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Are asexuals overly "sensitive"?


AlwaysBeKorra

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AlwaysBeKorra

Hi :) After reading this thread: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/115991-types-of-attraction/?hl=sensual, I started wondering if asexuals may be more "sensitive" to touch? Many asexuals are sensual - like to be touched etc., just not in a sexual way. Could it be that sex is just "too much" for our senses? I suspect it isn't like that but it's still an interesting thought :)

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TaminSweets

I believe It depends on the individual. Though with me personally my hands have always been

really sensitive to touch. I even hate when my friends or family members try to touch them, and

wish hand shaking wasn't a thing.

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I don't think that there is a general rule about it, but there seems to be quite a few asexual-spectrum people with sensory processing disorders, which isn't really a surprise as asexuality is linked to autism in some case and autism and SPD often go hand in hand (not all the time, but often).

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That is indeed an interesting thought... I do feel a bit sensitive when someone touches my hand with their own hand. Sometimes it's a bit awkward, yet I don't really mind it. It's hard to explain... sure it makes me feel a little uncomfortable, but not like "Oh my gosh! Don't touch me!!!" Though, even so it depends on the person. Really, I try to avoid touching people's hands. It's just that part of me, since I never been in a relationship, I haven't as much as held hands with someone romantically before (not a regular handshake) and I'm a bit curious... I'm just a bit afraid because the whole romantic thing is kinda foreign to me. I'm a bit afraid of new things, but I won't be afraid to eventually try it. I just like to be cautious and mentally prepared for new things.

I feel the same way when someone hugs me. Not family, but a friend or someone I kinda know. Kind of like that in-between space between friend and acquaintance? Anyways, I'm a bit sensitive to hugs, but I enjoy them... generally. Some hugs I don't like and make me a bit uncomfortable, such as those really tight hugs and sometimes they would even pick me up. I don't necessarily hate those kinds of hugs, but it would depend on the person who hugs me that way. Like, if a friend does it, I don't really like it, but hey whatever... But if someone I don't know that well does it, I'm like, "Oh my gosh, you creeper, put me down!"

However, that's really just my experiences, I'm not too sure about everyone else.

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Ricecream-man

Hmm, maybe?

The big thing to remember with questions like these is that there are many different reasons that people are asexual. I think that yes, there may be some people for whom sex is overly stimulating. In my case that's most definitely not the case.

Good old TMI spoiler

Been there and done that, but sex was actually very understimulating for me. It's bit long to type out here, but it got really boring both mentally and physically. And for those who are about to say, maybe it was just the one time

There were multiple attempts and it all ended up being pretty much the same.

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Like others said, I'm sure it varies from one individual to another. For myself, I am very touch-sensitive and very particular about who touches me and how and why. I am very ticklish. I am also "highly sensitive" in other ways as well. On the other hand I wouldn't say sex is too much for my senses. In fact I found it underwhelming and boring. Maybe because of a lack of sexual desire on my part.

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I can be particularly clingy with my partners.

Other than that... not really. A lot of touch outside of that context actually repulses me, especially if I'm not expecting it (I can react very badly, for instance, to being tapped on the shoulder from behind when I didn't know someone was there... to the point where I have instinctively nearly swung around and punched them in the face)

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I was diagnosed with oversensitivity as a child (psychological but as I grew up, I also see that in physical also). I absolutely don't know if it's related anyhow to asexuality.

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For me personally a big part of not enjoying sex is because it is just 'too much' it feels overwhelming somewhat similar to bright-loud environments (painful like looking into bright lights, painful like music or fireworks that hurt your eardrums), though I'm sure there are plenty of aces who aren't overly sensitive. I'm also really ticklish in most places, including close to the genitals and nipples and it's really not in an enjoyable way. Sexual stimulation often starts to hurt quickly kind of like a rug-burn (yes even when well lubricated because its more of an under the surface aching feeling).

My favorite sensation is someone tracing their fingers lightly over my spine which gives me wonderful shivers that feel better than an orgasm (which when it actually does happen before just starting to hurt, I find it not really that amazing), but which isn't overwhelming in the same way. In general I love physical affection and am not uncomfortable with touch, but it is easy for my ticklishness to get triggered accidentally. (also since people have mentioned hands... I have always found hands creepy and kind of 'dirty' somehow. I don't like shaking hands. Sometimes when people move their fingers too much or have their fingers spread out when they touch me it kind of triggers a creepy-spider reaction in me).

In general I don't like or seek out intense sensations or experiences.

Emotionally I am definitely very sensitive, I wouldn't necessarily say I'm moody - I'm usually in a calm-optimistic mood, but I am easily hurt. I tend to pick up on a lot of subtle emotional cues in people's tone of voice or expression that a lot of people seem to not 'hear' as strongly.

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Oh, yeah. One of my favorite ways of being touched (by someone I'm intimate with) is gentle caressing of my face. Back scratches are good, too. And just sitting side by side, physically touching but clothed, or head in lap, are great feelings. :)

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Could it be that sex is just "too much" for our senses?

I've never been interested in seeking out sex.

As for touch, one of my parents massaged me regularly before bed and I am also fine with touching people (I enjoy massaging animals, and people when it's non-sexual, for example).

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binary suns
I don't personally find sex to be too stimulating really. It is actually ok really, altho I worry about the risks and so if I'm not close to a person I'm very hesitent to go along with it, and sometimes in a relationship if I'm stressed I'd rather not have to think about something else to xD




Also, asexuality is very varried. it's possible that some people do identify as asexual based off of something that inhibits their feeling attracted, but the basic model of asexuality is that attraction simply isn't felt.


I guess this makes me think of the primary & secondary attraction model.... it suggests that primary attraction is any form of attraction that responds to another person's characteristic, trait, or personality, while secondary attraction is any form of attraction that grows over time because of the two people's connection to each other. I thought it was interesting and helpful to read about:


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Purnkin Spurce

I'm quite sensitive to touch myself. Can't even brush my hair without saying "ouch!"

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I think I'm a lot less sensitive to touch that most other people.. I mean, I do hate being touched by strangers but that's not a sensitivity thing lol, I just don't like having strangers in my space, at all.

I think when it comes to sex i'm not only less sensitive, I just don't have whatever brain connections other people have that make them enjoy the sensations of partnered sex.. my brain is wired weirdly or something haha. Like reverse tickling.. you know how if someone else tickles you, you feel it, but if you tickle yourself it doesn't really feel like anything at all? (well that's for many people anyway, I assume there are of course exceptions to the rile!) well that's sex for me, just the other way around.. I can masturbate and while I don't enjoy it (I find it rather a waste of time and energy but sadly just has to be done sometimes) I do feel it and orgasm, but with sex (someone else stimulating my genitals in any way) I feel.. just nothing. Well, no different than if someone was rubbing and poking and licking and trying to stimulate my belly button :P ..and it feels that way no matter how hormonally aroused I am and if I am sensually and romantically attracted to the person I am with.. .I just get nothing from it, not interested in it, don't enjoy it,.. Sex is just a boring annoyance that disrupts my sensual fun.

And yes if I'm not aroused of course it's painful and uncomfortable, especially if I'm with a man who is trying to penetrate me or a person of any gender who is being a little overly enthusiastic with whatever they are doing, but many female bodied people experience that, its normal, its noting to do with being overly sensitive in my opinion, for me anyway ^_^ :cake:

I haven't had sex in years however, and won't be having it again. That's just what I remember from when I used to have it, back when I figured having sex was something that was necessary for one to appear normal (and before I learned about asexuality of course)

Hmm, maybe?

The big thing to remember with questions like these is that there are many different reasons that people are asexual. I think that yes, there may be some people for whom sex is overly stimulating. In my case that's most definitely not the case.

Good old TMI spoiler

Been there and done that, but sex was actually very understimulating for me. It's bit long to type out here, but it got really boring both mentally and physically. And for those who are about to say, maybe it was just the one time

There were multiple attempts and it all ended up being pretty much the same.

^^ That's a lot how I feel. If I was male bodied there wouldn't be the same pain involved that many women experience when not aroused, but it would just be.. a very underwhelming experience.

Also as a side-note, I do love receiving massages haha; feet, back, hands.. luuurvely. That's not a sensitivity thing either though, lots of people (not all but lots) love a nice massage :P

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Foreign Atonement

Interesting thought. I'm fairly touch sensitive (unless it's close family or my best friend, I very much dislike being touched) and have a fairly low pain tolerance- I suppose there could be a connection there. In my case (TMI):

When I touch 'down there', I feel absolutely nothing. This is probably a bit crude, but my organ is essentially a glorified (and kinda gross) hand warmer. I like to think of my sensitivity in other places on the body as compensation for my utter lack of sexual sensitivity. It's like a switch got flipped somewhere to turn that area off, and my body, not knowing what do do with the extra sensitivity, decided to put it everywhere else. :P

I wonder if a poll or survey could be made about this topic; it seems interesting!

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Sage Raven Domino

Yeah, it depends, as always.

I don't like being touched (even struggle to instill drops into my eyes because of this), but that's likely a result of some neurosis. I don't think that it's connected to my asexuality, which mainly manifests itself in visual repulsion by genitals (I'm quite neutral about touching my own, though).

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Fire & Rain

I'm asensual expect towards my partner. I've never experienced sensual attraction towards anyone and sensual pleasure from touching/being touched by other human beings before I met him.

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Betty Badinbed

Yeah I'm pretty sensitive to touch. Where so many people love a deep tissue massage, I twitch and fidget, and find massage often a bit 'too much', especially on my legs and feet.

My recent BF used to stroke my hair sometimes, and I feel sad remembering how I wanted to like it, I appreciated the affectionate nature of the gesture, yet I found it irritating (which I never told him, I didn't want to hurt his feelings.)

My sex experience with this BF would vary. I'd get over-stimulated - not in a sexy way. Too ticklish, too jumpy, too near to pain. Too easily 'pash rashed' by his facial stubble. Too grossed out by even the slightest odour of breath or sweat. Or I'd be under-stimulated, feeling a big blank nothing. Yet I can masturbate without too much issue. Only *I* know my body well enough to be gentle, to touch just right. But I couldn't even pleasure myself while he was in the bed. Fact is, I will never feel aroused if anyone else is present.

I'm also a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) so my nerves and emotions are pretty keyed up a lot of the time. Being in a bedroom with someone is in no way a relaxing experience unless I'm planning on sleeping as soon as humanly possible. (I have to drink chamomile every night to wind my nerves down enough to sleep. In fact, I'm having a cuppa right now.)

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Autumn Season

That's interesting, maybe there really is an issue of positive/ negative sensitivity for asexuals?

I am very ticklish and even jumpy, when my skin is touched directly. On the other handside I hardly feel any arousal when touched, so I guess I'm lacking sexual sensitivity.

TMI:

Also, when I masturbate, I might feel something good at first, but very soon it starts hurting. I hurt even when I'm being gentle. I think it's not the surface of my skin, that is sensitve or even damaged, but it's something underneath. Maybe my nerves are sending me the "wrong" signals, when I'm supposed to be feeling pleasure.

I do like hugs, though, they make me happy. And when somebody allows me to hold their hand I feel a strong sensual (not sexual) pleasure and desire to massage it and keep touching it in different ways. :redface: I hope that didn't sound too weird.

Hm... Also, when I am drawing something - which I do often - I imagine what that thing "feels" like (form and texture). Thinking about it makes me happy and it allows me to draw more realisticly.

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NobleHogknight

I am also thinking it depends. Hugs for example give me a strange, awkward feeling, even from people I've known for long (also family and (close) friends). But towards those I'm emotionally close to, I can also feel sensual attraction and like the touch.

Probably this:

I guess this makes me think of the primary & secondary attraction model.... it suggests that primary attraction is any form of attraction that responds to another person's characteristic, trait, or personality, while secondary attraction is any form of attraction that grows over time because of the two people's connection to each other. I thought it was interesting and helpful to read about:

While "secondary" seems to depend on a deep emotional bond in my case, which I would describe as being soulmates in some way...

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LostWasteland

I'm not sensitive to touch. I just don't get the point. Hugs don't really comfort me. Handshakes don't mean anything to me. It's not a show of comradery.

I just don't get anything out of any of it, except cuddling and play fighting/wrestling, in which I feel safe. That's it. Though, I do have social anxiety disorder, which might have something to do with it all, as well.

Funny story: My aunt, whom I had never really interacted with before, told me, "Give me a kiss." and pointed to her cheek, after she initiated a hug. I took a step back, winced and said, "Why?", without even realizing that that was probably offensive/disrespectful to her...

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I don't experience sensitivity to touch. Touch itself doesn't bother me - it's romantic or intimate touch I don't like. So, I wouldn't say I have a sensory processing disorder. I don't mind touch until it becomes romantic/sexual in nature - and then it is wholly unappealing.

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I have sensory issues that prevent me from wearing certain articles of clothing. It was a major distraction back when I used to be in school.

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  • 1 month later...
Monadnock

This thread is really sounding familiar. I am much like the people described in Elaine Aron's book "The Highly Sensitive Person": I don't like bright lights, strong smells, or loud sounds. For example, I constantly find that the volume setting of "1" is still too loud. Back before digital equipment, I used to turn the volume knob all the way down until the music was just barely audible.

As far as touch is concerned, I find touch pleasurable if it's from someone I trust, but difficult if it's not. And gentle touch is better than vigorous touch. Basically, anything that is vigorous enough to give me an orgasm is just not that pleasurable, and often crosses the line to painful.

Some people on this site are describing a complete lack of sexual attraction to others. That was me until my early twenties. But now (nearly 40) I would say that I do feel some attraction, but that actual sex isn't my main way of expressing this attraction.

Can someone show me how to do spoilers on posts? I deleted some TMI material from this one.

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Ricecream-man

[][]

And put "spoiler" in the first box and "/spoiler" in the second.

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Autumn Season

Or

1) mark the phrase you want to hide,

2) click on the third icon (from the top left side), which is named "Special BB Code" and

3) select "Spoiler".

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nerdperson777

It's possible, but I attribute my sensitivity to my PTSD. I have this idea that hands are meant for hitting me. I am also quite ticklish, which I'm not sure if it's me being ace or not. I know my descriptions say demisensual but for other times, I'm actually antisensual. Even the sight of seeing people touching each other openly irks me. After establishing a connection with someone, I wish they'd care for me, hug me, and keep me safe. The person I wish would hug me right now is 500 miles away. They held my hand to show me something for me to follow along on something a month ago and during that time, all I could do was be anxious about whether my hand was dirty and think about how soft their hand was.

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I received a diagnosis of, "Non-verbal Learning Disorder," about a decade ago. I have a first, and second cousin that both have autism to varying degrees. I personally struggled with sensory issues, and it completely ruined my experience with schooling. (Schools with dress codes anyway) Jackets/Coats don't bother me, but shirts with big collars like golf shirts, or button down Oxford style shirts I just cannot wear. Tight fitting long sleeves, and certain dress pants drive me crazy too. I don't want to self-diagnose, but I'm fairly certain that I exist somewhere on the autism spectrum. I don't think diagnoses like Non-Verbal LD, or Aspergers are given anymore. I think the recent version of the DSM lumps all that into ASD, or Autism Spectrum Disorder.

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I think there may be something to this for some people. My daughter is definitely overly sensitive to touch and is also asexual. I think she might be able to handle "holding hands" and a hug here and there - but if someone were to "stroke" her arm or neck - she wouldn't be able to stand that.

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The self-checkout machines in one store have a beep that hurts my ears (I literally feel pain when it beeps). One time I asked for a piece of tape from the cashier watching them all and taped it over the speaker. It was still taped over a month later. Haha.

Oh, and in Walmart they have price-checking scanners throughout the store. Those things beep so **** loudly that every single person in the entire store, even in the bathrooms probably, can hear it beep. I have to put one hand in one ear, and cover the other ear with my shoulder while uncomfortably holding the item in that hand and leaning over just to check the price without ear pain. Holy crap Walmart.

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