Just needed to share

[Reginald]

For my New Year's Resolution I tried to push myself and experiment with my sexual and romantic orientations by setting a goal of going on my first date ever before turning 20 in a month. I was originally really excited about it and I got a Tinder and set it up for both genders and got a bunch of matches with some really cool people. A few days in though the excitement wore down and I was just left with an overwhelming feeling of apathy for it all. I realized that although I wanted to accomplish my goal and go on a date, I didn't want to go on a date with anyone I was talking to, and that felt kind of scummy and like I was using people.

Since then a close friend who I know has a crush on me seems to have really redoubled their efforts to be very obvious about that fact for some reason. Here is someone who in all honesty is probably a perfect match for me and although I entertain the what-ifs, when it comes right down to it I know I really don't have any interest in them.

So even though I didn't go on a date, I kind of accomplished my New Year's Resolution by pushing myself and learning more about my orientations, and once again confirming my aceness. I can't help but feel dissapointed though. I suppose somewhere I harbored hope that I would force myself into the dating scene and everything would snap into place, but it didn't happen, and I'm kind of bummed now that that hope has been dashed. I mean I know that if I really wanted to I could still push myself to date and that there are plenty of aces in healthy happy relationships, but I can't shake two really strong doubts. 1 is that even though I like to think I want to be in a relationship, when it becomes tangible and a real potential relationship coming towards me I always jump out of the way. 2 is that I feel like no matter what I do I could never reciprocate how a potential partner felt about me, and that feels incredibly unfair to both them and to me.

Anyway, there's not really a point to this. I'm just feeling down about the situation and needed to get my thoughts out somewhere.

[Philip027]

1 is that even though I like to think I want to be in a relationship, when it becomes tangible and a real potential relationship coming towards me I always jump out of the way.

I think this is a common sort of thing especially for younger people (which yes, you still qualify as) because, let's face it, most folks aren't yet ready to commit to such a thing at that age.

That's not to say that you'd be cheaty and unfaithful, but rather that you probably recognize that a full-blown relationship is actually a lot of responsibility once you get past the initial feel-good feels.

[Perseus]

That seems like a solid goal. Nice New Year's Resolution.

[Naosuu]

Just because you're going out with someone doesn't mean it has to lead to a serious relationship. I'd say the majority of older relationships will begin with a mutual interest in each other - whether one of them wants to pursue things further or not is still up in the air. After while, then you decide what kind of relationship you want with the other person, if any. Heck, I was meeting up with another guy while I was seeing my (now) boyfriend.

That being said, the beginning of relationships aren't as full of intense emotion as you may think. I dunno, I get the impression that you think you should only date someone if you really, really, REALLY like them. I think that's the usual routine when you're in high school but when you're older, relationships don't always happen that way. When I was seeing my boyfriend I initially wasn't super duper attracted to him but I thought he was interesting and, most importantly, we had really great discussions together. As our relationship deepened, so did my attraction towards him. :P

I think, if you're still keen on keeping your resolution, it would be worth your while to go out with someone you find interesting. Even if you don't think it'll ever go anywhere, you're trying to push your boundaries by meeting new people. It sounds kind of weird but I suggest not to overthink the possibilities and what-ifs of these relationships. If you aren't looking for a long-term relationship and only want to get some dating experience, it's perfectly acceptable to make your goal to meet people you think may be interesting.

[Philip027]

Just because you're going out with someone doesn't mean it has to lead to a serious relationship.

True, but I think some people are just wired differently in this sense -- they ultimately don't see the point of the former unless they think it has a decent chance of becoming the latter, which is closer to my own philosophy on things. And I don't think that's necessarily a wrong way of thinking. Just that, if that's how you are, it's generally better to realize it sooner than later.

For years after my first relationship, I personally vowed to myself not to get into one again until I felt like I was mature enough to really be able to contribute to one. Whether or not that came true is potentially up for debate, but the fact remains that I indeed went for nearly ten years after that without getting into another one.