velocifan Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Hello, I have a question I am sure you have been asked before. However, a little background first. I am a 40 year old man from Liverpool, United Kingdom. I am married and have four children and been in my job for a long time. So obviously I have had not had to have much persuasion in the past to have sex. However, over the last year or so I have increasingly lost interest in sex or event the need to ejaculate. So whereas I see a beautiful woman I may indeed take a second glance but in the past this may have been accompanied by thought of what sex would be like with here and would now see her in terms of simply being glad she happened to walk past. I can see and appreciate her beauty but in terms of an aesthetic. I still relish physical contact with women, a cathartic hug where we melt into each other is the most viscerally pleasurable thing I can think of right now. But this is not accompanied by any desire for sex. If anything, I now have romantic fantasies rather than sexual ones. I desire a union of feeling and minds and on the rare occasion this happens together I have a feeling of elation incomparable to any past sexual union. In addition to this change of outlook my social circle has changed. Being a man I naturally had mainly male friends but I have always valued female company, platonically because I do not wish to be unfaithful. When I spend time with my friends it is almost exclusively a small number of female friends. Unless it is a mixed group I make sure that when I meet my male friends I am doing something with them like cycling or running as if to avoid too much conversation or sharing. I feel I am betraying my male friends as I seem to value their practical value as a running buddy or someone for a friendly competition. So previously where I felt attracted to my female friends I never acted on that instinct I controlled myself for the sake of my marriage and our friendship. As I have lost sexual interest I have gained more interest in getting to know people and nourish my friendships. So much so that my colleagues at work, ironically I suppose, began to suspect I was having affairs are bizzarely enough that I was coming out as gay. The reason I think this is relevant to my loss of sexual interest is because it's if I can see and act more clearly. I have no ulterior sexual motive and is to some extent liberating and I want to get to know women better and that sexual interest acted as a barrier for a union rather than a motivator. Physically I am in top shape, I run marathons and can cycle over a 100 miles. However, there has been a lot of stress at work and if this is a loss of libido rather than becoming asexual then I would be worried. The loss of sexual appetite I am happy with. There is no sex any longer in our marriage, long before I lost my desire so that is no cause for friction. So I am asking and drawing on your experience if you have encountered anything like this before. Is it more likely that there has been some switch in me changing my desires but increasing my need for emotional sharing. In this case I am not worried. However, is this a potential symptom of some underlying medical affliction or mental stress over arriving in middle age and being dissatisfied. And if anything what has the fact that I cultivate female friendships have to do with it? Regards velocifan Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I wouldn't fret about any changes if they don't cause you distress. If it ain't broke, why fix it? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I wouldn't fret about any changes if they don't cause you distress. If it ain't broke, why fix it? This. ^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Because they can be symptoms of quite serious medical problems? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Howard Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I've heard of libido loss due to stress at work. However, if that stress causes to not want sex where there was none in the first place and that makes you nourish friendships, I don't see the problem. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MoraDollie Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Asexuality does not equal celibacy or loss of interest in sex. There's a lot of things for someone who finds someone sexy (taking the literal definition here: sexually appealing) suddenly not have those thoughts/feelings anymore. You're starting to get in the older range (just a fact of life), your body isn't producing as much hormones as it used to, as say when you're in your 20s. It's a natural process in life. However, at the same time, if you're really concerned for your overall health/safety, please consult a medical doctor. We're not an excuse not to see one, if you're really scared about something. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Because they can be symptoms of quite serious medical problems? I'd say stressing about it is more likely to cause problems, in which case, yeah you should check it out if you do. But I don't see the point of getting concerned about something that (as I understand it) pretty much happens naturally to a great deal of us as we age Quote Link to post Share on other sites
velocifan Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 Thank you all for the replies so far. By way of clarification may I ask whether anyone here or anyone that you know of has, although started out as as sexual and later became asexual where there was no underlying medical cause? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MacAran Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 My own experience, and most of those I've read about, are less of a change, and more of a discovery. Not saying it can't happen, just that I've not come across it yet. You should probably talk to a doctor about this, just to be on the safe side. All that being said, I do have a theory that somewhat fits what you describe, but it's based primarily on conjecture, not hard evidence. , Societal pressure to have and to want sex can be enormous, even when it's not obvious. Also, just because you don't want sex does necessarily mean your body doesn't. I would guess that you might be on the asexual spectrum, but because of a physical response to sexual stimuli, and societal pressures to want sex, you went along with it, enjoyed it (many non-repulsed asexuals can enjoy sex, even if we don't seek it out, just like sexuals can enjoy cake). As males age, testosterone levels decrease, particularly towards the 4th and 5th decades of life. Along with that, sex drive decreases. It is possible that's what is happening to you, and as it is, without that physiological drive clouding your perspective, you're coming to recognize your own asexuality. But like I said, that's all just conjecture, and I still suggest talking to a doctor just to be safe. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
verily-forsooth-egads Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I do know of at least one person here who reports having been sexual and later losing that interest, and on the whole we're quite fond of reminding people that sexuality is fluid around here. I expect you've got nothing to worry about. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
velocifan Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Thank you all. Waiting for blood test results from the clinic. Like I say if there is a medical cause that might be a need for concern. However if not then I am fine with that. In retrospect this has been a long time coming as it seems to explain my change in attitudes and some of the questions I get from people Thank you all. Waiting for blood test results from the clinic. Like I say if there is a medical cause that might be a need for concern. However if not then I am fine with that. In retrospect this has been a long time coming as it seems to explain my change in attitudes and some of the questions I get from people Quote Link to post Share on other sites
velocifan Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Have no idea why that text posted twice. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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