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Can you really know for sure?


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Ive never had sex or been in a relationship before but i know (for a fact) that im asexual. Ive never imagined myself in any sexual situation before, i literally dont recipracate the feeling of having sex with another. Ive never even had a real crush (i'd make em up for friends enjoyment). I know that im really young but my peers are all dating and losing their virginity. (Though its not my buisness or really place to say, i feel their just too young for it all). So it makes me feel a little out of place. Is it possible that im just trying to label myself?

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Of course you are trying to label yourself. What's so bad about it?

Everybody labels themselves with whatever labels they see fit, be it hobbies, gender, sexuality, looks or anything else. Labels help you to have a better way of describing yourself, and gives other a good description of you as you see yourself (or as they see you, since people also label other people). Can labels change? Can you find out they were wrong in the first place? Yes. However, I don't think it matters. You can only know what you are now, and that's all you have to go on when labeling yourself. Do you think that you're not sure how you feel or think at the present? If that's what you feel, than maybe you shouldn't label yourself. However, if you're not sure because of what might happen, then I find it irrelevant. Who you might be isn't the same as who you are.

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It's very difficult to prove a negative. How would you prove that there are no snakes in Ireland? You could spend millions on studies and other evidence but any drunk can say they thought they saw a snake behind the pub last night. Do the snakes in zoos count or are they 'valid' exceptions?

It's also very difficult to think about something you don't normally think about. Doctors working for cigarette companies aren't paid to think about cancer so they can't give a meaningful answer to any question about cancer. "Cancer? Yes I've heard it's a great medical problem; I'd like to investigate it one day."

So this is where labels help us. We can put a label on something without completely understanding all of the science behind that label. A banana is technically a herb, not a fruit, but since it goes in fruit salad, most people will call it a fruit and that helps everyone understand what a banana is. If you find the label helpful because it explains some or most of your behaviour and feelings then you "know for sure" that the label helps you understand things about yourself and others. I have learned a whole lot about sex from reading AVEN which I would not have otherwise discovered on my own. I have learned a lot about my own motivations which was hidden from me before.

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Ultimately, this is up to you how you identify.

If you feel like you are asexual and identify with the label, then heck yeah you're asexual.

Remember sexuality is fluid - it can change, and if it does one day that's ok. If not that's also ok. Labeling yourself doesn't have to be a bad thing, so long as you like the label and it helps you. If not, don't worry about a label. I personally like them, so I use them.

The argument can also be made, do we really know very much for sure? You're always going to be learning things about yourself :)

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Sleeping Elf

I felt an enormous sense of relief when I discovered asexuality and AVEN finally I had something which identified who I was. I have over the years on many occasions searched the web for information looking at descriptions of autism, Asperger's, anxiety related illnesses (as I do have an issue with this) etc wondering if any this could tie in with how I felt and my lack of interest in sex and relationships in the way that it didn't seem to for everyone else around me. So to finally have a label for me feels good.

But after having been visiting this site for a while and reading other people's experiences, I realise that labels as st3p says are so fluid that sometimes experiences and time change those labels for many people. So I would say be adaptable and flexible if you want to identify with a particular label for now that's great but don't feel it is set in stone just be yourself.

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It's very difficult to prove a negative. How would you prove that there are no snakes in Ireland? You could spend millions on studies and other evidence but any drunk can say they thought they saw a snake behind the pub last night. Do the snakes in zoos count or are they 'valid' exceptions?

I resent that drunken Irish comment! *hic*

Saint Patrick got rid of those snakes. He played a tin whistle and led them all into the sea. As for the ones in the zoo they were put there to test our faith in him.

On a serious note - I agree with Qwerty (who has the best name to type ever). For me my label is my community. As long as you recognise that they can evolve and are prepared to evolve your thinking with them, it'll be grand.

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