indefinitelywhelmed Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Hi there! This is only my second time on this forum and it's all been super informative and the community seems really welcoming, but I thought I'd open a new topic to talk and ask about my own experience specifically and ask a couple questions. I'm very bad at telling stories so I apologise in advance if this is awful and boring to read through haha. Warnings for sexual talk! (TMI) Once I found out what demisexuality was, I took some time to think about my past experiences. As a child and through my teenage years I never experienced attraction of any sort towards anyone. At least until I had my first crush on a boy half way through high school. After that first crush I began to experience sexual attraction to him specifically, and my libido started to kick in, but that boy moved away before I could think about it too much. So then I was stuck with the knowledge that I was probably gay, and I sat on that knowledge for three years before coming out and all that. But during this time, and even though I knew and could tell that there were cute guys in my grade and my school, I didn't experience sexual attraction to anyone in high school again after that first crush. So up until recently I had identified as a (mostly) gay guy. Once I started university there were so many cute gay guys and I've had one night stands. But even during all of this I had acknowledged the fact that I wasn't attracted to a lot of those people beyond the initial "that guy has a nice face". And I pretty much just did it because sex was fun and felt good and because I could. Then I'd been dating this really cool, dorky, handsome man for about a year before we separated. Those specifics would make for a very long story though. After that breakup I found that I just wasn't really attracted to anyone else regardless of the libido that I have. Could it be possible I'm actually demisexual? Maybe being with someone I had such a deep connection to made me realise what actual sexual attraction is like? It was more than just "He has a nice face". Even though it might have started that way. And i've turned a lot of guys down in favour of masturbation but I don't think that's something a lot of people do haha. One of my closest friends is asexual and was really understanding when I brought this up, but I'm really trying to figure out whether I am demisexual or not. The more I think about it the more I doubt that I've ever experienced primary attraction. So my actual question after all that is; does it sound like I could be demi? Could I have been mistaking aesthetic attraction for primary attraction? And can demisexuals have a high libido? Link to post Share on other sites
JohnDoe1995 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 It does sound like you're demi, & Many ace-spectrum people confuse sexual attraction with aesthetic attraction because they don't know there's a difference (like most society). Demisexuality (like asexuality/gray-asexuality/etc.) is the lack of sexual attraction as primary attraction/at all. Although some aces have low libido, it's not a necessity to being ace-spectrum. I'm demi & I have a pretty high libido. Link to post Share on other sites
indefinitelywhelmed Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Thanks for your reply :D Yeah, now that I know there's a difference I realise I've only experienced sexual attraction a couple of times. And that's a thought I think I'm going to have to get used to haha. It's good to know there are a few people out there who are on the ace spectrum and have a high libido too. I think I need to take some time to piece together my identity and what it means for me. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnDoe1995 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Happy to help. Remember that you are the only one that can decide your own sexual identity, we can only state our opinions. Labels are meant to be helpful. If you feel uncomfortable with a certain/any label, don't use it. & like every aspect of humanity can change over time, sexuality can too. If you find that the label you use(d) doesn't feet anymore, don't be afraid to change it. If you have any question, need an advise or just want to talk, feel free to PM. Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 I liked reading your story because I have gone through the exact thing you did. I used to mistake aesthetic attraction for primary sexual attraction and it was only aimed at men. I thought I was gay for a while to. I am probably the only one who knows what your going through. I identify as a Demi-homosexual. I can be sexually attracted to men I have a close bond with. I have a few great links in my signature that pertain to my sexuality and and helped me figure everything out. I hope they are useful to you and feel free to PM me anytime about anything. Link to post Share on other sites
SidesSeer Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Hi Indefinitelywhelmed, Thanks for your reply to my topic about erotica! It certainly sounds like you are demisexual. I second what JohnDoe1995 says: only you can label yourself. As for libido, anyone can have a high one, whether they're on the ace spectrum or not. Libido relates to arousal, not attraction. I think I can relate to mistaking aesthetic attraction for primary attraction. At any rate, I'm a fellow demi, so feel free to PM me if you wanna chat! XD Welcome and Cake! Misty Link to post Share on other sites
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