Nightinggale Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 So, I have been doing some research into this sort of hidden sexuality and I have come to the realization that asexuality, or maybe even demisexuality is something that seems to explain a lot about myself. The thing is, I don't want to be asexual. I have strong sexual desires and fantasies but zero sexual attraction to anybody I meet. It is so frustrating! I look around at all these cute, kind, and (yes) sexy men, and I could never picture myself actually getting sexual with them. In fact if I try to fantasize about a real person its awkward. Its like looking at my brother or a child, 0 sexual appeal. Do I fit the bill for asexuality? Or is this a problem I can change. I really want to have that kind of relationship but it just feels unnatural for me to act romantic or sexual. Is this just something I need to come to terms with? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Commander Werther Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Ive felt similarly before. I find alot of guys 'cute' or 'hot' and I flirt with them etc and when we start to get closer to a relationship and they want to start doing physical things I push them away because I dont feel the need to do any of these physical things. I can picture myself dating someone and then reality hits me in the face that they want to have a sexual relationship and I get heartbroken and it sucks :( and I wish I wasnt like this but I am ^_^ I cant tell you if you are asexual or not, but I definitely can relate. I hope all will go well for you Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Orthonomous Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 I can relate as well. I don't think it's good to want to jump the bones of every attractive stranger you see. Most people are just far too sexual and they let sex dominate their thoughts and their lives. P.S. I really like your username/picture, nightingales are awesome. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nightinggale Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 I know my picture is of a barn owl but the name nightingale has such a beautiful and somewhat sorrowful tone to it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MacAran Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I really want to have that kind of relationship but it just feels unnatural for me to act romantic or sexual. Is this just something I need to come to terms with? What do you mean by "that kind of relationship?" You can have a close, even physically intimate relationship without sex. If by sexual desire you mean physical arousal, there are also ways to take care of that with a partner that aren't sex. There are things, kissing, making out, touching each other (in both genital, and non-genital locations, with close off or on) that can be pleasurable for some people. The trick is to experiment, and figure out what, if anything, works for you. Also talking to your partner about all this, and having their help figuring out how to fit this into the relationship that you have is of paramount importance to maintaining a good relationship. It sounds to me like you might have a fairly string libido (a physical urge for sexual release) but aren't interested in actually having sex with a partner. I can't say if that makes you asexual or not (that's something you've gotta figure out for you) but it does sound like you could fit somewhere on the ace spectrum. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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