Titles for loved ones (i.e. boyfriend, wife, etc.)

[Ellamerre]

Is it just me or do titles like boyfriend and girlfriend sound really...shallow maybe? Not serious, not super important?

I've never dated so far but in my thinking about it I feel like if I were to date someone I would already be very connected to them and already deeply love and care for them before I would date that person. That being so, a title as simple and casual as 'boyfriend' seems like it wouldn't do that relationship justice.

Ever since I was little and learned about the term 'mate' (American version not British, meaning lifelong partners totally loyal to each other) I've liked the idea of that title the most. I don't think I'd really introduce a guy I was in a relationship with as my mate or refer to him that way but I love the feeling behind the word, it seems more fitting. Like 'here's the person I love entirely, who I want to be around, who I trust, who I will devote myself to and vise versa, and who I will be completely loyal to forever'.

Do you have any different names you like? And what do they mean to you? I'd love to hear if you do.

[Starbogen]

I don't like "mate" for a significant other because it makes me think of...well, animalistic mating. My preferred word is "partner" because it can be used for both romantic and platonic relationships, but it still means there's a close bond of some kind between two people.

[theam]

I use partner too because it's gender neutral and puts emphasis on the "we're in this together as equals" thing.

Girlfriend is also commonly used by some straight women to talk about their female friends, which takes away some of its meaning in that context.

[.,.]

Only really had one "girlfriend", and I used to call her - okay these are reaaaally yucky, but - babeypie, boo, my thing, and the Indian. So I guess, if you wanna learn from me - make your own "original" ones, personalize them for your specific babeypie!

[jimerman]

Ever since I was little and learned about the term 'mate' (American version not British, meaning lifelong partners totally loyal to each other) I've liked the idea of that title the most.

living in America i had no idea that is what they meant by saying that.

[noparlpf]

I don't really understand marriage as a romantic thing myself. Like, I don't need some paper from some old white dudes to tell me that I'm committed to somebody. As far as I can tell, it is (and always has been) a legal and economic contract (although way back in the day it was a contract between two men and the woman was part of the property being exchanged; now it's a contract between two consenting adults). Based on that I also don't really get why it has to be between two romantically/sexually-bonded people and not like, four people, two of whom are a romantic couple, one of whom is the sibling to one of the couple, and the other of whom is the sibling's roommate, or something like that, but whoa man, that's crazy talk.

Weird ranty digression aside, I feel pretty weird about the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" (and "enbyfriend" for people who use that, but less so because I've only seen it used in practice a handful of times). I can't really say why. In general I just use whatever terms people to refer to their own relationships, and in the hypothetical case (if it's a hypothetical relationship or if I don't know the sexuality or gender of the people involved) I just use "partner" or "romantic partner". Dunno if I'd call my own hypothetical future romantic partner "my partner" when talking about them to other people. I'll get back to you in whatever timeline ends up with that weird eventuality. I'm probably somebody's bad ending, so who knows.

[Sage Raven Domino]

The problem with the standard terms like 'girlfriend' or 'partner' is that they're used by sexual people to denote a partnership with sex mixed in, and I don't want people to assume that sex is present in my relationships. If I say 'zucchini' or 'waifu', people will at least ask what on earth it means and I'll have an excuse to elaborate.

That said, I'm gonna use the standard terms 'civil partner' and 'wife' (possibly 'spouse' for an agender person) for officially registered relationships due to being proud of managing to get the legal status upgrade.

[Rising Sun]

I don't like "mate" for a significant other because it makes me think of...well, animalistic mating. My preferred word is "partner" because it can be used for both romantic and platonic relationships, but it still means there's a close bond of some kind between two people.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJzYzwxEBso

I couldn't help but think about this :lol:

[Lynxe]

I use girlfriend or partner.

[Yona]

I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but boyfriend and girlfriend sound very possessive to me. I prefer to say "the person I'm dating/seeing" if it's not serious, and then "partner" later on.

[Notte stellata]

As a polyamorist who has grey-area relationships between friendship and romance, I like SO as a catch-all term. I know many people associate "SO" with traditional romantic relationships, but I don't see it this way. To me it just means we're in an emotionally significant relationship, no matter it's romantic or not, or what behaviors it entails. When referring to a specific SO, I may use "husband," "romantic friend," "special friend," "intimate friend," etc depending on the relationship. None of these labels implies a greater emotional significance than the others.

I don't think boyfriend and girlfriend sound shallow, but I think they're for the more standard romantic relationships (especially those with cohabitation/marriage as a goal), so I don't use them for my grey-area relationships.

[Frigid Pink]

I use "romantic partner" and "romantic life partner."

[Philip027]

No, it's not just you.

I tend to refer to my partner as my partner. See, I just did it again there.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

As a relationship anarchist who doesn't have any relationships which fit neatly into the usual social categories, I mostly try to avoid using labels altogether.

This is something that occasionally makes me feel a little inauthentic, but I don't think there's really any way around it. When you don't do things the normative way, the normative categories simply don't apply, so the language of the labels fails. The best I can do is use the closest approximation which is applicable to the social context of each individual situation.

My mantra for relationships is that each connection simply is what it is, and doesn't need to be pigeonholed into some artificial social category. At the end of the day, it mostly doesn't matter anyway, unless you're doing something where you need to describe the relationship to others.

[Gallantrv2427]

Terms that kind of imply a child-parent relationship have always bothered me... "babe" "baby" "mommy" "mami" "Mamicita" So I do not call my significant others by those style of names..I'm okay with titles--like wife/husband, boyfriend/girlfriend...but my go to when talking about them when they aren't aorund is significant other because oftentimes the people I date are somewhat genderfluid (I'm pretty panromantic in that sense) and I feel more comfortable using gender neutral pronouns unless they specify a preference

[Baskervillain]

I have found myself using the term "My (insert first name)" like "hey this is my Stephanie " which I realize is really weird and sounds super possessive but everything else seems really childish to me like its coming from the mouth of some teenager who has been dating for like a week

[Sarika]

The problem with the standard terms like 'girlfriend' or 'partner' is that they're used by sexual people to denote a partnership with sex mixed in, and I don't want people to assume that sex is present in my relationships. If I say 'zucchini' or 'waifu', people will at least ask what on earth it means and I'll have an excuse to elaborate.

I thought waifu was used by video game nerds to denote a fictional female character that's their favorite aka "if she was real I'd do her"

[Sage Raven Domino]

^ I agree, but I see 'the bumbling rotifer' call 'cavyX' their waifu, and I find it cute :D as if the woman is like an anime character, i.e. more perfect than a real human (and the partner would 'do' her if they were sexual).

[Truth and Lies]

Hmmm. I tend to like the way "partner" and "lover" sound/feel, but I have no idea what I would actually use if I was in a relationship. Guess I will find out if that ever happens. ^_^

[Chardog]

Significant Other... It doesn't specifically define the relationship, but it indicates that the person is important to you.

[Sage Raven Domino]

It surprises me that, during the first 20 posts of the thread, no one has recalled an easy and yet respectful solution:

Ask the partner how they'd like you to refer to them in public (including cases when they're not around).

[Flyaway4me]

I don't like "mate" for a significant other because it makes me think of...well, animalistic mating. My preferred word is "partner" because it can be used for both romantic and platonic relationships, but it still means there's a close bond of some kind between two people.

I agree. I prefer partner for that reason and companion for the same. They are also gender-neutral titles! ^_^

[binary suns]

I use "partner" typically, and also "significant other" if the partners have become closer. altho I'd still use partner no matter how close, if they are in a significant relationship no matter how close xD

[ButterfliesOnWatch]

I have a friend who uses "sweetheart."

[dissolved]

I've always gone for "other half" purely because that seems to be the term used by those I grew up around in my area of the world. It has no connotations concerning my being anything less than "whole", however.

It's just a word/phrase in the end, and everyone of course jumps to their own conclusions about your relationship with someone from that single word/phrase.

I do personally find boy/girlfriend quite shallow (stemming purely from the 20 minute "relationships" I saw kids indulging in during primary school), and have never referred to someone in that way; I have absolutely no problem with other people using it, it's simply not for me.

[Guest Cairne Bloodhoof]

If I had a girlfriend, the word kyria would be one of the titles I'd give to her.

[AprilStorms]

I don't personally like girlfriend/boyfriend/enbyfriend a whole lot either. I've heard people use datemate. SO or lover are also nice terms. Many people my age say bae, which:

• isn't as possessive sounding (to me, at least!),
• can be used platonically or not,
• has no gender, and
• is poly friendly (unlike, say, "other half").

It surprises me that, during the first 20 posts of the thread, no one has recalled an easy and yet respectful solution:

Ask the partner how they'd like you to refer to them in public (including cases when they're not around).

That's always a good idea, too :P

[AwkwardAntelope]

My girlfriend and I have had this discussion and for us it comes down to context and outness I think. We tend to just use the terms girlfriend or friend. I'm totally out to everyone as being in a same gendered relationship so I don't really use the word friend to describe her to others, but I respect her decision to call me her friend to those she's not out to. After all, at the crux of it we are exactly that - friends, and what matters is what we mean to each other and not what everyone else thinks of us.

That said, lately I've found myself often going to say the word partner instead. I'm not sure why, probably because she has been a truly amazing support to me from the getgo, especially in the past couple of weeks, and I feel like we make quite the team and have truly grown together. I dunno, sounds lame and cheesy to some I'm sure. But yeah partner has nearly slipped out once or twice at some medical appointments I've had recently with her by my side but I've had to stop myself from saying it cos I know she isn't particularly fond of the word based on past discussions.

TL;DR - talk to the other party and decide what works best for you guys.

[Guest]

I detest the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" personally and have never used them to describe a romantic partner, nor ever will. .. I call my romantic partner my "partner" and he calls me the same.

[Caehlim]

With my partner our official title for one another is boyfriend, which also helps to differentiate our relationship with each other from his relationship with his husband.

However we normally call one another pet names in Elvish, because yes... we are that geeky. It's a much more private and meaningful way of doing it I think and acknowledges our shared interests.