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Steph Ace

Asexual Men Musings

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ThaHoward

Everyone thinks that my iPad is filled with porn since I don't want to borrow it to others and show why I am on the internet. In reality it is cos I don't want them to see that I am on AVEN - quite ironic..

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DiEvAl

The major trait we all share is education and extremely technical/detail oriented coming from technical/engineering/sciences backgrounds.

[Citation needed]

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Steph Ace

The major trait we all share is education and extremely technical/detail oriented coming from technical/engineering/sciences backgrounds.

[Citation needed]

Im on mobile, however I know the 2014 Survey makes note that most AVENites are of colledge/University education and above. This was also stated at WorldPride2014, but I cant cite it as I was there in person XD

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RobPal

Everyone thinks that my iPad is filled with porn since I don't want to borrow it to others and show why I am on the internet. In reality it is cos I don't want them to see that I am on AVEN - quite ironic..

Yep, I get the impression that people think similar things about me. I'm quite protective of my laptop and phone because other people have generally poor records of keeping things safe. I've never lost or broken a phone in 18 years since I first got a mobile. I've also never broken a computer or had one with a virus on it. This is all because I look after my stuff and only let others use it under strict supervision. Obviously a little of this is to do with avoiding questions about AVEN, but that's only a very recent thing.

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Hobbes!

The major trait we all share is education and extremely technical/detail oriented coming from technical/engineering/sciences backgrounds.

[Citation needed]

Im on mobile, however I know the 2014 Survey makes note that most AVENites are of colledge/University education and above. This was also stated at WorldPride2014, but I cant cite it as I was there in person XD

Yes, but none of that points towards the sort of backgrounds Techie mentioned. Though I'm not sure if he was referring to aces as a whole so much as single guys he knows

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RobPal

The major trait we all share is education and extremely technical/detail oriented coming from technical/engineering/sciences backgrounds.

[Citation needed]

Im on mobile, however I know the 2014 Survey makes note that most AVENites are of colledge/University education and above. This was also stated at WorldPride2014, but I cant cite it as I was there in person XD

Yes, but none of that points towards the sort of backgrounds Techie mentioned. Though I'm not sure if he was referring to aces as a whole so much as single guys he knows

I think it was definitely the latter of those options. Being a techie himself, many of his friends will probably be from similar fields and will demonstrate similar traits, some of which could be deemed as asexual but others probably don't fit with that.

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EMPrise

Based upon the 2014 AVEN Survey (page 6). The statistics are as follows for Aces:

Woman/Female: 62%

Other: 26.1%

Man/Male: 11.9%

I've just discovered that the survey site has published the sex-at-birth stats that weren't included in the preliminary results PDF. According to them, 13.3% of the ace respondents were males at birth, only 0.9% are bio-males of a non-standard gender, while 23.1% are bio-females of a non-standard gender.

gender-history.png?w=652&h=446

That makes sense because periods are a valid and frequent reason for bio-females to hate their sex-at-birth, while bio-males have far less hassle with their bodily fluids.

I was always surprised to find out that one or another agender person is female-at-birth; but given these stats, I'll regard it as a usual thing from now on.

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i am a little boat

Hmm, I find that its mostly my female friends who will casually mention things and stuffs about their sexual lives, and both genders will make sexual jokes and loose references at about the same rate (if we look away from this one guy, which we do cause he's not representative). I'm really uncomfortable in any situation where will people will talk about their sex lives, or when people I know who are couples kiss in public. It just gives me those chills, I guess - and I want to hide my face in my hands.

So I'm really not identifying with preferring any one gender, I mean - none of my friends are really super-typical for their genders anyway (if such a thing as super-typical genders exists). I think I do have more male friends, but that's just cause I'm male myself - and yeah it just happened like that. But rather than preference for one specific gender, I'd say I have a preference for (subjectively) awesome people, and for people who aren't that sexually...explicit?

Now, I am very open about my asexuality and how much I dislike sex (not that I ever tried it), and with my group of friends being a rather isolated group we don't have a lot of outsiders coming in, and blabbering about what people are hotter than other people. We don't talk about such superficial manners luckily, so that would be a horrible strategy for said outsider, if they wanted inclusion.

So being a man, and being an asexual - in my little bubble, in the least - is pretty fucking sweet. Though I feel my "manliness" and maturity questioned at times. Luckily I'm able to brush that off as superficial gibberish. One of the few things I actually take offence to though, is people questioning or marginalizing my identity. And I identify as an Adult Man. One can usually brush it off with a smooth comeback, and an absorpative shield of good humoured self-deprecation though.

I don't watch TV and I don't subjugate myself to mainstream media a lot, so I don't know about that part of it.

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Woodworker1968

For the millionth time: it's impossible to know how many asexual men are out there in the closet, either because society's propaganda machine has "dud shamed" them into staying in the closet, or because they don't know they're asexual to begin with.

But it's generally agreed, closet or no closet, that asexual women outnumber asexual men by some nonspecific number.

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tarutaru

Sometimes at the club one of them will make a remark about one of the female members and it takes me noticeably longer to a) Figure out who he means and b) Figure out what's supposed to be remarkable about her

At work this happens to me, and I have to use one of two strategies: 1. I don't wear my glasses at work so usually I can use my bad distance vision as an excuse. 2. I point out some old grandma and ask if that's who they mean.

Then again, everyone at work thinks I'm gay, so maybe this strategy isn't working so well. lol

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Hobbes!

Haha, yeah, well half the time I end up thinking about their form or something. I'm beginning to wonder if some of the women are getting the wrong impression. I corrected a beginner on her form once - she was arching her back, a good way to end up with an ache - and it wasn't until the next day that I realised that she might have taken my attention the wrong way

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IBendTheLine

Just came across this site in general, as a friend suggested that I might be asexual.

-Technically I'm still figuring it out, but I identify with a lot of key points, so I might be here a while!

I was wondering if anyone else felt like they might've acted sexual or had those thoughts from more of a curious perspective, or if such things might've been more of a result of being exposed to such models of males being super focused on sex (something along the lines of having a society-ingrained thought rather than an actual personal one), when they were younger?

Also if other asexual males had ever just generally gravitated to having women as friends? I've only really started to have guy friends within the last year (previous experience has made me avoid them in general), and even then, I still prefer female companions (as friends and as romantic partners).

Just a few thoughts, since I feel like having confirmed asexuals' opinions on what goes on in my own head might help me determine if I'm actually asexual or just close to it.

This is all probably worded weirdly oops...

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Hobbes!
I was wondering if anyone else felt like they might've acted sexual or had those thoughts from more of a curious perspective, or if such things might've been more of a result of being exposed to such models of males being super focused on sex (something along the lines of having a society-ingrained thought rather than an actual personal one), when they were younger?

Oh, hell yes. I thought I was entirely straight, and acted like it, until I came across AVEN. Then suddenly, the idea of being asexual fit how I actually felt a lot better than being straight ever did.

In hindsight I know now that the attention I paid to my crush's bodies was really more to do with curiosity and wanting to be a couple rather than sexual attraction. Let's be honest, tits especially are kind of mythologised in our culture. It's built up to be some sort of defining moment for a guy - the first time you get your hands on actual tits! I still am sort of curious to see to what it's like, admittedly, but again, it's not about sexual attraction.

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tarutaru

The major trait we all share is education and extremely technical/detail oriented coming from technical/engineering/sciences backgrounds.

[Citation needed]
You missed the subject. He was talking about people he knows:

I know many men who are in my age group (early 50's) and single like me.

I have heard comments from others who think they are secretly gay but knowing what I know they strike me as asexual like myself. The major trait we all share is education and extremely technical/detail oriented coming from technical/engineering/sciences backgrounds.

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tarutaru

I've seen several YouTube videos this week were where people are giving dating advice and talking about all these hassles they go through to get someone to like then. Then another couple videos talking how it's common to lose a lot of your stuff if you break up with a partner you're living with. Moving is hectic enough without doing it in a hurry...

So glad to be ace and not have to even think about this stuff that's apparently common.

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EMPrise

Well, if you're aro, you don't have such issues... if you're romantic, you have them multiplied because your choice is limited and so more mutual work is needed to come to a common denominator with a generic partner...

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tarutaru

Well, if you're aro, you don't have such issues... if you're romantic, you have them multiplied because your choice is limited and so more mutual work is needed to come to a common denominator with a generic partner...

Very true. Just I've noticed a lot of allosexual folks will put up with a lot for the sake of sex. Romantic or not, most aces don't have to worry about that particular pressure.

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nerdperson777

Just came across this site in general, as a friend suggested that I might be asexual.

-Technically I'm still figuring it out, but I identify with a lot of key points, so I might be here a while!

I was wondering if anyone else felt like they might've acted sexual or had those thoughts from more of a curious perspective, or if such things might've been more of a result of being exposed to such models of males being super focused on sex (something along the lines of having a society-ingrained thought rather than an actual personal one), when they were younger?

Also if other asexual males had ever just generally gravitated to having women as friends? I've only really started to have guy friends within the last year (previous experience has made me avoid them in general), and even then, I still prefer female companions (as friends and as romantic partners).

Just a few thoughts, since I feel like having confirmed asexuals' opinions on what goes on in my own head might help me determine if I'm actually asexual or just close to it.

This is all probably worded weirdly oops...

Said this in the first post I wrote in this thread, but I like having women friends, but I'm trans* male rather than male. I just somehow feel more male around females and then hanging out with manly males makes me feel not male enough. It might be different because I'm not romantic but sounds similar to me. Also normal society sees me as female so I've grown accustomed to being with females. If I had a male sibling, that might've changed things. My dad is a weird guy and still treats me as female so :(

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NobleHogknight

Also if other asexual males had ever just generally gravitated to having women as friends? I've only really started to have guy friends within the last year (previous experience has made me avoid them in general), and even then, I still prefer female companions (as friends and as romantic partners).

I was having just female friends in kindergarten, many in elementary, in secondary school I kinda missed out because of the girls there becoming more dismissive towards me. Now in university, my best friends are women again and it's great, since I feel way more connected to them than to my male friends I was having until then.

Back to topic of men musings:

I once overheared a male fellow student saying: "The worst thing that could happen to a man is to get impotent!" I just thought: "Haha, look next to you, there's one man who would definitely not care!" 8)

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Steph Ace

Back to topic of men musings:

I once overheared a male fellow student saying: "The worst thing that could happen to a man is to get impotent!" I just thought: "Haha, look next to you, there's one man who would definitely not care!" 8)

Nope! The best conversations are one comparing lengths! "Have you ever measured yourself?" "Nope? That's a thing? Probably never going to use it, if anything I want it gone!"

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DiEvAl

Back to topic of men musings:

I once overheared a male fellow student saying: "The worst thing that could happen to a man is to get impotent!" I just thought: "Haha, look next to you, there's one man who would definitely not care!" 8)

Nope! The best conversations are one comparing lengths! "Have you ever measured yourself?" "Nope? That's a thing? Probably never going to use it, if anything I want it gone!"

Why would you want it gone? o_O I mean, being able to use a urinal instead of waiting in a really long queue can save you a lot of time ;). Testicles on the other hand are pretty useless.

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Steph Ace

Back to topic of men musings:

I once overheared a male fellow student saying: "The worst thing that could happen to a man is to get impotent!" I just thought: "Haha, look next to you, there's one man who would definitely not care!" 8)

Nope! The best conversations are one comparing lengths! "Have you ever measured yourself?" "Nope? That's a thing? Probably never going to use it, if anything I want it gone!"

Why would you want it gone? o_O I mean, being able to use a urinal instead of waiting in a really long queue can save you a lot of time ;). Testicles on the other hand are pretty useless.

Biological dysphoria, It's just an emotional feeling that says "This shouldn't be part of my body" :wacko:

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butterflydreams

Back to topic of men musings:

I once overheared a male fellow student saying: "The worst thing that could happen to a man is to get impotent!" I just thought: "Haha, look next to you, there's one man who would definitely not care!" 8)

Nope! The best conversations are one comparing lengths! "Have you ever measured yourself?" "Nope? That's a thing? Probably never going to use it, if anything I want it gone!"

Good god...

I remember being on the edge of a conversation some friends were having in high school about one of my best friends (who wasn't present). It was basically like, "hey, so you guys may not know this, but so-and-so is freakin HUNG." My first reactions was along the lines of, "jesus...what the hell?! I'm eating lunch here you jackasses..." and my next reaction was one of understanding. I wasn't too naive at the time, maybe this was why my best friend, who I'd known forever, had seemingly inexplicably become really popular with girls. He welcomed it. They welcomed it. Sucks seeing one of your best friends split away from you like that.

More recently though, I was actually talking to an old, old friend. I decided to tell him I was trans and I was prodding him for his no-nonsense opinion on that. I mentioned how I was never really fond of the design of things below midship. It protruded. I hated it. I hated how it worked too. Sure it felt good to mess with it, but it felt...not right at the same time. I told him how, if anything, I always wished it would be small. Why the hell would anyone want a big dick?! That was when he told me how he wished his was bigger, and how when he was going through puberty, he measured it and ultimately was disappointed that it never got bigger. (Incidentally, I love my friend. He never pulls any punches.)

As for testicles...yeah...I'd love to meet the idiot designer who came up with that design. Unnecessary imo. Sadly they produce important things to keep body doing something important? Is that the correct understanding? And if you don't have them, you need to supplement with that something for life? I'm not fond of the "for life" aspect, but it's a compelling argument. Especially considering the direction I want to be headed.

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nerdperson777

Back to topic of men musings:

I once overheared a male fellow student saying: "The worst thing that could happen to a man is to get impotent!" I just thought: "Haha, look next to you, there's one man who would definitely not care!" 8)

Nope! The best conversations are one comparing lengths! "Have you ever measured yourself?" "Nope? That's a thing? Probably never going to use it, if anything I want it gone!"

Oh yeah, I remember some guy taking someone's lunch banana during High School Statistics, put it next to his crotch and said, "Nope, not big enough." Well, okay. Also I didn't take it as a sexual comment until I told my mom about it in the dollar store and there were banana cases.

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Tja

I've had female friends, almost, exclusively. Now, except for online, I really don't have any friends. I'm on the road too much and have only been disappointed with friends. I prefer not having any irl.

As for my penis and testicles? Love 'em! Wouldn't want to lose them or replace them. They may not be used in the conventional (sexual) way, but they keep me very nice company when I need them. ;)

I know the male emphasis on size is a societal "norm". Bragging about how big it is. The bigger the better, I guess.

Back when I was trying to be sexual, I wouldn't want anything to do with the larger ones. Too much to handle. :P

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Squirrel Combat

Due to an insecurity I have, I tend to be pretty uncomfortable when a girl I like has a ton of guy friends, many of whom may be single. I just feel this horrible pressure to just become wicked romantic way too fast and try to ask them out before I'm ready just so some other guy won't beat me to her and thus I lose. Thankfully, Hailey has next to no guy friends (that I know of, yet). 8)

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RHD95

I don't mean to offend, but I find really silly the way some sexual males talk about their penis in general, like the size thing for example (they make it sound like it has some sort of magical properties or something). I don't get it, to me it's just a thing I pee through :huh: . I guess it's one of those things you have to be allosexual to truly understand it.

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Tja

They can't help it. As we are just not geared for sex, they are at the opposite end of the spectrum and are completely controlled by their sexual drive. They're programmed to spread their seed around.

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EMPrise

The size competition is useless because women don't care about it (they're physically very flexible), or even feel uncomfortable if it's too big.

Having a rather small one because of past obesity, I couldn't have said otherwise :D

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butterflydreams

As for my penis and testicles? Love 'em! Wouldn't want to lose them or replace them. They may not be used in the conventional (sexual) way, but they keep me very nice company when I need them. ;)

fascinating-02rp9a.jpg

I'm very interested in hearing people talk candidly about these kinds of things. Helps me understand things better. It's easy to assume most people feel the same way you do, you know? Me, I'm like, "wait, I can replace them?! No foolin'?" *sigh* I'm so messed up :P

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