If you never heard of the concept of asexuality or related position, where would you be, and how would you identify?

[R_1]

Here's a thread to serve as a thought experiment for asexuals. Basically, it's a poll for asexuals or at least for those who can relates to asexuals in general, and the poll asks certain questions to be used for thinking about.

[Goaty]

I didn't really think about it before coming across AVEN, so I don't think I'd identify with anything really. When people asked I'd be like, I dunno, I'm just not really interested in people yet. That's all I really thought: I figured it just wasn't of much importance to me so I just hadn't developed those feelings yet. I'm a teen though, so it's easier to say that. :P Probably later in life I'd find it harder.

[TaminSweets]

For me personally, I would still be at a loss of what my sexuality is. Not because I felt off to what others were feeling, though I did.More because of a gender Identity going on with me currently, and by extension romantic orientation issues. I would still probably let people assume my sexuality. I've been told I was Homosexual when I was in school, and my friends assumed I was heterosexual waiting for marriage. If asked I would Probably say Heterosexual. Though It feels wrong as soon as I say it. I didn't know before I found asexuality that romantic attraction and sexual attraction were separate. which played a big role in my identity. I'm not sure how I feel about blending in honestly, though I didn't have sex then and I definitely wouldn't be having any now. Not knowing asexuality will not change how I'm feeling or my behavior, Its just a label.

[Happy Kitty]

I lived my whole 34 years thinking I was a "normal," albeit broken, hetero. That's how I'd still think of myself if I hadn't found this forum.

[Iggy]

I had had sex with both men and women years ago, and didn't seem to get out of it what other people did. This led to sex being a very lonely experience for me so I decided to never have sex again. It had been many years since I had last had sex when I found out about asexuality, and generally quite happy, so I know I wouldn't be having sex now even if I hadn't found out about asexuality.

Whenever I would think about it I would think there was something wrong with me, I would think there was something missing. This seemed to me something to be ashamed of, a secret that I had to keep to myself. Discovering asexuality and accepting that I am asexual was a big relief for me. If I hadn't discovered asexuality I would still feel that way.

[IceHurricane]

before I heard of asexuality, I would just say "I don't like boys or girls". I knew that I wasn't sexually attracted to anything, I just never knew there was a name for it. Knowing about asexuality doesn't change the fact that I knew I didn't like any gender.

I never had sex before I learned about asexuality, and I still wouldn't be having sex now.

Unsure about the third question.

I did think there was something wrong with me when I was younger, but I eventually embraced my (lack of) sexuality. :)

[Philip027]

I've always called myself "straight, but just not in a sexual way", so I'd probably have called myself heterosexual simply because that would have been the closest fit.

[Everybody's Watson]

Honestly, prior to discovering asexuality, I thought that everyone thought in a similar pattern to me, and that everyone who was going on about how "hot" someone was and about their sexual desires was just saying those things to fit in. As weird as it sounds, I didn't know that sexuality was a thing, let alone asexuality.

[Guest]

I'll try to answer each point in the poll in orderish:

May be TMI for sex and general weirdness.

Before learning about asexuality I identified as a broken bisexual or a bisexual whose plumbing didn't work.. sometimes I'd say "bisexual without the sexual part" (I'd also never heard the term pan as applied to sexual/romantic orientation, I identify as pan now as opposed to bi as I feel pan sums up my feelings better than bi does)

I forced myself to have sex for many years under the mistaken belief that if I just kept having it, I would become a "normal" sexual person (ie want and enjoy sex). A doctor even confirmed this when I was 18 (he told me to keep practicing sex and I would eventually love it. it's worth noting I guess that I had/have a high libido and have ways masturbated to orgasm regularly etc, just never enjoyed partnered sexual activity. I'm also not sex repulsed at all, and no, was not abused as a child or anything even remotely like that, on top of that, I'm very sensual and love physical intimacy .. so there was nothing I could pinpoint that would *cause* my lack of a real "sexuality".. that all just lead to total confusion.) ..

When I finally left my hypersexual ex of 5 years I vowed I remain single for the rest of my life if it meant never having sex again. I remember signing up to OKcupid at one point saying I'm looking for love and cuddles, total monogamy, long term commitment etc.. but am unable to have sex. I just didn't know *what* to call that.. I never realized there was an actual term to sum it up (romantic asexual).. people understandably thought all that was very weird.

So if I never learnt about asexuality I'd still be identifying as "a bisexual without the sexual part" or "broken bisexual" .. I wouldn't be having sex, I'd rather be single or have a relationship with a paraplegic (no offense to anyone, not sure if that's offensive) than be with someone who expects sex and needs it to be happy (I'd find changing my partners nappy more intimate and rewarding, more loving, than sex. I don't mean that in a bad way against sex, I do think sex is awesome and a deeply intimate, rewarding activity for people who enjoy it, I just literally feel no emotion other than boredom and annoyance during sex whereas having to change a paraplegic partners nappy would be more caring and loving to me. Again, I really hope that doesn't offend anyone, it's not intended to)

I certainly would not blend in. I never did before learning about asexuality, even when I was forcing myself to have sex. The people I was with, men and women, could tell I didn't enjoy it no matter how hard I tried to fake it for their benefit. My lack of desire for or enjoyment of sex always made me stick out like a sore thumb.

lol yes I would 100% know something was off in regards to my sexuality.. I always knew something was off. I certainly wasn't like any other sexual person I had ever met or been with. Even the few celibate people I met still said they desired sex, they just made a conscious choice not to have it, so it wasn't even like I was celibate exactly: I couldn't refrain from something I didn't want.

It wasn't until I learned about asexuality that I realized nothing was off, I'm just asexual! I was so relieved I cried, yes I'm that lame :P

[Guest]

Eh, I just would identify myself as a single girl who chosen not to have sex and it makes her happy. Earlier I had a bisexual and lesbian phases because I was convinced if I don't like men I should like women but felt the same with this.

[Star Bit]

XD I'd still be waiting for it to kick in. I was a late bloomer too, so it came to no surprise. I would still feel nothing was wrong because late bloomers are normal. That and my friends dont talk about such stuff; thus I'd still feel no need/push to label my sexuality.

Depends what you mean by blending in. I would with my less sexual friends but the sex-crazed public, no. Though it also depends on the public's depiction of me; despite their own fixation on sex with other ppl or friends, they may tone it down or off if they view me innocently (not an insult normally but just respectful or protective). Making no major difference again and me blending in.

[deltaX]

Before I found out about asexuality, I identified as heterosexual by default, so I'd probably continue to do that.

I have never had sex before, and part of me liked to reason that that was because I was religious and was waiting until I was married. I'd probably continue to use my catholic faith to justify not having sex while I wasn't married, and my aromantic nature would probably prevent me from ever falling in love/getting married. I imagine I would be single and celibate for the rest of my life, not understanding why everyone else saw it as a problem.

I'm not sure I'd be able to blend in. Before I found out about asexuality, I was able to blend in to everyone, but I had to keep my doubts about my past relationship to myself. I had a feeling something was up, but I felt like I couldn't talk about it to anyone or they'd think I was weird. So most likely I would blend in, but only at the cost of suffering alone.

[Skycaptain]

I always regarded myself as heterosexual, but always said that I had never met the right person. That I had never really tried to form a relationship that may have lead to a sexual encounter sort of escaped me.

As nobody had ever really commented about it before I would blend in fairly well.

[R_1]

No one voted for homosexual at first question? One would expect at least one vote at 25 votes or something. Gonna check by 50th vote.

[GiraffeSpots]

I knew I didn't ever want to go out with anyone at age ten. I think it was my sister who found the term Asexual for me. I don't know how I would have identified as if she hadn't, I might have tried to blend in and go out with someone, but I might have stuck it out and ended up just like I am now; I am pretty stubborn and stay true to my strange self most of the time.

[Sage Raven Domino]

I'd identify as heterosexual (because I'm heteroaesthetic) but would be technically asexual (an eternal virgin or having 'sex' that would be more like masturbation with a live doll). Because of the libido, I wouldn't even feel that something is wrong with the sexuality itself, I'd blame my asociality only. The only difference would be that I wouldn't have the asexual community available.

[Schrecken]

I would have continued to identify as heterosexual, since I was and still am romantically interested in men. Actually, at my age, I did spend a good part of my life having to try to fit within the hetero label since the term asexual was unheard of for most of my life. So I've kind of been there, done that. I was happy to use my faith as an excuse, in that I was waiting for marriage (and under ideal conditions I still would have hoped for that even today, but life is far from ideal), but as the years went on and people saw me date-less for ages, I really couldn't effectively use that as a cover.

I also knew that I was different from most others, specifically I simply couldn't understand how and why people went rapidly from one romantic interest to the next, and there I was, only having interest in someone about as often as a leap year comes around. People I knew would break up or divorce, and then "boom!" they'd be right back out there hooked up with someone new. That was quite alien to me. Worse yet, what few crushes I would have seemed to be different for me than they would for other people. No one could understand my point of view and neither could I understand theirs.

I tried my best to fit in, but in certain situations I felt like I stuck out like a proverbial sore thumb being that I didn't date and never had a significant other. And being that I had crushes at all, however intermittent and rare they were, was probably even more confusing to others around me. I'm sure people wondered why I appeared to be interested in guys on occasion but I never or very rarely dated.

So I would have just gone on considering myself a "hetero-who-knows-what" I suppose; a heterosexual with some kind of inherent flaw of unknown origin.

[Philip027]

No one voted for homosexual at first question? One would expect at least one vote at 25 votes or something. Gonna check by 50th vote.

Not me, at least. While other people might have questioned it more since they may have thought of themselves as possibly not straight, there was no question for me because I knew for a fact I was largely repulsed by my own sex.

[Wannifty]

I'd have kept identifying as hetero, convinced I was broken, and hating myself for it. Spent far too much time trying to force a square peg into a round hole, wondering why it kept making me feel worse and worse about myself.

[ThaHoward]

Confused as hell

[LaMaestra]

Since any 'crushes' I had/have were/are on males, I would say 'heterosexual'.

No, I would not be having sex. Not then, not now, not ever.

For the blending in question, I voted 'yes' because I don't care whether or not I blend in. I am as I feel I should be and wish to be, not what society thinks I should be.

I would not feel 'off' just because of my sexuality. Why should I? If others can't or won't accept me, that is their problem not mine.

[5_♦♣]

I screwed up my answer to the second question. I accidentally chose 'I didn't have sex have before identifying, have no idea about this' when I should've chose the option directly below that.

[Lady Girl]

I screwed up my answer to the second question. I accidentally chose 'I didn't have sex have before identifying, have no idea about this' when I should've chose the option directly below that.

Fixed it.

[5_♦♣]

Thanks.

[Amoeba-Proteus]

I'd still be thinking I was broken...

And would still be a single virgin. Whether I knew of a term to describe myself or not, fact is, I'm not interested.

[Jockey]

I hate when people touch me in any way. Have since I was a newborn and frustrated my parents because I couldn't stand them holding me.

When I first found out about sex, I said, "uh-oh."

Without knowing about asexuality... I guess I'd figure that my sexuality was still not about to be of use.

[Guest]

My best guess at a label, that I went with for the last couple of years before finding AVEN, was "anatomically challenged Lesbian".

Obviously, it's a no to the "would (did) I blend in?" question.

As for the "is something off"... well, there are probably a lot of things off with the universe me. But I don't consider sexuality to be part of that list.

[xLiraelx]

I would probably feel the same. Asexual has just been a more useful term in describing my lack of interest. No more just assuming I'm bisexual because if I were to have sex, gender wouldn't matter. The point is that I don't want to.

[AceEnergy6]

I'd probably still identify as Bisexual or Pansexual and carry on with the confusion between romantic/aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction. But, I'd know deep down there's something different.

[binary suns]

I'd probably settle on pansexual. I had sex before and is still be having it, although right now? It might have been a tough rollercoaster for me, so right now I'd probably be on a relationship hiatus. Would I blend in? Most definitely. I'd just be one of those problems that you break up with because of the baggage :p