Help wanted! Gimme random questions that people ask asexuals!

[The Not So Impossible Girl]

So this is Asexual Q&A and I'm literally looking for questions that I can answer in this master google doc I am writing about my asexuality. It's just a thing I'm making so that I can send it to people that I come out to, because I'm tired of repeating the same information over and over again. Plus, it's nice to have everything all written out in a concise and easy-to-understand way.

Perhaps you have questions that people often ask you. Or perhaps you have questions you've always wanted to ask other asexual people.

So please put your questions below! Thank you! :D

[Dee-Ari]

Don't you think it's more like internalized slut-shaming?

Aren't you just overthinking this?

Don't you feel like you're wasting your body?

When did you start to think you may be on the asexual spectrum?

Don't you think you just need to try it some more? (It's not coffee or beer, damnit)

Can't think of more atm^^"

[The Not So Impossible Girl]

Don't you think it's more like internalized slut-shaming?

Aren't you just overthinking this?

Don't you feel like you're wasting your body?

When did you start to think you may be on the asexual spectrum?

Don't you think you just need to try it some more? (It's not coffee or beer, damnit)

Can't think of more atm^^"

Oh my, I could answer some of these with so much sass but I will try not to. Thank you for contributing!

[deltaX]

I can't think of too many off the top of my head, but you could try looking up swankivy's Asexual Bingo video if you're looking for ideas of dumb things people say to asexuals. :)

[RK800]

Does that mean you're a rotifer? Sure, why the hell not. I'm a micro-organism.

So you don't love people?

How do you become asexual?

So you're a tumblr special-snowflake?

Does that mean you like animals?

[DiEvAl]

I think the best way to gather dumb questions is to talk to random people on the streets. But it's also probably the most frustrating way ;)

[hekky1]

Kind of weird as I read it, after I typed all of them xP

• You are not asexual, you just respect another person. (Not a question ikr)
• What if suddenly you become not asexual and your relationship would break?
• You just want to be original/special/different.
• So you don't watch porn?
• So you don't masturbate?
• I will find you a girlfriend [boyfriend] and you will finally get laid.
• Maybe you are just "sexually locked" and need some unlocking?
• Maybe you are immature for sexual intercourse?

[butterscotchwm]

Some questions/comments that my mother said to me when I came out to her:

"Why do you want to be asexual?"

"Why do you need to label yourself?"

"I just don't want you to be close-minded..."

Some questions my friends have asked me:

"Are you just scared of sex? Because it's not scary..."

"Do you... fap (masturbate)?"

"But don't you ever think about it?? (sex)"

"Aren't you curious to know what it (sex) feels like?"

[The Not So Impossible Girl]

I don't really know if I want to put masturbation questions on there xD

I've never talked to anyone I came out to about that. And they've never asked (god, I hope they never do).

[Scottthespy]

The biggest one I get most of the time is "how does that work?"

Other than that...

So who DO you want to sleep with?

Is that healthy?

Why?

Seriously?

You mean you just don't want to put in all the effort?

But you THINK about it, right?

Ok, so do you think (random person nearby) is hot?

How do you know?

[deltaX]

Also, a lot of people tend to confuse asexuality with celibacy. Or they'll confuse sexual and romantic orientations. It might help to explain that a bit as well.

[Guest]

were you sexually abused as a child?

what if you just haven't met "the one"?

so you're a plant? (then they laugh like they're really funny)

do you think maybe you just haven't had a good fuck yet?

have you had your hormones checked?

have you talked to a doctor about that? generally not wanting sex is a sign of sickness you could have cancer or something.

so pretty much you think you're better than everyone else?

*sigh*

been asked all of them, many times.

[RK800]

Oh, almost forgot.....

"Are your parts broken?"

"Does everything work right?"

Apparently aces are robots.

I wasn't aware of this.

Edit: 800th post! *insert understated, internalized happy dance*

[FoxEars]

I second pretty much everything up already

But we seem to have forgotten the most common ones:

• 'What?'
• *confused mewling* (question is implied)
• 'Why did you have to tell me that?' / 'Did I need to know that?'

And two less-common ones (as far as I know), but personal favourites of mine:

• 'Are you actually asexual though, or just ... like, mentally asexual?' (WTF DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?)
• 'Have you told your boyfriend?' (LIKE WOW. NO. I WENT TO ALL THE TROUBLE OF REALISING I'M ASEXUAL AND COMING OUT TO A NOSY PRICK LIKE YOU, BUT NEVER ONCE DID IT OCCUR TO ME TO MENTION THIS TO MY BOYFRIEND, LITERALLY THE ONLY OTHER BEING ON EARTH TO WHOM MY SEXUALITY PERSONALLY MATTERS. I'D NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. YOU SHOULD GET A FUCKING NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.)

^ FoxEars ^

[argar]

I have one:

How can you expect to have a relationship with a woman if you don't want her sexually? A woman needs to feel wanted. (Just added that last part to elaborate.)

[Star Bit]

You don't have to put details about masturbation but i do think you should mention "some asexuals masturbate, some don't (also called non-libidoists)".

Also, alot of ppl mention the "asexuals don't self-reproduce" thing, but i never see anyone point out that asexual is not a synonym for reproduction; otherwise the phrase heterosexual reproduction (or any other form of reproduction) would be rather redundant. If it were then our heterosexual and homosexual orientations would be invalid too.

[The Not So Impossible Girl]

I mean, this is what I have written so far if people want to read it,

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mEk2JpLq49I0Us297enYFQp_XW-kasflvnZT81USmDQ/edit?usp=sharing

[scarletlatitude]

I have one:

How can you expect to have a relationship with a woman if you don't want her sexually? A woman needs to feel wanted. (Just added that last part to elaborate.)

Same idea, but for men. I get "but men need sex". Huh, I guess they don't realize how terrible that sounds.

Also these:

"So can humans reproduce asexually?" (I see that they are getting asexual reproduction confused with asexual orientation, but still...)

"What about that cute guy at work? How can you not be interested?" (Well I am interested, just not in the way that you clearly are. Why don't you go jump him if you like him so much?)

"How do you know you don't like sex if you've never tried it?" (Hmm, I also don't like the Black Plague, even though I've never had it.)

"You don't want kids?" *confused stare* "No, I mean, really? How can you not want kids?"

And one particularly about sapiosexuality -- "You think you are smarter than everyone else? How can you quantify being smart? That seems like it's degrading to everyone. Why can't you just love someone whether or not they are smart?" (SAPIOSEXUALITY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PERSON BEING "SMARTER" THAN ANYONE ELSE. You don't criticize if someone likes blondes over red heads, do you? What if someone prefers a mate with blue eyes, or someone who is taller than them? No? Then shut up about my sapiosexuality.)

[Philip027]

The most common one I've had *by far* was if I masturbate. I don't know if the people I've talked to about that were more liberal about such a question because I'm male and most of the people I associate with are female (possibly making it more of an "enigma" factor for them), but... definitely the most common question for me.

Funny thing is, back then, I wouldn't have even known how to. Now, I know, and I can and have done so within specific interactions between my partner and I... but I still have no inclinations to do so on my own, which I chalk up to being nonlibidoist (or at the very least, demilibidoist... or something)

[Nyew]

"So you can't fall in love?"

"Are you sure it's not just friendship?"

"Are you sure it's not just because you haven't found the right one?"

"But you can't have a relationship without sex, maybe you could let your partner have sex with someone else?"

"You're just confused"

"Maybe you're just traumatized"

"Maybe you just need some time?"

And if you can/want to include a little part for misunderstood non-virgin asexuals :

"How can you be asexual if you've already had sex?"

So if you've never had sex you can't know but if you have then you can't be asexual.

"Maybe it's because your partner wasn't good enough?"

That one is so stupid that I just can't even answer it most of the time. "Having a good time" won't turn me 'sexual'.

[RD_the]

"Are you sure you're not just a lesbian who has been dating guys?"

"How can that exist?"

"Do you masturbate?" (Seriously, it is generally one of the first three questions. Next time someone asks I am going to reply with "you first." Cause if that's really an appropriate topic for conversation...)

"So what does a relationship look like for you? What are you looking for in a relationship?"

[Orthonomous]

I thought this part was really good, this reminds me so much of myself,
"Basically, in high school there was this one guy who moved to my school from Vermont or something. I swear to God every single girl in the goddamn marching band had a crush on this guy except for me. And I just couldn’t figure it out. They were all judging him based on his appearance. And they were all completely blind to who he actually was as a person. I mean, he wasn’t weird or anything. I just had an issue with everyone idealizing him and not being decent enough to get to know him as an individual with feelings. He was kind of just a flawless demi-god sexual object to all these girls. But anyway, I was talking to this particular best friend of mine one day at lunch about how I totally don’t understand how everyone was in love with this dude, and this is what she says to me, “Clara, I think you’re asexual”

Later, I googled “asexual” and started reading about it.

I began examining things that had occurred in my life and suddenly everything made sense.
I always found sex-ed class incredibly boring and not uncomfortable at all. When they advocated for the whole, “The only way to 100% prevent pregnancy is to be abstinent”, I was like, “Okay, I’m down with that”. I thought what I felt was normal. I thought everyone was kind of “meh” about sex unless they found someone they liked. Apparently not."

[Orthonomous]

As for the masturbation question, perhaps you could rephrase it as "Do you ever get sexually aroused?" And if the answer is "Yes", then they would probably want to know what sexually arouses you, and how that fits in with being asexual.