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Still figuring myself out and wicked confused...


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Hey guys!

So I dunno if this is the right place to ask this question but I don't know who else to talk to other than the trusty AVEN community! Lol!

Anywho, I'm quite confused. I'm asexual as far as I know. I think I might be homoromantic (lesbian ace) but still questioning that part. Anyway, now I'm also starting to wonder about how "ace" I really am. I mean, I definitely feel romantic and aesthetic attraction. In regular social settings, girls are more attractive to me. When it comes to celebrities, I'm more attracted to males but I don't really feel the romantic attraction; just platonic attraction with boys. So over all, I think I'm more gay than straight.

Here's where I start going into detail about grown-up stuff... Anyone who doesn't want graphic descriptions of sex should just get out while they can!

Okay...

Lately I've had more of a "curiosity" for sex. What is it like? Penetration sounds painful and disgusting, not to mention the fact that dicks are gross. GROSS. I am also really grossed out by vaginas and the whole anatomy of the damn thing. I would never give oral or whatever, and I don't want to receive it (is that even worded correctly?). Boobs are okay. I'd touch a girl's boobs, especially if they are under her clothes. (sorry if I'm being too descriptive or whatever. TMI!)

Also I have a really low/ non-existant libido. I don't masturbate or fantasize about anyone. NO fetishes.

I don't even know what I'm asking. I'm kind of just rambling on right now... I suppose this is more of an open discussion. Do any of you guys feel curious about sex? Oiy...

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ByTheTracks

I think "ace" can fit a wide range of parameters, if previous posts from others and the FAQ here are any indication, and preferences and curiosity have a broad range when it comes to the term "ace."

But I totally hear you on the curiosity thing. I am older, married with kids (guess how complicated THAT is), and I'm still curious. Yeah, I don't dig our man parts either, and can't for the life of me understand why some women like them. I also find many female celebrities attractive, but when I see someone (anyone, not just celebrities really) who I think is really "hot," it's still more of a "gee, I'd like to look at you a while 'cause you're beautiful, and then get close to you emotionally" sort of thing. I don't fantasize at all about sex with them. I sort of get crushes on them I guess. It's hard to explain.

But I think you're "typical" in that you're an AVEN a-typical. ;)

Cheers.

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A running theme around here is "asexuality is a spectrum." Nothing you've said kicks you out of that spectrum, you just might be in a different position within it than you thought before. I've seen people around the forum using terms like nonlibidoist and sex-averse/repulsed to describe similar feelings while still identifying as asexual, so you're in good company. And as far as curiosity goes, I think it's a perfectly healthy response to anything new or unknown. That's how we learn! Just don't get carried away ;)

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I mean, there is gray-asexuality, where you can feel attraction to sex and stuff but not really desire it. That's far from the best description but it's the basics.

Being curious is only natural, though. It's a big thing that it feels like everybody does and loves - not wanting to do it nor loving it can feel odd. But there's nothing wrong with it! Finding out your romantic orientation is a big first step, though - finding out why you like a certain gender/genders romantically and not sexually answers a lot of questions.

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I mean, I definitely feel romantic and aesthetic attraction.

Also I have a really low/ non-existant libido. I don't masturbate or fantasize about anyone. NO fetishes.

Sounds like a classical romantic asexual to me. Nothing out of the ordinary there (for AVEN I mean :).

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Hey guys!

So I dunno if this is the right place to ask this question but I don't know who else to talk to other than the trusty AVEN community! Lol!

Anywho, I'm quite confused. I'm asexual as far as I know. I think I might be homoromantic (lesbian ace) but still questioning that part. Anyway, now I'm also starting to wonder about how "ace" I really am. I mean, I definitely feel romantic and aesthetic attraction. In regular social settings, girls are more attractive to me. When it comes to celebrities, I'm more attracted to males but I don't really feel the romantic attraction; just platonic attraction with boys. So over all, I think I'm more gay than straight.

Here's where I start going into detail about grown-up stuff... Anyone who doesn't want graphic descriptions of sex should just get out while they can!

Okay...

Lately I've had more of a "curiosity" for sex. What is it like? Penetration sounds painful and disgusting, not to mention the fact that dicks are gross. GROSS. I am also really grossed out by vaginas and the whole anatomy of the damn thing. I would never give oral or whatever, and I don't want to receive it (is that even worded correctly?). Boobs are okay. I'd touch a girl's boobs, especially if they are under her clothes. (sorry if I'm being too descriptive or whatever. TMI!)

Also I have a really low/ non-existant libido. I don't masturbate or fantasize about anyone. NO fetishes.

I don't even know what I'm asking. I'm kind of just rambling on right now... I suppose this is more of an open discussion. Do any of you guys feel curious about sex? Oiy...

I can definitely relate to this, I experience aesthetic and romantic attraction too, but it never causes me to want sexual contact with that person, and although I've always wanted to have a husband and children, I find I'm really not drawn to typical 'male-ness' and really only find 'feminine' men and women attractive either physically or personality-wise. I agree that genitals are super gross, I don't get the fascination with big boobs either, but as pillows they can be nice and I guess I can imagine holding small ones being sort of soft and comfortable and protective, but not arousing in any way. I've never actually been curious as to what sex physically feels like (though I'm married now and do have sex from time to time), I 'fantasize' about a sense of emotional/mental/spiritual oneness (always between fictional characters I'm never in my imagination) and that can make me feel aroused (though I don't actually enjoy that feeling), but the physical aspect of sex has never intrigued me. I found that sex doesn't actually create that amazing emotional connection I'd once imagined it should. Cuddling can feel really intimate though in a way that sex really doesn't for me, I think this is because you are just Being together, and when relaxed beside each-other you can kind of get this sense of melting into one another where the boundary between your skin and theirs seems blurred (even if you're fully clothed) whereas sex involves too much movement and seems to put too much focus on your own sensations in order to reach orgasm and get your feel good which even if it's mutual... it just feels too self-focused to me so it doesn't feel as loving. Whenever I run across mentions of various fetishes I'm super weirded out, plain sex isn't interesting enough to make me want to think about even More ways of going about it, to me it just seems like trying too hard to spice something up that isn't worth wasting spices on in the first place, plus some of the things people come up with are really disturbing to me and I'd really rather not know about any of it.

TMI below: if you're actually asking what it feels like, I'm willing to share from my experience because I feel like there are way too many 'oh it's so amazing' descriptions out there and people ought to have the chance to hear an honest description (from an ace) that isn't glowing while also not coming from a victim of a horrible experience. I've got a great emotional bond with my husband and he is very respectful and gentle, I find him very attractive, and I know he tries to do his best to make me feel good. I think all the factors for making sex good are met with him, but I still don't understand why people like it so much, and still find much of it repulsive. Maybe a description will not make you any less curious since of course individual experiences will vary, so I don't know, but just in case it could be helpful for learning second-hand or something...

so yeah, penetration is super Super painful at first - it feels like scissors cutting you open down there even when your partner(or you) is being really gentle and slow. it is Not fun. But then once your opening has stretched out it doesn't really feel like much of anything aside from a mild/vague slipery-slidey-friction and a slight awkwardness just because there's something filling a space that isn't normally there, but there's not a lot of sensation inside. Sometimes if you haven't done it in a while you'll tighten up down there a bit and then it's mildly painful when he goes in again, like pulling a muscle but not super bad like it is initially, and sometimes if he goes in too far it can put painful pressure wherever the tip is running into things, and afterwards my insides kind of feel like they've been all scrambled up and have to re-settle into their proper places - I'm not sure everyone experiences that though. Depending on the position you're both in sometimes it can stimulate the outer parts of your vagina in a way that feels pleasantly tingly, but in my experience that's the best it gets. I agree that oral is super gross and I would Not want to be kissed after that just ew mouths don't go there, though it actually feels considerably better than 'normal' sex but still isn't great as it's mainly squishy-mushy-slobbery-wet (you can imagine sitting in a warm patch of slimy fuzzy moss on the edge of a pond and squirming around....that's mostly what it's like to me anyways, wet and tickly) along with the pleasant tingly (if you go in for the tingly feeling, I don't find that all that amazing but I guess some people do, to me arousal is not unlike needing to pee, then there's the mildly pleasant tickle of doing so, and then the relief that it's done) which can lead to orgasm which in my experience mostly feels good just because the tingly has now stopped demanding to be itched but there's a sort of deep warm pulsing/twitching feeling not on the surface but more inside after that (and sometimes you might have a larger whole-body sort of twitch/shiver or scrunching up feeling right before) which is okay I guess... but there are way better sensations than that, like personally I'd prefer the shivers I get from someone playing lightly with my hair or gently scratching my back, also good chocolate is much more satisfying. Overall sex is boring, awkward, gross, and sometimes uncomfortable. I enjoy the kissing and caressing skin that isn't right around the genital area, feeling chests and stomachs together and all of that is great, it's just the gentials part that isn't enjoyable.

. . . Yeah, I don't dig our man parts either, and can't for the life of me understand why some women like them. I also find many female celebrities attractive, but when I see someone (anyone, not just celebrities really) who I think is really "hot," it's still more of a "gee, I'd like to look at you a while 'cause you're beautiful, and then get close to you emotionally" sort of thing. I don't fantasize at all about sex with them. I sort of get crushes on them I guess. It's hard to explain.

It's so nice to hear a guy expressing this, thank you. It's hard to explain to others how someone can be 'hot' (super attractive, physically ideal, charming, etc.) without it triggering a sexual response for me. I really like your description of 'gee, I'd like to look at you. . . and then get close to you emotionally' that's exactly it, I never feel a desire to imagine sexual things with them even if I do feel drawn to them.

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Hey guys!

So I dunno if this is the right place to ask this question but I don't know who else to talk to other than the trusty AVEN community! Lol!

Anywho, I'm quite confused. I'm asexual as far as I know. I think I might be homoromantic (lesbian ace) but still questioning that part. Anyway, now I'm also starting to wonder about how "ace" I really am. I mean, I definitely feel romantic and aesthetic attraction. In regular social settings, girls are more attractive to me. When it comes to celebrities, I'm more attracted to males but I don't really feel the romantic attraction; just platonic attraction with boys. So over all, I think I'm more gay than straight.

Here's where I start going into detail about grown-up stuff... Anyone who doesn't want graphic descriptions of sex should just get out while they can!

Okay...

Lately I've had more of a "curiosity" for sex. What is it like? Penetration sounds painful and disgusting, not to mention the fact that dicks are gross. GROSS. I am also really grossed out by vaginas and the whole anatomy of the damn thing. I would never give oral or whatever, and I don't want to receive it (is that even worded correctly?). Boobs are okay. I'd touch a girl's boobs, especially if they are under her clothes. (sorry if I'm being too descriptive or whatever. TMI!)

Also I have a really low/ non-existant libido. I don't masturbate or fantasize about anyone. NO fetishes.

I don't even know what I'm asking. I'm kind of just rambling on right now... I suppose this is more of an open discussion. Do any of you guys feel curious about sex? Oiy...

I can definitely relate to this, I experience aesthetic and romantic attraction too, but it never causes me to want sexual contact with that person, and although I've always wanted to have a husband and children, I find I'm really not drawn to typical 'male-ness' and really only find 'feminine' men and women attractive either physically or personality-wise. I agree that genitals are super gross, I don't get the fascination with big boobs either, but as pillows they can be nice and I guess I can imagine holding small ones being sort of soft and comfortable and protective, but not arousing in any way. I've never actually been curious as to what sex physically feels like (though I'm married now and do have sex from time to time), I 'fantasize' about a sense of emotional/mental/spiritual oneness (always between fictional characters I'm never in my imagination) and that can make me feel aroused (though I don't actually enjoy that feeling), but the physical aspect of sex has never intrigued me. I found that sex doesn't actually create that amazing emotional connection I'd once imagined it should. Cuddling can feel really intimate though in a way that sex really doesn't for me, I think this is because you are just Being together, and when relaxed beside each-other you can kind of get this sense of melting into one another where the boundary between your skin and theirs seems blurred (even if you're fully clothed) whereas sex involves too much movement and seems to put too much focus on your own sensations in order to reach orgasm and get your feel good which even if it's mutual... it just feels too self-focused to me so it doesn't feel as loving. Whenever I run across mentions of various fetishes I'm super weirded out, plain sex isn't interesting enough to make me want to think about even More ways of going about it, to me it just seems like trying too hard to spice something up that isn't worth wasting spices on in the first place, plus some of the things people come up with are really disturbing to me and I'd really rather not know about any of it.

TMI below: if you're actually asking what it feels like, I'm willing to share from my experience because I feel like there are way too many 'oh it's so amazing' descriptions out there and people ought to have the chance to hear an honest description (from an ace) that isn't glowing while also not coming from a victim of a horrible experience. I've got a great emotional bond with my husband and he is very respectful and gentle, I find him very attractive, and I know he tries to do his best to make me feel good. I think all the factors for making sex good are met with him, but I still don't understand why people like it so much, and still find much of it repulsive. Maybe a description will not make you any less curious since of course individual experiences will vary, so I don't know, but just in case it could be helpful for learning second-hand or something...

so yeah, penetration is super Super painful at first - it feels like scissors cutting you open down there even when your partner(or you) is being really gentle and slow. it is Not fun. But then once your opening has stretched out it doesn't really feel like much of anything aside from a mild/vague slipery-slidey-friction and a slight awkwardness just because there's something filling a space that isn't normally there, but there's not a lot of sensation inside. Sometimes if you haven't done it in a while you'll tighten up down there a bit and then it's mildly painful when he goes in again, like pulling a muscle but not super bad like it is initially, and sometimes if he goes in too far it can put painful pressure wherever the tip is running into things, and afterwards my insides kind of feel like they've been all scrambled up and have to re-settle into their proper places - I'm not sure everyone experiences that though. Depending on the position you're both in sometimes it can stimulate the outer parts of your vagina in a way that feels pleasantly tingly, but in my experience that's the best it gets. I agree that oral is super gross and I would Not want to be kissed after that just ew mouths don't go there, though it actually feels considerably better than 'normal' sex but still isn't great as it's mainly squishy-mushy-slobbery-wet (you can imagine sitting in a warm patch of slimy fuzzy moss on the edge of a pond and squirming around....that's mostly what it's like to me anyways, wet and tickly) along with the pleasant tingly (if you go in for the tingly feeling, I don't find that all that amazing but I guess some people do, to me arousal is not unlike needing to pee, then there's the mildly pleasant tickle of doing so, and then the relief that it's done) which can lead to orgasm which in my experience mostly feels good just because the tingly has now stopped demanding to be itched but there's a sort of deep warm pulsing/twitching feeling not on the surface but more inside after that (and sometimes you might have a larger whole-body sort of twitch/shiver or scrunching up feeling right before) which is okay I guess... but there are way better sensations than that, like personally I'd prefer the shivers I get from someone playing lightly with my hair or gently scratching my back, also good chocolate is much more satisfying. Overall sex is boring, awkward, gross, and sometimes uncomfortable. I enjoy the kissing and caressing skin that isn't right around the genital area, feeling chests and stomachs together and all of that is great, it's just the gentials part that isn't enjoyable.

. . . Yeah, I don't dig our man parts either, and can't for the life of me understand why some women like them. I also find many female celebrities attractive, but when I see someone (anyone, not just celebrities really) who I think is really "hot," it's still more of a "gee, I'd like to look at you a while 'cause you're beautiful, and then get close to you emotionally" sort of thing. I don't fantasize at all about sex with them. I sort of get crushes on them I guess. It's hard to explain.

It's so nice to hear a guy expressing this, thank you. It's hard to explain to others how someone can be 'hot' (super attractive, physically ideal, charming, etc.) without it triggering a sexual response for me. I really like your description of 'gee, I'd like to look at you. . . and then get close to you emotionally' that's exactly it, I never feel a desire to imagine sexual things with them even if I do feel drawn to them.

Oh my God thank you so so so much! Everything you said sounds JUST like me... it's so nice to know that there are other people who think like me. Also, thank you for the description of what it feels like, really. That was honestly quite helpful, and after reading it I am thoroughly grossed-out. I'm pretty darned sure I'm sex-repulsed lol (but that really helped clear things up). Thank you!

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Oh my God thank you so so so much! Everything you said sounds JUST like me... it's so nice to know that there are other people who think like me. Also, thank you for the description of what it feels like, really. That was honestly quite helpful, and after reading it I am thoroughly grossed-out. I'm pretty darned sure I'm sex-repulsed lol (but that really helped clear things up). Thank you!

you're welcome! :) I'm glad I could help. It's soo nice to find others who feel the same way about these things!

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... I 'fantasize' about a sense of emotional/mental/spiritual oneness (always between fictional characters I'm never in my imagination) ... Cuddling can feel really intimate though in a way that sex really doesn't for me, I think this is because you are just Being together ...

Every time I see you post, Theoryal, you're managing to describe exactly how I feel about something too! I was starting to think it really odd that I never fantasize about myself. And that is a great description of cuddling. :cake:

Thank you for sharing the TMI, too. It was an informative read. The one thing I find frustrating about this site is that a lot of the definitions are negative - "someone who does not ___" or "a lack of ___" - which isn't helpful without knowing what the negated feature is in the first place. (and so help us all if someone suggests Google. I do not want see what the internet at large has to say about sexual arousal :blink: )

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... when I see someone (anyone, not just celebrities really) who I think is really "hot," it's still more of a "gee, I'd like to look at you a while 'cause you're beautiful, and then get close to you emotionally" sort of thing. I don't fantasize at all about sex with them. I sort of get crushes on them I guess. It's hard to explain....

This describes my entire life.

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