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#AgenderProblems


Fajita with Pretty OK Hair

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Heh, yeah, I met someone who identifies agender on campus lately and immediately felt like omg can we go hang out or something? But I'm still hazy on ideas what to do, since by presentation, someone would probably assume something romantic and no, I'm married. I just want a few more friends. And home has been a bit weird with gender stuff lately, not just mine.

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My mum not letting me wear my dad's perfume because "It's men's perfume! You'll smell like a man!" How can you smell like a gender? It just smells like really nice perfume, that's all!

Also, going to an all-girls school and feeling really different from everyone else. (Can't wait to leave.)

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I was hanging out with other Christian students the other night, and they kept urging me to go Men's Retreat. It is really awkward trying to explain the real reason I don't want to go without outing myself as... however I feel (somewhere nearby to agendered). I replied with a flimsy counter of kinda maybe having plans for that weekend, instead of saying I would fit in there as effectively as I would in Women's Retreat (that is, not at all).

I'm also wanting to try an agendered look, but I'm really tall (6'4", or 1.93m) and I feel like it would be difficult to dissociate my height from a masculine appearance. I also don't know how I feel about shaving my facial hair; I was never particularly fond of my face before growing a beard, and it is the one and only benefit I've really found from being bio-male.

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Being asked (in a survey for nonbinary people), "when did you first start expressing your gender?" and not even understanding the question, let alone how I'm supposed to answer it.

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Calligraphette_Coe

Being asked (in a survey for nonbinary people), "when did you first start expressing your gender?" and not even understanding the question, let alone how I'm supposed to answer it.

I'd be tempted to pencil in,

"No. I'm a Refusenik. Deal with it."

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-Gendered bathrooms

-Gendered changing rooms

-People saying it's impossible to fall out of the binary

-People not respecting or using your pronouns

-People using the wrong pronouns

-People micromanaging you with the wrong pronouns

-Not having any other option on documents than male or female

-Being born: "It's a _____!"

-Gendered clothing, personality traits, ex.

-People assuming your gender based on your gender expression

-People assuming your gender by your supposedly feminine/masculine name

-People not respecting your changed gender neutral name

-"But what's your birth name?"

-Blaming your emotions on your "girl problems"

-Growing up where parents raised you on the social normalities of your biological sex

-Growing up where parents dressed you on the social normalities of your biological sex

-Growing up where parents named you on the social normalities of your biological sex

-Growing up with societies expectations placed upon you based on your sex

-"Oh, you'd be such a loving husband/wife"

-People not taking the time to understand your gender

-People not believing that agender people exist

-Proper formalities such as Mrs. or Mr.

-People not accepting "Mx." as a valid proper formality

-Gendered formal titles in general

-Not being able to change the gender on your birth certificate/drivers licence/document ex.

Gosh, I can go on.. :rolleyes:

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-Being born: "It's a _____!"

Fill in the blank: HUMAN BEING!!! :o

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-Being born: "It's a _____!"

Fill in the blank: HUMAN BEING!!! :o

"It's a baby!"

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Well, I'm hesitant to actually label myself as agender, since I enjoy more feminine than masculine clothes, but I have a LOT in common with you guys. Here are my problems:

- always having to feel out of place because girls and boys are "supposed" to be separate but it doesn't make sense to me (possibly due to asexuality as well)

- wanting desperately to get rid of my breasts but getting laughed at for saying so

- Mom thinking I want to be a boy because I don't want to have "girl bits" (having a penis would only present more problems, so NO WAY)

- wondering if I'm a freak because I just want to be myself and not worry about what gender I'm supposed to be

- waiting for that "someday" where I can get a double mastectomy, learn to stop worrying about what others think, and accept that maybe God doesn't think I'm a mistake even though it seems like I am

One Bible verse that comforts me says that "there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus". Maybe I'm not interpreting it the way it's meant to be, but it makes me feel a little better anyways. I just can't wait to get a place of my own, where there will be no one to care what is between my legs or dangling from my chest. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter, but no one else seems to see it that way. People suck sometimes. :unsure:

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littlepersonparadox

Being asked (in a survey for nonbinary people), "when did you first start expressing your gender?" and not even understanding the question, let alone how I'm supposed to answer it.

Well that was a poorly designed survey. I suppose they are counting agender as a gender identity and then just shortened it to gender although gender identity is better since it doesn't assume you have a gender.

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I'm not exactly how to describe the feeling, but when people say to me something like "you're such a girl" or "you're such a boy", I don't know... I feel somewhat uncomfortable with it... and a little disappointed. I don't mind it THAT much, but still... I'd probably feel better if instead they might say, "you're so girlish" or "you're so boyish". I don't know. :unsure:

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I came across a children's book in the grocery store today. It was for four-year olds or so, toddler sorts, published by National Geographic, and called "People!" I thought it might have some really cool pictures of people from various cultures, possibly with a moral that "diversity is good" or something, so I opened it up.

The first page was of a bunch of happy kids of different races, but clearly all Americans, standing against a pink background. "These people are girls!"

Oh no.

I turn the page. The thick, child's book page.

It's a bunch of kids peeking their heads out the windows of a bus. "Can you recognize which of these children are girls?"

Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

Next page.

"These are boys!" Blue background. Nooooooo.

On the next page, "Which team playing tug of war is boys?" Of course. Now they're actually splitting the two groups they made into competing factions. Ugggh.

It goes on to teach kids to distinguish men from women and babies from people who aren't babies. National Geographic, you have betrayed me. You have to make a really awesome nature documentary to make up for this one. Might I recommend feathered dinosaurs?

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It's a bunch of kids peeking their heads out the windows of a bus. "Can you recognize which of these children are girls?"

I think the correct answer is "no, this is impossible!" :)

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Being asked (in a survey for nonbinary people), "when did you first start expressing your gender?" and not even understanding the question, let alone how I'm supposed to answer it.

Well that was a poorly designed survey. I suppose they are counting agender as a gender identity and then just shortened it to gender although gender identity is better since it doesn't assume you have a gender.

It was an open-ended response, so I gave a long and fumbling response about not understanding the question and why, and different ways I could interpret and answer it. "When did you first realize you were agender/feel you were agender, when did you come out for the first time, history of clothing choices, etc." As I am agender some of the time and other genders at other times, it was really confusing for me, and I had to give a multifaceted response. Except in rare circumstances, I don't really feel like I'm EVER "expressing a gender." Gender is what OTHER PEOPLE see me as having/presenting, and they will see this on me regardless of what I do or don't do.

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littlepersonparadox

I came across a children's book in the grocery store today. It was for four-year olds or so, toddler sorts, published by National Geographic, and called "People!" I thought it might have some really cool pictures of people from various cultures, possibly with a moral that "diversity is good" or something, so I opened it up.

The first page was of a bunch of happy kids of different races, but clearly all Americans, standing against a pink background. "These people are girls!"

Oh no.

I turn the page. The thick, child's book page.

It's a bunch of kids peeking their heads out the windows of a bus. "Can you recognize which of these children are girls?"

Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

Next page.

"These are boys!" Blue background. Nooooooo.

On the next page, "Which team playing tug of war is boys?" Of course. Now they're actually splitting the two groups they made into competing factions. Ugggh.

It goes on to teach kids to distinguish men from women and babies from people who aren't babies. National Geographic, you have betrayed me. You have to make a really awesome nature documentary to make up for this one. Might I recommend feathered dinosaurs?

There is nooooo comming back from that also some of my favourite tv shows (iggie arbuckle) was by national geographic and I read the kids version of national geographic for YEARS. They betrayed you and me both.

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National Geographic, you have betrayed me. You have to make a really awesome nature documentary to make up for this one. Might I recommend feathered dinosaurs?

There is nooooo comming back from that also some of my favourite tv shows (iggie arbuckle) was by national geographic and I read the kids version of national geographic for YEARS. They betrayed you and me both.

The cut of betrayal may be deep, but there is no wound that cannot be cauterized by an adorable feathered velociraptor. Preferably an agender one.

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Dodecahedron314

National Geographic, you have betrayed me. You have to make a really awesome nature documentary to make up for this one. Might I recommend feathered dinosaurs?

There is nooooo comming back from that also some of my favourite tv shows (iggie arbuckle) was by national geographic and I read the kids version of national geographic for YEARS. They betrayed you and me both.

The cut of betrayal may be deep, but there is no wound that cannot be cauterized by an adorable feathered velociraptor. Preferably an agender one.

Because of the specific word choice ("cauterized") here, now I'm picturing a feathered fire-breathing velociraptor. I'd say get NatGeo on it, stat, but that sounds more like something Discovery Channel would put out at this point. (Hello, flightless prehistoric dragons!) Ah, Discovery Channel. Now there's a betrayal for you.
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Batman's Ace

My mum not letting me wear my dad's perfume because "It's men's perfume! You'll smell like a man!" How can you smell like a gender? It just smells like really nice perfume, that's all!

Both men's and women's just smell...smelly...to me. Is there a difference beyond packaging?

One Bible verse that comforts me says that "there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus". Maybe I'm not interpreting it the way it's meant to be, but it makes me feel a little better anyways. I just can't wait to get a place of my own, where there will be no one to care what is between my legs or dangling from my chest. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter, but no one else seems to see it that way. People suck sometimes. :unsure:

Oh, you got this one right, all right. There's also something about everyone being sons of God (can't remember which verses, must look up) which doesn't mean everyone's male, just that everyone has full inheritance rights no matter what gender you are or are not. And my very conservative church agrees on both points. We're good here.

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My mum not letting me wear my dad's perfume because "It's men's perfume! You'll smell like a man!" How can you smell like a gender? It just smells like really nice perfume, that's all!

Both men's and women's just smell...smelly...to me. Is there a difference beyond packaging?

Fruit or floral codes female, musk or wood codes male. I have no idea why.

*goes to ask someone with an actual gender*

Apparently fruit and floral associates with "nature", and musks/woods/earth tones are associated with labor, work, and industry, so it ties back to antiquated Victorian gender roles.

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My mum not letting me wear my dad's perfume because "It's men's perfume! You'll smell like a man!" How can you smell like a gender? It just smells like really nice perfume, that's all!

Both men's and women's just smell...smelly...to me. Is there a difference beyond packaging?

Fruit or floral codes female, musk or wood codes male. I have no idea why.

*goes to ask someone with an actual gender*

Apparently fruit and floral associates with "nature", and musks/woods/earth tones are associated with labor, work, and industry, so it ties back to antiquated Victorian gender roles.

That's actually really interesting from a historical standpoint!

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Selasphorus

-Proper formalities such as Mrs. or Mr.

-People not accepting "Mx." as a valid proper formality

-Gendered formal titles in general

This is a small part of why I want to get a Ph.D., so I can fill in "Dr." on all those forms and give the finger to the gendered titles. It's all part of my evil plan!

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DigitalBookDust

My landlord refers to me as "young lady". This is annoying for two reasons. One, I don't ID as female. Two, I'm older than he. He's attempting to be chivalric and gentlemanly-he's an old-school Southerner and otherwise the world's greatest landlord. I'm trying to figure out how to explain being nonbinary to him. I know he's never encountered this concept before. I'm definitely going to be speaking a foreign language. Sigh.

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I was walking around Lviv and saw this game:

QyTB3JY.jpg

You have to use a "fishing rod" (a ring on a string connected to a long stick) to lift the empty bottle and place it vertically. If you win, you get one of the full bottles ;).

Translation:

"FISHING

Entry - 10 UAH

Women 3 attempts

Men 2 attempts

One prize per person"

#agenderproblems:

Wondering whether I would have had 0 attempts or unlimited attempts (if I were stupid and decided to out myself to a whole crowd of people, some of whom are probably NB-phobic and wouldn't mind starting a fistfight)

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Certified Cake Decorator

Why would women get less attempts?

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Certified Cake Decorator

Why would women get less attempts?

I don't know what you are talking about :blush:
Oh in your last post it said women get 2 attempts, and men get 3, but you updated it to switch i think.

Why would they give one gender more attempts than another? Thats what i was asking. Sorry if i messed up which one it was

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Why would women get less attempts?

I don't know what you are talking about :blush:
Oh in your last post it said women get 2 attempts, and men get 3, but you updated it to switch i think.

Why would they give one gender more attempts than another? Thats what i was asking. Sorry if i messed up which one it was

Because women are notoriously bad at... um... in this case, using a stick and string to pick up a bottle? Huh. It's probably because their... fingers are weirdly shaped or... Well, it's because their fragile... um... damn it. This really does make no sense. Is this a chivalry thing? Whenever someone's being oddly condescending, it might be a chivalry thing.

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Dodecahedron314

Being AFAB and trying to figure out formal dress code: "All right, I can do the normal looking cis-o-flage thing and wear this dress that I guess is all right for being a dress, but I still don't know whether I'd actually want to wear such a thing for like 6 hours, plus I'd have to probably figure out hair and such, or I can experiment with presentation, stick out like a sore thumb in my mostly female friend group, confuse the absolute heck out of everyone, and possibly make people think I'm a lesbian by wearing nice pants and a collared shirt and this nice vest I got at the thrift store, all of which would probably be more comfortable than a dress. Maybe I could borrow a tie from my QPP. But if I don't look feminine enough, will I get kicked out? That's something I've heard of happening before, and somehow I don't think the trans defense would work because I highly doubt anyone around here has heard of being agender. Also, apparently there's going to be a masquerade mask involved, and who knows what that'll go better with."

Gah. Prom. Gender. Gender everywhere.

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Why would women get less attempts?

I don't know what you are talking about :blush:
Oh in your last post it said women get 2 attempts, and men get 3, but you updated it to switch i think.

Why would they give one gender more attempts than another? Thats what i was asking. Sorry if i messed up which one it was

Because women are notoriously bad at... um... in this case, using a stick and string to pick up a bottle? Huh. It's probably because their... fingers are weirdly shaped or... Well, it's because their fragile... um... damn it. This really does make no sense. Is this a chivalry thing? Whenever someone's being oddly condescending, it might be a chivalry thing.

Or maybe gamemasters want to see more attractive women playing their game.

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