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Why does sex have to be so complicated?


Artistofnoname

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Artistofnoname

Without getting graphic if you read a basic description of coitus its pretty simple.... if it is so simple then why do people make it seems like so much work?

Intercourse is a 2 step system that really doesn't seem that exciting or something to build an industry around.

With that in mind how are people "good at it" or even "bad at it"? What is there to do in that position?

I'm glad I'm an aromantic asexual and don't have to deal with this.

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...how are people "good at it" or even "bad at it"? What is there to do in that position?

:D I think I need alcohol to build up enough courage to answer those questions...

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DancesWithElves

This is very true.

I had an experience like this once. There is no good or bad sex. Bragging about it doesn't make it any better.

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It depends on the person. If you feel comfortable with someone, the sex will be also good, if you don't have rights sex it does mean, it's not a person for you, it's so easy, isn't it?

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capt_pantsless

Without getting graphic if you read a basic description of coitus its pretty simple.... if it is so simple then why do people make it seems like so much work?

Intercourse is a 2 step system that really doesn't seem that exciting or something to build an industry around.

With that in mind how are people "good at it" or even "bad at it"? What is there to do in that position?

I'm glad I'm an aromantic asexual and don't have to deal with this.

It's not that it's a ton of 'work' - but there's usually plenty of emotions and anxiety wrapped around it. There's also TONS of social rules and hidden feelings around it.

"What is there to do in that position?" - Cooking a hamburger is a decent analogy. There's so many ways to do it - grilled, pan-fried, etc. You can go high-heat, or low-and-slow. Cheese, toppings, etc, are all options on the table. The variations are endless.

Being "good" or "bad" at sex usually boils down to whether or not you respond and adjust to what your partner(s) would like - often that's expected to be non-verbal, so you need to be aware of your partners body-language and vocalizations while you're simultaneously doing something deeply instinctive and animalistic. On top of that, most people rarely get a chance to 'practice', so its easy to get behind the curve, so to speak.

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Touchofinsight

Without getting graphic if you read a basic description of coitus its pretty simple.... if it is so simple then why do people make it seems like so much work?

Intercourse is a 2 step system that really doesn't seem that exciting or something to build an industry around.

With that in mind how are people "good at it" or even "bad at it"? What is there to do in that position?

I'm glad I'm an aromantic asexual and don't have to deal with this.

There is a big difference between bad and good sex. I used to be and know many people who would rather have no sex then bad sex. Now for a multitude of reasons I just don't care about sex but to be fair I never gave it much of a shot.

One the mechanics actually do require practice, not every person can last same the same amount of time and you have to learn how to use muscles you aren't used to using. Isolating the muscles in your hips etc. This applies to men and woman in different ways regardless of what sex their partner is.

Outside of mechanics there is an element of communication the ability to be able to tell your partner what you want to do or what you want them to do. There are multiple positions and actions that can be involved in sex and practice makes perfect. Sex for most people isn't just insertion or I touch you here with this appendage.

I'll spare you further details but you can definitely be better at sex then others but if your aromantic asexual or just apathetic about sex in general then you'll likely never to fully be able to comprehend it because its not important to you.

People get bored doing the same things in sex, just like anything else in life they want NEW experiences and there is a lot of depth to sex mentally and physically. Sex is a complex subject and the significance of it is often written off as simple mechanics for those who aren't interested.

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Well, the actual literal act of sexual intercourse (meaning male-female hetero here) is really quite simple and uncomplicated in a very basic sense. However, there is so much that goes along with it (the hamburger analogy is a good one - what kind of toppings you want on it, how you want it cooked, served, etc) that can indeed get quite complicated. Another analogy is driving a car (for those who know how to drive). It is very simple to drive a properly working car down a straight level road on a clear sunny day, but things can be quite different during a snow storm, or driving on a winding mountain road with tight turns, driving in fog, or driving along a beach front road on a beautiful summer day in a convertible with your favorite song blasting from the radio while you enjoy the ocean breeze.

So yeah, the act in principle is very simple, but often there are so many factors and variations that things can and do get really complicated.

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Mostly Peaceful Ryan

Dancing is simple in books but doing it can be hard. Also playing a song on a guitar is simple to say what to do like play this note then that but doing it in right timing to make it sound good isn't as simple.

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ranting ferret

true the specific coitus part of things sounds fairly basic. i think the complexity does come in with everything surrounding it. consent, first and foremost (though that should be the easiest part of the entire all of it).

but how, where, etc. i'd say the "good" part of sexual activity is responding to the other person and remember to check with them on things. do some things feel better in one spot than others, the body does go through an arousal response that can take time and for different people, some things are relaxing and work well for arousal, other things just don't. these are all things that are related to sexual activity but not just sex itself. there also the verbal/nonberbal ways to communicate if the person likes what's going on or wants to do something different. i can see how both people being into what's happening is helpful for something like intercourse.

i agree in thinking people put too much weight on sex and all. but then i think of different things work for different people, and i wonder if i'm on the wrong side of the spectrum to ever have an understanding of it all. knowledge, yes, understanding....eh. at least there's the consent thing. that i totally get.

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