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Love, feelings and asexuality/demisexuality


AlwaysBeKorra

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AlwaysBeKorra

Hi guys, I'm brand new to this forum and to the idea that I'm probably demisexual or gray-asexual. I always just thought that I hadn't met the "right guy" yet. One of the things that I have most difficulties wrapping my head around is the fact that you all seem so LOVING. You seem so emotionally NORMAL, just like I feel super normal in that way. No offense, really! :) But in this society where love and sex are seen are deeply intertwined, it's just difficult to fathom that asexuals FEEL as much as sexuals! I mean, I see myself as feeling things very deeply, people tell me I'm empathic and understanding, and I love my parents and my best friends more than anything! But it just seems so weird that I don't want to be sexually close to another person, then! And in a society were sex is in the spotlight everyday it seems to strange that we are so normal, and that the ONLY thing that sets us apart is our asexuality! (I'm still really not trying to offend anyone here! ;)). What are your thoughts on this?

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Personally I don't see love and sex as being so connected. Maybe it has a lot to do with previous relationships or maybe some of my friends.

I know a lot of people that have sex because sex is fun. I think a lot of casual encounters are that way.

I know what you mean though - some people this that sex can be done without love involved. But fail to understand how you can love someone romantically without wanting sex.

My platonic love is strong though - I feel a lot for my friends and family and I'm very empathetic.

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It sounds a bit funny, but I do know what you mean.

There's a strange surprise to finding out just how... normal... things are. Especially when you hear stereotypes and people talking about how important certain things are. But then you find that people are just people, no matter how different they look on the surface.

It doesn't even have to relate to sex and sexuality. When I was younger I went on an exchange to live in France for half a year. I expected things to be so different and sure, the culture, traditions, etc were different but underneath it all everyone I met was just a person. It surprised me a great deal at the time, though I'm finding it less and less of a surprise as I keep encountering it.

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AlwaysBeKorra

Thanks for understanding, greaterthan & Caehlim! ;)

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AlwaysBeKorra

It sounds a bit funny, but I do know what you mean.

There's a strange surprise to finding out just how... normal... things are. Especially when you hear stereotypes and people talking about how important certain things are. But then you find that people are just people, no matter how different they look on the surface.

It doesn't even have to relate to sex and sexuality. When I was younger I went on an exchange to live in France for half a year. I expected things to be so different and sure, the culture, traditions, etc were different but underneath it all everyone I met was just a person. It surprised me a great deal at the time, though I'm finding it less and less of a surprise as I keep encountering it.

This brings me some peace of mind, Caehlim, you're so right :)

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binary suns

you all seem so LOVING.

I've found this not to be exclusive to any particular community. love and acceptance is contagious, and competitive teasing/distrust/hate is also contagious. someone who grows up in a shit neighborhood will be surprised when they move to a loving one, and someone who grows up amongst acceptance and caring will be surprised if they find themselves in a ghetto.

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You can love someone and never crave sex with them. You can crave sex with someone and never want to have a loving relationship with them. This is because love and lust work in two different parts of the brain.

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JohnDoe1995

First of all, welcome to AVEN.

Second of all, I get what you're saying. I grew up knowing that sex isn't love, but that sexual attraction comes from emotional closeness. When I first noticed I wasn't feeling sexual attraction toward others & heard that sexual attraction & romantic attraction are two separate things, It seemed weird & illogical. But with some time & thought, & finding out I'm demi, I started seeing the logic & truthfulness behind it. Nowadays hearing people saying that sexual attraction & love are intertwined seems weird & abnormal to me.

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