iamthewalrus09 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 If I have posted this in the wrong place, please move it. So, I've been told that when I get really drunk, to the point where I am no longer forming memories, that I become really "touchy-feely" and almost overtly sexual. But, sober I am the total opposite, i identify as asexual. Does this mean that I am not truly asexual, since when inhibitions are down I am apparently willing? Do I have some kind of weird cognitive block? Does anyone else experience this? Friends have pointed this out to me when I have come out as asexual. Now I question myself. Please help shed some light. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Howard Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 When I'm drunk, I can accept the unacceptable. That's show I've met my kids' mother, she invited herself to my place when the bar closes. Since you have problems forming memories,I find the topic hard to discuss. Could your friends be right or are you feeling aroused by alcohol? Hard to say if you dont remember. Imo, it may be more of a drinking problem than an orientation question, sorry if I offend. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
iamthewalrus09 Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 thanks, howard. i know that i do binge drink from time to time, but that is not the issue i am trying to discuss here. i will say that when drunk, i have a harder time saying no, and want more than usual to please others. perhaps this has something to do with it? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
satoshi95 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Walrus, I know exactly what you mean! I identify as asexual but hardly any of my friends at uni know. When I go out I sometimes drink far too much and lose my memory/control over my actions and someone will be like "your mouth was attached to that girl all night" and I'll be like... that does not sound like me, I don't even feel like I like making out that much. I think it's sort of because you let down your inhibitions when you drink - you don't feel as awkward doing something that normally makes you uncomfortable, and if you're the people-pleasing type like me, which it sounds like you are, you just want to give people what you want and when your head's fuzzy and you love the people around you you don't really care about what you want as much as you would during the day. Anyway I'm glad someone else has had this experience! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 As someone who is post-sexual, the only time I felt sexual attraction post-sexual is only under anesthesia after surgery. I felt the need to bang some hot nurses, but it doesn't count because of my brain under induced state. Those feelings went away after anesthesia. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tja Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I have never had sex sober. It was the only way I could attempt it. I still didn't like it, nor was I very good at it, due to my lack of interest. It just made it easier to try. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 ... Aren't you afraid that you "wake up" with STD if you do stuff like that while drunk? D: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tja Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 As I haven't done this in about 20 years, nor planning to do it ever again, I'm good. ;) It was mostly self-esteem issues, which I have since worked out, that guided my previous behavior. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Red Fox Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 You are not alone! I have had this experience too. I haven't been drunk in a fair few years but I am much more touchy feely when drunk and can be intimate easily. I agree with the above comments. Alcohol is a drug and can change perceptions and your actions, it changes the real you. I sometimes feel ashamed of my drunken actions but there is no point. Don't let you friends make you doubt yourself, only you know who you are. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kawaiipanda Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 It could be that you don't want sex, but touch. Judging from this forum, many of us like to hug and cuddle, so without the ability to rationalize that a person getting a cuddle expects more than you are willing to give, you go for it! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tja Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 True. Being impaired by alcohol does not make you less an asexual. It makes you less able to make rational decisions. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Titus Oates Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Drunken intent is still intent... If you have those feelings whilst drunk, it's a good chance that the reason you're asexual whilst sober is that you repress them. Probably not consciously. But still, they're obviously there. I get fabulously drunk and black out frequently. But I don't get sexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WünderBâhr Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 (edited) Alcohol tends to lower inhibitions. Enough of it (depending on person/tolerance) can make anyone do all manner of things they never thought to or would decide to do, otherwise. It's really hard to say where the boundary is when people aren't sober or they're incapacitated to the point where they can't make coherent or competent decisions. You ask about a weird cognitive block. Hang around someone blitzed out of their minds after surgery, or taking cold medication because they're sick. If they were behaving uncharacteristically, would you look at them or lay blame to the drugs in their system? Also, behavior is NOT an exclusive and strict indicator of orientation. Cuddling with someone because you think they smell nice, or want to touch comfy things while drunk =/= sexual. Lowering your ability to know what is happening around you while also preventing you from remembering what happened doesn't make you sexual. It just means you're really, really drunk. I don't drink, anymore. Just didn't have the taste for it. Being tipsy/drunk was mostly me conducting social experiments to see where my limit was and make being around noisy, clustered clubs, strangers, friends [insert general populace, statistic or location, here], more tolerable. I have been more touchy feely while drunk (normally, i can't stand people I don't know or like touching me--even a handshake makes me pause). Sometimes, because it felt good (tactile sensations, like comfy blankets), and sometimes because it didn't bother me as much. It didn't eliminate the issue, just made it more tolerable. I'd probably have been more willing to wear a tutu bearsuit, given enough drinks, but that wouldn't have suddenly made me a ballet-dancing furry. I don't think being drunk is a situation to use to judge one's own orientation, considering how much it affects the body. It is essentially a toxin; a neurotoxic psychoactive drug that you ingest. Everything that happens afterward boils down to your body being affected while trying to eliminate it. I think of it this way: if I drink enough alcohol, I'll stop breathing. I like breathing. Breathing is nice. I do it without thinking. So, does that mean that while I am sober, I want to stop breathing? Drunken intent is still intent...That assumes that intent was already in play. We could go 'round and 'round all day long about how to define intent, especially in situations where the person(s) in question is/are under the influence, but I don't think we'll reach a set conclusion on something morally/ethically subjective. Edited March 14, 2015 by bipolar bear quoted post and replied Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MoraDollie Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 It's because of biology and chemistry and how the human body works with alcohol. Alcohol is basically a toxin which people happily indulge in. What it does (besides the numerous side effects, talking about your specific case) is that it basically drops all filters and anxiety about different subjects (meaning, typical judgement goes out the window). this is why sex via drunk can be considered sexual assault, because you are NOT in a sane/right state of mind to make consent with someone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 If I have posted this in the wrong place, please move it. So, I've been told that when I get really drunk, to the point where I am no longer forming memories, that I become really "touchy-feely" and almost overtly sexual. But, sober I am the total opposite, i identify as asexual. Does this mean that I am not truly asexual, since when inhibitions are down I am apparently willing? Do I have some kind of weird cognitive block? Does anyone else experience this? Friends have pointed this out to me when I have come out as asexual. Now I question myself. Please help shed some light. I'm like this too!! I'm not sure if I'm asexual but I also wasn't blacked out when this happened, so I might be able to offer some insight. At the time, I just wanted to have "fun". Fun meaning cuddle, make out, etc. NOT sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wild Seven Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Alcohol makes people loose all sorts of inhibitions. Some are purely physical, some are not. The important part about this is, you're who you are choosing to be, and your behavior under influence doesn't really define who you are. If anything, it can be a security risk, and I'd urge caution for that case, but it doesn't negate your asexuality. Your orientation has nothing in common with your behavior, and especially not when you're under influence and not fully in control of your actions. If this is something that's troublesome to you though, I'd encourage you to eventually talk to people about it, both informally like in here, and in professional counseling, if available to you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wild Seven Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Reading more - Walrus, I would consider learning to drink with moderation and interacting with people only within boundaries you have a good command of. This basically sounds like you're vulnerable to sexual assault and/or rape if drinking and getting assaulted, and that coercion works rather well. It's not your fault that your deciding ability is compromised in those situations, but this isn't even a sexuality x asexuality issue. This is a lack of consent issue, about coercion, control, and rape culture. Two wildly different questions. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
*a*rteest Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Though I've never been "drunk", alcohol just makes me tired and cranky...cranky because i simply want to sleep it off and be left alone. i don't drink outside my house because of this. I do not get sexual when boozed. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
*a*rteest Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Reading more - Walrus, I would consider learning to drink with moderation and interacting with people only within boundaries you have a good command of. This basically sounds like you're vulnerable to sexual assault and/or rape if drinking and getting assaulted, and that coercion works rather well. It's not your fault that your deciding ability is compromised in those situations, but this isn't even a sexuality x asexuality issue. This is a lack of consent issue, about coercion, control, and rape culture. Two wildly different questions. I'm of the opinion that if you know alcohol affects you in a way that lowers your inhibitions to the point where something can be nonconsensual, you have the responsibility to not get yourself down to that point. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Sorry Its been a moderate eternity since I had been really drunk. But lets put it simple: I really don't mind being touchy-feely! - Its evil sexuals who sexualize that state of mind. - I believe when you drink on after having enough you reach a level that pretty much equals your first few years: you don't babble coherently don't walk very straight on all four legs and yes some other human body to hold and sleep on becomes suddenly very soothing. - I am not sure about the rest. - To me physical attraction seems pretty much fulfilled when I hold somebody like a teddybear of their size and fall asleep. I'm aware that some sexual people aren't content with that practise.and others seem to söleep better without parts of my overweight burdened on them. Anyhow thats what I'd seek sober. I am pretty sure I'd become less inhibited & picky when drunk but intentions wise nothing sexual at all. And now the TMI / complicated part: As others stated its risky to be very drunk among other people. They might try to exploit the situation for their needs, "no means no"-comprehension might be flushed away and responsible use of contraceptives is also less likely to happen. I guess somebody should organize an AVEN orgy or kegger in meetup mart and the entire thing should get scientifically evaluated. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
iamthewalrus09 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 Thanks guys, I appreciate all the input. Feeling much more sure of myself now. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ColorfulShine Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Hey, I'm totally like that. Sober, I like hugging and cuddling but only with people I really like (as in friends or family). Drunk me is completely different, I'm a touchy-feely person, I just repress it sober. I love cuddling because it makes me feel secure and content and I don't mind when things get physical (althought I don't usually iniate it) and sometimes enven enjoy it. I didn't know that until recently, but there's a key difference between physical and sexual. You can enjoy touching and being touched in a physical way (I like feeling people's skin, it's exhilirating) but I don't feel anything related to sex, no sex drive, no arousal, no libido, I definetly don't want to have sex (No, no, even drunk that's NO) and don't want to be touched in certain parts (although I don't necessarily mind it, I just find it incredibly stupid and useless because it doesn't do anything to me). I don't think I could do all that sober though. I'll whimsically blow off any opportunity like "What?! Have physical contact that is sexually connotated without actually having sex? Why botther, not interested." You have to experiement I guess, figure things out. Set boundaries Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Red Fox Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Hey, I'm totally like that. Sober, I like hugging and cuddling but only with people I really like (as in friends or family). Drunk me is completely different, I'm a touchy-feely person, I just repress it sober. I love cuddling because it makes me feel secure and content and I don't mind when things get physical (althought I don't usually iniate it) and sometimes enven enjoy it. I didn't know that until recently, but there's a key difference between physical and sexual. You can enjoy touching and being touched in a physical way (I like feeling people's skin, it's exhilirating) but I don't feel anything related to sex, no sex drive, no arousal, no libido, I definetly don't want to have sex (No, no, even drunk that's NO) and don't want to be touched in certain parts (although I don't necessarily mind it, I just find it incredibly stupid and useless because it doesn't do anything to me). I don't think I could do all that sober though. I'll whimsically blow off any opportunity like "What?! Have physical contact that is sexually connotated without actually having sex? Why botther, not interested." You have to experiement I guess, figure things out. Set boundaries Wow, thanks for posting your thoughts on this, you have helped me understand myself a little more. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
*a*rteest Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I guess somebody should organize an AVEN orgy or kegger in meetup mart and the entire thing should get scientifically evaluated. You won the Internet for March 15th. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 the only time I have ever been in a relationship I was inebriated when I kissed the said individual. That never went beyond kissing, nor has anything else. When I am sober any form of physical or emotional intimacy is a no-no, pissed I lose some inhibitions, but not enough to countermand basic asexuality. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ByTheTracks Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 It's funny, all these years and I never thought of this "phenomenon," but yeah, I think it must be normal. When I was in college, I was in a classmate's room at a party and I remember getting pretty drunk and this girl started making out with me. I don't remember going back to my room, but I must have sobered up because she followed me back there and I had to tell her to go home. Man, that should have been my first sign that I was asexual. I just always thought something was really wrong with me. The ridicule I'd get if I ever told one of my guy friends I turned a girl away at my door. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
fish of hearts Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I'm asexual, but I'm also highly sensual and long for physical intimacy. I actually enjoy the feeling of being "turned on," though I still have no interest in the sex or anything involving genitals. Due to the physical touch escalator, however, I don't initiate many physical relationships because I fear running into one of the three Rs: rejection, resentment . . . If I felt free to express my affection the way I prefer to, it would probably come off as overtly sexual. Just one more reason I won't drink beyond a mild buzz unless I'm with my most trusted friends and parnters. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kanga Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I'm asexual, but I'm also highly sensual and long for physical intimacy. I actually enjoy the feeling of being "turned on," though I still have no interest in the sex or anything involving genitals. Due to the physical touch escalator, however, I don't initiate many physical relationships because I fear running into one of the three Rs: rejection, resentment . . . If I felt free to express my affection the way I prefer to, it would probably come off as overtly sexual. Just one more reason I won't drink beyond a mild buzz unless I'm with my most trusted friends and parnters. This is pretty much exactly how I feel! It's so nice seeing it put into words, I never know who to explain it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest genuinemission Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Yes even i feel the same...i understand u ...well thats normal u know... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Dreaming Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 There's an argument (in 'Drunken Comportment' - MacAndrew, Edgerton) that drunken behaviour is socially conditioned, i.e. learned, rather than merely being a result of reduced inhibition. So, you could be more sexual when drunk because you're acting out what you think is expected of you, and not because of something you may have buried deep down inside. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.