Asura Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I'm a teenager. Teachers tell us every other day that minors having sex is a no-no, so its absolutely fine to not want sex with anyone. But yet, I know a few friends who by the 14th birthday mark are romping around like rabbits. And you don't just wake up after your 16th birthday and go okay let's do this shagging thing. At what age can you decide that you're not just too young to be sexually attracted to someone? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Annapox Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Generally, people start feeling sexual attraction in early puberty (or so I've heard). So whatever age you started puberty is old enough for you to have felt sexual attraction. If you haven't felt it yet, it's a safe bet you're asexual. Note: Sexual orientation can be fluid, but it often isn't. So if you start feeling sexual attraction later, you can always reevaluate and choose a better label if you think that's appropriate, but generally you want to choose a label based on your current feelings, not what you might potentially feel in the future. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hobbes! Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 It depends on you. Some people always know. I think deep down I was aware that something wasn't quite right as early as sixteen. There's no getting away from the fact that in your teenage years you are developing mentally and emotionally. While I don't think you can't call yourself asexual at, say, fourteen, at the same time I think it would be a mistake nail your colours to the mast for good and all. Too many people, I think, twist themselves in knots trying to put themselves on the asexual spectrum when really they are sexual. The point is, it's ok to take a label off that doesn't fit. To say that you're asexual now doesn't invalidate your feelings if you hit your twenties and decide that heterosexual is actually a better fit. Think of it this way. If it's ok to realise that you are asexual, it's also ok to realise that you're sexual. The only thing that really matters is that you're happy in your identity Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I knew that I was sexual (experienced sexual attraction) with about 6. Romantic attraction started more around 9-12. If you don't feel it now I wouldn't expect it to develop later (though it might). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 When you're old enough to understand what sexual orientations are is when you're old enough to decide what yours is. Sexual people can know what they are even before puberty; there's no reason why asexuals can't. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Annapox Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 When you're old enough to understand what sexual orientations are is when you're old enough to decide what yours is. Sexual people can know what they are even before puberty; there's no reason why asexuals can't. This is a really good point. If a five-year-old identified as straight, no one would question it. But since a lot of parents play the "too young/late bloomer" card, I think it's easier to refute that once you've started puberty. Because you can say, "No, I am maturing in all the other ways people my age mature. I am going through the same process as my peers, but they have sexual feelings and I don't. How can you assume sexual attraction is the only part of this process that's delayed?" or something to that effect. But yeah, if you're old enough to talk about different orientations, you're definitely old enough to start exploring your own. I just think it's easier to justify asexuality as a valid orientation if you can show that, in all the other ways, you are growing up in a relatively normal fashion. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
zebraace Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I've heard that sexual attraction typically begins around age 10, so you'll know pretty early. I figured it out when I was 13, and I knew this was the case, but I didn't come out until I was 15 because I knew that 13 was too young for other people to accept and understand it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jimerman Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 good question, i never really had an attraction to anyone but i figured i was just way too focused on wrestling and AP classes. i don't want to discredit any younger AVENers but i do believe that it is important to go out and at least try it, because then you can be sure of your identity. i would say at least 19 therefore you can have a year out on your own, and in that year of 18-19 you find more about yourself than the past 18. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I always assumed I was just a regular bisexual person until I actually had sex at around 17-18 and realized what an utter drag it was. So asexuality isn't something that can always just be "known" .. I've also known rather a few young people here (okay. LOTS of them lol, then you take Tumblr into account as well haha) who swear blind they are ace and never want to have sex with anyone because "eeew, I just don't see people like that" (there are lots of old forum topics around here like that) only to get to the 17-18 year mark, get a boyfriend/girlfriend, and make a post saying actually they must demisexual because now that they have a partner they want sex all the time.. Then they are never heard from on the asexual sites again. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this (there isn't!) I'm just saying that it's often just too hard to tell, for many, many reasons. I'd say around 20, if you're still definitely not interested in sex and just don't look at people in "that way" (ie I'd like to have sex with him or her) then it's safe to say you're probably definitely asexual. And I'm not saying 14-15 years olds can't definitely be asexual, I'm just saying I've seen enough of them swear blind that they are ace only to have those hormones kick in eventually and BAM not asexual anymore :o So yeah, if a 14-15 year old (even 16-17 year old) is identifying as ace I would never go and say they aren't ace or that they need to give it time or anything, I just know that sometimes only time can tell. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I also disagree with how people are making out as though "everyone just knows" ..I've know a lot of people who identify as heterosexual all their lives only to have sex with someone of the same gender later in life and realize that this is what they truly were all along, they just never realized it. One woman I know quite well said she never enjoyed sex or felt truly happy in her relationships with men, but never even questioned that she might be gay because she had never "looked at women in a sexual way".. then at 40 when she finally got intimate with a woman she began to feel all the things she had ways hoped to feel with a man but never could.. she was the happiest she had ever been and came out to everyone as lesbian. There are lots of stories like this. So yeah, for many people it isn't quite so black and white. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 This is a really good point. If a five-year-old identified as straight, no one would question it. But since a lot of parents play the "too young/late bloomer" card, I think it's easier to refute that once you've started puberty. No, because then it'll just get replaced with the "you just haven't met the right person yet" card. People will ALWAYS come up with some sort of excuse, anything to try to tell you you're more normal than you know you are, probably thinking that they are helping but are really just making you feel more alienated. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Asura Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 good question, i never really had an attraction to anyone but i figured i was just way too focused on wrestling and AP classes. i don't want to discredit any younger AVENers but i do believe that it is important to go out and at least try it, because then you can be sure of your identity. i would say at least 19 therefore you can have a year out on your own, and in that year of 18-19 you find more about yourself than the past 18. Point taken. School and stress can really put me on the 'screw romantic relationships, humanity, much less sex' train. I've also known rather a few young people here (okay. LOTS of them lol, then you take Tumblr into account as well haha) who swear blind they are ace and never want to have sex with anyone because "eeew, I just don't see people like that" (there are lots of old forum topics around here like that) only to get to the 17-18 year mark, get a boyfriend/girlfriend, and make a post saying actually they must demisexual because now that they have a partner they want sex all the time.. Then they are never heard from on the asexual sites again. This, too. Alrighty then guys, thanks to y'all :D Guess I'll be leaving it for now and just take whatever comes XD Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jimerman Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 good question, i never really had an attraction to anyone but i figured i was just way too focused on wrestling and AP classes. i don't want to discredit any younger AVENers but i do believe that it is important to go out and at least try it, because then you can be sure of your identity. i would say at least 19 therefore you can have a year out on your own, and in that year of 18-19 you find more about yourself than the past 18. Point taken. School and stress can really put me on the 'screw romantic relationships, humanity, much less sex' train. almost, i know now that i was allays asexual, but back when i was in high school i saw all my friends become completely obsessed with sex where as i never cared, so i attributed it to i was to busy. having said that the main point i want to say is that it is important to get out there and at least try it, then you can have a full understanding of yourself. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ValleyGirl102 Posted August 6, 2016 Share Posted August 6, 2016 I always knew I was asexual before I knew the term existed. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted August 6, 2016 Share Posted August 6, 2016 I think you can be pretty sure if by age 18 you still aren't interested in having sex with anyone. By that time you're through puberty and are at least beginning to come out of the high school mentality. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted August 6, 2016 Share Posted August 6, 2016 I think that how old you have to be before knowing you're asexual varies from person to person. Some people know right after purberty, while others might need more time to explore their options and figure things out. I know for me, I would have identified as asexual at around 14 if I knew the term existed, and now I'm in my 20's and still as asexual as ever. But that's not true of everyone. My advice would be to identify as asexual if that feels right to you now, but don't feel locked into the label if something changes as you get older. For some people, sexual attraction does take a bit longer than usual to develop, and for others sexuality can be fluid. You could stay ace forever, but there's a small chance you might not, so don't feel like you have to stick to a label you chose as a teenager for the rest of your life. EDIT: I just realized that this is a really old thread, so OP might not even need advice anymore. Sorry for responding to such an old topic and contributing to the thread necromancy! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GwendolynAngel83 Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 I'd say once you start puberty you're old enough to know. If it changes later then it changes its no big deal Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 I also disagree with how people are making out as though "everyone just knows" ..I've know a lot of people who identify as heterosexual all their lives only to have sex with someone of the same gender later in life and realize that this is what they truly were all along, they just never realized it. One woman I know quite well said she never enjoyed sex or felt truly happy in her relationships with men, but never even questioned that she might be gay because she had never "looked at women in a sexual way".. then at 40 when she finally got intimate with a woman she began to feel all the things she had ways hoped to feel with a man but never could.. she was the happiest she had ever been and came out to everyone as lesbian. There are lots of stories like this. So yeah, for many people it isn't quite so black and white. Ive seen this happen as well. And with so many stories both in and out of this site, I think its rather irrelevant to put an age to it and treat it as if it was set in stone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
henshin Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 I'd say once you start puberty you're old enough to know. If it changes later then it changes its no big deal Sexual maturation does not equal the onset of sexual attraction. Sexuality is far too complicated to arbitrarily link it to menarche or getting underarm hair and sexual attraction can happen many years after you first begin developing secondary sexual characteristics. Sure you could feel sexual attraction at 12 years old, but I imagine it's uncommon as sexual attraction is as much a psychological thing as it is a physical one. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pangurban Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 I'm seventeen and I'm still not sure! I say that I'm asexual as an explanation for where I am right now. I think the hardest thing about asexuality and aromanticism is that, at least for me, nothing has changed since I was a little kid. Most people come of age in their sexuality when they realize something, look at someone a different way, feel something... but that never happened for me. So I'm waiting for something to change, and maybe it will, and maybe it won't. Who knows. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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