I think I might be Asexual. Maybe. Somewhat Graphic?

[samanthajayne]

I started researching my sexuality or lack thereof when I started having trouble with crying after sex. A lot of websites say that this is common and the word asexual comes up a lot.

I'm a 28 years old female and I've only had crushes on three (male) people in my whole life. Never once mentally undressing or fantasizing about them. The most serious crush I never even fantasized about kissing. Looking back, I think what attracted me was their faces. Something about their smiles or something. I thought they were cute. Never anything related to their bodies. In fact the guys I got crushes on were not your standard "hunk" type. Most people would say they had very unattractive bodies, by normal standards. People told me I was weird for liking them because they just weren't hot.

When I had a crush ... it was emotional. Mostly revolving around wanting to be loved by that person. To belong to them. Exclusively. To be their team mate. I felt awesome when we were together in person. Not even always together as a couple. I just wanted to be around them. Be best friends.

I had a male best friend before I got married. He was interested in physically complicating our friendship but I was not. I think people would have said he was hot. I had zero interest. I did miss the friendship a bit when he got married, but not that much. I'm very happy for him.

When I met my husband I sort of ...had "pick of the litter". I know that sounds weird but he was one of 5. I found his face the most attractive of the bunch. I was friendly towards him but I never actually thought it was going anywhere. I didn't try very hard. He pursued me hardcore. My female best friend actually crushed on him for a while. She was acting jealous and i had to tell her that if she wanted him to be my guest because we were best friends and i wasn't letting a guy come between us. It took her about a day of hanging out with him and she said "you can have him". I shrugged because I wasn't trying to get him.

He came to visit me at my parents house and my parents loved him. I let him tag along to my grandparents houses and they all loved him. My mom begged me to marry him in fact. This is long before he ever asked me. I honestly wasn't sure how to feel about it all. I still had emotional feelings toward a crush who had gotten married and was unavailable. I felt foolish for feeling this way because I couldn't have that person so I needed to move on.

When we dated we fooled around a bit but I don't ever remember being that into it. I mostly enjoyed doing things for shock factor. Trying to surprise him or please him. I've never turned him down for sex. I have always tried to be very exciting. However I feel like an actor a lot of the time. If I'm having a good day and I'm not tired I can pull it off, but there are days when I'm just not emotionally able to handle the charade.

I do get more out of sex if there is a lot of making out or hugging touching. The act itself does nothing for me. It doesn't turn me on. It doesn't gross me out per say. It just kind of ends the mood. If I'm feeling frisky ... the act of intercourse completely ends it. Sometimes I flirt with him to get his attention and then when he wants to have sex I just deflate. I feel like I should be happy he wants to have sex with me since this is the outcome of flirting with someone.

I do love to hold him and hug him and kiss him. I think he's cute. Something in the eyes. I just don't think I'm sexually interested in him. However I'm not sure if it's just him or if its me because I've never been sexually interested in anyone.

In my fantasies, i don't fantasize about people. Sometimes people are around or there, but never full front center. People serve more as props in the sidelines.

I'm confused. Does anyone else have the facial attraction thing going on? I mean... falling madly in love with someone for their face alone?

[Tarfeather]

That was actually a very touching bit of writing. Don't know what to tell you. But you sound like a very fascinating person, and I wish to encourage you to continue exploring yourself as you're doing and to not let yourself be pushed into behaving "normal". I feel like saying something more, but I can't really put it into words right now, so I may post again later.

[Star Bit]

Idk about ppl falling in love because of someones face alone, but that sounds more like aesthetic attraction; a fixation on someone for their looks and or manerisms. This does not automatically mean some form of reciprocation is dsired; romantic or platonic. Aesthetic attraction is commonly felt with romantic attraction but it doesn't have to be there.

Also, it is a thing among asexuals to be unable to insert themselves into sexual fantasies or have faceless ppl in them.

[Tarfeather]

I felt foolish for feeling this way because I couldn't have that person so I needed to move on.

Moving on is something that happens by itself, I don't think it's a good idea to try and speed up the process. It might end up being very unfair toward the person you're dating.

However I feel like an actor a lot of the time. If I'm having a good day and I'm not tired I can pull it off, but there are days when I'm just not emotionally able to handle the charade.

IMHO that's not at all what a relationship should be like. You can feel more comfortable about being yourself.

I do get more out of sex if there is a lot of making out or hugging touching. The act itself does nothing for me. It doesn't turn me on. It doesn't gross me out per say. It just kind of ends the mood. If I'm feeling frisky ... the act of intercourse completely ends it. Sometimes I flirt with him to get his attention and then when he wants to have sex I just deflate. I feel like I should be happy he wants to have sex with me since this is the outcome of flirting with someone.

As you may have noticed from reading around here, it definitely is not the outcome of flirting. Lots of romantic asexuals like to flirt without any intention of sex.

I do love to hold him and hug him and kiss him. I think he's cute. Something in the eyes. I just don't think I'm sexually interested in him. However I'm not sure if it's just him or if its me because I've never been sexually interested in anyone.

There is a lot more than just sex. Maybe you wouldn't want sex with anyone else either, but maybe you could feel more romantically attracted to someone else.

Regardless of your orientation, it's possible to find love. I don't think you should give up on that in order to satisfy *others*.

[Howard]

As an aro, falling in love due to an aesthetic attraction doesn't happen to me. I just want to look.

I suggest you have a look at the thread sexual compromises and support in the for partners, friends ans allies section because you are in a sexual relationship.