, found anti-androgens.

 

I have asked my dr if there is anything I can take to lower sex drive and he didn't know. I did find out through research that urologists are the guys to go to for this stuff though.

 

I did find a couple sites to order from that got great reviews on reddit. So I get it from there. No prescription needed  But if I needed a prescription I would've went to a urologist.

[Skycaptain]

There is a reason that anti-androgens are supposed to be prescription only. They are dangerous if not used properly. 

 

Make sure that you are aware of the potential consequences, and take measures to counteract them. 

[StrangeStory]

On 10/3/2017 at 2:52 AM, Darth Tribble said:

I can find women and their parts aesthetically attractive, but I don't get erections from them.

But is this a concern for you? You would never "require" an erection, would you?

 

[StrangeStory]

3 Reasons I dislike breasts:

 

Sorry, this has nothing to do with any of the above posts, but I really need this to be in the "men" section.

 

1. I never developed a curiosity for breasts. Growing up, I was completely uninterested in seeing topless women, and never gave the subject a second thought. As an adult, I started questioning the world a little more, and I wondered why anyone would find breasts attractive. I know the attraction is a natural part of the male existence, but it is something I lack completely, so I cannot relate to it at all. I actually have an extreme repulsion for women's breasts (I feel the need to turn away from the TV when nipples are shown). To me, breasts just look like excess fat. If I see a "busty" woman, I'll just think, "She's fat".

 

2. As far as I know, from my brief online research, there is no agreed-upon reason for the existence of enlarge breasts in females. (But I've read some interesting theories!) Humans are the only mammals who have this mutation, and other mammals do fine without them. With this in mind, it seems to me that breasts are surely nothing more than a burden. They constitute dead weight, pushing the ratio-of-lean-body-mass-to-fat-mass in the wrong direction. Very large breasts also cause postural issues and back pain. Would women still want them if men did not find them attractive and if society didn't teach us that they are "assets"? Would enlargements be a thing of the past, and reductions more common? Why is this unusual human feature celebrated throughout the world?

 

In researching, I found that this "thing I do not like" doesn't really seem to have a purpose other than being a tool to generate attraction from men. This, of course, increased my dislike.

 

3. It is in my nature to dislike things that other people like. When there's a really popular trend or meme which grabs the attention of the "masses", I am naturally averted from it, whatever it may be. I know exactly why I am like this, and I am happy to be this way. So, living with society's continuous obsession and praise of women's breasts has made me even more repulsed by them. That's just me. (This trait of mine has also amplified my sex repulsion.)

 

Thanks for reading my sense and nonsense. My sincere apologies if any of this has come across as offensive or disrespectful; that is not my intention (it never is). I just wanted to put my opinion "out there". It's kind of like a "release" - perhaps after a few more years of breasts being shoved in my face by the media, I will need to make a similar post!

 

 

[will123]

Cows have udders the last time I looked. Im not sure if they decrease if they arent being milked or dont have a calf sucking.

 

Some females have enlarged breasts during pregnancy, so there is a similarity to the animal kingdom.

 

TMI alert. 

 

I'm not into porn dealing with lactating or pregnant females so I dont have any visual cues to go by.

[Skycaptain]

There was a theory, when I covered psychology at school (a long time ago) that human female breasts are supposed to mimic the backside. In the vast majority of quadripeds mating occurs with the male mounting the female from behind. Apparently in evolutionary terms the default human male/female coupling is face to face, so breasts have evolved to provide the male with the same tactile stimulus as the quadripeds experience 

[Guest]

On 17.3.2017 at 10:09 PM, Skycaptain said:

There is a reason that anti-androgens are supposed to be prescription only. They are dangerous if not used properly. 

 

Make sure that you are aware of the potential consequences, and take measures to counteract them. 

While I personally would love something that would kill my libido dead... yup, this. That stuff can have very nasty side effects, and you should never take it wihout medical supervision/prescription.

[Darth Tribble]

I'm 20 and I've always been single. Recently, my step-dad has been handing out my phone number to random female restaurant workers. He's done this twice. 

 

He should at least ask before doing something like that. He's been trying to hook me up with girls since I was 12. I believe I'm asexual, but I think my step-dad played a role in me not having any interest in a relationship. Usually, people get bored and leave you alone if you decline enough times, but he is VERY persistent. I actually punched him one time (he's a U.S. Army veteran) because he was teasing me in public and wouldn't quit being perverted, but that was years ago. I figured he would have gotten the message by now.

 

 

[Bdc]

After making a post in the loung and geting some his and hellos, i didnt know what else to do to participate. I did try go into the chat, but the people there are too young among other reasons and i didnt feel included. When I saw this trend not only it was what I was thinking about, but also I wanted to share some thoughts and experiences and didnt have anyone to trust so maybe this post will be long. Hope i can revive the trend tough. 

First there is a curiosity I always had about other asexual men: can some have erections long enough to satisfy a partner? I have faked orgasms many times making out and sexting before resolving i had enough.

I have cripling depression. Right now I moved to a distant, very small town to work. Im always bored when i have to interact with my coleagues or have to go to meetings. I have aways been interested in social interaction, the random kind at least. My family sees that im weird, thats visible in many ways. I used to have anxiety and panic atacks but havent had that for a while now. 

I always was selfconcious and hated my apearence, my body. I still think of myself as ugly, unworthy and sometimes unlovable. I had, and still have, a big fear of being alone. Even witout sex i always wanted a relationship, a deep connection with someboy else. I could never undertand how a boy/girlfriend could be diferent from a best friend, they seem to have the same definition, but generaly sexual people seem to meet mates ramdonly in bars, something i could never understand. I imagine that wanting a partner is nothing new here, but I dont know if is something i do want or i just incorporated that from our culture. 

I actually had more to write but i left for work and forgot. If I remember I will come back here. Thanks and sorry for anything. 

 

[chair jockey]

I'm not a "pure" asexual, but my strangeness is that I constantly, silently misgender females online. Unless a username is strongly, traditionally female, I keep picturing the person as being male until they say something that either leads to the inference or explicitly informs me that they're female. Then i just adjust and it's never an issue. I've almost never mentioned the misgendering because that would be counterproductive. It makes me wonder whether part of the asexual experience could be just understanding people in the way I most easily understand them, which is as presumptive males. It has almost never led me to misunderstand someone significantly in terms of what they're actually saying.

 

There is one issue I battle when it comes to real-life social contact with women. While such contact is relatively easy and relaxed and respectful, I can't help wondering whether they have contempt for me because I don't try to get into their pants. This happens even when I'm genuinely sympathetic about "female problems" that "men are not supposed to iknow about," such as pain associated with menstruation or back problems related to heavy breasts or just the high cost of bras. I sometimes can't help feeling that I'm being judged by women for seeing women as more than just pieces of meat. Sorry if that's too ranty.

[Bdc]

I agree. I had so many female friends but my experience is that women in general expect compliments and sexual interest. So I also felt the same, like they look down on you for not trying to get into their pants. On another note, but in a similar topic, i have many times been rejected, because who doesnt, but many times it was because i "lost" to a guy who was much less sensitive and treated them quite badly. Sorry if I sound like a teenager screaming "friendzone" because he cant get laid, but i have seen this happen many times. in the case of men theres too much talk about sex and you are expected to not show your emotions, so its hard to want to be in a social circle when you know they will judge you for something that petty.

[will123]

On 4/6/2017 at 11:16 PM, Bdc said:

I agree. I had so many female friends but my experience is that women in general expect compliments and sexual interest. So I also felt the same, like they look down on you for not trying to get into their pants. On another note, but in a similar topic, i have many times been rejected, because who doesnt, but many times it was because i "lost" to a guy who was much less sensitive and treated them quite badly. Sorry if I sound like a teenager screaming "friendzone" because he cant get laid, but i have seen this happen many times. in the case of men theres too much talk about sex and you are expected to not show your emotions, so its hard to want to be in a social circle when you know they will judge you for something that petty.

@Bdc I know how you feel, not that I had it happen to me personally. I recall in my younger years seeing 'couples' that I knew or was aware of where the girl was attractive, friendly and had a nice personality, but with a guy that treated her like crap (and that's putting it mildly). "I'm a decent guy, who can't seem to find a girl to be with (LOOONG time before I knew about asexuality) but I sure as hell knew that I wouldn't treat another person as badly as that."