A guy keeps asking me out and won't take no as an answer...

[Petticoats and cuddles]

Pretty much as the topic title says. A guy in my theory class keeps asking me out and has told me before saying " no matter how many no's I get it's the yes that counts." I've told him no and that it's unlikely. I've explained that I'm not interested and i've already got a girlfriend. (he thinks we are just best friends and aren't actually dating. he might have accepted it? Passive aggressive "How's your girlfriend?" in the past thrown at me)

I'm demi-romantic and i've only known him for 4 months so i'm really not interested in dating him.
I've only got 4 months left of the course. Should I confront him, tell him there's no chance so just go away or should I just ignore it and not contact him after we part ways?

[Palovana]

Okay, seriously, tell him something like "Leave me alone, I will never go out with you and you're really pissing me off" and if he keeps bothering you, consider getting authorities involved. Because if you tell him to leave you alone and he keeps bothering you, that's harassment or stalking.

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

Confront him. Tell him once more to leave you alone, and that if he still doesn't back off, he'll legally be harassing you and you can charge him accordingly.

Also this:

" no matter how many no's I get it's the yes that counts."

-is very creepy and rape culture-y.

[BusTotem]

"how about if the 'Yes' is the one I give the police when they ask if you're the one who's been harassing me?"

Seriously, that's beyond unacceptable and well into red flag "get the police involved, preferably last week" territory. Seriously, you need to shut him down decisively and hard and immediately, and if he does anything that indicates that he didn't take the hint, start taking records of everything he does so you or your girlfriend can take it to the cops. No 'it's unlikely', no equivocation, just raw "I will NEVER go out with you, and if you ask again, I WILL have you arrested."

[Prairie]

Explaining the likelihood that you'll say yes, that you'll never do so, seems less direct because it's not telling him to stop, it's just saying that you don't think he'll get anything by continuing. I think that the specific topic is irrelevant now and the only communication should be that it's become harassment and you are demanding that he stop. If he's unable to mentally drop it and start respecting you as a person who has drawn the line, then it's clear that going to the next level is warranted.

[Ficulnean]

Explaining the likelihood that you'll say yes, that you'll never do so, seems less direct because it's not telling him to stop, it's just saying that you don't think he'll get anything by continuing. I think that the specific topic is irrelevant now and the only communication should be that it's become harassment and you are demanding that he stop. If he's unable to mentally drop it and start respecting you as a person who has drawn the line, then it's clear that going to the next level is warranted.

I agree. And, tell someone else about it that is around both you and him in class.

[Vega91]

I'll just second what everyone here says. He is showing that he has no respect for your opinions or boundaries. Tell him, very bluntly, that he has no chance with you and that you find his behavior creepy and disrespectful. If he doesn't stop, get someone involved. I'd honestly be afraid to be anywhere with him, someone who won't respect a "no" in one situation probably won't respect it anywhere.

[WorldHero]

I agree with everyone else's responses; tell him that if he asks you one more time, you'll report him in. Get authorities involved if you must. I've recently had a similar situation with a guy online who seemed friendly...And then kept begging me to go out with him for just sex, even after I told him "no, I'm too busy these days." Most of the responses I got were "come on please," "why not, you crave it and so do I," "but why not, you're attractive," etc...I shot him down hard with "What part of 'No, I'm too busy with school' did you not understand? If you keep begging me for sex, you're going to get reported in.'" He backed off after that, but then responded with "ok sorry beautiful"...As if nicknaming me "beautiful" would suddenly make me change my mind. <_<

If this guy won't back off, no matter how many times you explain to him your refusals, then you need to report his ass in. Sometimes just threatening to report them gets most smart guys to shut up and leave you alone, it seems...And if he thinks you're bluffing, report him in anyway.

[kawaiipanda]

I swear, idiots like this are everywhere. You let him know in front of everyone in your class that his attention is unwanted, he is harassing you, and if he persists, you will get the police involved. Tell him you'll get a restraining order against him, which will make taking the same class slightly difficult for him. What's more important- getting your education, or harassing a person who clearly wants nothing to do with you?

[whitesphere]

I'm surprised a lot of men don't know how to be respectful of women's boundaries. It's one of the first things my mom taught me :-P

I'll echo what the other posters have said. Putting up with this ass for 4 months will make your time in the course more difficult. Make one blunt statement that "I never want to hear a word from you again or I'm going to the police." Make this statement very loudly in front of other witnesses.

[Mostly Peaceful Ryan]

He sounds creepy sorry you have to deal with this :(

Unless he bothers you again I say ignore him if he ask you again confront him. Don't go out of your way to confront him he might have gotten the message already. So if he asks you respond with the confrontation but don't go seeking it on your own. Sounds like some are saying seek a fight and I don't think that is ever a good idea.

[WorldHero]

He sounds creepy sorry you have to deal with this :(

Unless he bothers you again I say ignore him if he ask you again confront him. Don't go out of your way to confront him he might have gotten the message already. So if he asks you respond with the confrontation but don't go seeking it on your own. Sounds like some are saying seek a fight and I don't think that is ever a good idea.

She implied that she has confronted him about it already, several times, and he clearly hasn't gotten the mesage at all. So the best thing to do is to either report him in without warning him, or just threaten to report him to authorities. It sounds like this guy is out to get a "yes" from her no matter what, which means simply ignoring him will not work. ("no matter how many no's I get, it's the 'yes' that counts.") We're not telling her to fight him. Not all confrontations = fights. She really needs to stand up to him and tell him directly that there will be dire consequences (i.e. going to the authorities) if he doesn't leave her alone.

[Zash]

" no matter how many no's I get it's the yes that counts."

That sounds like one of those motivational lines that the pickup class teachers tell people. What it is SUPPOSED to mean is that if a girl shoots you down, move on to the next one. However, some people interpret it as "If you harass her long enough she will say yes."

[Mostly Peaceful Ryan]

He sounds creepy sorry you have to deal with this :(

Unless he bothers you again I say ignore him if he ask you again confront him. Don't go out of your way to confront him he might have gotten the message already. So if he asks you respond with the confrontation but don't go seeking it on your own. Sounds like some are saying seek a fight and I don't think that is ever a good idea.

She implied that she has confronted him about it already, several times, and he clearly hasn't gotten the mesage at all. So the best thing to do is to either report him in without warning him, or just threaten to report him to authorities. It sounds like this guy is out to get a "yes" from her no matter what, which means simply ignoring him will not work. ("no matter how many no's I get, it's the 'yes' that counts.") We're not telling her to fight him. Not all confrontations = fights. She really needs to stand up to him and tell him directly that there will be dire consequences (i.e. going to the authorities) if he doesn't leave her alone.

She said he might have accepted it, so why report someone who might have already gotten the message to back off? Also confrontation can easily lead to a fight (not physical I mean verbal) if you are doing it in front of a bunch of people. It may also backfired on her if she confronts him without a provoked reason to when she does it. If he is still not getting the hint and asking her out she will have the opportunity shortly to respond to it with a more forceful "No" and use the advice to report or threaten to report him, but if he has gotten the hint and doesn't bother her again there is no reason to threaten him as the problem is over. I've agreed with the post above and said to confront him but merely said to wait for the right moment to do so and not rush into it. I think you misread my comment about ignoring him. I was saying ignore him for now and don't think about him unless he harasses her again which is what you said as well but in different wording.... "if he doesn't leave her alone"

[Urishir]

If you get annoyed enough you could say to him "how would you like if a guy asked you out no matter how many times you say no"

maybe that would shock him enough to stop...

[Guest]

Report him to a staff member. It's harassment and they have a responsibility to deal with it.

[Petticoats and cuddles]

Thanks for all the advice you lot! It's been really helpful to have other opinions on this.

Feel free to keep posting though, don't let me stop you!

[CreativeUsername]

I agree with others. The only confronting that needs to be done at this point is the sort where you clearly state your intentions to report him, either to the police or campus security. Frankly, he doesn't even deserve any sort of notice that you intend to report him because he should know better. His behavior is completely unacceptable and is harassment. You should not have to put up with this. No means no all of the time, even if its only for a date request.

[WorldHero]

He sounds creepy sorry you have to deal with this :(

Unless he bothers you again I say ignore him if he ask you again confront him. Don't go out of your way to confront him he might have gotten the message already. So if he asks you respond with the confrontation but don't go seeking it on your own. Sounds like some are saying seek a fight and I don't think that is ever a good idea.

She implied that she has confronted him about it already, several times, and he clearly hasn't gotten the mesage at all. So the best thing to do is to either report him in without warning him, or just threaten to report him to authorities. It sounds like this guy is out to get a "yes" from her no matter what, which means simply ignoring him will not work. ("no matter how many no's I get, it's the 'yes' that counts.") We're not telling her to fight him. Not all confrontations = fights. She really needs to stand up to him and tell him directly that there will be dire consequences (i.e. going to the authorities) if he doesn't leave her alone.

She said he might have accepted it, so why report someone who might have already gotten the message to back off? Also confrontation can easily lead to a fight (not physical I mean verbal) if you are doing it in front of a bunch of people. It may also backfired on her if she confronts him without a provoked reason to when she does it. If he is still not getting the hint and asking her out she will have the opportunity shortly to respond to it with a more forceful "No" and use the advice to report or threaten to report him, but if he has gotten the hint and doesn't bother her again there is no reason to threaten him as the problem is over. I've agreed with the post above and said to confront him but merely said to wait for the right moment to do so and not rush into it. I think you misread my comment about ignoring him. I was saying ignore him for now and don't think about him unless he harasses her again which is what you said as well but in different wording.... "if he doesn't leave her alone"

Considering he kept asking her out, he obviously didn't get the message the first time. I'm suggesting that if he asks her out again, she could report him in. She doesn't have to report him in now. And even if it does turn into a verbal fight in public, that might also help her out in getting him to finally back off. We're not advising her to confront him without a reason, we're suggesting she confronts him if he asks her out again. She already mentioned in the title that this guy will not take "no" for an answer. So what could a forceful "no" do? And it seems like she's already been ignoring him for the most part, she's already told him she has a girlfriend, but he still won't leave her alone. That's why I suggested that if he asks her again, she should report him in. What he's doing can be considered harassment and it seems like he's going to keep asking her anyway, no matter how many times she refuses him.

I recently threatened to report a guy in for continually begging me to meet him for sex, after I said "no" and explained why. He finally backed off after I threatened him. He also wouldn't take "no" for an answer, so I had to get harsh with him. These guys are ones that don't really seem to give a shit about personal boundaries and opinions of women they're interested in, or the concept of "no means no." They will keep bothering them until they get the answer they want...Or until they're reported to any higher-ups/authorities. Ignoring them and a forceful "no" is not going to always work. Yes, ignoring him unless he confronts her about it again may work...But if he does, she's much better off telling campus security about him. Or even going to the authorities.

If you get annoyed enough you could say to him "how would you like if a guy asked you out no matter how many times you say no"

maybe that would shock him enough to stop...

That's a good one too...I don't know if that's effective enough, but it could work.

[Mostly Peaceful Ryan]

He sounds creepy sorry you have to deal with this :(

Unless he bothers you again I say ignore him if he ask you again confront him. Don't go out of your way to confront him he might have gotten the message already. So if he asks you respond with the confrontation but don't go seeking it on your own. Sounds like some are saying seek a fight and I don't think that is ever a good idea.

She implied that she has confronted him about it already, several times, and he clearly hasn't gotten the mesage at all. So the best thing to do is to either report him in without warning him, or just threaten to report him to authorities. It sounds like this guy is out to get a "yes" from her no matter what, which means simply ignoring him will not work. ("no matter how many no's I get, it's the 'yes' that counts.") We're not telling her to fight him. Not all confrontations = fights. She really needs to stand up to him and tell him directly that there will be dire consequences (i.e. going to the authorities) if he doesn't leave her alone.

She said he might have accepted it, so why report someone who might have already gotten the message to back off? Also confrontation can easily lead to a fight (not physical I mean verbal) if you are doing it in front of a bunch of people. It may also backfired on her if she confronts him without a provoked reason to when she does it. If he is still not getting the hint and asking her out she will have the opportunity shortly to respond to it with a more forceful "No" and use the advice to report or threaten to report him, but if he has gotten the hint and doesn't bother her again there is no reason to threaten him as the problem is over. I've agreed with the post above and said to confront him but merely said to wait for the right moment to do so and not rush into it. I think you misread my comment about ignoring him. I was saying ignore him for now and don't think about him unless he harasses her again which is what you said as well but in different wording.... "if he doesn't leave her alone"

Considering he kept asking her out, he obviously didn't get the message the first time. I'm suggesting that if he asks her out again, she could report him in. She doesn't have to report him in now. And even if it does turn into a verbal fight in public, that might also help her out in getting him to finally back off. We're not advising her to confront him without a reason, we're suggesting she confronts him if he asks her out again. She already mentioned in the title that this guy will not take "no" for an answer. So what could a forceful "no" do? And it seems like she's already been ignoring him for the most part, she's already told him she has a girlfriend, but he still won't leave her alone. That's why I suggested that if he asks her again, she should report him in. What he's doing can be considered harassment and it seems like he's going to keep asking her anyway, no matter how many times she refuses him.

I recently threatened to report a guy in for continually begging me to meet him for sex, after I said "no" and explained why. He finally backed off after I threatened him. He also wouldn't take "no" for an answer, so I had to get harsh with him. These guys are ones that don't really seem to give a shit about personal boundaries and opinions of women they're interested in, or the concept of "no means no." They will keep bothering them until they get the answer they want...Or until they're reported to any higher-ups/authorities. Ignoring them and a forceful "no" is not going to always work. Yes, ignoring him unless he confronts her about it again may work...But if he does, she's much better off telling campus security about him. Or even going to the authorities.

WorldHero, Your post is confusing me. We are in agreement but you make it sound like you are arguing with me over something. I never said I took issue with your post above either. All I ever said was since she said "he might have accepted it?" is to wait to see whether or not he had. Which again you bold that part in yours so we are agreeing? I don't get what problem you see with my post since you are saying the same thing as me. My statement of a more forceful "No" doesn't mean just saying no but in a stronger tone it meant to say it with the threat and/or reporting like others have stated above. So many have said all the other options so I think she can decide between the one she prefers, I don't need to restate them in my post and my comments never have been about "how" to respond but was about the "when" to respond, since the thread has everyone answering the "how" but not really so much the "when". If you are just Nitpicking at my uses of a "more forceful no" instead of saying "report him or threaten to report him" or whatever then I'm just going back away, more forceful no implies stronger actions then just no or I would just say tell him no again. -_-

[ranting ferret]

"what sphincter of hell do you live in that makes you think constantly asking me like some salesman is going to win me over? you've only convinced me to never want to be around you. i don't like people who ignore a direct answer to a direct question."

also punching, but that might actually get you in trouble. so don't take that as serious advice.

[TheArronaut]

Don't be alone with him. Do not confront him alone. I may be projecting a bit, but corrective rape is a personal phobia of mine, and he sounds like he's pushing it.

[seneca]

TASER.

[Fire & Rain]

Confront him. He's bothering you. If he really liked you, he should have backed off when you said no.

[Petticoats and cuddles]

Don't be alone with him. Do not confront him alone. I may be projecting a bit, but corrective rape is a personal phobia of mine, and he sounds like he's pushing it.

Dear TheArronaut, thank you very much for sharing your thoughts on this. I will put you at ease for saying I will indeed have a friend with me when I confront him. Also to put you at even more peace I will add that I am very capible of stopping him should he try to harm me: I am an international athleate for australia, I am on the australian karate team and I will not hesitate to take this guy to the floor should he attempt to harm me.