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Georgetown

Understanding Sex-Repulsed Asexuality

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Georgetown

I really want to understand sex-repulsed asexuality more. I want to understand the ways in which it is different than being a prude (if it is in fact different).

I think sex is a little bit gross with all the fluids dripping everywhere (particularly after reading American Psycho lol), but overall, I've always felt indifferent to sex, rather ho-hum. For a long time, my assumption was that being asexual implies you find sex mundane more than anything else or at least "non-arousing". Asexuality was/is for me all about sex being "non-special". When I was younger, I used to think all people were that way and people just had sex because of societal convention... so yeah.

However, after learning about sex-repulsed asexuals, I'm really curious because I think it comes down to the definition of asexuality really. It's hard to be repulsed by something unless you understand it on some level (is that correct?). I want to learn more. Would an old Catholic grandma who finds sex disgusting be a sex-repulsed asexual or just a garden-variety prude? Is someone disgusted by their own sexual feelings who wants to never have sex an asexual? What is it like to be "asexually" repulsed by sex (are the fluids that gross on their own merits...?)?

For the record, there's nothing wrong with how anyone feels about this. It's all about what makes you happy/unhappy. I just want to learn more.

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Fox Academy

to me, the thought of having sex is scary. it makes me anxious and I want to throw up. it makes my stomach turn. I used to think that I needed to lose my virginity, and I would only be able to do it by getting black out drunk and let someone fuck me.

The thought of having sex scares the shit out of me. it really does. I will never just try it to try it because i would have a full on anxiety attack. it isnt just disgusting. its repulsive.

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Sonatine

I just find sex to be as repulsive as it gets. I can't really explain it because every single person I know who's been through what I've been through is sexual so I'm just left wondering and having to accept this repulsion as an integral part of who I am.

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SkyWorld

One doesn't have to be asexual to be sex-repulsed. I also disagree about that being the definition of asexuality because not all asexuals are sex-repulsed either. Besides, sex repulsion doesn't have anything to do with orientation. Sure, some asexuals are sex-repulsed (I am, myself).

Really, I don't care if others have sex or not, but it's not exactly something I would like to know or let them tell me about. The thought of myself in that situation does make me physically sick and I want to vomit, sometimes I actually do. Even when people are like "You have to lose your virginity", I did not care one bit. I don't care if it's "lame" to be a virgin and if people think I'm a "loser" or whatever. Nothing they say is going to change my mind because... I'm NOT doing that. They can if they want to, but nobody is going to pressure me to do anything to "fit in". If they're that worried about me getting laid or not, that's their problem, not mine.

Any songs or books with graphic sex details and such, this is pretty much my face.

63.gif

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Titus Oates

I'm not sex-repulsed so I don't have much to contribute on that front; I confess I don't really understand it either, but since sex is seen as such a monumental act (a rite of passage; an expression of love; the means for creating another person) as well as being animalistic (messy; invasive; embarrassing) there could be myriad reasons why somebody could be repulsed at the thought of it.

There are few other things in life that have been draped with such significance; it seems to be the impulse behind everything we do - and indeed, according to biologists, psychologists, and most other -ists - it IS. Yet at the same time it's treated as a taboo thing... something we ought not to be TOO interested in, or else... or else! You get called a pervert, a slut, you go to hell, you get sick, you get pregnant, you ruin your life, you die... The philosophical connection between sex and death has always been strong, from the concept of original sin to the idea of the petit mort...

Anyway. What I came here to say was simply that I'm the sort of asexual that finds sex mundane and boring, but I'm not overly repulsed by it. We're human, some things we do are slightly disgusting, like sneezing, shitting and shovelling meat into our faces before grinding it to a pulp with our teeth. That's life.

The thing I really struggled with was coming to the realisation that sex and love, these things that seemed to make the world go round, that seemed to make life worthwhile... and yet, on the flip-side were the cause of so much downfall and disaster... these things meant nothing to me, and would never mean anything to me.

It's bleak.

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artandceramics
I've felt the need to normalise sex lately, so I've been reading some sex-positive comics and stuff. It's kind of a bit more okay now. When I was younger, I never understood why people would have sex other than to procreate.

No sex is safe sex made a hell of a lot of sense to me.

But then as I grew up I began to see that I did not understand even sexualised bodies the same way as others. I understood that they were aesthetically pleasing, but not sexy.


Sex, when I had it, used to make me feel dirty, empty, and disgusted. My partner was abusive, so that was surely part of it, but the repulsion stemmed from earlier.

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Honey_Badger

I'm probably hanging out somewhere between neutral and repulsed, so here are my thoughts.

- Absolutely nothing is supposed to go in my vagina. I don't care what it is. Nothing should ever go there. Not even tampons.

- Things that people do sexually that would not include my vagina generally seem gross, unsanitary and/or boring to me. Especially if it includes anything in the crotch and butt region. You excrete waste there, it's just not clean.

- Especially when it comes to penises. Pee comes out of that. Tell me evolution, why is the thing the pee comes out of what mammals stick in each other to reproduce? Why is that necessary?

- Other people's genitals can please just leave any room where I'd be forced to look at or interact with them. Vaginas are obviously less strange to me than penises, given that I have a vagina, but I find my own set an inconvenience, why would I want to deal with anyone else's?

- That said, the idea of other people having sex does not strike me as weird or (usually) very gross. The idea of people I know having sex is kind of like, just make sure you do it elsewhere, and the idea of fictional characters having sex is, depending on the pair and the author, either "well, considering this unnecessary and annoying sex scene takes up the rest of the chapter, I'm going to finish this book unexpectedly quickly," to "sure, go ahead, how many pages do I have to skip to get to the cuddling," or "go right ahead, I love to read about character X being all cute about finding inventive ways to get character Y to stop trying to work and come back to bed."

- As an addendum to that, I've been finding that when I care about the characters and will stick around through the beginning of a sex scene, or am just morbidly curious, I don't like the way a lot of heterosexual sex scenes are written. A lot of authors seem to get ridiculously flowery or weird when describing heterosexual penetrative sex, (Three words: "throbbing man-carrot") and others seem to have trouble establishing clear and enthusiastic consent in them, which makes the whole scene a huge nope for me.

Less sexual stuff:

- Kissing is extremely weird and boring to me, so while I don't dislike it, there's just no point for me.

- Not sure why people like giving and getting hickeys in real life. I've been bitten over the course of my life by a variety of creatures, including dogs, cats, mosquitoes, small children, a particularly ambitious frog, and bruises are painful and inconvenient. Humans biting each other in a sexual context? That's just kind of weird to me.

- As far as cuddling goes, I really like to be held, though there's not a lot of opportunity for that nowadays. As far as platonic cuddling goes, somehow I often turn out to be the cuddle-er rather than the cuddle-ee, and while that's nice it's not the same. :(

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Sleepy Skeleton

I'm on the other side of the issue. I don't understand why people aren't repulsed by sex.

For example, I don't understand why some people refuse to eat the mushy brown part of a banana, yet are totally fine with putting someone else's genitals in their mouth?!? Some people can't stand it when others don't wash their hands after the bathroom, yet anal is just PERFECT?!

And yeah, the fluids are the biggest thing. And the sounds. The sounds.

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fuzzipueo

I really want to understand sex-repulsed asexuality more. I want to understand the ways in which it is different than being a prude (if it is in fact different).

I think sex is a little bit gross with all the fluids dripping everywhere (particularly after reading American Psycho lol), but overall, I've always felt indifferent to sex, rather ho-hum. For a long time, my assumption was that being asexual implies you find sex mundane more than anything else or at least "non-arousing". Asexuality was/is for me all about sex being "non-special". When I was younger, I used to think all people were that way and people just had sex because of societal convention... so yeah.

However, after learning about sex-repulsed asexuals, I'm really curious because I think it comes down to the definition of asexuality really. It's hard to be repulsed by something unless you understand it on some level (is that correct?). I want to learn more. Would an old Catholic grandma who finds sex disgusting be a sex-repulsed asexual or just a garden-variety prude? Is someone disgusted by their own sexual feelings who wants to never have sex an asexual? What is it like to be "asexually" repulsed by sex (are the fluids that gross on their own merits...?)?

For the record, there's nothing wrong with how anyone feels about this. It's all about what makes you happy/unhappy. I just want to learn more.

For myself, I was pretty uninterested until I started reading romance novels. Having never actually had sex or been all that interested in it, I just naturally gravitated to literature in which there was little to no sex or romance, like fantasy or science fiction and what there was would often be so understated as to be negligible in import.

Then, one day, looking for something new and interesting to read, I picked up my first romance novel. At first, it was fine as the main characters seemed to more about getting in each others' faces and arguing about everything (at the time I didn't know this was a trope common in romance fiction) and I was enjoying their arguments. Then ... the male character, who was a dragon shifter, took great delight in having the female character ride on his back without any type of clothing between her, er, lady bits and his back. I read this with a growing sense of disbelief. Then it got worse. I agree with Honey_Badger. A lot of m/f romance sex is written in the most gag inducing way possible, though I have to say I have never come across the term "throbbing man-carrot" :blink: and I have come across some real doozies in my reading! [give me a moment as I quit laughing ...]*

*

I thought the term "wet pussy" was bad enough smiley-sick007.gif. I can, kinda, deal with the word "cock", but I find the word pussy highly offensive.

That's when I realized that the whole idea of sex in a personal context really, truly doesn't appeal. That, in point of fact, after having read my first sex scenes in both m/f and m/m romance novels (which I actually prefer for a variety of reasons), I find I had the distinct real urge to vomit. Especially when

a male character is getting a bj and pulls his penis out of the other character's mouth to spill his gunk all over that person's face. I don't get why anyone finds that exciting or sexy. Disgusting yes. Sexy? Nope. Na-huh

. These days, i just skim for dialogue and keep going.

Even when I have to deal with my own urges, I have to fight down the desire to gag. It's gross, it's messy, it's just something that if I could shut it off completely, I would be happy to do.

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Honey_Badger

"Throbbing Man Carrot" is actually from a "how not to write a sex scene" panel that friends of mine went to at Acen one year, so I don't have the original context. (I couldn't go because I had a 104 degree fever, so I was given the dubious honor of being covered in pamphlets from panels and being treated to at least three people's recountings of this particular panel when everyone got back.)

That said, I've never come across anything as bad as "throbbing man carrot" in person, but I tend to glaze like a doughnut when the sex scenes come up anyway. I also (earlier during this same illness) read my roommate's entire stash of shapeshifter romance novels in about two days - my roommate was not best pleased when she came back and I announced that her favorite romance author only ever wrote three sex scenes, since I'd been keeping track of what went where to keep myself amused. (This author was good at establishing enthusiastic consent, but informed consent and occasionally plain old logic about what is physically possible was not always present.)

... I find that a lot of authors of m/m, especially in some of my favorite fandoms, are better than average at being mature about actually describing sex, or establishing enthusiastic and informed consent beforehand than most authors of mainstream het romance. (I don't see a lot of f/f in any fandom, which is a pity because I totally ship Korrasami and I want fic that is beautiful and emotionally fulfillling and makes me want to hang out in the avatarverse, but mostly I keep finding porn without plot and nothing else...) Plus, a lot of mainstream romance tropes that are commonly accepted as "romantic" create unequal and emotionally unbalanced relationships, whereas authors are sometimes more hesitant to apply those cliches to stories that aren't het, or at least more aware of which cliches are good and which cliches are bad. Of course, this could also be the difference between established fan communities with a lot of good fic, and run-of-the-mill paint by numbers romance.

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SkyWorld

What in the world is a "throbbing man carrot"? <-- that is a rhetorical question. PLEASE nobody answer that. :blink:

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AsexuallyME

I still feel traumatized and possibly abused from the one and ONLY time that my Mom tried to force me to learn how to use a tampon... If I can't handle THAT, Then how was I EVER gonna want the OTHER thing ANYWHERE near me... I STILL can't even say the proper words even on the Internet... :(

And, This is WAAAAAAAAAAAY off topic: But, I have NEVER understood the whole: "You HAVE to learn how to use a tampon so that you can SWIM during your period!!!!!!!!!!!!" ... :unsure::huh: Umm... WHO in their RIGHT MIND even WANTS to swim during THAT time?!?!? :unsure:

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Theoryal

I'm sometimes indifferent and sometimes quite repulsed. Yeah... I really don't understand how people can not be grossed out or weirded out by sex.

1) there is so much about sex that just feels dirty and gross, bodily fluids are a main thing, also the fact that you excrete waste from those areas, even if someone has just showered, 'down there' does not register as very clean to me and I have zero desire to touch that with any part of myself, maybe not even "with a 10-foot pole" as the saying goes. I don't want to touch myself down there either. The visceral gross reaction is similar to having to clean up vomit. Yuck. I can do it if I have to, knowing I can wash up afterwards, but it's definitely unpleasant.

2) genitals are just ugly. There is nothing aesthetically pleasing about them at all. The less I see them the better.

3) while normally I am someone with almost no personal space bubble, I love being touched, don't mind being in tight spaces with people, etc. I have a rather strong boundary around my privates. It feels invasive and distressing to be touched there. The only person who can touch me there and I can (sometimes) feel relaxed is my husband but that doesn't mean I want him to touch me there, it's just that the strong sense of boundary violation usually doesn't fire when he does, I can actually be indifferent unless I'm just really not in the mood.

4) sex is at least mildly awkward/uncomfortable feeling. That's right it rarely feels pleasureable. Basic, 'vanilla' sex doesn't particularly stimulate the right bits in the right way to even feel anything in that regard and can sometimes be slightly painful and leaves my insides feeling like they've been mixed up and displaced and it can take hours for my stomach area to feel like everything's settled back into place. That's not fun. That's reason to be more than just indifferent. As for sexual activities that might focus more on stimulating the right bits for a woman..... well....It may be hard for some people imagine how being stimulated in the right place in the right way could not feel nice, but honestly even when it's feeling as good as it gets it's really not as good as many other things and there is still a kind of annoying uncomfortable factor to the sensation (and please don't tell me 'you must be doing it wrong,' it's not like my husband and I haven't tried). If you haven't heard of the book "the highly sensitive person" it's worth checking out, it explained a lot for me (not just about sex). Honestly sexual stimulation usually feels like 'too much' similar to the way that a noisy room or bright lights can be too much for some people, the intensity of the physical sensation of sexual stimulation just registers as overwhelming and too much and not really fun. It's like when you've been tickled (non-sexually speaking) too hard and too long so it becomes painful and your muscles are aching from the laughter but you can't stop but it's really not fun anymore and you feel more like you're crying than laughing.... yeah... sexual stimulation is often like that for me - even a gentle touch can quickly start to feel painful - kind of like when someone spaces out while scratching your back and doesn't move on from the same spot and the skin gets irritated there. UG, yeah sex is really something I would rather avoid.

I'm probably hanging out somewhere between neutral and repulsed, so here are my thoughts.

. . .

- As far as cuddling goes, I really like to be held, though there's not a lot of opportunity for that nowadays. As far as platonic cuddling goes, somehow I often turn out to be the cuddle-er rather than the cuddle-ee, and while that's nice it's not the same. :(

I relate to every point! wow, so nice to hear someone else express my views.

and yeah.... it really sucks to always be the cuddle-er when I long soooooo badly to be the cuddle-ee, I mean I do enjoy cuddling people but so often there's this slight bitter undercurrent because I haven't had someone like myself to cuddle me. Seriously my heart sobs sometimes because nobody is as good a cuddler as me and I can't cuddle myself.... :( (My husband is pretty affectionate, but it's more in the way of hand holding and more quick passing touches and kisses, because he can't stand to sit still for more than a literally a minute before he gets bored out of his mind and has to move or else he actually just conks out, so pretty much the only way I get anything like long relaxed true cuddling is when he falls asleep on me in which case his arms are limp and not actually holding me tight so.... yeah.... I've been needing to rant about that)

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Techie

For me the issue is that I cannot turn off the parts of my brain that process higher thought and it is next to impossible for me to simply "go with the flow" without thinking about the various things noted in the other posts above. My impression is that for most humans, there is no thought about the nitty gritty physical issues when engaging in sex. They simply get absorbed in the moment, respond to the stimulation and all thinking beyond those functions of the reptilian brain shut down. Reasoning and higher thought are gone.

- Especially when it comes to penises. Pee comes out of that. Tell me evolution, why is the thing the pee comes out of what mammals stick in each other to reproduce? Why is that necessary?

This reminds me of an old joke from my engineering school days that I was able to locate online:

Three engineers were discussing the nature of God. The first said, "When you consider the complex structure of the skeleton and the muscles, it's obvious that God must be a mechanical engineer." Said the 2nd: "No. The thing that makes that makes a human being human is the brain and nervous system. When you consider all the electrical signals that must be transmitted and processed, it's clear that God is an electrical engineer" 3rd guy: "You're both wrong. Only a civil engineer would put a waste disposal pipeline right through a recreational area."

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blossombreeze

Sometimes i feel more sex repulsed than other times and i feel this has a lot to do with...

potential TW

my being molested as a kid, raped twice in my life and coerced into a sexual relationship at 14.

When I'm feeling particularily triggered i avoid sex/sexual activity/watching sex scenes a lot more than usual, and seeing or hearing about it makes me angry, or depressed, frustrated, anxious etc. I can't handle being touched in those states, non sexual touching included. However, there are times that reaction just feels switched off and I don't feel particularly bothered by sex either way, I just don't crave or care for it. I may even be intellectually/artistically interested in it at times but still never feel sexual attraction.

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Serran

Repulsion isn't really an orientation. Sexuals and asexuals can be sex repulsed.

And being a prude, means you may be shocked/uncomfortable and / or find most things relating to sex TMI. You may not be repulsed at all, even have a perfectly active sex life yourself. Most "prudes" I know enjoy sex, they just won't talk about it ... or be experimental or anything with their partners.

Whereas, a repulsed individual has knee-jerk negative emotional reactions to things sexual. Not so much they feel it's wrong or private (though they may as well) but it's like seeing maggots squirming out of a dead body.. repulsive, even if you logically know it's a perfectly natural thing and have no issue with it mentally.

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flesh-pocket

i recently made a post about this in the repulsed asexuals thread. ill post it again here because while i think im repulsed, i would definitely not call myself a prude.

i can stomach all manor of talking about sex because its objective and not personalized for me. luckily people dont ask me about my sex life, if they did id have no trouble telling them i want nothing to do with a sex life.

for me the repulsion is more emotional, associated with feelings of betrayal and being tricked. i have never dated, so i cant say for sure how i would act in a relationship, but when i think about how a relationship is supposed to be- with both people loving each other and being friends and respecting each other- sex just doesnt fit into any of it. reading guides for HEALTHY and LOVING bdsm relationships has brought me to actual tears more than once because i just cannot imagine someone who loves someone else looking at their beloved in their most vulnerable state and wanting to do things to them.

its the same feeling for vanilla relationships but less immediately scary. some people talk about being ok with sex if its with someone they trust completely.... i feel that if someone i trusted completely started wanting more from me that would be a breach of trust.... and id be the dumb one for thinking they didnt want more. when not confronted with the reality of sex i can be totally cool with whatever other people want to do, and porn with it seems normal as ever. but when i am confronted with it, its like WOW thats gross! there is nothing romantic about that! that was my reaction to a laci green video about anal sex...

i do masturbate and i can get into porn (drawn pictures or written usually) but not when im invested in the characters. if i identify with the characters and their having sex its just like '? does not compute' at best and completely perverse at worst.

as long as your not supposed to be thinking of the sex, or even the romance sometimes, as being natural or normal or fitting the story im fine with sex in regular fiction. if its meant to be absurd im 100% fine because it is absurd to me! like the oglaf comics (WARNING WARNING LOTS OF DRAWN SEXUAL CONTENT AHOY!) hilarious!

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AsexuallyME

I feel like this might be extreme...

Even as a teenager, any time that I would even THINK about the idea of having sex, I would IMMEDIATELY go into "out of body experience" mode.

Like, I would try to envision lying in bed with Mr. Soul Mate or whatever until it finally gets around to THAT part, just to try to imagine what it might actually BE like, and just like that, I am floating over my own body in order to be detached from the experience and be able to act like it didn't actually happen or was happening to someone else or whatever.

And THAT is just from trying to picture the POSSIBILITY of it happening...

I'm aware that that type of reaction is a potential sign of repressed childhood sexual abuse... However, I CLEARLY REMEMBER ALL OTHER instances of bullying and abuse and torment that I had the joy of experiencing from elementary school all the way through high school, And NONE of it was sexual in nature, Thank God.

And at any rate, I CLEARLY remember being sex repulsed (Although obviously NOT knowing the actual terminology) as young as 5, and my earliest memories of bullying, etc. start at 7. In other words, I wanted NOTHING TO DO with sex a good 2 years BEFORE any of my trauma started...

Which doesn't mean that something terrible might not have happened to me at 2 or 3 or 4 and I really DON'T remember it...

It's hard to sort out when no therapists where I live will touch "repressed memories" with a 10 foot pole, and my family still isn't aware/doesn't believe or WANT to believe the ACTUAL EXTENT of the bullying that I DO remember and basically just brushes it off...

And I'm from a small town where everybody knows everybody and everybody covers for everybody... So I'm NEVER going to be able to find out anything except on the Internet where I've already found ZILCH...

TL/DR: I firmly believe that I was born asexual and sex repulsed; But it sure is frustrating to go through life with unanswered questions about potential traumas that might have played some sort of role in it...

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Calligraphette_Coe

I feel repulsed by haggis and beer, too. For some of the same reasons.

And some people will say it's an acquired taste.

Fail.

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zoidberger

I don't think the repulsion to sex is what makes sex-repulsed asexuals, asexual. You could be a sex-repulsed sexual person in that you feel/get the sexual attraction components but are grossed out or whatever by it. Two different things in my opinion.

I guess for me, I'm not bothered if someone is sex-repulsed, other than if they openly judge others for liking sex. We all have things we like or dislike, but respect is to be given just as you'd hope to be respected for your own preferences.

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Schrecken

When I was much younger, I was pretty repulsed and grossed out by the idea of just about anyone having sex, but especially those people I thought highly of. I figured it was OK (PIV sex) for reproduction and that was about it. I never had any kind of religious upbringing that would have given me those sorts of ideas, but I think that a large part of the reason I felt that way was because I was sexually abused as a child. Now I was never actually raped, and never had a penis anywhere near me, but I still couldn't cope with the idea of one coming anywhere near me.

Eventually as I got older, I ceased to care what others did, and I figured if they did things that were repulsive to me I just didn't want to know about it. I got to thinking sex wasn't bad, but I still didn't really want to be involved in it.

Today I no longer feel repulsed by sex in general (though there are a few acts that I would never want to partake in, and the thought of makes me ill, like anal-oral contact, but hey, each to his/her own...), and in fact I can enjoy having sex.

But, a vestige still remains for me, as I am still very much visually repulsed regarding most anything to do with sex (unless it is "PG" or "R" rated - no porn, no X rated stuff ever). I can have sex, but I have no desire to see others doing it. In fact, as I am into BDSM, I'm not exactly straight laced vanilla, but when it comes to looking at such stuff (meaning anything to do with intercourse or penetration below the waist; most BDSM play I have no problem looking at) is a no-go. It would be a toss up as to whether I would want to watch a porn movie or go to the dentist.....my boyfriend wanted me to watch his all time fave porn flick with him, and I said hell no. So he got me the novel that the movie was based on, and I have no problems reading that. But watching it - forget it!

For me I chalk this up to being abused as a child more than I do being grey-a, though I suppose that might factor into it somewhat.

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KevCo

It's one thing for a person to be repulsed by sex unti they get used to it, and another to have some kind of firsthand experience and continue to find it objectionable. I have considered myself sex-repulsed but part of me felt like I should try it out at least a little so I could see if my feelings lightened up. My sexual experience is extremely limited- really extremely- but enough that I feel even more convinced. I felt- and notice many people say- that it can be somewhat pleasurable but the drawbacks overshadow the benefits. In my case I'm hard line aro and physically ace to a little lesser extent so I consider sex to be (@) 98% emotionally repulsive and 85% physically repulsive.

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Naturegirlrocks

I feel repulsed by haggis and beer, too. For some of the same reasons.

And some people will say it's an acquired taste.

Fail.

I agree with that. Acquired taste! What if I don't want to acquire the taste? I don't want to drink beer or red wine because they taste foul, and nobody is forcing me to, they even offer me alternatives. I don't want to have sex because it repulses me, and people make me feel like a freak.

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Flower Boy

There's a high possibility I'm repulsed. When anything sexual is brought up I tend to 'disconnect' from what it is actually is (for instance, I can listen to songs that talk about s*x and it won't bother me because my mind simply doesn't put the two together). I also tend to think of all couples as strictly romantic since when I don't my derealization get way worse and that is absolute h*ll. Parts of my family have been torn apart just because they wanted something that I can't see the point in and for what purpose? Seriously? Also s*x scenes in movies and TV shows completely throw me off, it messes with how I view the characters and down right annoys me. Sure, I don't mind implication that it happened but please, no visuals or sounds.

Please. Ick.

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Sleighcaptain

Coming to the thread as a sex-repulsed virgin aro-ace these are my thoughts. Firstly sex-repulsion can be apparent in real life, where in fiction, movies etc sex needn't be repulsive. For others the reverse is true, and for still more almost anything is repulsive. There is also the need to differentiate between the horror/fascination of the unknown experienced by people who have been raised in an environment where anything to do with sexuality and sex simply does not get mentioned, and the feelings of discomfort/nausea/queasiness and similar experienced by the genuinely repulsed.

In my case I would say repulsion has two causes, one physical/emotional and one psychological. The physical/emotional side is that I have never felt the desire to have intercourse with anyone. I have tried the kissing/cuddling but that was it. The furthest anything ever went was French kissing. I didn't feel comfortable at the time, it just felt forced and unnatural. Now, I just gag at the very thought. As for poking bits into people, or having bits poked into me-no way at all. The emotional part is that I have never felt attracted to anyone . Maybe if I ever felt attraction this could change.

The psychological side is this. I have a phobia about people touching me. A handshake is OK, but nothing more. I feel very uncomfortable if a well-meaning person tries to give me a fully clothed cuddle, and certainly I hate the "mwah" cheek to cheek pseudo-kiss. I guess I'm just not a very affectionate person, really. Part of this is because I, like many others, hate my body shape, and if I hate it why should I display it for others to see and touch. As an aside having to have a rather intimate but fortunately external examination by an endocrinologist was pure hell, as said person had to look at parts of me that I had not let anyone see for over 20 years, and then only when drunk.

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Honey_Badger

And, This is WAAAAAAAAAAAY off topic: But, I have NEVER understood the whole: "You HAVE to learn how to use a tampon so that you can SWIM during your period!!!!!!!!!!!!" ... :unsure::huh: Umm... WHO in their RIGHT MIND even WANTS to swim during THAT time?!?!? :unsure:

People who don't have cramps? (People who are forced to because if you miss more than one day of any activity in high school gym you fail the entire unit and your swim coach is an idiot. "Didn't you try to use that excuse yesterday?" Not that this is personal experience at all...)

... Also, holy bee-jesus, why is everyone quoting me? :blink:

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Jaded Princess

Maybe TMI?!

I'm sex repulsed, I haven't put that on my profile because I don't feel entirely comfortable admitting it. I question why I'm like this and I think it is a mix of alot of factors, for me at least. Firstly my parents grew up in religious families so I think they passed some of that shame onto me about sex, my sister was raped when she was 16 and Mum was pregnant with me during the trial and I got told way to much detail about this growing up.

I remember situations as a child, adults mentioning sex around me and me feeling discusted and dirty but not understanding why.

The teenage years were typical, but then my first adult relationship was with a man who treated me as though

I was there for his sexual pleasure only, a hug for him was foreplay, I would (and still do) walk around naked after a shower waiting for my body lotion to dry, he'd alway grab at me, he'd lose it if I locked the shower door and reciprocating pleasure was just too much effort for him to bother with, shortly after ending this relationship I moved in with my cousin (he invited me to come share with him and his flat mate).

Literally that same night I moved in my cousin's friend was on the phone to his friend and encouraged me to chat with him, thinking nothing of it I did, after getting off the phone they started talking about me having sex with this guy as 'payment' for 'helping' me move in, and that I had to because I spoke to him on the phone, I laughed it off, because WHY? Thinking that was the end, a week later my cousin came home with a bottle of alcohol and encouraged me to drink up, I knew he was up to something, I dont need to fill in the gaps here, but after that night my cousin decided he was going to bring any guy home he could find to have sex with me, well fool me once, but this BS went on for 6 months before I was in the possision to move out again (I was unemployed, and I didn't want to tell Mum because I knew how upset she'd get).

After this I was single for a few years before going through a series of crappy relationships, finally lucking out when I met my now husband.

As for the other stuff, I'm big on personal hygene so the slightest smell of pretty much anything bodily fluid/waste related, puts me right off, tastes, sounds, yuck and yuck. Then theres the body issues, if something jiggles, just NOPE!!

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Steph Ace

This is a PSA for anyone interested, there is a dedicated thread for Sex-Repulsed Asexuals in the Intersectionality forum!

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Star Bit

The word prude does not mean sex-repulsed, it just means someone who is unconfertable/reserved/modist/finds public inappropriateness with sex and or nudity. Repulsed means you literally feel sick. The word prude can also be applied to someone who refuses to partake in drugs, alchohol, mischief, and has modist speach, dress, or behavior (like refusing Public Displays of Affection/PDA).

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Sleighcaptain

Thanks for that link, steph

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