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Is it OK to have more than one squish?


plausiblebear

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plausiblebear

I have 2 squishes and did not know if it is fair to them to have both of them as my squish. Also I'm not sure if I am Aro, gray-romantic, or demi-romantic. But either way, can you still have a squish if you end up in a romantic relationship? Is that fair to your romantic partner? Your squish? IDK, so I thought I would ask the great AVEN community.

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It depends if you're mono or poly. And even considering that, there still may be "exceptions". Only you (and your partner if you have one) can feel if it's OK for you or not.

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Feelings are always okay. We cannot police feelings (at least, we can't do it ethically). It's what you do about them that matters.

As long as no betrayal of anyone's trust is actually taking place, there's really nothing wrong with whatever happens.

But either way, can you still have a squish if you end up in a romantic relationship?

Dude, you can still have crushes while still being in a romantic relationship.

I'm in one, and I still have them, because for me my crushes never really go away. Once someone has secured their own little spot in my heart, they have to do something rather atrocious for them to get booted out. And for the most part, if I'm capable of crushing on them to begin with, they're probably not the sort of person that does atrocious things. So they'll likely be there for quite a long time. Maybe until death. Who knows?

However, it's explicitly clear to my partners (meaning both now, and in the past) that even though I feel this way, it's never something that I would actually act upon while still being in a relationship. Even though my feelings can branch multiple ways at once, I'm pretty sure I'm ultimately still monogamous, in the sense that I don't feel like I would even WANT to try to carry out more than one relationship at once.

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plausiblebear

This is good advice. I will definitely think about this. Thank you!

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It depends if you're mono or poly. And even considering that, there still may be "exceptions". Only you (and your partner(s) if you have them) can feel if it's OK for you or not.

FTFY
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My definition of squish is a platonic and nonromantic version of a crush, and I'm sure hope that many others agree with my definition because how I learned it from AVENwiki.

Here's a direct quote from it:

A squish is the aromantic counterpart for a crush. A squish is an emotional desire for a strong platonic relationship with someone. These relationships often take the form of deep friendships, queerplatonic pairings and occasionally partnering. The envisioned relationship is usually more emotionally intimate than a typical friendship. A squish can be towards anyone of any gender and a person may also have many squishes, all of which may be active. -- AVENwiki

So if you agree with me on the definition of a squish, it's fine to have multiple squishes whenever and wherever and despite whether or not you're in a romantic relationship.

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My definition of squish is a platonic and nonromantic version of a crush, and I'm sure hope that many others agree with my definition because how I learned it from AVENwiki.

Here's a direct quote from it:

A squish is the aromantic counterpart for a crush. A squish is an emotional desire for a strong platonic relationship with someone. These relationships often take the form of deep friendships, queerplatonic pairings and occasionally partnering. The envisioned relationship is usually more emotionally intimate than a typical friendship. A squish can be towards anyone of any gender and a person may also have many squishes, all of which may be active. -- AVENwiki

So if you agree with me on the definition of a squish, it's fine to have multiple squishes whenever and wherever and despite whether or not you're in a romantic relationship.

That's been my understanding of a squish as well. From what I learned, it's about platonic feelings of affection, making it different than the classic "crush". Like that "wow, that person's so cool and funny and kind, I want to hang out with them and be friends" feeling. Just as you can make new friends when in a monogamous romantic relationship, I don't see how having a squish or more than one squish would be a problem. So I'm a bit confused to say the least. Plausiblebear, what is your understanding of the term "squish"?

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I think it's fine to have many squishes, but I sure have a problem with feeling like my poor little heart is being pulled way too many directions and I want to give ALL my love and attention to each one of these precious, amazing individuals, but I'm only one person so I can't have an exclusive relationship with all of them, whether platonic or romantic, gah! It's so hard to love so much sometimes...

So, I can also kind of understand feeling awkward about it, as though your love and attention are being divided and thus 'cheating' one person out of some of it, but I don't reeeally think it's like that, for me it's not that I can't fully love these people simultaneously feeling-wise, but that I haven't got enough time and energy to act out those feelings all the time, so... I have to choose, and I choose my husband for the focal point of my affections, but of course it's only natural to spend some of your time, emotions, and attention on other friends as well, I think it might actually be rather unhealthy not to.

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Is fine, but maybe take it as a hint that mono isn't your ideal way of relationship.

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Is fine, but maybe take it as a hint that mono isn't your ideal way of relationship.

Thing is, there is a world of difference between being able to feel toward multiple people and actually desiring a relationship with multiple people.

It's certainly worth looking into the mono vs poly thing at least so you have a better understanding of what it is you truly want as far as relationships go (I did, myself, for a while) but I still wouldn't necessarily interpret this to mean that someone isn't mono.

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plausiblebear

My definition of squish is a platonic and nonromantic version of a crush, and I'm sure hope that many others agree with my definition because how I learned it from AVENwiki.

Here's a direct quote from it:

A squish is the aromantic counterpart for a crush. A squish is an emotional desire for a strong platonic relationship with someone. These relationships often take the form of deep friendships, queerplatonic pairings and occasionally partnering. The envisioned relationship is usually more emotionally intimate than a typical friendship. A squish can be towards anyone of any gender and a person may also have many squishes, all of which may be active. -- AVENwiki

So if you agree with me on the definition of a squish, it's fine to have multiple squishes whenever and wherever and despite whether or not you're in a romantic relationship.

That's been my understanding of a squish as well. From what I learned, it's about platonic feelings of affection, making it different than the classic "crush". Like that "wow, that person's so cool and funny and kind, I want to hang out with them and be friends" feeling. Just as you can make new friends when in a monogamous romantic relationship, I don't see how having a squish or more than one squish would be a problem. So I'm a bit confused to say the least. Plausiblebear, what is your understanding of the term "squish"?

I always understood "squish" as wanting to be closer to the person in an aromatic/platonic relationship. Maybe I'm confusing it a little with a queer-platonic, Asexual (crush? squish? Zucchini?). IDK what exactly I'm feeling would be called, but I guess I should look more into poly relationships, I never really gave them much thought.

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If a squish is reciprocal, it can lead to a queerplatonic relationship. "Queerplatonic" is just the name for the most common type of aromantic relationships.

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  • 7 months later...

If a squish is reciprocal, it can lead to a queerplatonic relationship. "Queerplatonic" is just the name for the most common type of aromantic relationships.

I wouldn't say the "most common type" but more like ideal perhaps? Queerplatonic is a relationship that may seem "romantic" to others because of how close the people in the relationship are despite not having romantic feelings (like hugging, holding hands, etc.). That's why it's called "queer"platonic because it's queer in the sense that it's outside of the heterosexual normality standards. Every queerplatonic is different in what they are comfortable to do with each other involving body intimacy.

Basically, I consider it the ideal/top relationship for friendship to be achieved at, but not most common because personally, it's hard to find that kind of connection with somebody.

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