catalinams Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I'm not a native english speaker, sorry for my english. Hi. I'm romantically attracted to girls and boys but I'm not interested in doing anything sexual with them. It wasn't a slow progress like bisexuality, it felt more like a slap in the face. I want a relationship in the most innocent form. I don't want to have sex or do anything sexual. I'm not grossed out by sex. I don't see anything wrong with sex or nudity. Masturbation isn't a problem. Nothing happened. I'm just not interested in sex. It's weird because I've felt sexual attraction in the past, up until a week ago, I was sexually/romantically attracted to a person in particular but I'm not sexually attracted to them anymore, not since I realized I wasn't interested in having sex, it's like a part of me is gone. This is not what I want for me, I feel like there's something wrong with me and I'm scared because I know I'll have sex eventually and I won't enjoy any of it. According to google, I'm biromantic and asexual. I wanna know how to deal with this, what am I supposed to now? I'm going to college soon and I think it's going to make everything worse. Thank you. I'm trying to deal with this, I'm sorry if I making anyone uncomfortable with my internalized acephobia. I'm truly sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
fuzzipueo Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 While I won't downplay your fear, there really isn't anything to be afraid of. It's just a different state of being. In this case, I think the fear is easy to overcome by the gaining of knowledge. Ask questions, check out the FAQ and Wiki, visit other sites like the Asexuality Archive which I found really helpful. One of the things about college is being able to explore a variety of options. So you're not interested in sex? There are so many things you can do otherwise. You might even luck out and find someone who's on the same wavelength with you and just would love to be with you for just being you. There are folks on this site who have QueerPlatonic Partners who might be able to give you tips on relationships that don't include sex. Also, if you're not interested in sex, then the only one who says yes or no to having it is you, no one should expect you have sex just because. Don't worry about it so much. When the time comes, you'll know what you want. Be honest and open and clear with yourself and any potential partner. I think your English is very good, by the way. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Rashkae Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 If you had sexual attraction before and don't have it now and that causes you distress then my advice is to talk to a professional to see if there is something medical going on. But first you should ask yourself if you might have been confusing sexual attraction for something else (that seems to happen fairly often with us aces). Link to post Share on other sites
Prisma Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 According to what I know, sexual desire and the level of attraction in sexual people often vary on time. If you felt sexual attraction until a week ago, I'd say it's too early to declare it gone forever. Same thing about sex. I know at least some people have to get close to someone before actually wanting to have sex with them. If you wouldn't find someone you want to have sex with, that's fine too. The important thing is not to let it stress you out. Things will eventually work out :) Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Were you just sexually aroused when you had sexual attraction? If so then arousal is just a bodily reaction; you would also need to want to have sex with them for it to be sexual attraction. Theres a meetup section on this forum, maybe that will calm your nerves. Just look for your location in one of its threads or create your own if you can't. Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 If this lack of attraction is a problem for you, and not just a fear for future possibilities because of it, then I would agree with the person who mentioned going to see a doctor. However, I went through much the same thing as you when I finally realized that, while wanting a relationship, I'd alwayleft unquestioned the idea of sex. Once I finally questioned it, it was like a slap in the face. I feel a bit lost realizing I don't have an anchoring point that most other people do, but when reading through all the stories here of how people have tried to force themselves into relationships, I'm glad I had a sudden realization without the other negatives I would otherwise be having to deal with. Sit back, read, think, take it all in. The try picturing where you want to be in relationships in the future, how to get there, and if it would be healthy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Member54880 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Is the lack of attraction itself that's distressing to you, or is it the expectations surrounding sex and relationships? You don't have to have sex if you don't want to; if hypothetically your partner wants sex and you don't, your boundaries come first, and you wouldn't "owe" it to them to have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
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