Empathy & emotions

[AlwaysBeKorra]

So, I wanted to know your opinion on this:

Is it possible to be just as empathic and emotional as anyone else if you're asexual or aromantic? I think I'm demisexual and - romantic, but at the same time I'm very aware of people's feelings, I'm the one my friends go to if they need to talk about very emotional or difficult stuff. I'm very understanding and able to see things from other people's perspective. Almost instinctively, I know what people feel or think, and I'm very often right. I think I might even be more empathic and aware of people's feelings than the average person. I feel that I'm capable to have very deep feelings of sadness, happiness etc., but I don't often show it, I keep a lot of it in, but that doesn't mean I don't feel as much as other people, even though I don't seem particularly "girly" on the outside. I might have a more logical approach to a lot of things, e.g. I'm rarely overcome by feelings, but still I really feel that I'm capable of having these "big" emotions. What are your thoughts on this? Are asexuals/aromantics more prone to "feel" through their intellect, or do they feel less than other people?

:)

[SkyWorld]

Oh, it's possible. I don't really think many people in the ace spectrum lack empathy at all. I mean, we're not heartless. :lol: Even so, one doesn't have to be asexual or aromantic to lack empathy as well. To be honest, I doubt one's sexual orientation has anything to do with their empathy or lack of. Empathy is also one of those things that could be even trained.

[AlwaysBeKorra]

Thanks, Honey-senpai! I really didn't mean to offend anyone, it's just all so new to me. I even got worried that I might not be that loving a person if it turns out that I'm aromantic. You get all kinds of weird thoughts ;) But thank you for reassuring me - and I do think you guys are some of the greatest and most empathic people I've ever talked to! :D

[AlwaysBeKorra]

one doesn't have to be asexual or aromantic to lack empathy as well.

Yeah, I think you're completely right! I mean, I've known some people who fall in love easily but are still complete douchebags! :D

[WünderBâhr]

I don't believe it has much to do with sexual or romantic orientations, per se. There are plenty of people on all sides who have just as much difficulty with empathy and/or interpreting or exhibiting emotions. So, I feel it is more about the individual and their experiences than anything else.

That being said, identifying as part of a marginalized or generally unknown group probably presents more opportunities for expanding one's sense of empathy. But it doesn't guarantee it. So, the correlation is situational, at best. That, of course, is just my opinion.

[Amalgam]

"Feeling" through intellect is an interesting concept that I haven't really thought about before today. I think I probably think through my feelings, but that came about through months of self-discovery.

Maybe you're describing seeing feelings for what they are, which may be an uncommon occurrence - I don't know.

[SkyWorld]

Thanks, Honey-senpai! I really didn't mean to offend anyone, it's just all so new to me. I even got worried that I might not be that loving a person if it turns out that I'm aromantic. You get all kinds of weird thoughts ;) But thank you for reassuring me - and I do think you guys are some of the greatest and most empathic people I've ever talked to! :D

Oh, don't worry! I wasn't offended. And no problem! :)

[AlwaysBeKorra]

"Feeling" through intellect is an interesting concept that I haven't really thought about before today. I think I probably think through my feelings, but that came about through months of self-discovery.

Maybe you're describing seeing feelings for what they are, which may be an uncommon occurrence - I don't know.

Well, I found out that a lot of Americans do the Myers-Briggs(?) test, and it has that dicotomy from feeling to thinking, which makes you either a "feeler" or a "thinker". I think I'm kind of in the middle.

[kelico]

I'm an Empath...always have been. I'm very sensitive to emotions and thoughts of other people (and in general lol! I am a sensitive and emotional person!) But I am also very much a thinker and not the best at verbalizing my emotions or empathy to others...but believe me, they're there, STRONG.

[Bezzy-Loo]

Sexuality =/= emotion.

I know that I'm ace or gray, but I've always been told I have a lot (sometimes too much) of empathy. I admit that it's less identifying with the feelings than understanding the feelings and logic intellectually for me, but I still count it as empathy and I still want people to be happy, and am personally unhappy when something is bothering others.

[binary suns]

I think that empathy and sensitivity is pretty common, more common than we would think by observation... it's just that people tend to prioritize differently. If there is a correlation, I would more likely assume it's the orientation that influences the psychological profile than the other way around

[Theoryal]

. . . I'm very aware of people's feelings, I'm the one my friends go to if they need to talk about very emotional or difficult stuff. I'm very understanding and able to see things from other people's perspective. Almost instinctively, I know what people feel or think, and I'm very often right. I think I might even be more empathic and aware of people's feelings than the average person. I feel that I'm capable to have very deep feelings of sadness, happiness etc., but I don't often show it, I keep a lot of it in, but that doesn't mean I don't feel as much as other people, even though I don't seem particularly "girly" on the outside. I might have a more logical approach to a lot of things, e.g. I'm rarely overcome by feelings, but still I really feel that I'm capable of having these "big" emotions. What are your thoughts on this? . . .

I can relate to all of this, and I definitely don't feel like it's related to sexuality, or even whether or not someone likes romance. While sexual attraction or interaction may stir up emotions and is one method of sharing an emotional connection, I don't think it's a necessary component for having strong feelings in general.

You mentioned myers-briggs, and I was going to say this description here sounds a lot like an INFP

[AlwaysBeKorra]

...I actually think I'm an INFP ;)

[Tarfeather]

I think that being aromantic in itself doesn't imply being less emotional. But being aromantic can be just one side-effect of a more generally anti-social personality type, and such a personality type does imply being less emotional.

[Caehlim]

I'm very empathic but not very emotional.

I was listening to a lecture from Brandon Sanderson (an author) where he described his emotional reactions and I found it very similar to how I feel, so I'm going to paraphrase/steal his explanation. If you chart people's emotions on a graph, with 0% as being extreme lows and 100% as extreme highs I tend to buzz along at a fairly constant 60-70% all of the time. For me I do sometimes break that pattern if I have a panic attack, but that's generally the only time that I vary from just a constant "Yeah, I'm pretty good."

However I find it difficult not to be affected by other people's emotions fairly strongly. I love seeing other people being happy and I hate seeing them upset. Honestly I find other people's emotions to be a bigger impact on me than my own most of the time.

[RK800]

Of course. :)

I'm so overly empathetic (possibly empathic) that I feel bad for so many people and end up disassociating to avoid mental break-downs.

It's absolutely lovely. ._.

Though I'm not very outwardly emotional. I tend to bottle everything up until I explode when no one is around (thus so far this system has worked).

[AlwaysBeKorra]

Of course. :)

I'm so overly empathetic (possibly empathic) that I feel bad for so many people and end up disassociating to avoid mental break-downs.

It's absolutely lovely. ._.

Though I'm not very outwardly emotional. I tend to bottle everything up until I explode when no one is around (thus so far this system has worked).

That's exactly like me!

[Rising Sun]

I'm so emotional and I feel others' suffering so much sometimes (all living beings, not just people) that it hurts. But people often think I'm cold, because I often keep my feelings for myself and I'm not very good at expressing sympathy well (I'm not a "verbal" kind of person, more a "body language" one). Being an empath is both a beautiful gift and a curse, something to handle with care anyway.

[RK800]

I'm so emotional and I feel others' suffering so much sometimes (all living beings, not just people) that it hurts. But people often think I'm cold, because I often keep my feelings for myself. Being an empath is both a beautiful gift and a curse, something to handle with care anyway.

This. Couldn't agree more.

[ByTheTracks]

I think the issue with being empathic/feeling/sensitive and yet seeming to be cold is that those of us who seem to be able to feel what others feel to an extent end up protecting ourselves a lot or we get overwhelmed by the "vibes" so to speak. I think at least partially, in day-to-day life, we have to tune some of that out just to exist. That can be interpreted as coldness, when really it's a protection mechanism.

That said, I have to say that since I have been here, this forum as a whole is one of the most amazing online places I have been, where people seem to feel what you feel through the "series of tubes" as it were and understand it organically, even if they don't feel exactly the same thing. It's quite remarkable. I do wonder if asexuals are actually MORE empathic/empathetic as a group. Maybe the sexual urges and feelings that are minimized or lessened or absent make way for more feeling and empathizing? :) Uh oh, Is that asexual elitism on my part? I saw that phrase somewhere, but haven't looked it up yet. :)

[Prairie]

I think of two related things that occur for me when I'm being receptive to someone. The first is sensing what they're feeling, hearing what they're saying without judgment, not thinking about myself or how it relates with me, which I call empathy. The second is when I start to connect with an experience that seems similar to the other person's, and feeling the things I felt when I experienced it, which I call sympathy.

I think that being empathic is available to everyone, except perhaps someone who hasn't experienced basic feelings and can't even conceptualize another person feeling things. Even thin someone might be able to at least hear the other person and offer some comprehension as an alien visitor might. Empathy is about standing aside and making a space for someone else's experience to unfold without interference.

Sympathy is only possibly when one has experienced something similar, so I don't think someone who has never had sex can offer sympathy to someone who has and has something they need to say about it. On the other hand, having sympathy can get in the way of empathy, because the focus moves from listening to the other person to connecting to one's own experience and a need to tell the other person about it, so someone who hasn't experienced sex could listen more fully to someone describe an experience involving it, and not be distracted as much.

I personally don't get much out of sympathy, so I don't see the lack of it as much of an issue. Empathy is a source of life for me, and people who have given it well haven't experienced the things I have, and it hasn't been detrimental. If anything, if they had, they'd probably bring in more of their "stuff" that would get in the way of my process.

[jimerman]

it is possible, i don't have much of an emotional side but asexuals just have a lack of sexual attraction. we may be a little short on the lovey douvey stuff but we still feel where people are coming from.