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Self-defining exploration help =)


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I'm 26 y/o, have struggled with sex aversion my whole life and have now come to the conclusion that it's closer to some variation of asexuality.
I can somewhat enjoy sex (I have had 3 sexual partners in my life), but it has always been primarily about pleasing my partner.
I'm physically male, and mostly think of myself as male, though I frequently have doubts about internally defining myself as simply male.
For simplicity/generalization/non-discriminatory sake, I've taken to referring to myself as either just straight or demisexual,
however this doesn't satisfy my interest in exploring my sexuality, so I wrote up this blurb to try to help myself out.
I'm looking to validate/discuss weather I'm using the terminology correctly, or find out if there are other ways of describing myself.
I feel most comfortable around male friends. -> andro-platonic
I most appreciate feminine physical characteristics. -> gyno-aesthetic
I'm very tactile, and don't have a gender preference when it comes to snuggle-buddies, non-tongue kissing, hand-holding, etc (however, I'm physically shy, and it can take many positive interactions before I feel comfortable letting someone into my personal space-bubble for more than a few seconds). -> pan-sensual/affectionate (semi-demi? lol)
I infrequently feel romantic attraction, but when I do it's not limited by gender. -> grey-pan-romantic
I very infrequently desire sexual interaction(although I do regularly enjoy self-stimulation), which has only ever occurred with females, whom I have an emotional connection with (however, I've always been curious about exploring a [*sexual??] relationship with all other genders) -> demi-gyno-sexual (pan-curious?)
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Honestly just pick whatever label you think fits and if one doesn't than don't worry about it. You don't need a label. Just take your time figuring things out, only you know what you are for sure and the lovely members of AVEN here are quite helpful.

Best of luck to you. :cake: :cake:

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Thank you TheHiddenAngel. ^.^

Yeah, I like to be very precise with almost everything I do.

So internally I currently think of myself as:

andro-platonic
gyno-aesthetic
pan-sensual
grey-pan-romantic
demi-gyno-sexual
But then when talking to people I just say I'm a straight demi-sexual. ;-p
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i think that we are going backwards by picking labels, i think wee need to look at everyone is a little different and has billions of different attractions.

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Yeah, I like to be very precise with almost everything I do.

So internally I currently think of myself as:

andro-platonic
gyno-aesthetic
pan-sensual
grey-pan-romantic
demi-gyno-sexual

I think it's great to use all these labels to define your various relationship orientations if it helps you. You certainly don't have to use labels but I find that it's often liberating and reassuring to have labels. Since you like labels, I'd like to recommend a gender label that might interest you: cis-genderless, which describes someone who does not feel that they are inherently some gender but rather they identify with whatever their birth-assigned sex is. I'm not saying that it applies to you, it's just a suggestion that might fit your description of your gender.

i think that we are going backwards by picking labels, i think wee need to look at everyone is a little different and has billions of different attractions.

I like to think that one day we will reach a point when we don't need labels to prove the existence of our identities, and everyone will believe and accept the orientations of others. But until that day, I find labels very useful for feeling solidarity in a community and knowing that people like me exist. Labels also help me understand myself, especially in an area like asexuality that is hard to understand since I wasn't taught about it when I was younger.

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i think that we are going backwards by picking labels, i think wee need to look at everyone is a little different and has billions of different attractions.

jimerman, in the grand scheme of things, I think you're totally right; we shouldn't feel the want/need to pick labels.

However, I feel like my want to use labels is two-fold:

1. I have always felt awkward when people say something in relation to gender/sexual-preference that's directed towards me(normal conversation, not talking about harassment or anything),

mostly because the terms that others use to describe me have never resonated with my spirit/being.

So, now when people talk about me I at least have an internal dialog that redefines their side of the conversation, even if I don't mention it out-loud.

This has made me feel much more comfortable in everyday conversations with others, and actually allowed me to speak MORE because I don't get internally stuck on trying to understand why I feel awkward.

2. Societal-norms in a sexually-binary and misogynistic culture. Until our society breaks down the cultural poison that expects us to act certain ways and fit into ONE of two stereotypes,

I think labels are an awesome way to rebel against this system (even if the labels are never actually shared out-loud, but are part of an internal-dialog).

Yeah, I like to be very precise with almost everything I do.

So internally I currently think of myself as:

andro-platonic
gyno-aesthetic
pan-sensual
grey-pan-romantic
demi-gyno-sexual

I think it's great to use all these labels to define your various relationship orientations if it helps you. You certainly don't have to use labels but I find that it's often liberating and reassuring to have labels. Since you like labels, I'd like to recommend a gender label that might interest you: cis-genderless, which describes someone who does not feel that they are inherently some gender but rather they identify with whatever their birth-assigned sex is. I'm not saying that it applies to you, it's just a suggestion that might fit your description of your gender.

i think that we are going backwards by picking labels, i think wee need to look at everyone is a little different and has billions of different attractions.

I like to think that one day we will reach a point when we don't need labels to prove the existence of our identities, and everyone will believe and accept the orientations of others. But until that day, I find labels very useful for feeling solidarity in a community and knowing that people like me exist. Labels also help me understand myself, especially in an area like asexuality that is hard to understand since I wasn't taught about it when I was younger.

Yes, actually that does resonate with me, and indeed I might start using cis-genderless to describe myself. Thank you Archon! ^.^

And also, thank you for taking the extra few seconds to say " I'm not saying that it applies to you". I wouldn't have been bothered either way, but I always appreciate when one goes the extra effort. ;-)

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