Jump to content

How Do I Describe What Being Gray Is Like?


Recommended Posts

Yeah, so I identify as a biromantic gray. I understand what it's like and how it feels to be gray. But when my friend asked me about my grayness, I had trouble describing it clearly enough for her to understand.

Since I was having difficulties I showed her the wiki page on being "in the gray" but she said she still didn't quite understand. She said she got the whole "low libido" part of it but she had trouble with the "having desire for sex but feeling no need to act upon it" part. After some back and forth I ended it with that it's kind of like a "I want to, but I don't actually want to" thing. It was clear that she was not satisfied with that response.

Sooo anyone else try to describe being gray to someone who isn't? How did you describe it to them? And how should I describe in a way that my pansexual friend would understand? q w q

Link to post
Share on other sites

It depends what kind of Gray you are on how to explain it. It is an umbrella term.

Also, having low libido/sex-drive is very similar to having the desire for sex but feeling no need to act upon it-- well, relatively, so i don't see how she can comprehend one but not the other. I guess you could put it as sex-drive being-- (although by saying drive it sounds like how high or low is your drive to act on your desires which then makes the two things the same)-- sex drive being the frequency in which you desire sex and "feeling the attraction but no need to act" is indifference. Unless you mean sexual arousal while not wanting to have sex. Technically it's a type of Gray-A because it is a part of sexual attraction, but just as an aromantic may feel romantically for someone but not want to be in a romantic relationship, the same under sexual circumstances is also called asexual. So i disagree with it being included in the Gray definition.

But Gray is anything between having the attraction and not having the attraction/having elements of both or at different times. There are many Grays; more than the AVEN Wiki lists. Some have names and some don't yet. But if yours is "wanting to but not wanting to," then are you Lithsexual? Having sexual attraction; meaning arousal and the desire to have sex with a person, but upon the reciprocation (immediately or over time) it results in indifference, loss of interests, or repulsion. Basically a negative to indifferent reaction to sexual reciprocation.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ahh thank you! This really helped. ^^ I considered identifying as that actually, but I'm rarely ever aroused to begin. In the entire year I dated my old girlfriend we were only about to have sex once (she was feeling it, I guessed I was feeling it) but we stopped right as we started because I quickly lost interest. Other than that one time I was rarely ever aroused and when I was I never wanted to go very far with it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Tell her that it's kind of like when you go to the refrigerator or pantry looking for something to eat, but nothing really looks good. You're not really hungry, you just kind of want to eat while watching TV or whatever, but then you're also feeling really picky, so almost none of the food looks good.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You can be multiple types of Gray and still identify as it. I do too (romantically, and i have three). So its both rare and Lith for you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm no fan of the complicated (enough to confuse) label + lengthy explanation approach. I tell people "I am not very interested in sex" and hope they understand.

If I am lucky somebody else did the visibility work and they ask if I consider myself asexual. - If not, why bother? - I assume sexual people find reasons to not pick somebody as a regular & frequent partner too.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...